Nothing but Meat: A dark, heart-stopping British crime thriller (18 page)

16

Simone went into the station that morning feeling tired,
hung-over and sore, but she was more determined than ever to see the case
through to its bitter end and that’s what made it so hard when she found she
was moments away from being taken off the investigation.

‘Why is it you look more beaten up as each day passes?’ said
Jackson from behind his desk. Simone sat across from him feeling sore and
self-conscious and then suddenly foolish when she realised her mouth had
dropped open in response to his question and no words were forthcoming. Simone
was at a loss; she didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything. She knew
what Jackson was saying was true but then, within that awkward moment, between
his comment and her blank response, she wondered if he had been joking and
maybe just trying to make light of her appearance in an attempt to make their
meeting less uncomfortable. But Jackson was no more a comedian than he was a
fool, he knew there was more to her damaged appearance than just the injuries
sustained in the line of duty and all Simone’s concerns were instantly
justified. She had been beside herself with worry as she drove to work and
entered the building that morning, she had tried to convince herself that
people wouldn’t notice the fresh additions to her damaged face but it was a
ridiculous notion and Jackson’s question had proved it to be so. Everyone had
noticed.

He had made her uncomfortable and he knew it, she could see
it in his eyes, so he continued, not wanting the silence to become deafening
and her discomfort to become contagious. ‘It hasn’t gone unnoticed by me how
much you’ve put into this case,’ he said. ‘I’ve been overwhelmed by your
commitment and effort but I’m concerned that we, that I, am putting you into
situations that are potentially too dangerous for your level of experience.’

She was about to protest but he interrupted her.

‘I know what happened to Caroline Sheppard and I spoke to Jung
yesterday afternoon and he told me what you did for her.’

‘She died in my arms,’ she said. The words came from her
mouth in a whisper before she had chance to stop them and Jackson looked at her
as if she had just proved his point.

‘I trust you as an officer and as a person, and I genuinely believe
you can handle almost anything that’s thrown at you, if I didn’t think that I
wouldn’t have put you with West in the first place. I have to admit that when I
put you two together I never imagined it would have become as dangerous as this
and I want to give you the chance to decide whether you think it’s too much for
you or not.

‘What I’m saying Simone, is that this is your chance to walk
away,’ he continued. ‘You can have your recuperation time and give yourself a
chance to heal properly. You’ve already gone above and beyond your normal
duties and no one will think less of you, least of all me.’

Questions she couldn’t ask raced through her mind. Had Jung
been partnered with her so he could report on her performance? Did West want
her off the case? ‘You said you spoke to Jung?’ she said.

He nodded. ‘He couldn’t praise you enough, you both have
roughly the same amount of experience and you both showed exceptional control
in exceptional circumstances, you only went round there to interview her for
God’s sake.

‘This isn’t personal Simone, and it’s not just about what
happened yesterday. I would be having the same conversation with any of my
officers after going through what you have been through during the last couple
of weeks.’

‘What about West?’

‘I’ll level with you, if West recommended that you or anyone
else be taken off the case I wouldn’t hesitate in doing as he asked. He has
been in situations like this before and he knows what he wants from the people
around him. Conversely, if he expressly requested someone be assigned to the
case, as he did with you, I would take that request on board and decide if that
person is suited to the position required of them. With you Simone, I had
little hesitation.

‘Does he want me off the case?’

‘He doesn’t doubt your ability but he shares the same
concerns as me…’

Thoughts rushed through her mind;
he wouldn’t stab me in the back would he? The bastard wants me off the
case.

‘...and in answer to your question, no, he doesn’t want you
off the case unless you want to walk away or if I choose to take you off the case
for your own wellbeing.’ Jackson sat back in his chair. ‘You don’t have to
answer straight away.’ He said, but Simone didn’t hesitate in her reply.

‘I have to see this through to the end,’ she said. ‘Whoever
is doing this has to be caught and I intend to be there when we arrest him.
I’ve come too far to stop. I won’t stop until we get him.’

Jackson sat upright again and as he did so there was a split
second when the corners of his mouth curled into a slight smile. She had given
the correct answer. ‘Well Connelly,’ he glanced behind her, ‘you know where the
door is. What are you waiting for?’

Simone left his office with a sigh of relief and a feeling of
pride that her commander believed in her capabilities so thoroughly. She felt
stronger and more resolute and her aches and pains seemed to have eased.

