November Blues (13 page)

WHEN NOVEMBER GOT HOME, SHE SAT
down and forced herself to eat a tuna salad sandwich, even though she usually avoided fish, and she drank two bottles of water. As she chewed, she thought about all the good stuff her baby was getting. But who was getting her baby? Was she eating well so the Prescotts could buy a healthy kid?

Feeling restless, she flipped through the television channels, stopping at something on the Discovery Network called
Critical Delivery
. It was all about mothers who had had complications having their babies.
I don't need to be watching this
, she thought.
Especially today.
But once it was on she couldn't turn it off—it was horrifying and mesmerizing. One mother's baby died. Another mother was trying, painfully, to deliver two breech babies. She ended up having surgery, but her twins were beautiful when they were shown close-up at the end of the show.

I wonder what this baby will look like
, November wondered as the show paused for commercials.
Sandy hair and freckles? Skinny legs? Curly dark hair like mine?
Strangely, she always visualized Josh rather than herself when she thought about the baby's looks. Somehow she never pictured a tiny little November in her arms. Only a small Josh.

Finally she forced herself to switch the television off. “I've got to get out of here,” she said out loud. She dug in her purse, checked her wallet to make sure she had bus fare and enough to buy a magazine or two, and headed down the street to the bus stop. She figured a trip to the library might help clear her head. She couldn't remember if Olivia was working today, but she hoped she could hook up with her for a few minutes.

November breathed deeply in the warm summer air—Mrs. Miller's roses were in full bloom, and the smell was finer than any perfume. The sun on her skin was just warm enough. She almost felt as though she were being bathed in gold. It made her think about one of the best vacations she'd ever had, when her mom had taken her to Myrtle Beach a couple of years ago. She had spent hours lolling on the sand, listening to the rhythm of the surf, and basking in the sun.
I love sunshine
, November thought happily.

The bus rumbled to her stop and November sat down in the first empty seat. She closed her eyes and thought back to that grainy image on the sonogram.
A girl! A baby girl! I wonder how Mom felt when she found out she was pregnant? Did she love me right away? Would she have given me away?

“When are you due?” a young-sounding voice said, interrupting November's thoughts.

Startled, November looked over. A very pregnant girl was sitting next to her. “Uh, I've got about four more months. How about you?”

“The doctor at the clinic says any day now.” The girl wore a very tight hot pink T-shirt stretched over her huge belly and matching pink flip-flops covered with tiny pink daisies. Shiny silver-sparkled eye shadow decorated her eyelids, and she wore her blond hair brushed back into two long braids.
This kid looks like a baby herself!

“How old are you?” November asked.

“I'm twelve.”

“Twelve? You're in middle school?” November's jaw dropped. She was the same age as Jericho's brother Todd. “What school do you go to?”

“Hazelwood Middle School. I'll be in seventh grade next year.”

“Do you know a kid named Todd—cute, curly black hair, runs track?”

The girl grinned, showing off a mouth full of braces. “Yeah, I know Todd. He sat next to me in math last year.”

November gulped. “How did you, you know…” November pointed at the girl's bulging tummy. “How did you…I mean, uh, you're twelve.”

“How did I get pregnant? Same way you did,” the girl said casually.

“But you're just a kid—shouldn't you be playing with Barbies or something?”

“I know I'm young, but I'm very mature for my age,”
the girl replied. Her fingernails were painted bright green. She dug in her purse, which was decorated with Disney princesses, pulled out a pack of Jolly Rancher candy, and popped two in her mouth. “Want one?” she asked November.

“No, thanks. My doctor doesn't want me eating a lot of sugar. Didn't your doctor say anything about that?” November suddenly felt like an adult, which made her feel really uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat.

The girl rolled her eyes, the same eye roll November had used on her own mother for years. “Give me a break. You sound like my mother.”

“I guess,” November replied. They rode in silence for a few minutes, then November asked, “Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?”

“It's a boy. I'm going to name him Hector, after his daddy. What about you?”

“I just found out today,” November said, wonder still in her voice. “It's a girl.”

“You got a name picked out yet?”

“Yeah,” November said, “I do. Her name is Sunshine.” The name just appeared on her lips, like a lovely song. But when she said it, she knew it was the only name that would work.

“That's a really pretty name. I wish I was having a girl. You get to buy all that cute pink stuff. Girls' clothes are way cuter than boys'! Pink is my favorite color,” the girl added wistfully.

