Num8ers (4 page)

And, what do you know? I couldn’t keep him out of my life, anyway. Like a bad smell that follows you around, or a piece of chewing gum stuck on your shoe, Spider turned up again soon enough. You might say I couldn’t shake him. You might say we were meant to be together.

Anyway, that Wednesday I’d taken my eye off the ball for a minute. I was watching someone, an old dosser. He’d bumped into me ten minutes before, asked me for some money, and I’d followed him along the High Street. Now he was digging about in a dumpster on the other side of the road, and I was leaning against a wall, watching, when a familiar sourness drifted into my nostrils and someone said in my ear, “Whatcha doing?”

My attention was all on the old bloke, so I didn’t look ’round or nothing, just said to him, like we’d only seen each other five minutes ago, “Spider, what’s the date today?”

“Dunno, twenty-fifth?”

The old bloke had pulled something out of the dumpster, half a burger in its wrapper. He looked around quickly, seeing if anyone else was after it, and our eyes met for a second. There it was again, his number: 11252010.

He tucked the burger under his armpit and crossed his arms, then started scuttling off down the road. I set off after him.

“Where you going?” Spider called out, puzzled.

“I wanna go this way.”

He caught up with me. “What for?”

I stopped, keeping an eye on Grandpa as he weaved his way through the crowds, and lowered my voice. “I wanna follow that guy, the old one in the sweater.”

“What you up to? We don’t need to rob no one, Jem. I got money.” He patted his pocket. “If you want something, just ask.”

“No, I don’t wanna rob him, just follow him. Like we’re spies,” I said quickly, trying to make it into a game.

His face said,
You’ve lost your marbles,
but he just shrugged and said, “OK.” And we kept on walking, stepping up the pace as Grandpa turned a corner ahead of us. He’d gone down a side street, not so many people there. We got within about thirty feet of him when he turned ’round and clocked us. He knew
I’d seen him get that burger out of the trash. Looking startled and shifty, he turned ’round again and started half running, half walking.

“We’ve been rumbled, man,” Spider said. “Whatcha wanna do now?”

I wanted to see what would happen to him, but I didn’t want to frighten the old guy, not on his last day.

“Let’s hang back a bit. He’s heading for the park, yeah? Let’s let him get in there and then go in. Wanna smoke?”

We lit up and then started walking slowly toward the park. At the far end of the street, Grandpa was hurrying along. He got to the end, where the main road is, with the park on the other side. He checked under his arm — yeah, the burger was still there — then looked back over his shoulder. Although we were way back, I knew that he could see us, that he was getting agitated. I was about to say to Spider that we should call it quits when, still looking back, Grandpa stepped out into the road.

The car hit him straight on with a sickening thud. He went halfway up onto the hood and then flew through the air. It was like one of those road safety commercials on TV, but they use dummies for that, don’t they? This was real — a real body, limbs waving crazily, head jerking forward and then back, finally lying on the ground.

We stood still for a few seconds, taking it in. People were screaming, starting to gather ’round. Spider started to run toward them. “Come on, let’s see if he’s alright.” I hung back.
I didn’t want to see any more. If he wasn’t dead now, he would be soon, before midnight, anyway. Today was his day. Nothing you could do about it.

Spider was at the end of the street now, craning over the throng. I went up behind him. Someone near me was screaming, high-pitched, on and on. Her friend led her away. I could see through the gaps to the body. A heap of mismatched old clothes with something inside. Not someone, not anymore. Whoever he was had gone now. Gone to wherever people go, where my mum was. Heaven? More like hell for my mum, I should think. Or nowhere. Just gone.

I touched Spider’s arm. “Let’s go.” He peeled himself away from the crowd and we headed off toward his house.

Spider was subdued, shaking his head. “We freaked him out, man. He was scared.”

“I know,” I said quietly. He had echoed the thought that was haunting me:
We’d caused it.
I’d chased him into that road. If it wasn’t for me, he’d have been sat in that park, eating his manky old burger. Perhaps that’s what would have taken him, choking on a gobful of meat and bun. Perhaps he was heading for a heart attack. And the thought that I tried to keep down, but which kept coming back up:
Perhaps it hadn’t been his last day today after all. Maybe meeting me had
made
it his last day.

