Nova (37 page)

“And then you met Austin.”

“Yeah, and then I met Austin.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What has that done for you?”

I didn’t reply at first. Austin was still a touchy subject, but not only that, I was so deeply connected to that aspect of my life that I still didn’t understand
why it had become such a struggle
. What
had
Austin done for me? Well, pretty much everything. Until a week ago I finally felt like my life was heading in the right direction
.

“I’m not capable of expounding on that right now.”

He looked at me for a few seconds and then shook his head. “
Expounding? Isn’t it a simple question?”

“No, not really. I mean yeah it’s a simple question, but my answer is…probably a bit profound.”

“Profound, huh? You mean Austin has saved your soul or something?” he chuckled.

I smiled along with it but answered, “In a way, maybe. And because things have changed, it kind of makes it a little confusing, okay? I don’t know how to explain it.”

He shrugged. “Well, if I w
ere to put myself in your shoes
I guess I can probably figure it out. So maybe you feel
like Austin has completed you. M
aybe you feel th
at you and him were meant to be. M
aybe you feel lik
e the two of you are soul mates?
Now, because he’s changed everything, possibly you feel a little slighted? Maybe even…betrayed?
Cheated? Like you were wrong?
Or maybe the stars weren’t aligned like they were supposed to be, or your signs really weren’t—”

“Okay, quit. Now you’re just mocking me.”

“No I’m not.
I’m just guessing here. I really don’t know what kind of higher powers you rely on here.”

“Higher powers?”

“Whatever it is that’s told you that Austin is your soul mate or whatever.”

“And what about you? What about Jill? Didn’t you feel that about her?”

“I loved Jill. I was in love with her.
But…soul mates?
I don’t know if I believe in that.”

“Then you can’t understand what I’m talking about.”

“So that
is
what we’re talking about here, right? You had some sort of…revelation?”

“Don’t make it sound so
far-fetched.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to say it.”

“Well I don’t either, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I thought my life finally made sense, and then Austin had to complicate it. I don’t know what to think anymore, okay?”

I got up to leave but Ben stood up to stop me. “Whoa, wait a minute,” he said,
holding
my wrist. “I am in no way trying to make you feel bad, or question how you feel, or…whatever it is that you’re upset about. I’m just trying to understand you better. I’m just trying to understand what differentiates loving someone
from
feeling like they’re your soul mate.”

“I guess you’ll know when it happens to you.”

“Mm, probably not, so I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

I had to smile and said, “Never say never, Ben.”

“Uh, h
ow about probably never?”

“Same thing.”

He only smiled and barely shook his head.

“Okay, my wounded
little hummingbird
,” I said.
“
When your
wings are healed and you’re ready to fly again, let me know. I’ll introduce you to some of my friends.”

“You have friends?”

“Besides the animal variety? Yes, I have a few.”

He chuckled
and said, “I’m teasing. I just don’t know you outside of the, uh…” He motioned around us. “The reservation.”

I laughed. “Well, let me know when you’re ready to jump back into the game. It’ll be
good for you
.”

He scoffed. “Good for me
? You just want to show off this nicely packaged piece of meat so all of your friends can drool and be jealous
that you know me
.”

I laughed out loud, especially because he did a nice job of selling the arrogance of it.

“You’re so right,” I said, ‘falling’ for his manliness. “If fact, you’re so grade-A, I’m thinking of a big, juicy steak
right now
.”

He smiled and said, “Steak, huh? Thanks.
But I’m more of the burger type
. The
In-And-Out Burger
type.”

“Mmm, n
ow I’m starving.”

“Me too.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Uh, I think
my mom made some sort
of casserole.”

I kind of made a face.

“I think I want
In-N-Out Burger
.”

“Me too,” I smiled.

He glanced at his watch and said, “Crap, five minutes until she rings the bell. We’d better jet.”

Chapter Nineteen

“Hey, Austin,” I said excitedly after answering my phone. I was just leaving the college to
head north to Bakersfield. His call caught me by surprise
and thrilled me at the same time.

“Hey, how are you?”

Man it was so good to hear his voice. “I’m doing good. Just
getting on the 405 from school.”

“Oh. How’d class go?”

“Mm, okay I guess. Just got a ninety-six on a test.”

“Cool. Nice job.”

“Thanks. What are you up to?”

“Oh, just
relaxing for the day. I have an event
with the te
am in a few hours, and then I’ll probably go to bed early tonight.”

“Oh. You don’t have
a race until Sunday, right? Maybe you can
come home for a couple of days.”

“Ah, wish I could, but I’ll be in Dallas by Thursday. I have tons of stuff to do before race day on Sunday
. But I was calling because… Well, I was wondering
if you’d be able to come
,
too—t
o
Texas
. I’ll make the arrangements for you if you say yes.”

I was speechless. He wanted to see me. He missed me. My automatic answer was yes, but I knew I also had commitments for the weekend as well. But it was Austin…

I sighed. “I really want to, but I have a couple of surgeries I’m doing on Saturday…”

“Well what about that night? Can you fly out on Saturday night?”