November wondered how this kid was going to take care of a baby, and she tried to figure out a way of asking that
wouldn't offend the girl. “So, are you going back to school in September?”

“Yeah, my mom says I have to.”

“So who'll watch the baby?”

“My mom will. She's already watching my older sister's kids, so she won't mind.”

“How old's your sister?”

“Sixteen. She's got two kids—Lacey is three and Mickey is almost two.”

“So, you have a boyfriend?” asked November, feeling slightly incredulous.

“Sure! Don't you?”

“Not really,” November replied as she shifted her gaze past the girl and out the window.

“Did he dump you when he found out about the kid? That happened to my sister the first time.”

“No, he died.”

“Ooh, bummer. Well, here's my stop. It was nice talking to you.”

“Good luck,” November told her.

The girl waved a brief thanks, then waddled off the bus and disappeared into the crowd.

When people look at me, do they think I look as foolish and pitiful as that kid?
November wondered.
Probably so.
She'd always imagined that when she got married and had kids she'd have it all together with a fine husband, a great career, and a nice house in the burbs—the storybook stuff. By then she'd be able to welcome a new baby with the best of everything—designer blankets and sophisticated educational toys. She'd even pictured the
expensive stroller she'd push through the mall. But here she sat, with barely enough money to ride the bus and the very real possibility of having to apply for welfare so she could feed and care for her child. Unless, of course, she gave in to the Prescotts' demands.
Not fair!
she thought sullenly.
This is so not fair.

WHEN THE DOORBELL RANG AT ELEVEN
in the morning, November, still in her pajamas, peered out to see Dana and Olivia on her doorstep. Olivia held a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

“You gonna open the door, or do we have to stand out here all day?” Dana called out when she saw November peeking through the curtains.

November swung open the door and the two girls marched in as if they were on a mission. “Mmm, those doughnuts smell yummy,” November murmured.

“They're still warm,” said Olivia enticingly, as she set them down on the kitchen table and opened the box. The sweet smell of sugar glaze and soft dough filled the room. “We got your favorite—chocolate cream.”

November took one and bit into it with a deep sigh of satisfaction. “Wow. There's nothing better on a Saturday morning.”

“My favorite fruit,” Olivia said jokingly, her mouth full. She wore yellow cutoffs and a matching top.

“That's a cute outfit, Olivia,” Dana told her.

Olivia blushed. “Thanks,” she said. “I feel like a big banana.”

Dana went over to the refrigerator and poured them each a glass of milk. “Drink up, little mama,” she told November. “You need the calcium.”

“I probably don't need these calories, and I definitely don't need this sugar,” November said as she grabbed a second doughnut. “Look how big I'm getting. Doctor said the swelling is not good.”

“You'll be fine,” Dana said dismissively. “You just need some exercise. We came to take you to the mall.”

“I don't feel like it,” said November, rubbing her hands over her belly. “You two go on without me.”

“We are
not
going without you. You been in this house all summer, cooped up like some old lady!” Dana told her. “Get some clothes on and let's go shopping.”

“It's too much trouble, and walking makes me tired,” November whined.

Olivia stood up and took over the situation like a charging elephant. “I'm not hearing it. First, go take a shower. You're pretty ripe, girlfriend. Then put on a T-shirt and let's get some fresh air.” Dana giggled and nodded in agreement.

November rolled her eyes, but she got up and headed for the bathroom. When she came back down, freshly showered, she felt more cheerful. Dana and Olivia clapped, and the three girls headed for the door.

“You're wearing flip-flops?” asked Dana as they headed to her car. She wore neat white K-Swiss tennis shoes, white shorts, and a white tank top.

“They're all I got that still fits. Besides, it's hot. I don't want to be foolin' with shoes today.”

“Your feet are kinda swollen, November,” Olivia observed. “Shouldn't you wear something with a little more support?”

“Quit actin' like my mother,” November pleaded. “Or let me stay home in my flip-flops and watch TV. I've gotten hooked on a couple of bowling shows that come on every Saturday.”

“This is more than a rescue mission,” Dana said to Olivia in mock seriousness as she started the car. “We've got to get this girl a mind makeover. Bowling for dollars? Give me a break!”

“You're right. Let's get out of here,” November agreed with an embarrassed grin.

They pulled into a mall parking space a few minutes later—one reserved for “Ladies in Waiting.”

“What's that supposed to be—a cute term for pregnant women?” November asked with a frown as they got out of the car.

“I don't know, but it works for me,” Dana said. “Easy parking.”

