Nothing to Report (31 page)

“You want coffee, Charlie?” asked the lieutenant.

“No thanks, Lou,” Charlie answered as he stifled a yawn.

The lieutenant drove to an all-night bodega on Jersey Street and got a strong cup of Tampico to go. He knew the bodega made a good cup o
f
Spanish coffee because he’d had it from there before. With steaming cardboard cup in hand, the boss then drove ou
t
to Sailor Snug Harbor and parked on a quiet and desolate block. After turning off the engine, he opened the coffee and began sipping the hot, strong liquid.

“I thought you got the coffee for me?” asked Charlie.

“No, Charlie. Close your eyes. I’ll wake you if anybody comes around,” said the boss.

Here was Charlie’s boss, a lieutenant, telling Charlie to sleep. Lt. A. was a good, fair boss, and when it was needed he worked his ass off. In spite of this, he didn’t let anyone shit on his men and he definitely didn’t let a cop fuc
k
another cop. He cared about his troops.

Lt. A. finished his coffee and let Charlie sleep for about 45 minutes. Charlie woke up on his own and felt somewhat refreshed.
All he had needed wa
s
to close his eyes for a while and take a power nap.

The rest of the tour went quickly for Charlie. Even better, he knew what he would have to do abou
t
his problem.

Twenty-Two

Charlie had no doubt now that he wanted to save his marriage. To do this, he would have to break off his relationship with Terry. He decided to call her and ask if he could come over for a cu
p
of coffee. He would not call Annette because he knew it would only make her think he was lying again.

He and the lieutenant drove into the station house then Charlie carried in his gear and climbed the back stairs to his locker room to change. He decided to save a few minutes by signing out in his civilian clothes and figured the desk area would be so busy that no one would even notice him. He was right. He had a good head start and drov
e
to a pay phone on Victory Boulevard where he called Terry. When she answered, she sounded happy to hear from him.

“Oh, Charlie, I’ve missed you these last few days! Can you come over thi
s
morning?
”


“Yeah, but I can’t stay too long,” he replied.

He tried his best to not sound cold but also didn’t want to infer that h
e
planned on getting laid either. His only desire was to tell the truth. Cheating and lying was a part of tha
t
whole negative trip that Lt. A. had advised him to avoid; he didn’t want or need any more negativity in his life.

“I planned on making you a nice breakfast, sweetheart. Then I though
t
maybe we could take a nice bubble bath together and hold each other in bed. I know how you love sex in the morning and I can’t help but tel
l
you that I’m dying to put my mouth on you, honey,” she murmured.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll have time for that this morning, Terry. I have
a
few things I have to do today but I did want to see you and talk t
o
you this morning.”

“Okay, Charlie. I’ll put the coffee on and you can tell me whatever it is you want to tell me,” she said in a questioning sort of way.

Charlie hung up the phone and made his way out to Terry’s place. He wanted t
o
get this over with as quickly and as painlessly as possible. He didn’t want to hurt Terry but he also didn’t want to lose Annette, even though there was a stron
g
possibility that his wife would still leave him.

He parked in his usual place and walked up the driveway to her fron
t
door. Terry was waiting there with the door open and welcomed hi
m
inside with a big hug. When he hugged her back, it was obvious that she could sense an eerie coldness in his return embrace.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?
”


“Nothing, Terry. How have you been?
”


She didn’t answer. Instead, she walked straight into the kitchen and sat a
t
the table. Charlie followed her in and did the same. He thought it strange tha
t
he noticed she was wearing the same tight jeans and silk blouse wit
h
no bra but he wasn’t turned on or even thinking about sex.

“Charlie, I know something is wrong. What is it? Do you have a problem a
t
work? Is your wife okay? What is it, Charlie? Please tell me. Pleas
e
don’t be like this,” she begged.

“It’s nothing like that, Terry. My wife has a boyfriend. When I confronted her about it she asked me if I was seeing anybod
y
and I told her the truth,” he explained.

“I see,” she said coldly.

“Terry, you know how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed. You’re a sweet, beautiful young woman,” he said as he tried to lessen the pain he knew his words were inflicting on her.

“Yeah, sure. Sweet, young, and beautiful, but you don’t want me anymore, right Charlie? You’ve finished with your play thing and now you’re moving on.”

Although he wasn’t surprised by her reaction, her words still stung him.

“Terry, how can you say that? I have always been open and honest with you. I’ve never lied to you. I gave myself to you in a very specia
l
and caring way.”

She sighed as she stared at him across the table. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I just don’t want to lose you. Please forgive m
e
for saying that. What is your wife going to do? Is she really plannin
g
on leaving you?” Before he could answer, she added, “Charlie, does she still love you?
”


“I don’t know. She said she needs time to think it out and honestly, I guess I do, too.”