An officer called out to Simone as she crossed the room on
her way to her office. He approached her and handed her a piece of paper.
‘These are the results from the lab regarding the contents of the rogue box,’
he said.

‘Do I want to know?’

‘Ninety-six rashers of plain old bacon; smoked, if it makes
any difference.’

‘Finger prints?’

‘Nope, everything was clean.’

West was at his desk and Jung was in the chair opposite, they
both gave her a second look when she walked into the office. Was it because she
was fresh from the meeting with Jackson and they were surprised she was still
at work, or because her face had changed since the last time they saw her?

Jung stood to leave when she walked in. ‘How are you doing?’
he asked, filling the room with his enormous frame.

‘Okay.’

‘That’s good to hear.’

‘Thanks for what you said to Jackson.’

‘Wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.’ He said and began
to leave.

‘Oh, before you go Jung,’ she waved the sheet of paper in
front of them. ‘I’ve got the lab results from the box of meat; it was just
bacon, no finger prints and no other trace evidence.’

Jung said, ‘It doesn’t help much but at least it was just
bacon. We were all thinking the worst.’ He paused for a second and looked at
each of them before leaving the room. ‘See you later,’ he said.

Simone took the vacant seat opposite West and sat quietly for
a time and then said, ‘You two best friends now?’

West picked his lighter up.

Click, ting, snap
.

‘He was telling me about yesterday,’ he said. ‘I had to
pretend it was the first time I’d heard it.’

‘Oh.’ Two minutes ago she felt indestructible and now she was
suddenly awkward. She’d had sex with him less than eighteen hours ago. Was she
supposed to mention it?

‘We need to talk about Caroline,’ he said.

Obviously not
.

‘What about her?’ she said.

‘She was pregnant.’ He paused, allowing her time to absorb
the information. ‘She wasn’t far along, only about ten weeks. Was she showing
when you saw her at the hospital?’

‘Not at all, she had the figure to make a teenager jealous.’

‘There is a distinct possibility that the knife that had been
left sticking from her stomach was an indication that the killer knew this
about her.’

‘She knew him; it was one of the last things she said to me.’
Something occurred to her out of the blue. ‘Trust,’ she said.

He furrowed his brow at her.

‘I met someone yesterday,’ she said, ‘she used the word
trust. Ten weeks isn’t long, you would only tell those closest to you.’

‘Okay, so Caroline trusted him. Gary Stevens trusted him.’

‘A friend, a close friend, maybe a relation?’

West had already considered these possibilities and was
allowing Simone to follow the thought process and come to her own conclusions.

She said, ‘And now we have a link between…’

He waited for her to finish her sentence.

She followed the chain back in her mind. ‘...Caroline
Sheppard, Gary Stevens and Victoria Redman.’

He nodded. ‘They all knew him.’

She felt sudden excitement at the thought of getting closer
to the killer.

Click, ting, snap
.

West tossed his lighter onto the desk. He had a shine in his
eyes that told Simone he was experiencing the same sensation.

‘But what about Hannah Zaragoza, the runner?’ she said.

‘Random?’

‘I don’t buy it. We’ve just uncovered a link between the
others. There must be something.’

‘Maybe it wasn’t him.’

‘You believe that?’

He shook his head. ‘It was him; I’m sure of it.’

‘So, odds are he knew her. But how?’

‘I hope you don’t make a habit of this,’ he said.

‘What?’

‘Picking holes in perfectly good theories.’

She ignored him. ‘Jackson was considering taking me off the
case.’

‘He had concerns.’

‘So he said.’

She was about to thank him for supporting her when he said,
‘What happened?’

‘With what?’ she asked genuinely unsure of his meaning.

He sighed assuming she was being pedantic and when he spoke
he struggled to keep the anger out of his voice. ‘Am I just supposed to ignore
the blatantly obvious? Keep my trap shut and say nothing?’

‘Oh,’ she said quietly and looked to her lap. His meaning was
suddenly clear. She had been distracted by the case and forgotten that he would
have noticed.

‘Well?’ His eyes had become steely with rage. He was
referring to her appearance and to the clear indications of abuse.

‘I can deal with my problems.’

‘I’m sure you can,’ he said. ‘And by the way, that’s the
first time I’ve heard you say you had problems.’

‘Oh really? Well, that’s not really surprising considering
you’ve been out of my life for longer than you’ve been in it.’

‘Christ you’re impossible.’

