November Sky (Hardest Mistakes Book 2) (15 page)

Three feet from Bailey’s front door, my legs turn to jelly and I collapse onto the pavement, the air leaving my lungs in a heavy whoosh. My head hits the cement as I go down. My entire body feels as if I’ve been crushed and shattered into a million tiny pieces all at once.

I’m barely conscious, laying on my side, staring vacantly down the street, unable to move a single muscle. My breaths come short and labored, rasping through my suffocating lungs. I’m dying. I can feel it. The pain is still there, but it’s almost as if I’m numb to it now, like I’m not completely attached to my body anymore. A single thought flashes through my oxygen starved brain.

Bailey.

CHAPTER 18

JESSICA

I don’t know what happened. It’s the same as every other blackout. I came back to myself in a girl’s apartment, she was crying, but I don’t know how I got there. Now I’m standing on the sidewalk, my vision slightly blurred. I’m only just hanging on to conscious thought. I’m not scared. How can I be? I’m already dead.

I stare down at the fuzzy shape lying on the pavement a few feet away. It groans in pain and I realize it’s a person. Walking over to it cautiously, I bend down, pushing its shoulder back to look at its face.

“Kristian?”

His glassy, unfocused eyes land on my face. “Jessica?” He pushes himself up into a sitting position, but his body stays on the ground. It’s like there are two of him. One slightly fuzzy and the other perfectly clear. “Where are we?”

I glance around the strikingly familiar street. I’ve been here before. “I think I know where we are.” He tilts his head to the side, confused. The blackouts have been getting worse. I don’t know what I do when I’m in a blackout, but I can guess. The old lady’s words flash through my mind. She warned me, but did I listen?

Furthermore, I’ve noticed the slowly growing distance in Kristian’s eyes every time I see him. I hurt him every time I do something I shouldn’t. I must have done something really bad this time. “I think I’ve killed you.”

He sits up straighter. “You
what?
”

I shake my head and stand up, stepping away from him. “I don’t remember. The blackouts have gotten worse. I should have told you.”

“What blackouts? Jess, what’s going on?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. I’ve stayed too long on this side.”

“You’re not making any sense,” he says, trying to stand on shaky legs.

“Just stay back, it’s not safe to be around me anymore. Look what I’ve done to you,” I plead, holding my hands out to ward him off.

“But…” Pain creases his face as he reaches for me.

“No, Kristian. This is all on me. I did this to you, now stay back.”

***

KRISTIAN

I don’t know where I am, but I don’t care. Jess stands across from me, tears streaming down her face, trying to keep me away. I don’t understand what’s happening. The last thing I remember was talking to Jess at my apartment. I don’t know what about or what I was doing. It’s all a blank.

I feel dizzy, my head is fuzzy and I’m having trouble focusing on anything. All I want to do is walk over there and comfort her. Hold her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay, even if I don’t know.

“Kristian,” someone whispers in my ear. I jump and look behind me. All I can see are fuzzy shapes. There’s no one there. It wasn’t Jess. She’s now standing about a meter away, hiding her face in her hands. “Kristian.” There it is again. Who is that? “Kristian, come back to me. Please? I need you.”

I turn back to Jess. “Jess? Can you hear that?”

She looks up, her eyes shining. “Hear what?”

“That voice.”

She smiles softly, knowingly, looking past me at another dark shape. “That’s Bailey.”

Oh god, how could I forget about Bailey?

I drop to my knees and stare at Jess. I remember what I was doing. I remember Jess’s words before she disappeared. I remember collapsing on the sidewalk. “Did you hurt her?” I choke out, my voice cracking on the last word.

She doesn’t answer my question, she just simply says, “You love her.” I suck in a sharp breath. Jess looks away sadly and walks over to me, stopping feet away and smiling. “You have to let me go.”

“What?” I frown. “No. You can’t leave me.” Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that’s an extremely selfish thing to say, but I can’t lose her. Not again. “Please, Jess. Don’t go.”