I thought about it for a coupl
e of seconds. “I really want to, but
I’ll have to see what’s going on this weekend and then I’ll let you know.”

He paused briefly and then said, “Oh, okay.”

“I really want to see you,” I said. “I miss you.”
I knew it was bold to open up like that, but it was a hard thing to keep inside. I
wanted
him to know how I felt.

“I miss you
,
too.”

There was silence for a bit as I internalized that.
It felt really good to hear.
Finally I said, “Uh, when do you think you can come back to California for a while?”

“Uh, in November?” he chuckled.

“Oh, after the season?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean I’ll be back at Fontana
in October, but I really don’t have a big chunk of time off until the holidays.”

“Oh.”

“So…will you call me after you talk to Jack? I probably shouldn’t let you talk on the phone while you’re driving.”

“Um, sure. Yeah, I’ll call you in a couple of hours then.”

“All right, I’ll talk to you then. I love you, Nova.”

That made my heart beat extra heavy, and I
quietly
replied, “I love you too, Austin.”

I hung up the phone and drove in silence for several minutes. I was ecstatic that Austin wanted to see me. My hope had always been that he’d reconsider our relationship after missing me for a while, and I tried not to think about being disappointed if that’s not what he had in mind. But at least he made the effort and called, right? At least he still wanted to see me.

I got to the ranch around three that Thursday afternoon. Jack was gone on a house call, but he had a few notes for me sitting on his desk and I began with his requests right away. He strolled into the office by five with a stupid smile on his face.

“Where have you been?” I asked
curiously
. He only grinned and
it made me ask,
“At the Langley ranch?”

“Yep,” he nodded.

“Ew, Jack. I hope that wasn’t the ‘house call’ you were referring to in your note.”

He rolled his eyes at me but sat down at the counter with another smile. “Well you can’t call me a wuss anymore,” he said. “I finally did it. I asked her out.”

“Really?” I smiled. “That’s great. I mean you didn’t have to bribe her with free vet services, right?”
He scoffed but I said, “I’m sorry, I’m just teasing. I’m really excited for you.”

“Really? You don’t think I’ll screw it up l
ike everyone else thinks I will?
”

I laughed. “Nah, you’re a charming man, Jack. You’ll do just fine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, definitely. I know she likes you, so I think—”

“No, I’m charming?”

I stopped what I was doing and studied him for a second. At first I thought he was ready to joke around again, but he seemed serious about the inquiry.

“Yeah, of course you are. If you were ten years younger, I’d date you.”
I wasn’t sure if that was
appropriate to say to my boss, but it was just Jack, right?

“Ten years younger, huh?” he considered. “Why ten years? I mean what’s wrong with our age difference?”

I studied him again and said, “Uh, the age difference between you and I? Well, you’re…thirty-something. Thirty-seven? You’re fourteen years older than me.”

“Oh, is that in the rule book or something?”

“The rule book?”

“I don’t know, the dating rule book?”

“How would I know?”

“Then how do you figure fourteen years is too much? I mean if I were sixty-five and you were fifty-one…would that be a big deal?”

“Uh, no I guess not.”

“But twenty-three and thirty-seven are a no-go, huh?”

I stared at him for a moment, unsure of where the conversation was going. He was just playing around with me, right?

“I guess there are no rules,” I replied. “Well, except for the legal ones.”

He was quiet for a few seconds and then said, “But in your opinion, I’m datable material?”

“Um, well, yeah. Of course you are.”

“But you wouldn’t date me because I’m too old for you.”

“Well technically—if we are literally t
alking about you and I, and not
people
in general—I wouldn’t date you because you’re my boss.”

As soon as I said it, I knew what was coming next.

“
Hm
, that’s ironic,” he said.

I
sighed,
feeling a little frustrated with whatever this conversation was about. “Austin is a different case,” I clarified. “He and I were already…kind of into each other. If I had been hired here and didn’t know him already, I wouldn’t have crossed that line.”

“Hmm,” was all he
said.

I pulled up a stool and sat at the counter across from him. “What’s going on, Jack? Now you seem mad at me.”

He didn’t respond at first and only sat there in
silence
as he seemed to consider it. “Well, now that you mention Austin, I guess I am.”

“Okay,” I replied slowly. “Can you explain that?”

He sighed, and then kind of groaned. “I get really sick of being put in the middle of this.”

“Being put in the middle of what?”

“The two of you.
I didn’t have a problem with it before. Yeah, I love Austin like he’s my own
—
or
like my nephew, or a little brother—b
ut these last few months of your personal lives has really annoyed me.”

I took a moment to consider my options, what I was going to say, and slowly nodded my head. “Okay, so the drama is finally a little too much.”

“Yeah, basically.”

I sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Jack. I don’t know what to say. If I’m putting my personal life ahead of my job, then I really don’t deserve your slack, okay? Just treat me like any other employee and—”