She shrugged like a petulant child.

‘Do you know what I think?’ he said.

‘Tell me.’

‘I think you’ve got so used to covering up for him you’re on
the verge of being beyond help.’

‘Things have changed.’

‘Since when?’

‘When do you think? Since you came back, since yesterday
afternoon you fucking idiot. Do you think I like looking like this? Do you
think I want you to see me like this?’

‘Of course not but don’t
you
understand that it breaks my heart to see you covered in cuts and bruises. I
want to help you.’

‘Thanks.’

‘He always was a prick.’

She shook her head. ‘Don’t.’

‘You’re defending him again.’

‘I’m struggling to admit the truth, all right? Especially to
you. There’s so much going on right now, I just need time and space to sort
things out in my head. I need to solve this fucking case. It matters to me.’
She tipped her head back and massaged her closed eyes with the heels of her
hands. ‘It’s almost as if I can’t move forward until I’ve seen this through.’

Their eyes locked and they were one again. ‘It’s always been
you Nathan,’ she said, ‘and I hope you feel the same way I do, but please don’t
pressure me, I just need a little time. I know what I’m doing.’ She paused and
shrugged. ‘No, actually that’s not true, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m
going to get through it. This situation didn’t happen just because you’re here,
it’s been on the cards for a long time now; you were just the catalyst that set
events in motion. I just need you to trust me -’

‘Of course I trust you.’

‘- and to wait for me. If you want to?’

He shrugged casually. ‘It’s what I do. It’s all I’ve ever
done.’

She felt mildly embarrassed and couldn’t help but look away.
She was about to tell him that what he just said was probably the nicest thing
anyone had ever said to her but he continued, ‘And while I’m waiting for you, it
would really mean a lot to me if you came to the funeral with me.’

Walk Through Fire:

Simone was drunk and people were
everywhere. She was exchanging deep slobbery kisses with a lad called Brian and
as he squeezed her nipples through her bra and tried his luck with her inner
thigh she wondered vaguely if the neighbours would call the police. She didn’t
really care if the police turned up; it wasn’t her house that was on the verge
of destruction, it belonged to some dumb kid whose parents believed would be
responsible enough to look after it while they were away for the weekend.

Since Nathan had moved away Simone
had gone through a period of mourning and come out the other side. Now she was
going through a period of debauched teenage experimentation as she tried to
clear the final memories of Nathan from her mind. He was gone; he left without
saying goodbye and it was pretty obvious he wasn’t coming back. She was getting
over him and she needed a fresh perspective and a new outlook on life.

She found herself strangely jealous
of Laura who remained continually unattached and drifted from one boy to the
next with careless abandon. But at the same time Simone knew Laura was
searching for something everyone craved whether consciously or not. No matter
how frivolous Laura’s wanton ways gave her the appearance of contentment,
Simone knew she was simply searching for happiness, just like everyone else.

Simone moved Brian’s hand from her
chest and pushed him away. He looked annoyed but Simone ignored it. She stood
up, took a swig from her can of warm
Red
Stripe
, lit a cigarette, and went to find Laura.

The house was thick with smoke and
awash with spilled beer. Glassy-eyed teens yelled at each other through the
music and Simone had to climb over people on her way upstairs. Laura was in one
of the bedrooms with Brian’s mate Joe. Simone had last seen her with a joint in
one hand and Joe in the other as she snapped the door shut and left Simone to
the mercy of Brian’s groping hands. But since then the party had grown stale
and Simone wanted to leave, she considered knocking on the door and telling
Laura she wanted to go but what was the point? She went back downstairs and
told Brian she was leaving and asked him to tell Laura she had gone home when Laura
had finished with Joe.

Simone pushed her way through the
hallway and spilled out of the front door and into the street with the other
drunks. She left the noise and the smoke and the shit music and called a taxi
from the phone box down the road.

In the time since Laura’s disappearance
Simone had spent hour after hour considering the night in which she left Laura alone
and with no means to get home.

She read every newspaper article and
spoke to everyone who saw her that night and tried to piece together Laura’s
final movements.

All Simone imagined had no bearing on
what may or may not have occurred; it only served as a way for her to deal with
the guilt she felt and an attempt to understand what her friend had gone
through in those final hours. She needed to put that terrible evening into some
kind of order and try to understand what might have happened.