“I know you blame yourself, but none of this was ever your fault. I have to move on, you know I’ll be happier there. I can’t stay. This is what happens when we do, I’ve hurt so many people. Besides, you’re the only thing keeping me here now. Go back to her, Kristian. Be happy.” She’s fading, disappearing. “It’s time.” She nods.

“No! I love you, Jess, don’t leave me!” I scream as I lunge, wrapping my arms around her now transparent form. My hands go straight through her. “No!” She stretches up to kiss me on the cheek. I can barely feel her lips, but they’re there and they’re warm. The tears run down my face and I drop to the ground, staring at the spot she was just standing.

My head feels heavy and groggy. I peel my eyes open and try to focus. As far as I can tell, I’m still lying on the pavement. I groan and push myself off the hard ground. There’s a crowd of people standing in a circle around me. I glance around at them. As I turn, my hand hits something solid beside me. I look down and immediately scramble to my knees.

“Bailey?” She’s unconscious. Panicking, I shout at the nearest person, “What happened?”

He shakes his head. “She touched you and then collapsed. Are you contagious or something?” He takes a full step backward, away from me. The small crowd around me copies his movement.

She touched me? “Has anyone called an ambulance?” No one answers me. I look up and point at the nearest person. “Call 911!” She hurriedly pulls her phone from her purse and starts dialling.

I run my hands down Bailey’s shoulders, checking for damage. When I get to her hands, I notice she’s clutching something in her fist. Peeling her fingers back, I look down at Jess’s bracelet in surprise. How did she get this? I must have been holding it when I went down. Maybe that’s what’s causing this. I hold my breath and pull the bracelet from her fingers.

She doesn’t move. I look up at her face, my hope quickly fading. Something’s wrong.

“The ambulance is on its way. They said they will be twenty minutes,” the lady with the phone chirps.

I don’t have time for this. What if she’s dying? I shove the bracelet in my pocket and lift Bailey off the ground, one arm under her legs the other under her back. Her head lolls to the side, landing on my shoulder. It might be my imagination, but she looks too pale. Oh god, I didn’t even check to see if she was breathing. I can’t do this again, she can’t be dead. I don’t know if I can handle it.

Pushing my fear down, I adjust her limp body in my arms and start walking. The crowd parts for us as I pass. I walk down the street in the direction of the hospital.

The nurse at the reception desk drops her sandwich and scrambles around the counter when I walk in.

“What happened?” she demands, immediately checking Bailey’s vitals.

“I don’t know, she just collapsed.” The nurse nods once and motions for me to follow her down the hall to one of the private rooms. I gently lay Bailey down on the starchy bed and move out of the nurse’s way.

People buzz in and out. I sit in the plastic hospital chair as they move around me. Panic consumes me as I stare at Bailey’s face. The oxygen mask doesn’t help. Hope that she’s going to be okay fades. Nobody will tell me anything because I’m not family. They try to get me to leave, but I refuse to budge. The machines beep and then scream as her pulse drops off.

No. She can’t die.

I jump out of the chair and nearly throw the doctor out of the way to get to her. She’s not breathing. Oh god, please no. Don’t take her too.

The doctor starts CPR and the machine stutters back to life.

A nurse catches my arm as I step closer. “If you don’t stay back, I will kick you out.” I growl at her under my breath and sit back down.

***

Jerking awake, I look around the unfamiliar room. Where am I?

A nurse bustles in and checks Bailey’s vitals. She gives me a hard look as she leaves the room. I wait until I’m sure she’s definitely gone before climbing out of my chair and slowly making my way to the side of the bed. I gaze down at Bailey’s face and brush the hair off her forehead. She looks so weak and vulnerable lying there unconscious.

