Normalish (15 page)

Happy/Sad

I got my Algebra paper back with a big B plus
marked on it. I was over-the-moon happy, and I said a quick mental thank you to Bobby and did a little happy dance in my seat.

When I waved my paper in front of Bethany and Rose, they were happy for me, of course, but not ecstatic.

“Hey, that’s great,” Rose said.

“B plus?” Bethany said as a question. (I don’t think she’s ever gotten less than an A on anything ever.)

“It’s okay, you guys. It’s huge for me—maybe nobody else in the world.”

The two of them exchanged glances. Rose noticed Darrell and her attention turned elsewhere.

I was in such a great good mood that when I saw snake-y Anthony in the hall on the way to fifth period, I actually said hello to him, because I felt so on top of the world—fearless.

“Hi, Anthony,” I said with confidence, like I wasn’t afraid of him at all. (And I’m not. He’s just a big dog turd as far as I’m concerned.)

“Uh, hi, Stacy. Long time no see.”

I ignored this opportunity to say something sarcastic like, “Gee, I wonder why, you big jerk.” Instead, I gave a confident nod and said, “Yeah, it has been.”

And I kept walking; I didn’t even slow down. Our little “encounter” at Chelsea’s party felt like a million years ago, the night I thought I’d never get over. It’s almost as if it happened to a different me.

On the drive home from school, I showed Roman my math paper, and he was happy for my B plus too (because that’s the kind of guy he is), but he was more happy because Becca was coming home.

“That’s great, Stacy,” he said with a nod that was a little more animated than usual.

“Happy, Roman?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“What’s the first thing you’re gonna do when she gets home?”

He didn’t say anything; his eyes were straight ahead on the road, but he grinned.

“Um, forget I asked.”

We laughed. Things are looking up.

Homecoming

Mom brought Becca home, and just like that, she started
getting back into the swing of things; it was as if she’d never left. Her bottles of medications are set out on the kitchen counter so she’ll remember to take them in the morning and at night. She’ll still be going to her group therapy twice a week, but that’s pretty much it for her. She’s back doing her regular Becca thing (whatever that is.).

I sat on my bed, watching her unpack, and the person I saw was different from the one I knew before she went into Brookside. Now she seems a little more thoughtful, and nicer. I’m hoping she isn’t as big of a slob, but that’s probably hoping for too much. I have to admit, I really got used to
not
sharing a room.

But we are actually
talking
to each other now. We chatted as she organized.

“It feels strange, going back to school tomorrow, you know?”

“Becca, it’ll be fine.” Of course, I have no way of knowing this, but still.

“Oh, I’m not scared or anything. It’s just…weird. You know?”

“Yeah. It is weird.”

And it really is. After everything that happened, to just pick up and return to the way things were. It’s weird.

I watched her put her socks and underwear away. We chatted about life—about anything that came to mind.

My phone rang, and I looked at the number. It was normal. Except it wasn’t.

The thing that I’d waited for and thought about so many times. The thing I’d wished for. The thing that was so important to me at one point in my life, as important as oxygen or food or water. The “thing” was Anthony. (Really.)

Anthony called
me
.

“Hi, Stacy.”

“Anthony? Zarate?”

“Yeah, it’s me. You sound surprised.”

Well, duh
.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

But it wasn’t a good surprised like someone calling me and telling me I’ve won concert tickets or the lottery, it was more like a surprised shock, like, “What the hell?”

Becca stopped putting her things away and was mouthing, “What’s
he
doing calling you?”

I waved my hand at her to stop so I could concentrate.

“So how’s it going? It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I just wanted to call you and see what’s up.”

He was so nonchalant, like he didn’t have a clue about how he devastated me, leaving me gasping for air, broken in a heap. “It’s been a while?” What kind of weak thing was that to say?

One one-thousand, two one-thousand. I waited, trying to form some kind of response.

Becca was standing there mouthing, “What?
Whaaat?
” while I sat tongue-tied.

“Uh, Stacy? Are you still there?”

What is he doing calling me? Why now? What does he want?

I wanted to scream at him, but then there was that little pull. I hate that pull. I hated that I was still this pathetic creature waiting for any crumbs he threw me.

“Um, what did you want, Anthony?”

It sounded rude, but really, I wanted to know. And I was furious with him, and he never even knew it. (Because he’s an idiot.)

“I saw you at school yesterday, and I’ve been thinking about you—that we should go out. It’s been a while.” He was so smooth and casual, like it was nothing. “Anyway, I thought maybe you’d want to go to Danny Quinn’s party on Saturday.”

I’d heard about Danny’s parties. Danny’s a senior, and when his parents go away, he throws keg parties and charges five dollars a head. Couples have sex in the bathrooms and the closets and anywhere two people can squeeze in together—dark corners, basements, beanbag chairs. Who knows? I mean, I’ve never been, but you hear stories. There is no way in hell my mom would let me go to one of Danny’s parties—Becca and Roman would see to that—but, really, I didn’t want to anyway. I wasn’t ready for that, especially with Anthony and how grabby he is. There was only one reason he’d want to take me to a Danny Quinn party.

