Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (23 page)

Visit our website (
www.MismatchedandThriving.com
) and print out “The Letter to My Chosen Mother.” Write your name on the letter. Read it out loud now, and then tuck it into your Bible. Read it often, and allow the Lord to affirm you, Mom.

Prayer

O Lord Almighty God, Your ways are not our ways, yet You allow me to see glimpses of You in my life and in the lives of my children. Your ways are so much better than I could conceive. Thank You, Lord, for Your relentless care, covering and pro-tection over my children.

Father, this is my humble prayer from the heart of a mother: Bring my children into a rich and vibrant love relationship with You, and Your Son, Jesus. Teach them to live empowered lives through the Holy Spirit. Help me to be a living example to my kids, their father and the world. Give me opportunities to share Your hope, to be merciful and kind, to stand for Your truth.

Thank You for the gift of my children. Thank You that You love them more than I do. Watch over them, speak wisdom into them, protect and guide them all the days of their lives, and deliver them home to heaven one day. And, Lord, it is my earnest desire that one day they will be carriers of this faith legacy and bring the Good News to the next generation. In the life-changing and redeeming name of Jesus, I ask all these things. Amen.

Respecting Dad

Not much is said in Scripture about the relationship of Eunice to her Greek husband. However, I would like to think that she loved him with the love of God. So, as we raise our children to know Christ, we can make every effort to fully love their father. As God’s Word says, love covers a multitude of sins, and we can be assured that our love and prayers are far more powerful, persuasive and soothing than an unbelieving dad’s convictions.

Trust God with your mismatched relationship and with your children. Mom, you do your part, and join God as He does His.

Conclusion

The End of a Story

Lynn

I ambled down the paper-goods aisle at the grocery store recently, just as I have hundreds of times before. It had been a nondescript, mundane day like so many others, until I reached up and pulled from a shelf a package of brown paper lunch bags. And it was in this precise moment, as I stared at the package of brown bags in my hand, that this innocuous day became quite profound.

Holding the bags, my mind raced. I had packed what seemed like a million lunches in brown paper bags over the years for both my kids. I’d been a mom with kids in the house for a very long time, but this package of bags changed everything. You see, this was the
last
package of bags I would ever buy to be filled with chips, apple slices and love. My daughter would graduate from high school before I could use up all these bags. Staring at the brown bags, a lump formed in my throat. I was oblivious to the rushing world of shoppers passing me by. Right there in the grocery store, I was overtaken by a feeling of melancholy. I gulped back tears and searched my purse for tissues.
Sniff … sniff.

My long season of parenting was ending.

Finally, I gathered my feelings together, placed the package of bags in my cart and rolled on down the aisle. None of the other shoppers noticed my brimming tears. I whispered a quick prayer to my Abba Daddy and asked Him to watch over my babies.

That moment was the catalyst—silly brown paper bags—by which I started to ponder and to ask myself and God some of the scary questions I think we all contemplate as believing parents: Did I do it right? Did I do enough? Would growing up in a house in which her dad had never come to faith affect my daughter’s faith in Jesus as an adult? Am I enough? Would my child go to heaven?

My friend, I wasn’t a perfect parent. No one is! But I loved my children, I loved my husband, and I loved my Lord God and His Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. And that was what I was supposed to do. Love will cover all those questions of doubt and guesses about whether or not I had been enough. The love of Christ fills in the empty spaces, and it’s always enough.

Once we become a parent, we will always be a parent. As I type this closing, I await the birth of my first grandchild, a granddaughter, who will come any day now. My son and his wife are ecstatic. So am I. As parents, we never stop loving and praying for our family and for the next generation. Our legacy as mothers is priceless, and we will see the rewards of our love and faith in heaven as the generations arrive there, one by one, to say that their mother’s faith was the most important part of their lives.

Finally, as we come to the end of this book, I want to share with you the ending to the story I began in chapter 2. If you remember, my daughter has been in the season of contemplating her choice for college in the fall. I had hoped I would be able to share her decision as we neared the end of this journey. I’m humbled to announce that my daughter made her choice to enroll this fall at BIOLA University—Bible Institute of Los Angeles—a Christian University.

Thank you for traveling this parenting journey with Dineen and me. I fall to my knees with overwhelming thanks and praise. I will forever tell everyone who will listen that God loves His children, that God is good and that our God is faithful.

As a precious mother, you are treasured, favored and esteemed in the eyes of God. Your high and noble calling will bring faith to the generations, and your life greatly honors the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you for spending time with Dineen and me. We love you. We really love you.

For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation (Ps. 100:5,
NIT).

APPENDIX 1

Rebellion and the
Prodigal Adult

Lynn

“Mom, I don’t want to go.”

I stood staring at my daughter’s small face glaring back at me with pinched determination, her arms crossed in a defiant stance. In that moment I felt a panic creep up my neck, followed by a twinge of fear; but mostly a great disappointment overwhelmed me.

My daughter was entering into middle school, and for months I’d excitedly expected that she would join the middle-school youth group that met on Wednesday nights at church. My mention to her that youth group would be held that evening had brought about this unexpected reply.

I gathered myself.

