Nuklear Age (56 page)

“You’d be bet—I, you. What? I had no idea.”

“Don’t look so surprised, Sparky. What, you think I’d try to get my freak on with just any guy who can pick up a game controller?”

“Well, no but.”

“Even if he can’t use it very well.”

“Oh, that did it. Here I was, about to return your sentiment when you lay that on me. It’s go time.”

She smiled wide. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Well, unfortunately, it really
is
go time. As in time for me to go on ‘patrol’ with Superion.”

Rachel gave him a squeeze. “Oh, do you have to?”

“Mmmm…no.”

“Yes you do.”

“Yeah. And it is the bane of my existence.”

“Why do you guys even do patrols any more? Superion has taken care of all the villains.”

“They’re not exactly patrols. They’re more like parades.”

__________

A couple hours later that afternoon...

Atomik Lad moped next to Superion.

They sat in the back of a convertible that idled through a confetti-strewn street. The sidewalks were packed with Superion’s fans. Atomik Lad let the world around him pass by like he wasn’t even involved in it.

It isn’t supposed to be like this. This is just mindless hero worship. I mean, sure, this is probably how Nuke would’ve liked it. But at least he
tried
to earn their respect. This jerk just walks around getting adored by these drones. There aren't even any crises to save them from. It all seems so artificial. I can’t stand being around all this insincerity. Grah!

A nudge on his shoulder brought his thoughts to the present. “Hey there, Slugger. Parade’s over.”

“Finally,” Atomik Lad grumbled.

“Now it’s time for the big announcement,” Superion said with a wink.

“Announcement?”
the ex-sidekick asked. He looked around to find the answer himself. The street was blocked off with thousands of screaming fans wearing their Superion paraphernalia. They surrounded a makeshift stage with a podium featured prominently in the center. It was surrounded by a wall of speakers. Mayor Incompetent Bureaucrat stood behind the podium. He shook slightly, like a mild nervous twitch afflicted his entire body. His empty, wide-set eyes focused on Superion as the hero hovered out from the convertible.

“And now our very special guest, Superion!” he announced with only a mild ring of feedback. The crowd roared as the Crimson Crusader floated over them and tossed winks and snap-points as he made his way to the podium.

Atomik Lad and the convertible were nearly tipped over as the crowd surged like a tsunami. He felt lost, drowning in a sea of humanity. He needed to get out of the car before he suffocated in it. He tried the door, but the crowd wouldn’t budge. He stood on the seat, hopped up, and kicked the Field into high gear.

“Hey! Freak! Down in front! I can’t see Superion!” and a few thrown soda cans in varying degrees of emptiness were hurled at him.

“Yeah, thanks,” Atomik Lad said as half an uneaten sandwich splattered against his Field.

“In honor of what this man has done for our city, and in honor of today’s Superion Day celebration,” Mayor Incompetent Bureaucrat’s voice boomed from the speakers. “I hereby officially change the name of Metroville to
Superion City!”

“What?!” Atomik Lad blurted. His voice was a drop in the ocean of cheers.

“And in honor of this name change,” the Mayor continued. “I hereby officially hand over every seat of government within Superion City to Superion
himself
who may now lord over us with his unlimited charm as well as his unlimited civic power.”

“Superion now wields ultimate executive power over all of Superion City!” The Mayor proclaimed triumphantly.

The Aegis Against Evil took the microphone. “And tomorrow, the world!” The crowd let loose a deafening roar.

“This isn’t right!” Atomik Lad yelled.
“This isn’t right!”
he said louder. It was like trying to yell a hurricane into submission.

Superion looked directly into Atomik Lad’s eyes and gave him a best buddy winning smile complete with a wink and a point.

“Grah!” Atomik Lad’s Field flared and froze in an array of jagged crimson fangs. “This isn’t right!” his voice boomed like thunder and rattled nearby windows. The crowd cringed as one and Atomik Lad’s statement echoed throughout the city. An awkward silence hovered over the gathering.

“Er,” Superion said. “I think what our little soldier here means is that it isn’t right because Dictator’s don’t have sidekicks and that means he’ll be unemployed. And as your new tyrant, my first priority is to eliminate unemployment in this city by implementing a series of civic works programs which will construct a fleet of war vehicles and artillery stations that will be set up at key points along the city’s perimeter behind the soon to be constructed Great Wall of Superion City which will defend us from outside retribution.”