Simone heard Joe boasting to others
in the school corridors about his sexual antics that night but there was
something in his tone of voice and something hidden behind his eyes that said
he was a liar.

Simone lay in bed at night; eyes
closed in the darkness, somewhere between being awake and being asleep and used
all she knew about Laura and all she had learned about that night to imagine
what had happened to the friend she left to walk home on her own.

Laura didn’t know or couldn’t remember
the name of the lad she was with but they had the master bedroom to themselves.
She used her hands and mouth on him and tried to coax him into her but it was
like pushing dough into a purse. He was drunk - but apparently not too drunk
and after some perseverance she managed to get him where she wanted him –
inside the rubber and inside her. He tried his best but he was basically an
embarrassment; like an eager puppy humping Grandma’s leg on Boxing Day and she
found it more irritating than satisfying. He was clumsy and rough and lost it
completely when someone burst into the room and flicked the lights on and off.
The interruption broke his concentration and turned him back to putty and he
slipped out of her for the last time.

She smoked a cigarette while he
snored and then climbed out of bed and got dressed. She left him passed out
naked on the bed and deliberately left the lights on and the door open. She
told everyone she saw on her way back down stairs to take a look in the
parent’s bedroom, knowing she could savour his embarrassment at school on
Monday.

She asked around for Simone but no
one knew where she was. Laura did a couple of circuits of the house and saw Brian
was getting off with someone else. She went into the garden and tried to make
out faces in the darkness but she didn’t recognise anyone of consequence.

She couldn’t believe Simone had left
the party without telling her. She had been a right misery since Nathan had
moved away, but fucking hell it was about time she got over it. She grabbed a
can of lager from the kitchen, found somewhere to sit down and skinned up. A
couple of girls started talking to her and fidgeted impatiently for their share
of her joint after she lit it. Get your own pot you tight cunts she thought to
herself and deliberately smoked it slowly and selfishly while they watched like
drooling dogs. When there was less than an inch left she passed it to the less
needy of the two, took a final swig of lager and went outside. She didn’t have
money for a taxi and decided to walk home, maybe even hitch a lift if she
could.

Something Laura said that night
played on Simone’s mind. They had been drinking before they got to the party
and as they made their way to the house Laura had made a passing comment about
not having enough money to get home. It was no problem, Simone had told her;
she had money for a taxi. Simone had forgotten the conversation seconds after
they had it – she was drunk and there was a party to go to. She didn’t
remember the conversation until the next day when Laura’s parents called to see
if she had spent the night at Simone’s.

‘We
were hoping she was with you, she hasn’t come home you see, and we haven’t
heard from her.’

It still took time for the memory of
the conversation to blossom; Simone’s first instinct was that Laura was
probably still at the house with some boy snoring next to her. But then it came
in a wave of horror and Simone sat on her bed with eyes wide and her hand over
her mouth as the memory of the conversation came flooding back with the
terrible realisation that she had left her friend stranded alone with no way of
getting home.

Simone was stricken with worry and
made her way back to the house to see if Laura was still there. Simone walked
past empty cans and bottles that littered the front garden and the family car
that was now parked in the driveway. The owners were home. Simone could hear
the growl of a vacuum cleaner as she rang the doorbell. Fury answered in the
guise of the father of the lad foolish enough to open the door of the family
home to hundreds of drunken delinquents, hell bent on destruction and
debauchery.

‘Were you here last night?’ he said
angrily.

‘Is a girl here? I’m looking for my
friend.’

‘I should bloody sue! You’ve
destroyed my home you and you criminal friends. You should see the damage
you’ve done.’

‘Is she here or not?’

‘No. No one is here but my son and
he’s fucking lucky to be alive. He’s clearing up the mess you made – I
should make you clear up the garden. Pick up all the beer cans and the condoms
– it’s disgusting. You lot make me sick. I’ll tell you now, I’m going to
your school tomorrow morning and I want everyone who was here last night to be
accountable for the damage.’ Simone was too hung-over and too worried about
Laura to care about his threats; she said thanks and walked off while he shook
his fist at her. ‘What’s your name?’ he shouted. ‘I’m going to make sure your
parents hear about what you’ve done to my house. You disgusting child you
should be ashamed’

After a few days, many search parties
were formed and tasked with scouring the surrounding fields and woodland, they
were made up of both police and civilian volunteers, Simone included, but even
after covering every square metre of the surrounding area they failed to find
any trace of her save for her pink, size five Chuck Taylor Hi-Top trainers that
were discovered in a ditch by a secluded layby.