Before I knew it, we were at Spider’s. I stopped at the gate. “I think I’ll just head back to Karen’s,” I said. I needed some space to get my head around all this.

“No, man, come inside for a bit. You don’t wanna be alone after something like that.”

I had another reason to hesitate. Those hazel eyes that saw my secrets.

Sure enough, Val was sitting on her perch in the kitchen. Spider bent to kiss her.

“Got off early, did you?” she asked, glancing at the kitchen clock.

“What?” Half-one. “You know I’ve been suspended, Nan. What’s wrong with you — losing your marbles? And Jem’s got…private tutoring.” He grinned, and Val smiled with him. She knew the score.

“You two going to settle down and read some books now, then?” Her gaze switched to me — direct, seeing, nowhere to hide.

“Actually we need to chill a bit. Just saw an old bloke get run over.”

She put down her cigarette.

“He alright, was he?”

“No, killed him. Died right there, on that road near the park. We saw it all.” There was a little quiver in his voice. Not such a tough guy after all.

Val heaved herself down from her perch and shuffled over to the kettle.

“That right? Here, sit down. I’ll make you both some tea. Nice sweet tea, that’s what you need. Bloody traffic, eh? Can’t even cross the bloody road now, can you?”

She pottered about making a pot of tea while we crashed in the sitting room, then came in to join us with three mugs and a box of biscuits on a tray. She put the tray on the pouf in the middle and eased herself into an armchair, puffing out as she did. “No good for me back, these chairs. Go on, drink up.”

I sipped the hot tea while Spider and his nan both sat dunking their biscuits and slurping down soggy, crumby mouthfuls.

“So, you were just walking along and saw it all, did you?”

I caught Spider’s eye. No need to worry, though, neither of us wanted her to know that this old guy spent his last minutes terrified we were going to mug him.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Shocking, isn’t it? You never know what’s ’round the next corner, do you?”

Spider went off to the bog, leaving me trapped there with her. She shifted forward in her chair. “You alright, Jem? Shakes you up, that sort of thing, doesn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Seen a dead body before? Or was this your first time?” Damn, she didn’t mess about, did she?

I should have just told her I didn’t want to talk about it. But, like I said, there was something about her — resistance was useless.

“Me mum,” I said, quietly. Her mouth formed an O, and she nodded like she’d known it all along. I liked that — I liked the fact that she didn’t get embarrassed or start gushing about
how terrible it was. She just nodded. I kept going. “I found her, like. She died in bed. Overdose. She didn’t mean to. I mean, I don’t think so. Just unlucky.”

She nodded again. “Unlucky. Like my Cyril. Dropped dead at forty-one. Heart attack, bless him. No one knew there was anything wrong. No warnings or nothing. He’s over there, look, on the mantelpiece.”

I looked across to the wooden shelf above the fire. Sure enough, among the china dogs and brass candlesticks, there was a framed photo, one of those posh ones done in a studio. Black-and-white, just his head and shoulders. A handsome man, with a bit of a twinkle in his eye. Just a piece of paper in a frame, but it had the power to reach you, make you want to smile back at it.

“Fetch it over, love, go on.” Reluctantly, self-consciously, I went over to the fireplace. “Go on, pick him up.” I reached up to the frame. “No, not the photo, Jem,” she said sharply, “the ashes, in that box, look.”

What the…?

Sure enough, the photo was standing next to a sturdy wooden box. I hesitated. “Go on. He won’t bite you.”

I moved a couple of ornaments farther to the side, and took hold of the box. It was surprisingly heavy — thick, smooth wood with a little metal plaque on the top:
C
YRIL
D
AWSON, DIED 12
J
ANUARY 1992, AGED 41 YEARS.
I carried it carefully and put it on the pouf, next to the tray. Val leaned right over and smoothed her hand across the top of it.

“Everyone says it’s a terrible thing to go young, but he had a great life, a young man’s life. None of this”—she rested her hand on her back—“aches and pains, slowing down, everything heading south. No, he lived life to the full, lived like a lion, and went out like a light. Just like that.” She clicked her fingers. “It’s not a bad thing.” She put her hand back on the box, thumb stroking the brass plate. “Just that you miss them so much. The ones that go. You miss them.”

Spider moved from the doorway, where he’d been leaning, and put his arms around his nan. “This your way of cheering Jem up? Daft old cow.”