Terry realized Charlie was choosing his wife over her and he was going to try salvaging his marriage with Annette regardless of what his wife did. She also had no doubt that she had fallen in love with him and, although she was devastated by his decision, she didn’t want him to know how deep her feelings were for him. Even though he was older, he was different from all the other me
n
she had ever become involved with. There was something about Charlie that she adored. It wasn’t just one thing, but a lot of little things, that put
a
smile on her face whenever she thought of him and a gleam in her eye whenever she desired him. She didn’t want to lose him and she was prepared t
o
do whatever it took to keep him.

“Charlie, do you love me? I know what you say when we’re in bed together
,
but do you really love me? I would really like an answer, an honest answer, to that question
,
please,” she said.

“I do care for you, Terry. I think of you every day and dream of you. I desire you and want you all the time, but is that love? Honestly, I don’t thin
k
I know what love is anymore. What’s right? What’s wrong? Do th
e
answers to those questions matter anymore? If I left my wife, would ou
r
relationship remain the same or would it change? Would change be good or bad for us? Would I begin to blame you for my failed marriage? Would I blame myself and allow guilt to consume me and destroy any chance for happiness for either you or I? I don’t know the answers to any o
f
those questions, but I must make a decision and time has to be on m
y
side,” he explained rationally.

She sighed and remained silent for several seconds. When she finally spoke, her voice was pleading. “Okay, Charlie. What do you want me to do? Are you going to call me anymore? Will you still stop in for coffee? Do I keep telling other guy
s
that I can’t go out with them because I have a boyfriend? Please tell me what it is that you want me to do.”

“I have no right to tell you to sit at home while I try to save
a
marriage that may already be beyond saving. If I fail then I will have to pick up the pieces to my life. I can’t expect you to sit and wait for the outcome, whatever it may be,” he answered.

Terry realized that Charlie was right. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear but he was painfully right. She had no doubt that the next few weeks would b
e
rough on her; she suspected it would be rough on both of them. She was tired of being nice and playing second fiddle t
o
married guys who came and went before and after their shifts. She neede
d
time to think and plan.

“Well Charlie, I guess we both need time to think. Could you do me
a
favor though? Until you know for sure what your wife is going to do
,
could you at least call me once in a while?” she begged. “I do care about you, you know.
”


Charlie didn’t want to call. He was certain that a clean break would be th
e
best for both of them, but he couldn’t deny he would want to know how she was doing. He didn’t want to destroy her completely and besides, what harm could there be in an occasional phone call?

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “I’ll call you once in a while.
”


Their discussion was over, so they hugged each other one last time then Charlie got into his car and drove home. When he got there, as he suspected, Annette had already left for work so he showered and went to bed.

He slept soundly for the entire day and, thankfully, didn’t dream about Terry. He wa
s
tired from the night before. He had driven quite a bit even though th
e
lieutenant had allowed him to grab a few winks. He couldn’t wait until h
e
told the other guys and knew some of them would be jealous.

When he got up, Annette was home and busy preparing supper. At first he thought it was nothing special. She had taken out some previously frozen Marinara sauce and was putting it in a pan. A pot of water was boiling on the stove, and a box of pasta was open on the counter, ready to be added to the water. His mouth watered when he realized Annette was makin
g
some of her delicious meatballs.

As he watched his wife bustle around the kitchen, he was dying to tell her that he had officially ended his relationship with Terry but decided not to even broach the subject. H
e
would just go about his daily life as if the affair had never happened. He secretly hoped that Annette would be able to pick up on hi
s
feelings and emotions and also end her affair but he wasn’t so sure tha
t
she would. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek then sa
t
at the kitchen table while she worked on supper.

“How was your day?
”
he asked.

“Good. I had a real good day. I decided not to go on the trip to Puert
o
Rico with the girls,” she added.

“Oh? How come?
”
he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“I know what you thought about that trip, Charlie,” she said quietly. “You thought I was going to go on it with my friend, but you were totally wrong o
n
that one.
”


He was glad to hear it but did not show his joy.

“Well, maybe you and I could get away for a little trip of our own. We could go to Atlantic City or the Bahamas for a few days. We can kind o
f
make believe it’s a second honeymoon if you like,” he suggested.

“We’ll see, Charlie. It’s been really busy at the office and I know
I
won’t be able to get away any time in the near future.”

Although he wanted to discuss it more, Charlie decided to let the subject rest and just agree to let time go by as it would.

“I’m ready anytime you are,” he said with an encouraging smile.

A few minutes later Annette served dinner and they ate while she talked about her day. He really tried to listen aggressively and seemed interested in what she was saying, even though most of it was borin
g
stuff about real estate deals and house closings. They cleaned up after dinner together and watched TV for a while. After an hour or two, Annette said she was feeling tired an
d
went to bed. She knew Charlie would stay downstairs and use the bathroom on the first floor to prepare for work, but this time she walked over to hi
m
and kissed him nicely.