Not In My Wildest Dreams (Dream Series) (24 page)

“You are too beautiful, and smart, and caring and beautiful to keep away from all night,” I said between soft kisses to her lips, and ears, and neck, and that sweet little hollow at the base of her neck.

“You said beautiful twice,” she breathed, my lips still pressed on hers.

“So I did. But then again when I’m with you, I lose most of my sensibilities. And you are
that
beautiful. Once isn’t enough. Never enough.” I stepped back slightly and reached into my pocket. When I pulled out the three-inch square, hallmark Tiffany blue box, Beth eyed me warily. I opened the box with the prize inside facing her. She gasped and her hand, trembling, flew to her mouth.

“Jack, I—”

I placed a finger on her luscious lips. “Shh-sh-sh. It’s not what it looks like.”

“It looks a lot like ring.”

I glanced at the sparkling trinket. A platinum ring with a delicate infinity symbol. The symbol was fashioned with inset diamond baguettes. “Okay, it is what it looks like.”

“I – I – I don’t think—” she stammered.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just a promise ring. A
friendship
ring. I want you to know that you will forever be in my heart.” I slipped it from the box, and placed the box in my pocket. Gently I took her right hand and slipped it on her ring finger. It fit perfectly. Together we stared at it. The lighting in the room let the piece shine and glimmer.

I looked up to see a tear in her eye. I reached for my kerchief and blotted her eyes.

“Why do I cry every time you give me jewelry?” she asked laughing nervously.

“Beth,” I said with all seriousness. “You should be showered with gifts and jewelry at every opportunity. You should be treasured. You should be adored. Why are you here with me and not
him
?” That last bit was a low blow, but I couldn’t help it. I searched her face for her take on it. She looked deeply into my eyes, then down at the ring.

The light flickered in the hallway catching our attention. “The intermission is over. Shall we head back in?” she whispered.
Shit!
Did I play it wrong? Too much?

“Um… sure.” I extended my arm. She took a cleansing breath and took my arm. She was gripping it tightly. Nice and tight.
Tight because I’m hurting her? Tight because she wants me?
I picked up our glasses, handed Beth hers, tossed back the rest of my wine, and quietly we walked back to the theatre. Beth sipped her wine quietly. I wish I could read her mind. What was she thinking?

A
ring. He got me a ring. A
Tiffany
ring. I thought when he pulled us down that hallway it was going to be a repeat of Lincoln Center. No. He gave me
forever
.

As the house lights went down and the curtain went up, I didn’t notice anything on stage. There was another show playing in my head. My last few moments with Jack in New York came flooding back to me.

*     *     *

“B
ecause I’m a selfish man who has never felt for another person what I feel for you. Because I want nothing more than to treasure you, and worship you for the next twenty or thirty years. I want to take you to Europe and South America. I want to make you feel as good about yourself as I feel about you. Because I like who I am when I’m with you.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

His kisses trailed down my nose and across my cheek then followed my jaw. Tears filled my eyes. I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from crying. When he pulled back and looked me in the eye, his eyes were not just filled with tears, they were flowing down his face.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. What kind of heartless bitch am I? I broke my husband’s heart. I broke Kevin’s heart. I was breaking Jack’s heart. I had broken my own heart. The tears I’d worked at holding back, broke free. I let them stream down my face shamelessly.

His lips, trembling, came to rest on mine. His kiss was sweet. His hands gentle.

“Please?” he murmured against my lips. “Don’t go.”

“Jack. I have to choose, and I chose. I have to know if—”

He cut me off by kissing me, his tongue easily gaining entrance to my willing mouth.

I pushed against his strong chest. He let me.

“I won’t give up on you, Beth. I can’t. You are a part of me as much as I am a part of you. You can go back to Napa, but you’ll always be here.” He placed his hands over his heart. “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait because you’re worth it.”

I leaned in and sweetly kissed the side of his mouth. I would have kissed his cheek, but that was too cold. And if I placed my lips on his, I wouldn’t have left. Pulling back, I could see the sadness in his eyes, and a glimmer of hope. I swallowed, turned, and walked away.

*     *     *

I
remembered standing there in his foyer, the tears…flowing, the ache in my chest…unbearable. How could I have walked away? And returned to…
this.
A life with a husband who was apparently incapable of change.

My right thumb ran over the new band on its hand, while my thumb on my left hand fidgeted with the wedding bands.

I’d come home convinced that my little planned abduction of Greg and the surprise few days would be fun, and that when we got home, I’d maybe have at least a week of a new Greg. After the lackluster stay in the hotel, his refusal of my advances, his refusal to take a dominant position, and returning to the house, it was as if I had never left. Sunday night over dinner, I’d made Chicken Parmesan, I suggested marriage counseling. He practically laughed.
You’re kidding right? We’re fine. We’re going to be just fine,
he said. Then, on Monday, Jack showed up with an invitation to dinner. An invitation I was going to decline. But then Greg called in with a late night cancellation of dinner. Tonight, a baseball game was more important than an evening with me….