Laura had been missing for over a month
and Simone was sick with worry, her weight plummeted and she was barley
sleeping and when she did manage to drift off she found herself waking,
drenched in sweat, thrown from a nightmare. Laura was dead, she just knew it.
Thoughts of what could have happened to her wormed their way into her mind and
she couldn’t stop imagining a scenario where she found Laura’s body in the
river. Simone couldn’t shake the sound of the shrill whistle as she signalled
her find to the other members of the search parties and waited while they
gathered around the corpse and made arrangements to pull her from the cold
water. Their search was over, they had found her. Laura was twisted and
tangled, snagged on an overhanging branch, her clothes torn and her underwear missing,
exposed for all to see. In Simone’s mind Laura had been repeatedly raped and
tortured and finally suffocated before being disposed of.

There were suggestions that Laura had
just run away and people still had hope of finding her alive but Simone was
convinced Laura would never have runaway; she had no reason to and never even
hinted at it.

Simone couldn’t put the images of
Laura’s naked body out of her mind and struggled to imagine that there would
ever be a happy ending. Simone was sure Laura had been abducted. ‘They found
her shoes for fucks sake!’ she screamed in response to anyone who mentioned the
runaway theory.

Laura hadn’t been seen since leaving
the party and everyone who attended was thoroughly interrogated. The police
managed to trace her movements but ultimately struggled to get any significant
information. She left the party alone – no one paid too much attention. A
witness saw a young girl climb into a car late at night. She matched Laura’s
description but the driver was unseen and the car generic - dark in colour,
possibly an estate. They most likely went to the layby as that was where her
shoes were found but beyond that the trail went as cold as the river water in
Simone’s nightmares. The police followed the leads but got nowhere and the
investigation slowly wound down over a period of months.

Simone struggled to clear her mind of
the images she conjured when she thought of what could have happened to Laura
and as time passed it was the not knowing that really tested her sanity. If
Laura had been found in the river, just as she imagined, as terrible as it
would have been Simone and everyone else would have had closure and the police
may have found a piece of evidence needed to finally bring whoever did it to
justice but Laura Stewart was never found and the picture of what happened to
her remained incomplete.

Simone was crushed by guilt and could
barely look Martin in the eye. Only two of them remained; Nathan had moved away
earlier that year and now Laura was missing and presumed dead.

They went out together a few times as
friends; to the cinema and to restaurants and when he made his move she
reciprocated. How could she refuse him? She would let him take whatever he
wanted if it helped ease the burden of guilt she felt since she left his sister
to walk home alone after the party.

If she had only waited for
Laura...things would be so different.

In the early days Martin was a teddy
bear; he got angry and threw tantrums but he never took it out on her. He
seemed to respect her as a woman and respect her decision to become a police
officer.

Martin had no defined career path,
but he had the gift-of-the-gab and a cruel detachment that suited his choice to
move into sales. He moved from job to job, going wherever Simone’s education
took them. At the time she thought he was allowing her to be who she wanted to
be, she naively thought he was sacrificing his career for hers but she would
come to understand that he had made no such sacrifice – he had no plans
for the future, he only wanted to keep her with him, giving an inch here and an
inch there, just enough rope to make her believe she was in control, while all
the time making sure she never strayed too far and most importantly of all,
never feeling capable of living life without him.

Over the years she grew to love him,
or at least she thought she did, but in time she realised she had just grown
used to him. Was there even a difference? She tried to convince herself that
the love she felt for him was as real as love could get and any other love
–
true love,
was just fantasy.
All that really existed was the world she had made for herself, a world where
she flinched at the tantrums and took the beatings. The idea of leaving him
became as fantastical as the idea of true love. If she left him he would be
crushed and she couldn’t bear the weight of more guilt on her shoulders. It was
guilt that always had, and always would, chain her to him like slave to master.

Simone married Martin on a rainy day
in May and she kept her maiden name. It wasn’t an issue to her but the decision
not to take Martin’s surname both angered and embarrassed him in equal measure
and when he demanded an explanation she told him it was because she wanted to
keep her identity. The explanation was a weak one and she knew it didn’t
satisfy but it was just enough to silence his parents, especially his father.
When she made the choice she never realised she would have to explain herself
and when she tried she realised that she couldn’t even understand it herself
let alone explain it to anyone else.