Not Meant To Be Broken (14 page)

Zach

I had the mother of all headaches. This must be what it was like when Dexter used a drill on a victim’s head. I groaned as I shifted my head, then froze. That wasn’t a pillow under my head. My hand rested on a hip and my head on a stomach. Soft skin pressed against my cheek. Dread shot through me worse than any headache could. Holy fuck. I was with a woman. I’d been dating Amber for what? Two days and I’d already cheated on her. Brian was right. I was a fuck up. I couldn’t remember much from last night, except that after meeting my father I’d gone off to a bar with Jason and Bill, and had gotten shitfaced. At some point, I must have met someone and taken her home. Amber would be heartbroken. She’d hate me forever, as she should.

Maybe it was for the best that I’d messed up so soon. That way at least we never got the chance to get emotionally invested. Oh fuck, as if I wasn’t already emotionally invested.

But I had to own up to my mistakes and just take the hint the universe was sending me: I wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship. Every woman I dated would only end up like my mother: heartbroken, bitter and alcoholic.

I had to get away from whoever I’d screwed last night. There really was no easy or polite way to do it. Over the years I’d honed my craft of slipping out undetected but I’d never woken up snuggling someone before. Fucking great. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, immediately stunned to find myself in my own room. I raised my head off the soft stomach and stared down at the woman I’d spent the night with. Amber. She was sprawled on my bed, one arm draped over her head, the other beside her body, her hair fanned out around her head like a dark halo. She looked peaceful. How had she gotten here? My eyes traveled the length of her body. Her nightgown had ridden up almost all the way to her ribcage, revealing her long legs, creamy stomach and her thin white hipster panties. I stifled a groan. The outline of her folds and the curls on her mound were visible through the fabric. All I wanted to do was lean down and kiss her there. I wanted to press my palm against her core and feel its warmth. I wanted to bury myself in her. My cock was already rock hard and straining against my jeans.
Get a fucking grip on yourself, asshole.

“Zach?” Amber’s sleepy voice almost gave me a heart attack and I ripped my gaze away from her panties and found Amber watching me with obvious embarrassment, her cheeks flushed. Fuck, she’d caught me ogling her in her sleep. I sat up further to give her more space and shifted one of my legs to hide the fucking bulge in my pants. She lowered her arm, wincing. It probably had fallen asleep. She hadn’t slept in the most comfortable position. Instead of sitting up, she lay there, searching my face. I wished I could read her mind. “What happened?” I asked instead.

She finally sat up, pulling her nightgown down and curling her legs under her body. She couldn’t meet my eyes. I really wished I could remember what I’d done last night. I hadn’t dragged her into my room, I hoped. Since she was still mostly dressed and not crying, I couldn’t have forced my touch or worse on her. “I hoped you could tell me that,” she said, peeking up at me through her lashes.

I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t remember much except for getting shitfaced and taking a cab, after that it’s pretty much a blur.”

“You were very drunk,” she said quietly.

“Did I do something? I didn’t drag you into my room, did I?”

She smiled. “No. I dragged you inside to hide you from Brian. I didn’t want him to see you so drunk. And then you passed out.”

“Thanks for staying with me,” I said. Silence settled between us and I could tell that Amber wanted to ask me something. “I bet the girls in the club wear sexy lace underwear.”

I frowned. “I didn’t do anything with other girls.”

She played with the hem of her nightgown. “I mean the girls you used to…go out with. I bet they didn’t have boring
white panties
.”

Did she think I’d been staring at her panties because I didn’t like them?

She met my gaze, questions in her eyes. “Why do you even want to be with me? Pity?”

I snorted. “Amber, I want to be with you because I like spending time with you and because you turn me on. I was staring at you because you’re sexy. I’m fucking hard for you. I don’t think I could be any harder if you wore lace or nothing.”

Her eyes widened, then darted toward my crotch and the proof that I hadn’t lied.

Zach, you fucking moron, now she’ll flee the room. But she didn’t. She slowly raised her head, biting her lower lip. “Oh.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh?”

She shrugged, then made a vague motion toward my erection. “I’m sorry. This must be frustrating for you.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take a shower and take care of business.” I grinned at the sight of her blush darkening. I gave her a quick kiss, then swung my legs out of bed and hurried out of the room before I could pounce on Amber and lick every inch of her body.

In the bathroom I realized how much my clothes stank of smoke. Amber was a saint for putting up with me. When would she realize I was the lucky one, not her? I almost sighed in relief when I was out my clothes and stepped under the hot shower. My cock twitched when I grabbed it, calling up the image of Amber’s white panties, the outline of her folds, and started jerking off. After I’d come, I leaned against the shower stall and released a harsh breath. I’d never had to go without sex for a long period of time. This was the sweetest form of torture I could imagine. It hadn’t even been that long, but it probably felt that way because of the wait that lay ahead. I wondered how long it would take for the skin of my palm to become hard from jerking off so often. I laughed, then shook myself. Maybe I’d be better at controlling my dick if Amber didn’t sleep in my bed, half naked.

Amber

My skin flushed when I recalled the bulge in Zach’s pants. It was hard to believe that I’d done that to him with my simple white panties. Maybe I should have felt scared, but there was only a hint of nervousness mixed with excitement. Even with a drunk Zach at my side, I’d slept better than I ever could alone. I was bursting with energy and couldn’t sit still, so I was glad when Reagan came over after Zach had gone off to University in her jogging clothes. “Why don’t you join me?” she asked as she stepped into the apartment.

“Running?” I hadn’t exercised in years. I didn’t think I’d last for more than a few minutes. Back in junior high, I’d been on the track team. I’d loved it. I’d never felt freer than when I was flying over the track, pulse pounding in my veins and the sound of my shoes slapping the tartan in my ears.