“What the—” Atomik Lad said. “Why does it sound like you’re planning to construct a legion of death to sweep across the nation?”

“We are,” Superion answered. “Er, that is, in the royal sense,
we are
surprised you would jump to such conclusions.”

“Well, why else do you want to build machines of war?”

“To, to better defend our beautiful city from criminal influences, Sport.”

“Stop talking,” someone from the crowd yelled. “You’re taking my attention away from Superion! You jerk!”

“Yeah! Less talkion, more Superion!”

“Get out of here, freako!”

“Death to floaty guy!”

The crowd found more random pieces of trash to throw at Atomik Lad. He shot Superion a nasty look before rocketing into the sky.

The crowd shouted with one thoroughly washed mind, “Superion! Superion! Superion!”

But the Crimson Crusader paid them no attention. He was intently listening to the tiny heavily accented voice being transmit directly into his ear.

“Why did you zpeak of Project: Zpearhead?! You fool! He may already zuzpect that thiz whole charade of ourz iz nothing more than a, well, a
charade.”

“So what should I do?”

The crowd couldn’t care or at least didn’t notice Superion’s detachment. Their fervor and Superion’s perfectly practiced blank smile had them under a spell.

“The boy iz a wildcard. I had not calculated that he could rezizt your charmz zo completely. All pzychological data indicated that he would give in to the ztronger perzonality of a father/hero figure, yet he findz you contemptible and zuzpiciouz. And now that you have given him zomething to think about, he may be on to uz!”

“What do you want me to do about it?” His voice rang with aggravation while his smile rang with false sincerity.

“We muzt aczept the pozzibility that the Atomik Wonder Boy knowz what we are up to, or at leazt that he will zoon ztumble acrozz my brilliant zcheme to rule the zity and then the vorld. Zo we muzt ztrike out at him before he ztrikez out at
uz.”

“But how?”

“We could attempt a direct attack, but I have zeen that infernal Field of hiz protect him in the mozt dire of circumztancez. I zwear it haz a mind of itz own. No, inztead we have to attack that which hiz Field
cannot
protect.”

Superion’s glaze of a smile shone with a new and genuine radiance. “I just might have the perfect thing in mind.”

__________

Atomik Lad soared over the rooftops of Metroville skyscrapers. He flew without a destination, he just had to get away from Superion. He rubbed his temples.
What the hell is going on? Menace sues us for wrecking her abandoned warehouse? I mean, we’ve probably blown up a dozen of those over the years and she never complained before. Maybe it’s just a symptom of the times we live in, if something bothers you, just sue somebody. And then Nuke had to hire Count Insidious to be our lawyer even though he just happened to be Dr. Menace’s boyfriend
and
her lawyer. Between them and that jury we didn’t have a chance. And then using that ruling as precedent to launch a class action suit against Nuke for the billions of dollars worth of damages incurred during our entire career of stopping horrible things from killing people. Why, that dumb ox was practically destined to go to jail. And then Menace was able to legally disband all of the city’s remaining heroes and replace them with one appointed by
her
who reminds me of every popular phony from every high school wrapped into one package
.
And then he goes on a nonstop campaign of eliminating all of the city’s villains except for Dr. Menace herself who remains at large and completely unopposed by any heroes while simultaneously holding a complete monopoly on the villainy market!

He came to a neck-breaking stop. “Superion is nothing more than Dr. Menace’s puppet. And the mayor just gave him complete power over Metroville!” Atomik Lad turned around. “He said something about a war fleet, a great wall, an arms build up. This is all part of Dr. Menace’s newest plot to take over the world! What the
hell
have I been doing? I’ve got to stop her!” His field flickered momentarily. “But first I should get some help. I could go to Nuke, but the way things are right now, we’d probably have to fight our way through a sea of innocent citizens to get to Superion. No, getting to Nuke isn’t the priority any more. I’ve got to worry about Superion now.”

________

Minutes later, Atomik Lad was standing outside the Magno Pad’s partly opened door. Mighty Metallic Magno Man’s head poked through the crack as Atomik Lad finished up his summary of Dr. Menace’s latest plot.