I glance up at the machines around the bed. Her heartbeat is strong, but she’s still not waking up. I heard the doctor mutter “coma” earlier. I know this is my fault. It always is. I should have let Jess go years ago, instead I selfishly held onto her for my own petty wants, and now look. I may have just killed the only other woman I have ever loved.

I haven’t seen Riley yet, but I can only imagine what he’s going to do to me. He’ll see it as my fault too. I don’t blame him. I deserve everything I get and more.

I run my fingers down Bailey’s cold arm and clutch her hand tightly. Her skin is so soft. With the other hand, I pull another blanket from the bottom of the bed up and over her. The machine pumps another load full of oxygen down her throat for her. I gulp down the sob crawling up my own throat, but the tears come anyway, tumbling down my face and onto the blanket.

“I’m so sorry, Bailey.” It comes out as a choked whisper. “I’m so sorry.” I sit on the edge of the bed and lean in close. “Pretending not to love you is the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You were right. I am so in love with you, Bailey, and I don’t know what I’m going to do if you leave me here all alone. Please wake up.” Another forced breath of oxygen pumps through the machine. I can’t even imagine a world without her in it. I mean, it wouldn’t have made any difference if we had never met, but we did, and now I have to face the possibility of her no longer existing here with me.

“I think you need to take a break,” the nurse says from behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head, still staring at Bailey’s pale face. “I don’t want to leave her.”

She pats my shoulder. “I know, but how about you go and grab a cup of coffee from the cafeteria? I’ll watch over her while you’re gone.” I turn my head and look up into her warm brown eyes. She smiles softly and starts going over the vitals on her clipboard. With one last glance at Bailey, I nod once and leave the room.

The hospital cafeteria is a very clean, very sad place. I find myself amongst other grieving families. They hold each other in comfort and whisper quietly together. I stand beside the self-serve coffee machine and stare down at the cracked linoleum floor. I can’t feel Jess anymore. She really is gone. I thought I’d be upset, but I sort of feel relieved. Whatever the afterlife is, it has to be better than existing in a world where you’re supposed to be dead and no one knows you’re here.

“I knew you were going to be trouble!” My head snaps up just as a fist collides with my jaw, sending me sprawling onto the ground in surprise.

“What the hell?” I glare up at the man standing above me. He pulls back the hood of his jacket and lifts his arm to hit me again. Riley grabs a fist full of my shirt and hits me across the cheek.

I’m not going to fight back. I deserve this.

“How could you let this happen?” Riley half yells, half sobs as he hits me again. “She’s all I’ve got left!”

Hospital security rounds the corner and they pull Riley by his shoulders to get him off me. They’re going to kick him out. I stand on wobbly legs and reach for the nearest security guard before they take him away.

“Wait, this was my fault. He’s just here to be with his sister.”

The security guard nods once. “One of you needs the leave the premises, sir.”

“I’ll go.” I straighten my sweater and turn, heading for the exit.

I don’t turn my lights on. I drop my things and sit on the floor across from the open window. The moonlight shines through, hitting the floor and shining on my face. I tilt my head back and stare up at it. It’s not the moon I’m really staring at though, it’s the mess I’ve made. I should have told her. I should have said something when I had the opportunity. Now I may never get the chance to say it.

CHAPTER 19

KRISTIAN

Just as I pull my shirt over my head, a knock sounds on my front door. I hesitate. I don’t want to see anyone, I’m really not in the mood. I could stay quiet and pretend I’m not home.

Or I could just suck it up and answer the door
, Bailey’s bossy voice says quietly in my head.

I exhale a heavy breath, head over to the door, and pull it open.

I’m immediately enveloped by my mother’s arms. She holds me close as if she’s trying to protect me. I wrap my arms around her back and close my eyes, breathing in her comforting scent.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“We heard about Bailey,” Dad says softly from behind her. He comes to her side and lays a gentle hand on my back. “How are you?”

I nod. “I’m fine.” Stepping back, I hold out my hand, inviting them in.

Jake steps in behind Dad and smiles. “Hey.” He leans in and claps me on the back in a gesture of support.