“Brian mentioned that you used to be on the track team.”

I stared off toward the window. “Yeah. The day I was attacked I was out running a track through the forest. Usually my best friend was with me but that morning she didn’t feel well and instead of cancelling my run, I went off alone.”

Reagan’s face twisted with regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t want to bring bad memories back.”

My love for running was another thing those men had taken from me. Hatred kindled in me. Sometimes I wished I had a way of hurting them as they had hurt me. Sometimes I wondered how it would be to kill them. How it would be to hear them begging me only to laugh in their faces. I didn’t like that vicious, hateful part of me. Before the attack I wouldn’t have been capable of murder, now I wasn’t so sure. “Let me get changed.”

Surprise flashed across Reagan’s face as she followed me toward my room where I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I’d preferred to run in shorts like the one Reagan was wearing but I didn’t own any and I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with showing that much skin yet.

When we stepped outside into the fresh Fall air and started stretching, I said, “But go easy on me. I need to learn running again.” Just like I needed to learn living again, or letting people getting close. As we pounded the pavement at a leisurely pace, I could feel the familiar euphoria of running streaming through my body.

“So how’s it going with Zach?” Reagan asked, not even sweating yet, while I was already panting. I was so out of shape.

“Good, I think?” I said between gasps of breath. “We shared a bed last night.”

Reagan lost her footing and almost stumbled, but then she fell back into a trot beside me. “What?”

“He came home drunk last night and passed out, so I spent the night with him.”

“And?”

“It was nice. I love falling asleep beside Zach, and I love waking up beside him even more.”

“You’ve got it bad,” Reagan said with a grin.

There was no use denying it. I was falling for Zach scarily fast. I’d been depraved of emotion and physical contact for three years and now I felt like I needed to make up for it.

“Promise me to be careful.”

I threw her a confused look.

“Just don’t think that Zach’s the only one who can make you feel that way. If things between you two don’t work out, there are many other guys out there who’d be lucky to be with you.” She stopped and I was glad for it because my heart felt like it was going to jump through my ribcage. We started stretching again. “Kevin is my second boyfriend. When my first love broke up with me, I thought I’d die. I thought I could never love someone again. But then I met Kevin and we’re so much better together than I was with my first boyfriend.”

I nodded, but I didn’t want to think about Zach and I splitting up. I knew it was a possibility at some point, but right now I needed to believe that the feelings he gave me would last forever.

***

The next morning Brian told me that he would bring Lauren for dinner. I was glad that he’d finally decided to introduce her to me. He’d probably realized that I wasn’t bothered by relationships all that much if I could date Zach.

I decided to cook something special and bought everything for my favorite fish curry as well as mango chutney, cucumber raita and naan bread. I was chopping and humming when Zach stepped in, holding up the new season of Game of Thrones that had appeared on DVD today. Pumpkin hopped off the chair he’d been napping on and began rubbing his body against Zach’s legs. Zach bent down and patted my cat’s back. “That smells delicious,” he said, taking a whiff as he walked up to me and pressed a gentle kiss against the crook of my neck. I leaned back against him and tilted my head all the way back until our lips could meet. “I thought we could have a DVD marathon tonight?” He dipped a finger into the mango chutney and I swatted him away. “Stop. Lauren is coming for dinner. I don’t think she’ll be happy if she finds out you had your finger in her food.”

Zach grimaced. “That girl is never happy unless everyone around her is miserable. I bet my father would love her.”

Deciding this was the best chance I got, I said, “What did your father say yesterday that made you go out and get drunk?”

“He thinks I’m not taking law school and life in general seriously enough. He wants me to get my ass in gear so I can finally join him in the family business. But I’m used to that by now.” He shrugged. “What made me want to go out and drink was that his fucking affair arrived at the end of our dinner, so he could take her to a hotel and fuck her.”

My eyes widened. “Your father’s cheating openly on your mother?”

“For years. He doesn’t even try to hide it. My mother tries to pretend it’s not happening and drowns her sorrows in alcohol.”

“Like you do.” It slipped out before I could stop it. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, you’re right. Whenever I’m pissed at my father, I end up at a club getting shit-faced.” He nodded toward the array of ingredients. “Is there something I can do?”

“Do you know how to bone fish?”

“Yep. My grandfather used to take me to fish before he died.” He unwrapped the fish and set out to work.

“I can’t imagine you in fishing gear,” I said.

“I look sexy as hell as always.”

I laughed, then continued chopping the red pepper.

***

After he was done helping me in the kitchen, Zach went into his room to study. It was the first time I’d actually seen him do it. His talk with his father must have had an effect on him. I used the time to choose a casual dress and put my hair up in a neat ponytail. I wanted to make a good impression on Brian’s girlfriend, even if Zach didn’t like her and said things between her and my brother couldn’t last. Brian probably thought the same thing about Zach and me.

When I heard the sound of the front door being opened, I was already back in the kitchen and setting the table. I wiped my hands and walked into the living room where my brother stood with a tall girl with straight blond hair and black-rimmed glasses. She was impeccably dressed in black dress pants and a white blouse. She looked like she belonged in law school. Brian was gnawing on his lower lip; he was nervous. He had a hand on her lower back but kept almost an arm-length between them as if he worried seeing them close would upset me. “This is my sister Amber,” he said. “And this is Lauren.”

I smiled. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She walked up to me and held out her hand. Brian was about to protest but I quickly shook her hand, trying not to show that I still wasn’t used to physical contact with other people. “Brian has told me a lot about you,” she said in an even voice. She let go of me with a polite smile. She seemed like a reserved person. From Zach’s description I’d expected a raging bitch.