“Here, you, less of that.” Her hand shot up to give him a smack. He grabbed it before it made contact and gave her a kiss on the cheek. When he let go of her hand, it rested affectionately on his face for a second. “He’s not a bad lad, Jem. Not a bad lad. Put your granddad back then, son.”

“Val,” I said, speaking before I’d really thought about it, “what sort of aura did he — Cyril — have?”

Her face registered surprise, and then she smiled, displaying a fine set of crooked, orange teeth. “You know, I’d love to know that myself. But I only started seeing them after he’d gone, love. The grief and that, I suppose it opened up my spiritual side. Never saw them before.”

Then, quick as a flash, her voice low and intimate, “What do you see, Jem?” I recoiled back into the sofa. “What do you see? I know you do. We’re the same, Jem. We know what it’s like to lose someone.”

She’d caught me with my guard down. I wanted so much to tell her. I had an urge to hold her bony hands in mine, feel her power. I knew that she would believe me. I could share this thing, unburden some of the loneliness it had brought me. I was teetering on the brink — she was drawing me to her. It was going to happen….

“Nan, if you do this to people I bring here, I’ll never have any mates. For God’s sake, leave her alone.” Spider’s voice cut through the energy lines between us like a sword. Released, I jumped up. “I wanna show you my new sound system, man. Come on, it’ll blow you away.” He led me up to his bedroom.

I glanced behind me as I went out of the sitting room into the hallway. Val was still looking at me, eyes focused on me even as she scrabbled in the pack and then lit another cigarette.

The music was throbbing through the stairwell. I picked my way over legs and bodies. People hardly noticed me threading my way through: They were getting loaded, getting into the beat, getting into each other.

I was on the lookout for Spider. “Baz is having a party, Saturday night,” he’d said, the day after the tramp died. We were down by the canal again, chucking stones at a can. “I’m in. Naturally. Come along, any time after ten. Third floor, Nightingale House.”

I didn’t know what to say. He said it so casually, but a party on a Saturday night sounded suspiciously like a date, and there was no way I was getting into all that boy-girl stuff. I’d just about got my head around having somebody to hang out with, but it was a big step to anything more. Anyway, not that I’d ever say it, but it would have to be someone decent. If I’d ever thought about it, which I rarely did, I pictured someone good-looking — not ten out of ten, maybe, but at least an eight. Not someone like Spider — long, lanky, twitchy, with a major personal cleanliness problem. And a couple of weeks to live.

I needed to suss him out, find out whether those retards at school were on the right track after all. I wanted to be careful, though, not make either of us look stupid. I’m not a complete bitch.

“Spider?” I’d said, with a question mark in my voice.

“Yeah.”

“You know at school…what did you do that for? Wade in like that?”

Spider frowned. “He was disrespectful, Jem. What you said — I could tell it was real. It was what you were really feeling. He had no right to make a joke of it.”

“Yeah, I know, he’s a tosser, but it’s nothing to do with you. You made a right show of yourself. You made a show of me.”

“I didn’t want him to get away with it.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need a knight in shining armor. I can look after myself.” He was smiling a bit now. I paused. “It’s not funny, man. It’s made everything worse,” I said quietly. “I’ve got comments all the time now, ‘bout you and me. Sly comments.”

He looked away, studied his hands. The knuckles on the right one were nearly healed up now.

My mouth had gone dry, but I had to get this clear with him. “You do know that there’s no ‘you and me,’ don’t you, Spider?”

He looked up. “What?”

“We’re not, like…together. Just mates.”

There was something about his sullenness when he said, “Yeah, ’course. Just mates. Mates is good,” that made me think
he felt the exact opposite. I was churning inside, cursing that day under the bridge. People were so bloody difficult. Why had I ever got involved?

He stood up, came toward me, putting an arm out. I thought,
Shit, he’s going to hug me. Hasn’t he listened to anything?
But his hand formed a fist, and he lightly punched my arm. “Listen, man, I know what you’re like. I’ve told you I’ll never say nothing nice to you. And now you’ve put me straight, I’ll never do nothing nice for you, neither. OK? If someone disrespects you, I’ll let them. If you’re being mugged on the street, I’ll walk on by. If I see you on fire, I won’t even piss on you. OK?”