I close the door behind them and lead them to the couch to sit down.

“So how is she?” Mom asks, tears building up in her eyes.

I perch myself on the coffee table across from them and rub my hand over my hair. “She’s still in a coma. They don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

“Is there anything they can do?” she whispers.

“No.” I shake my head and look away. If Mom starts crying, I might too, and that’s not something I want to share.

“Can we visit her?” Jake pipes up from where he’s leaning against the wall.

We’re all quiet as Jake drives the four of us to the hospital. Riley isn’t in Bailey’s room when we arrive, which is a relief.

Mom gasps as she moves closer to the bed and whispers, “Oh honey.”

“Let’s go and get some coffee,” Jake suggests, nudging my arm. I nod and follow him out, leaving Mom and Dad alone with Bailey.

“Do you think she’ll wake up?”

I pause, unable to answer. What am I going to do if she doesn’t wake up? I hadn’t really thought about it. I don’t want to live in a world where she doesn’t exist. “I don’t know…”

Jake nods. “She will. I can feel it.”

I wish I were that positive.

We walk slowly back to the room with coffee for my parents. I pause just inside the door. Dad is saying something to Bailey, I don’t think he realizes I’m back.

“You need to wake up, darling girl. My son needs you. We need you. You are his light, his hope. He can’t lose that, and he will if you don’t come back.” He brushes his hand over her hair and leans down to kiss her softly on the forehead.

I step backwards out the door before he notices. I feel like I’ve just intruded on something incredibly private, but what he just said to her has stolen my breath. He’s right. I need her.

I feel so useless. Everything I own, I would trade it all just to see her smiling face again.

***

The Easter cheer brings my mood right down. Everyone looks so happy. It makes me sick. How can they celebrate at a time like this?

It’s been months and Bailey is still in a coma. The doctors don’t think she’ll ever wake up. They’ve asked, but Riley refuses to take her off life support. I don’t know what I’d do if he said yes.

I don’t dare visit her at the hospital during the last month, I can only imagine what this is doing to Riley. I don’t want to upset him, he already hates me. Instead, I get the news about her from the other women at work.

Speaking of…Riley stands at the entrance to the news station. I slow my steps.

“Where have you been?” he calls out, as I get closer.

I frown and stop a few feet away, cautious. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you loved my sister. Why aren’t you there, looking after her?”

I’m confused. “I didn’t think it would be appropriate after our fight.”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “That was hardly a fight, you barely lifted a muscle to stop me.” I stare at him for a moment and then try to push past to get inside. He grabs my arm tightly. “She needs you, Kristian. Maybe if you’re there, she’ll wake up.”

If only that were true, but I doubt my presence will make much difference. I open my mouth to say something, but the pain in Riley’s eyes stops me.

I nod once. “I’ll stop by after work.”

He half smiles and releases my arm. “Thank you.”

***

The nurse at the front counter gives me an unhappy once over as I walk past, heading for Bailey’s room. I freeze just inside the door at the sight of Bailey’s pale, thin body, still lying in the same position it was months ago. A heavy ache tears through my chest. This isn’t right. She’s too full of life to be like this.

Dragging a chair over to her bedside, I sit forward with my arms resting on the mattress. Looking up at her beautiful face, I apologize, “I’m so sorry I haven’t come to see you over the past few weeks. I was avoiding your brother. He’s angry. He thinks this is my fault, which it is.” I sigh and take a hold of her hand. “He really loves you, you know.” I reach out with my other hand and run my fingers down her face. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, Bailey. If you can hear me, please come back. I need you.”

Nothing.

The machine beside her bed whooshes as it pumps another load of oxygen into her lungs. I hunch over and rest my forehead on her soft arm.

“Work sucks without you,” I whisper with a small laugh. “Fiona and Jeremy have started dating. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…weird.” I close my eyes and rub circles on her hand with my thumb.