Jack had followed me to California within a week. He has been attentive and respectful. He has been doing things for me. And I had no reason to believe things would change. But then again, I’ve only known him for a month. This was still the honeymoon phase. He was surrounded by amazingly beautiful, young, and powerful women. His whole past was littered with women. Women who clearly wanted him. He had been a proud confirmed bachelor. Could I handle that? Could he? Would he tire of me?

What would be worse? A safe, comfortable, yet neglected life? Or a life that could end in an instant?

I was an emotional basket case. My ‘lady days’ had ended. Maybe hormones were still messing with my mind. I just needed a full day to clear my head.

A
fter the intermission, Beth was different. She kept to herself. Her constant fidgeting didn’t go unnoticed. The show ended, we applauded.

“The show was… lovely,” she said, a small smile on her face. But it wasn’t a smile that reached her eyes.

I racked my brain with what to say. I overstepped. I had one more card to play. Silently we walked to the limo, an artificial smile on Beth’s face.

We settled into the car, and the driver started off toward Napa. “Can I get you a drink?” I asked, grabbing a glass from the bar in the back of the limo.

She nodded.

“Wine or Scotch?” I offered.

“Scotch, please,” she whispered.
Fuck!
If she’s asking for hard stuff, she’s not in a relaxed way.

I poured two Macallan’s and handed her a glass. She immediately took a generous sip and let her head drop back onto the headrest.

“I’m sorry, Be—” I started, but stopped immediately when her head popped up and her eyes went wide on me.

“Don’t be. I’m the one who should be sorry. You’ve given me this perfect night, and then I…” she let the sentence drift.
You what??
I wanted to scream. “It’s just that none of this is easy.”

Go for broke, Stevens.
“It was easy in Manhattan. Come home with me tomorrow.” I pulled a folded piece of paper from my breast pocket. “This is the info for the flight home. Private jet. Napa airport.”

She carefully unfolded the paper as if it were rare and precious, her hands trembling. I popped on the light so she could read the details. “God give me strength,” she sighed. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Do you love me? Do you feel for Greg what you
feel
for me?”

“Jack, that’s not—”

“Just answer the question. Don’t rationalize or listen to the voices in your head. Listen to your heart. Do you love me?”

She stared deeply into my eyes. “Yes, Jack.” My breathing quickened. I wanted to hear her say it. I wanted to hear those words. I willed her to say them. “I love you.” I crashed my lips to hers and consumed her, while she kissed me back, pound-for-pound what I gave her. I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly.

“But—”

“No
buts,
Beth,” I said pushing her back and leveling her with my eyes. “Love is all you need.”

“Did you just quote the Beatles?”

“I guess I did. But it’s true.”

“Can I think about it?” she asked.

I looked at my watch. “The plane leaves in about twelve hours.”

We fell into a silence. It wasn’t a comfortable one, but it wasn’t exactly strained. She was processing.

“I have a confession to make. A couple of confessions, actually,” I said

“Uh-oh. Should I be nervous?” she asked.

“When you left, you broke my heart.”

Her face fell, and she was quiet. She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I got rip roaring drunk and spent three days in a stupor.”

“Jack—”

“I’m not telling you this for pity, just, Becca found me and sobered me up.”

“She’s a good friend, you’re very lucky.”

“She told me to come here to you. She told me to come and get my heart back. Beth,” I searched her eyes to see if she was hearing me. She was. “You are my heart. You’re what makes it tick. You’re the missing piece. When I’m with you, I feel at peace. When I’m with you, I feel like things make sense. Before I met you, I was meandering through life. I never understood why people got married. I had meaningless flings and did what I could to make it through the next day. But the day you came into my life, I looked forward to getting up and making it through the day to see you. I had fun planning things to do with you. I finally got it. I understood why people got married. I understood what they were talking about when they would drone on about how their guy or girl made them feel. Am I making sense?”

She nodded and closed her eyes. A tear streamed down her face.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry. I just wanted to say my piece while you consider your next move.” I cupped her adorable face, and brushed the tear away with my thumb.

“You continually surprise me,” she said covering my hand with hers. “You say the most beautiful things, and—”

“And?”
And you already said you love me. You’ve decided? You’ve chosen me?

“I have so much to think about,” she sighed, sliding down in her seat and tucking herself under my arm. I pulled her in close and relished the contact. I tried recording in my brain every detail about her. Her scents, her sounds, her taste…