“Where do we start?” asked Olivia as they reached the large front doors of the mall.

“The bathroom,” November replied. “I gotta pee.”

“You just went before we left,” Dana said.

“Can't help it. The kid is sitting on my bladder.”

“Yuck. We'll wait for you here,” Olivia declared as
November made her way to the ladies' room.

When November returned, Dana said, “Let's try Shoe Carnival first. They've got a ‘buy one, get one free' sale.” They headed to the left and passed a candle shop.

“Ooh, let's go in,” suggested Olivia. “I want a new candle for my room.”

“Something smells just like apple pie,” Dana remarked as they walked in.

“And peppermint!” Olivia said, sniffing the air. “It's amazing how they get these realistic flavors into candle wax. Which one do you like, November?”

But November had hurried out of the store. She stood in the hall, breathing heavily and trying not to gag. “I'm sorry,” she said as they followed her, concern on their faces. “All those smells just got to me. I felt like I was gonna lose my breakfast!”

“Well, that wouldn't have been pretty,” Olivia said. “Let's just go to the shoe store.”

They passed by a men's shirt shop and a card shop, then came to the shoe store. “This store smells like leather,” said Dana. “Can you handle it?” she asked November, teasing.

“I'm cool.”

Dana tried on a pair of red Nikes. Olivia tried on a cool-looking pair of navy blue New Balance shoes. “Nice,” Olivia said as she walked on the carpet with one shoe on and one shoe off. “But a little expensive.”

“Try on a pair, November,” Dana pleaded. “Your feet are begging for new shoes!”

November plopped down on the wooden bench, kicked
off her flip-flops, and pulled on a pair of the fake stockings provided by shoe stores. “What are these supposed to do?” she asked, grunting as she labored to reach her feet.

“Protect your feet from shoe germs, I guess,” Olivia said.

“More likely protecting your feet from other people's stinky feet!” Dana said. “People like November who go all summer without taking showers!” she teased.

November reached over and punched Dana on the arm, almost losing her balance on the small bench. “I'd like to see these in a size seven,” she told the sales clerk, a skinny boy who smacked his chewing gum loudly as he waited on them.

When the gum-chomping salesman returned with the red Nikes, November reached down to put them on. “There must be something wrong with these,” she told the salesman. “Are you sure you brought me a size seven?”

“Yup.”
Smack. Smack.
“Your feet look bigger than a seven to me, but what do I know?” he said. “I only been working here a couple of weeks.”

“Well, bring me an eight. But I know they'll be too big,” November said, handing him back the shoes.

“Can I see these same Nikes in a nine?” asked Olivia. “And bring them in blue, if you have them.” The boy nodded and disappeared.

When he returned with the new boxes, November pulled out the size eight shoes but still couldn't get her feet in all the way. “What's up with this? Do these shoes run narrow?” she asked the sales clerk.

“Mine fit fine,” Olivia said as she slid on the size nine shoes.

November frowned, reached over, and tried on one of the shoes in Olivia's box. Her foot fit into the size nine, but just barely.

“Looks to me like you need a nine and a half or a ten, ma'am,” the clerk said. “Do you want me to find those for you?”

“Did he just call me
ma'am
?” November asked. “Do I look that old?”

“He's just being polite,” whispered Dana. “Ignore him.”

November looked up at the boy. “No, I'm fine. I think I'll wait on the shoes today. Thanks for bringing so many out for me to try.”

“No problem, ma'am,” the boy replied with a grin. He looked as if he knew he was annoying her.

Olivia bought the blue Nikes and also got a pair of red sandals, since one pair was free. Dana ended up with two pairs of shoes. November bought nothing and sat glumly looking at her flip-flops while they paid for their purchases.

“What's that smell?” asked Olivia as they walked back into the mall.

“Ooh, gross!” Dana said, covering her nose. “Somebody farted!”

November looked embarrassed. “I'm sorry. Seems like I get the funky farts every day now. I can't even tell when one is about to let loose, and I have no control of it when it does. It's awful.”

“Well, put up a flag to warn somebody,” Olivia said with a laugh. “That sucker reeked!”

“I'll try,” November said, “but it's like my body belongs to some lady from another planet now. It's not me anymore—just a big globule of indigestion.”

“They should mention
that
in the sex-ed class,” Dana asserted. “Hey, you want to stop in this baby store? Let's pick out cool baby stuff.”