Later that afternoon, after I’d had time to think, I talked with Caitie. I listened to her objections, which were valid. I insisted, however, that she give youth group a try. After all, she had yet to attend a meeting. I assured her that it would turn out to be fun. I asked her to commit to attending for the fall season, from the start of the school year through December, and if she still didn’t want to attend at the end of the year, I would be completely fine with her decision to quit. She agreed.

December arrived. My daughter’s report? “Mom, I’m done.”

I honored my promise and released her from attending youth group. This scenario repeated itself with church camp, Sunday morning youth church and a number of other church youth events. Ugh! How I longed for her to be involved with other teenaged believers, but in our house, it just wasn’t to be.

I will state here, however, that attending church on Sunday mornings was never negotiable.

But what do we do when our kids rebel against church, against our beliefs, and turn completely away from a life lived for Christ?

Regarding my daughter’s choice to forgo youth group, I felt that she had made an earnest effort to participate. She invited her best friend to go with her, who attended most of the meetings that fall. However, when she shared with me her reasons for her decision, her explanations were reasonable and honest. I was compelled to trust her decision and to trust God that Sunday mornings would be sufficient for my daughter’s spiritual training.

Parenting with love, grace and authority means walking a fine line. Balancing between our desires and our children’s is at times a challenge, and it increases in difficulty as our kids become teens and young adults. For me, continuing to force my daughter to attend youth group would have birthed in her a resentment to all things of faith. I know my daughter well, and for most of her life she has been painfully shy. Her comfort in church on Sunday mornings exists because I’m by her side. Imposing my will on her to make her endure something that she disliked could have developed hatred in her, leaving a lifelong impact on her adult faith.

In the end, out of my love and respect for Caitie’s well-thought-out decision, it was right for me to relent in order to preserve my daughter’s relationship with Jesus.

However, what do you do when little Johnny isn’t little anymore. Now he’s 15 years old, 6 foot 2, 180 pounds and keenly aware that his father stays home every Sunday to pay homage to the NFL. One Sunday he casually says in reply to your question as to why he’s not ready for church, “I’m staying home with Dad to watch football.”

To complicate matters, Dad chimes in, “Let the kid stay home and watch the game.”

I know women who have been stunned into blinding pain by this kind of exchange. But, my friends, I want to encourage you not to panic. God will not fail you, even if your kid decides to stay home every Sunday from that day forward. Nor will He fail you if your son or daughter purposely makes choices counter to God’s will and in contrast to the truth of the Bible that are destructive, even evil, in nature.

I’m convinced that if we have prayed for our children and have lived out our vibrant faith in front of their eyes day in and day out, our example, our love and the love of Christ will resurface in them later in life.

I acknowledge there is real pain when a child chooses a rebellious and prodigal path. But our first step of action in learning to cope is to acknowledge our pain, disappointment and fear and then to immediately take these thoughts and emotions to God in prayer. Tell God that you are hurt, fearful and heartbroken. Lay your child at the foot of the throne every day in prayer.

Never stop praying for your children’s return to the Father.

Dry Bones

I shared in my story at the beginning of this book that I was a good kid. But I later spent a string of years as a prodigal, far from the God I had been taught to know. So I can tell you that even good kids choose to turn away from their faith. But I’m convinced that my return to God was brought about for two reasons.

One, the Lord of the universe, His Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit relentlessly pursued me with a powerful, redemptive love.

Two, my mother prayed and never gave up hope. She was my soft landing spot, even when I had screwed up my life and the lives of others. She always listened to me. She loved me even when I refused to follow her gentle words of wisdom. She was always an example to me of living faith and joy. In the darkest points of my prodigal wanderings, my mother always, always loved me. She affirmed me in a way that bridged the gap between her pain and my arrogance.

I called my mother to ask her for the first time what she had prayed during the years of my Nebuchadnezzar insanity (see Dan. 4). Before she told me, she reminded me that she had tried to help me see that I would regret the decisions I was making. She also acknowledged that she had felt hopeless as I politely listened to her but ignored her advice.

Ouch!

However, she added that she had never felt as if God had abandoned me or that He had ignored her pleas on my behalf. Mom told me, “I prayed with fervor for your protection from evil people and from evil spirits. I begged God to help you make some intelligent decisions, and mostly I prayed, ‘Lord, don’t let go of her.’”

My friend, God will bring to bear His great power and love in the lives of those for whom we pray. He is a God of redemption—He wants to redeem our lost kids and also our unbelieving spouses. We are called to trust with unwavering faith that God will save our lost loved ones.

Believe God with such conviction that you become completely certain there is no other alternative except for God to fulfill His promises. Our God moves heaven and earth to meet expectations and prayers such as these. Then watch and wait for the miracles. God gives life to dry bones:

“This is what the Sovereign L
ORD
says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.”

So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet—a great army.

Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign L
ORD
says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel. When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the L
ORD.
I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home
to your own land. Then you will know that I, the L
ORD
, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the
Lord
has spoken!’” (Ezek. 37:9-14, NIT, emphasis added).

God’s Intercessors

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand
slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to
perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

2 PETER 3:9

It’s difficult for me to imagine that God loves my children more than I do. I can only catch a glimpse of this understanding through the love relationship I have with God. I am a living example of the lengths our King Jesus will go to in order to redeem and to save one person from their self-destruction. God loves His people, and He will do whatever it takes to bring about our salvation. Jesus says in Luke 4,

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor (vv. 18-19).