Normalish (24 page)
About Realizations,
Transitions,
And Moving On
So Becca and Roman have graduated.
In a way, it feels like I’ve graduated too. I’ve graduated from pain and depression to hope and—can I say it?—light. Happiness. There’s been so much disappointment and loss, and I’ve realized that some things you lose are permanent, some things you lose come back, and some things turn out to be better off lost forever.
Becca lost her mind, then she got it back again. One boy I lost, and I will never get him back; one boy I lost but never really wanted in the first place; and one boy I lost and then found again.
Some days, I look at the other kids at school with their problems that I can’t really relate to, and I feel so much older—a lifetime older—but then, they probably think the same thing about
me
.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to live in sadness—there’s not some cruel requirement that I should feel guilty about being happy—but I can drop by and visit those sad places whenever I want to. Hopefully, though, not
too
often.
I still think about death a lot—the big questions of what happens to us and where we go when we die. I picture Dad and Bobby in Heaven together because I think that the people who meant the most to you during your life must have
some
kind of a connection up there. I don’t think it all just stops. Why would it? I picture them playing backup in Jimi Hendrix’s band. It’s their own version of Heaven.
Everything’s changing, and I guess maybe that’s the other lesson I’ve learned. Things change. And it’s not just me; I’m not the only one going through changes. It seems like everyone and everything in my life is either in the middle of changing or is about to change.
Jill graduated at the end of May, and now she goes on to graduate school.
Mom’s not seeing Alex anymore. She told me it just didn’t feel right, and I get that. (Maybe it was the jokes.) But there’s someone out there for her when she’s ready;
this
I know.
Becca starts college in the fall, and Roman’s going to art school, but they’ll get through it. I definitely see beautiful little goth babies in their future.
Summer’s still in love with her Marine, and her mom Evelyn is planning her wedding to Gary. It’ll be a small wedding, only two hundred or so of her closest friends, because this is wedding number four, after all, and she doesn’t want to go overboard.
Daria’s still stalking Coach Rob, and he’s still getting married sometime over the summer at an undisclosed location.
I talked to Becca’s student advisor for the school newspaper, and she’s offered me a spot on staff next year, so one day maybe I’ll take over Becca’s editor-in-chief position.
Mom and I have a trip planned to the beach, just the two of us, to spend a few days with the sun and sea lions.
Oh, and Chad is a major part of my summer plan, which involves the two of us holding hands as we stare into each other’s eyes by the light of a silver moon.
I’m still seeing Joy, but we’ve cut my sessions down to once a month, just to check in.
So everything changes, yet in a way, everything stays the same, if that makes sense. Oh, I don’t know. But I like my family—I know they’ll always be there for me, and that will never change.
Some people look at their families and see flaws, or maybe wish they had a different one altogether. When I look at mine, maybe Becca is strange and Jill’s bossy, maybe I wish my mom didn’t have to work so hard, always worried about bills, but through everything, I wouldn’t change a thing about them. Not much.
Somehow my family and I have gotten through it all, and I’m really looking forward to kissing Chad. So it looks like it’s going to be a great summer.
(Did I mention I’m planning to kiss Chad
a lot?
)
Mental Inventory Revisited
Lately when I’ve been going over the list in my head of things that
don’t
suck
, it goes something like this:
•
1. I have a real boyfriend (not imaginary).
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2. My sister is normal (for Becca). No goth cheerleader costumes with the sleeves cut off or excessive syrup use.
•
3. My Mom looks like she’s caught up on her sleep and is smiling more often. (And it’s
not
just because of my bad school pictures).
•
4. Summer and I are friends again.
•
5. I totally rocked math. (Thanks to a sweet boy named Bobby).
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6. I have money (although not enough to retire).
And…
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7. My life doesn’t feel like I’ve crawled into a black hole.
Not too bad, if I say so myself.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what normal is. I even asked Joy, and she just laughed and said, “No such thing.”
Am I normal? Well, I
still
hate school, I
still
think most of the kids are idiots, and I
still
feel sometimes like I’m an alien from another planet observing the habits of Earth teens. I still have no idea, no clue, what normal is. So I think I’ll just shoot for normalish.
There are many people I’d like to thank:
Ellen Brock, my superb editor; and my husband, Steven, for his creative expertise. A special thank you to Marissa Walsh for her comments and suggestions (and for loving Stacy). Thank you to my beta readers: to Steven, whose critiques were always welcomed (eventually); Laura Goodman, whose wonderful stories I hope the world is able to enjoy one day; and Melinda Taylor for being such a cheerleader of this project. Thank you to my mother-in-law, Sue, for your love and support; and to my mother, Marian, for being a living example of a working mother who writes (and also for loving Stacy). A big thank you goes out to my son, Andrew, for constantly being a source of inspiration and for letting me bounce ideas around (and telling me when something doesn’t work). Also, a special thank you to the wonderful writers I’ve met these past few years, and to the community over at Absolute Write for their collective wisdom. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my sisters Mary, Kathy, and Jenny, and our dear brother, Jon, whose presence is always near.
Lastly, a big thank you to the readers. This book wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you!
California girl Margaret Lesh
lives with her husband and son in a quiet suburb near Los Angeles. She writes middle grade, young adult, and women’s fiction. When she’s not writing, she’s thinking about baked goods, especially donuts, far too often. She believes tacos are magic.
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Visit her website:
www.margaretlesh.com
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Amazon:
www.amazon.com/Margaret-Lesh/e/B009M7NUVI/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
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Blog:
storyrhyme.com/jcsblog
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Twitter: @MargaretLesh
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Facebook:
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