The three girls walked into the store, which smelled of lavender and baby powder. Soft music played in the background. “May I help you?” the pleasant-looking older saleswoman asked.

“Uh, yeah. My friend wants to look at baby clothes and toys.”

The woman looked from November's face to her belly, obvious disapproval on her face. “Right this way, please,” she said primly. “Here we have layettes and all you need to prepare the little one for his or her arrival into the world.”

“It's a her,” November said. “A girl.”

“How nice,” replied the woman. “If you want pink, those outfits are on this rack,” she said, pointing.

“This is so cute!” Dana exclaimed as she held up a tiny pink dress with satin bows and lace ribbons.

November looked at the tag. “It's sixty-five dollars! You gotta be kidding!”

“That's the starting price for most of the outfits in this store,” the saleswoman said smugly.

November touched the incredibly soft fabric to her cheek and sighed.
I should be able to afford everything in here—this is the store I dreamed of, the store my baby deserves.

“What's the name of this place—the Highway Robbery
Baby Store?” Olivia asked, glancing at other overpriced items on the shelves.

The saleswoman did not reply, but turned her back and went to wait on another customer.

“Let's raise up out of here,” Dana said. “We don't want the baby growing up to be a snob.”

“I gotta pee,” November told her friends as they headed out of the store. Her back was killing her as well.

“Again?” Dana said.

“Sorry.”

As she headed to the bathroom, she could hear Dana say to Olivia, “She walks like an old lady.”

Well, why don't
you
try carrying an extra twenty-five pounds around your waist?
she thought wearily as she got to the ladies' room.

In the bathroom, November leaned heavily against the cool marble wall of the toilet stall. Her feet were throbbing, her back ached, and her stomach kept gurgling. She hoped she could control the gas that was trying to escape from her irritated digestive system.

“You about ready to go?” asked Dana, when November joined them in front of the food court.

“No, I'm good,” November lied. “Let's go look at some clothes.”

“Are you hungry?” Olivia asked.

“No, not really,” November replied. “Besides, the smell of pizza, my favorite food in the whole world, makes me nauseous. And if I eat it, I get the farts again!”

“Then we are heading in the
opposite
direction, girlfriend!” Olivia said.

“Girl, you're just plain messed up,” Dana told her, but she put her arm around November's shoulder and gave her a hug.

“Tell me about it,” said November, sighing.

November watched and pretended to enjoy herself while Dana and Olivia tried on a few outfits. “That's sharp, girl,” she told Dana, who showed off in the mirror.

“This one will make Kofi melt,” Dana said with a sly grin.

“Kofi turns to jelly every time you blink,” November said, almost enviously. “You don't need tight leather pants.”

“Just workin' on my ammunition,” Dana replied as she put her hands on her hips. “Never know when I might need to protect my territory!”

Olivia shyly tried on a pair of blue jeans. She was obviously a little uncomfortable.

“Those make your butt look smaller,” November told her.

“Well, then I'm buying six pairs!” said Olivia with a laugh. “Now if we can find some pants that eliminate thunder thighs, they can have my life savings!” She paused. “This is so much fun. I don't usually get to shop with friends.”

Dana's cell phone rang then, interrupting the awkward moment in which no one knew quite what to say. “Hey, Kofi Cutie. Yeah, we're still shopping—we might be here for another hour or two,” she told him. “Wait till you see what I bought!” She giggled at whatever he said on the other end. “Gotta go. Love you! Bye.” She snapped the phone shut.

“I'm getting those leather pants!” she said. “Umph! That boy turns me on!” Then she turned to glance at
November, who perched uncomfortably on the bench in the dressing room, belly hanging out of her too-small jeans.

“Oh no, not again!” cried Olivia as the small room was filled with the distinct odor of putrefied fruit. “The fart monster strikes again! It's time to go home.”

Even November, who was used to the gaseous emissions that plagued her, was horrified. “Good Lord, that stinks!” she said. “I'm so sorry. Let's get out of here.”

The girls hurried out of the small room, carrying their packages and the clothes, Dana and Olivia laughing and gasping for breath. “I feel sorry for the next person who uses that room!” Olivia joked.

But November was embarrassed and tired and uncomfortable. What used to be so much fun on a Saturday afternoon was now a chore. And she didn't want to tell them that she had to go to the bathroom again. “Can we go home now?” she asked quietly. “I don't feel so good.”

“But you didn't get anything!” Dana protested. Then she looked at November's wan face. “Oh. You're probably tired. But this was fun. Want to go shopping again next week?”