“Whoa, slow down there, buddy,” Mighty Metallic Magno Man said at last.

Atomik Lad tried to catch his breath. “Buddy? Whatever. Look, we don’t have time to slow down. The mayor has just given Superion complete power over Metroville!”

The Tungsten Titan opened the Magno: Door all the way. Atomik Lad’s eyes went wide with shock as Norman’s Superion T-shirt was displayed in all its glory. “Well it’s about time,” MMMM said. “That Superion has done so much for our city.”

Atomik Lad nearly fell over himself as he stumbled away from the door. He regained his balance and ran to the elevator nearly running over, “Dr. Genius!” in the process. “Doc! You’ve got to help me!”

“What’s wrong?” she asked, adjusting a loose curl.

“Dr. Menace, Superion, taking over the world, Norman, I think he’s been brainwashed and—”

She took his hand. “Jonathan. Please, calm down. Let’s look at this logically.” She tossed one half of her lab coat open with her free hand while looking for her trusty portable supercomputer.

Atomik Lad gasped in disbelief.

“Oh, do you like my Superion T-shirt?” She gave him a quizzical look. “Where’s yours?”

“Gah!”
He struggled free of her grasp and, in a blaze of redness, smashed through a nearby wall into the crisp air of Metroville’s Apartment District.

“What was all that about, babe?” Norman asked as Dr. Genius entered the Magno: Pad.

“Probably just in a hurry to get his Superion shirt, dear.”

__________

“Oh God, what the
hell
was that, what the hell
was
that?!” Atomik Lad asked himself. Norman’s apartment building receded into the background as Atomik Lad flew at top speed in whatever direction happened to be forward. He ran his hand through his hair a couple times. “Okay. Don’t panic. There’s no reason to panic. Just because Nuke’s best friend since Day One, the man who has been with us on every major adventure since the three of us disposed of the Dragon, has turned into one of Superion’s mindless slaves is no reason to panic! And
Dr. Genius?!
Our most trusted advisor. I mean, good God, she helped set up the new Legion of Champions.” He shut his eyes tight and hoped to block out the horrible reality around him at the same time. “What the hell
was
that?” he repeated. “Two of our greatest allies.” Atomik Lad took a turn sharp enough to rip out teeth, but the Field balanced the inertia and g-forces to keep him safe. Atomik Lad always flew too fast and too hard when he was stressed out. “Angus. He can help. There’s no way Superion’s gotten through his anger, whiskey, and haggis addled mind.”

__________

Angus dabbed at his eyes with a dirty napkin while watching a convertible race toward a cliff’s edge on his Iron: TV.

“AUGCH! It’s just not fair! Can’t ye see they be two lasses tryin’ to make it in a man’s world!” He blew his nose as the car careened over the cliff in slow motion. “Ah can’t watch any more. Change it. Change the blasted channel!”

Shiro fumbled with the VCR remote. “Remote control is like dragon of puzzlement.”

“Bah!” the Surly Scot snapped as he snatched the Iron: Remote from his fellow Dwarven Warrior’s hand. “Ye people
built
the damned thing, ye oughta be able to
use
it,” he muttered. “Ye never see a Scotsman who can’t use a shot glass, that’s fer damned sure!”

“Shiro think Angus-san are being emotions from movie of chicks for watching them.”

Angus tossed his used napkin across the room. “All they wanted was to live like real people, independent and free from their male oppressors!”

A knock rang with a metallic resonance from the Iron: Door. “Answering has been Shiro for visitor time last when Fate's Wheel spins, heavy with acceleration traveling to lands beyond—”

“Shaddap!”
Angus yelled, already at the door. “Damn bastard oughta learn the language before comin’ to this country.” He opened the door.

“Angus!” Atomik Lad said. “Let me in, the whole world’s gone crazy,” he pushed his way into the Iron: Headquarters’s inner sanctum.

“Ah knew it! And ye know why they’re all crazy?” He pointed up. “All them chemicals locked in the upper atmosphere where all ye people do ye breathin’. It eats away at the mind, it does,” he added knowingly.

“No, that’s not it. It’s—great Thor’s hammer!” Atomik Lad exclaimed rather like Nuklear Man would have had he been there. A framed Superion T-shirt hung above the Iron: TV.