All these thoughts passed through my head in a second, and I felt the anger building. I didn’t want to be used and thrown away like a piece of garbage. By anybody.

“There’s
no way
my mom’s going to let me go to Danny’s party, Anthony. No
way
.”

“That’s cool. We can do something else. How about a movie?”

How about a movie?
It sounded so innocent, the way he said it, so casual. But I didn’t trust him. At all. I thought for a second about Bobby and how he made me feel when I was with him—how he’d never use me and throw me away like trash.

“No,” was all I said. My voice was clear and strong.

Silence on the line for a second, like he had to process or didn’t understand what I’d just said.

“No?”

“I’m not going out with you, Anthony. Not now, not ever. Just so you know.”

Silence again.

“Why?”

His question hung there for a couple of seconds. He didn’t know?
He didn’t know!

“Why?” I said to him, “Why?” I repeated a little more loudly. “Because you’re an idiot!”

He hung up on me.

My body was electric with power. I was a queen, and Anthony was the snake that slithered at my feet. I
could
have just brought my scepter down on him and bashed him in the head with it, but I decided to let him go (because that’s the kind of all-powerful being that I am).

Becca stood there in front of her dresser with a pair of underwear in her hands, mouth gaping open.

“Dude! That…was…awesome.”

She was impressed with me. So was I. Anthony’s hold over me was gone. Like magic.

I thought about Bobby for a second, and he felt almost like this dream, like I’d created this fantasy with him where everything was good and beautiful. He was my dream guy, tattoos and all. Always gentle and sweet and kind and happy to see me, telling me how special and beautiful I was. I really missed him.

The rest of the day, I walked taller. (Being an all-powerful queen will do that to a person.)

Reunited

The last day of school before winter break arrived
just as I couldn’t take
one
more day.

During lunch, I saw Summer sitting by herself on a bench in the quad, which is a rare thing, for Summer to be by herself. We haven’t talked in a really long time, but I stopped and sat down next to her.

“What’s up, Summer?”

“Stacy.”

Her voice was flat, unemotional. She didn’t seem too happy to see me, probably because the last time we actually had any kind of interaction we almost got into a fistfight. For some reason—well, the
reason
was Anthony—I realized I didn’t want a jerk like him to come between us. We had been friends first, after all. And maybe Summer
wasn’t
the very best friend in the world, but still, she was
my
friend. And I missed her.

“Look, Summer, I just wanted to let you know, no hard feelings about Anthony. He’s a jerk. I’m
so
over him.”

She laughed. Not the reaction I expected.

“Yeah, me too. He really is a jerk.” She kind of spit out the word “jerk” like it was a bad taste in her mouth. “You know, I slept with him,” she said offhandedly, like it was no big deal.

Me: mouth open.

“Really? Did you
want
to?”

Summer rolled her eyes. “He was getting a little pushy, but it’s not like I didn’t really want to, it’s just I probably would’ve waited a little while, you know? Anyway, I’m
so
over him too.”

Summer. It figures. She was so matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

“So what happened between you two anyway?” I asked.

“The jerk never called me. Can you believe it?”

I totally could.

“I did it with him, then that’s it. Nothing. And lemme tell you, it wasn’t all that great either.”

She said this part while looking over the top of her sunglasses for emphasis. I sat, not knowing what to say. What a weenie.

“Anyway,” Summer continued, “you know, I’m seeing someone else, this guy Bradley. It’s pretty
serious
.” She looked over the top of her sunglasses again.

“Bradley. Do I know him?”

“No, he graduated last year.”

Just like Summer. She’s like an adult already. She acts like she’s got everything—life—all figured out.

“So, Stacy, why don’t you come spend the night after Bradley goes to boot camp.”

“Boot camp?”

“Yeah, he—what do you call it?”

“Enlisted?”

“Yeah, he enlisted with the Marines. He’s leaving right after Christmas. I’m really gonna be upset—devastated—when he’s gone. You can come cheer me up, have a sleepover, and go to Mass with me in the morning. Just like old times.”

“I’d really like that.”

Except for the Mass part.

“So we’re good?”

“Yeah, we’re good. Call me when he goes to boot camp.”

Not A Moment Too Soon

It is officially winter break.
I’ve practically been crossing off the days on my calendar.

I said goodbye to Rose and Bethany, goodbye to Chad, goodbye to freaky Daria.

I said goodbye to Summer, and again she promised to call me.

Just like that, we were friends again. First we hated each other because of a guy, now we’ve been brought back together by our mutual hatred of the same guy.

Life can be pretty awesome like that sometimes.