Numbers (21 page)

“I’m not your mate.”

She jerked back a good foot. “You’re in a mean mood.”

He regretted his harsh words. “I’m not having a good day.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Do you wish to fight?” She cocked her head. “Tell me what
is wrong or we will. You look angry. I know I am. I’d like to punch you in the
face for making me sit at a table waiting for you when you never showed up. Now
I smell some unknown female all over you, and you’re as hard as a brick. I
thought we were going to try to date like humans do and not share sex with
others.” She grabbed his chest and shoved him against the wall again, his shirt
ripping a little in her hands. “I agreed to that because the sex between us is
good, and you aren’t one to demand too much of my time. We both enjoy our
space.”

He gently pushed her off. “Stop touching me. I need space
now. Share sex with whomever you wish. I can’t attempt dating anymore.”

She leaned in, sniffing at him. “Who is she?”

He hated seeing the anger in Kit’s eyes. She’d been a good
friend to him. They’d even become more recently, sharing sex twice. He hadn’t
minded that she didn’t want a male to spend time with her afterward. He didn’t
want to stay. He’d only held two females in his arms while sleeping. One had
been Candi and the other had been his friend Tammy. She’d had a mate and he’d
held her to keep her safe from their captors.

He had the urge to call Tammy, but he’d left his cell phone
on his nightstand. She had remained his friend and he might be able to talk to
her about what was going on. They’d shared a harsh ordeal together.

“I mean it.” Kit drew him from his thoughts. “I will punch
you if you don’t explain why you stood me up and who you’ve been with.”

“Go ahead.” He leaned his head against the wall.

“Stubborn male,” Kit hissed. She flashed fangs. “I should
bite you.”

“Do it if it makes you feel less angry. I am sorry.”

Her expression softened. “Talk to me. What is going on? You
look bad and you are almost begging me to hurt you.”

He shook his head.

“You’re being self-destructive. I know this state of being
well.”

“You have no idea what I am.”

“I know you accepted the name Species call you out of some
sense of self-inflicted punishment.”

He regretted telling her that.

“You’re not a bad male, Hero. We all know why you killed
those humans when you were in captivity. It doesn’t put me off the way it does
some of our females. Most of our kind have killed humans, and it wasn’t out of
a sense of giving them mercy. It was to inflict suffering and gain revenge. Is
this your way of making certain I don’t get attached to you by standing me up
and having another’s scent all over you? I’m not looking for a mate. I just
wanted to share sex with only one male for a while. I chose you because you’re
not clingy and you have pain in your heart. We’re the same that way.”

“This has nothing to do with you,” he answered honestly. “Or
us.”

She narrowed her gaze. “Do you know why I chose my name?”

“No.”

“One of the head shrinks likes to build small toy model
cars. He said they are called kits. There’s a picture of what it is supposed to
look like after all the parts are put together, but inside the box, when it’s
first opened, it’s a jumble of confusing little pieces.” She hesitated. “That’s
how I felt. I was a bunch of jumbled pieces contained inside this body. I look
whole, but inside I’m not.”

He reached up to take her shoulder in a gesture of comfort.

She flinched away. “Don’t pity me. I don’t want it.”

He let his hand drop away. “I don’t. You’re one of the
strongest females I know, Kit.”

“It’s a picture I show on the outside. Inside I’m a mess.”
She held his gaze. “I just told you something I’ve never shared with another.
We both suffer deep pain from our past. You can hurt me now if you wish to tell
others what I said. I don’t want them to see me as weak. Bare yourself to me. I
wouldn’t betray your trust. Tell me why you let them call you Hero, and why it
hurts you.”

He felt compelled to answer. “The one person I wished to be
a hero to and save was a female I believed I killed. I was enraged at the time
and in such deep pain that I wanted to hurt her. I did.” He held her gaze, not
looking away. “Today she walked into Homeland. It’s her scent you smell.
Mercile lied to me. She survived and just escaped from where they’d kept her
locked up.” Pain wrenched through his chest. “I even failed her that way. I’ve
been free for a while but she was still in captivity. I wasn’t even searching
for her.”

Kit sighed. “You have feelings for her. Did she work for
Mercile? I won’t judge.”

“She’s human, but was brought there as a child by her father.
He murdered her mother and she witnessed it. He wanted to make certain she
couldn’t tell on him to other humans. He knew Mercile wouldn’t punish him for
what he’d done. She was raised with me inside our cell as if she were one of
us. I regarded her as my mate but her father took her away from me and only
allowed us to spend monitored time together when we reached the age when our
sexual attraction began.” It hurt him to say the words, but he did. “She
allowed another male to mount her before I was able to claim her as mine.
That’s why I attacked her.”

“Why would she do that? Did she not want you for a mate?”

“I thought so. That’s why I lost my mind. I found out today
that they made her accept a feline or her father would have killed me if I’d
claimed her first. She did it to save me.”

“Why are you out here and not with her?”

“I hated her for accepting that male. I’ve hated myself for
thinking I killed her. I died inside that day. Now I find out she survived, why
it happened, and I don’t know what to do. I just feel rage at everything. All
of it has made me who I am, and I finally had some peace. It’s gone now. I want
the numbness to return.”

“I understand. Things have changed though.” She cocked her
head. “There’s no place you can run from this. There’s no hiding from the
things you must feel.”

His body grew rigid, but Kit seemed to ignore his reaction
or take it as a warning.

“This female mattered to you and still does, or it wouldn’t
tear you up this much. You’re broken, Hero. She might be able to fit the pieces
together to make you whole.” She stepped closer to the back door. “The male I
loved is dead. There is no hope of him walking into Homeland to seek me out. I
watched it happen and saw his broken body. Go to her, Hero. Where is she?”

“Inside my home. I left her on my bed.”

Kit reached down, withdrew her key card from her pocket and
swiped it. She punched in the code and yanked open the door. “Go to her, Hero.
Make your name count for what it should mean instead of a way to torture
yourself with the irony of it.”

“Why are you saying this?”

Her features softened. “I want you to be happy. It will give
me hope that one day I won’t remain this way. We’re a lot alike. Get your male
ass inside the dorm and return to your apartment. Face this female and the
past. Try to make a future. You said she’s human. She could leave Homeland to
live in the outside world, but we both know she won’t be safe out there. They
are crazy and some would target her for her association with us. Save her now.”

He still hesitated. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt her. I am a mess.”

“She’s a mess too if she was raised at Mercile.” Her tone
deepened. “You’re a canine, not a pussy. Go male up. I think that’s the term.
You’re no coward. You’re a survivor. So is she. You belong together. Go.”

He shoved off from the wall and stepped closer to Kit. “I
just want to run.”

“I’ve been to your home. It’s three flights up. Use the
stairs. That should help alleviate that urge. Don’t make me drag your ass up
there. I haven’t had dinner, and I missed lunch. You’re a big male, and
outweigh me. It would irritate me to use that much energy to get you up those
flights of stairs.”

He stepped inside and turned. “I—”

“You’re welcome. I know you don’t feel thankful right now,
but you can mean it later.” She grinned. “Stop stalling. Females hate to be
kept waiting.” She shut the door in his face.

He turned, staring down the corridor that led to the back
stairs. “Fuck.”

Candi washed her face in 927’s bathroom sink and put on the
tank top that she’d tossed on the floor after she’d attempted to seduce him
into mounting her. She left the bedroom and stared at the door to the hallway.
It was tempting to go out and search for him but he wouldn’t want to be found.
He’d proven that already.

She moved around the living space, touching his things. He
didn’t have many personal items, but there was a photo of him with a couple on
a shelf. The male was a big feline with harsh features who held a human female
close to his body in a possessive way. 927 stood a few feet away from them and
they all were smiling. There were a lot of trees surrounding them.

The door at her back opened and she turned, expecting Breeze
or one of the males who’d escorted her to 927’s apartment. She was stunned when
927 stepped in and closed it, sealing himself inside with her. He leaned
against the wood, staring at her with a grim expression. She glanced down his
body, seeing a few tears in his shirt. It was possible he’d gotten into a
fight, but he looked fine, just angry.

“That’s Tammy and Valiant,” he murmured. “They are mated.”

She realized she still held the framed picture in her hands
and glanced down before returning it to the shelf. “I guessed she was his.”

“I’d just been freed when that photo was snapped. They
insisted on taking one with me since I’d saved her life. They gave me a copy.”

“She’s the one you mentioned? The one you didn’t kill?”

“Yes.”

She wanted to get closer to him but held still in case he
decided to leave again. “Thank you for coming back.”

“It’s my home.”

She glanced at his shirt. “What happened?”

He looked down, touching one of the holes. He sighed and
lifted his chin, meeting her gaze. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me. Did Breeze make you come back?”

“It wasn’t Breeze. I’d have more damage to my clothes if someone
had tried to force me to return when I wasn’t willing to. I’d have fought. This
was just to hold me still so I could hear her words.”

“Her?”

“A friend.”

“Have you shared sex with her?”

He pushed away from the door and strode into the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?”

She flinched and pain jabbed at her. He hadn’t denied it.
He’d changed the subject. He must have a reason. “No.”

“You should try to eat.” He opened the fridge, peering
inside it. “I could fix you a sandwich.”

“Is she important to you? Do you feel a bond with her?”

He slammed the fridge and glared at her. “Don’t ask. You
don’t want to know.”

“I do.”

“Fine. Yes, Kit and I have shared sex. I’ve been to her home
a few times. I was with a few females while still at Mercile. They used me in
breeding experiments after I was told I killed you. Christopher nearly beat me
to death as punishment and I became one of Evelyn’s. She brought me a few
Species females and I mounted them. I refused to watch someone else die until
they moved me and brought in those humans they captured. I killed them, as I
said. Then Tammy was brought to my cage and her mate tracked her there. I was
freed in the process. There have been others at Homeland and Reservation after
I was freed.”

Candi needed to sit. She retreated to a chair and collapsed
into it. Jealousy and pain struck her at knowing so many females had touched
him, but she also had heard everything he’d said. He hadn’t wanted to watch
anyone die. She would never forget the feline male and the beating he’d taken
before she’d agreed to let him mount her. He had refused to take her by force.
She understood.

“Is that the answer you wanted?” 927 snarled. “I won’t lie.”

She saw rage in his eyes as she stared into them from across
the room. “I don’t want you to.”

“No. You wish me to watch you suffer. I see your pain.” He
fisted his hands at his sides, advanced a few steps, and then stopped. His
nostrils flared. “I can smell it.”

“I don’t want you to suffer. Why would you think that?”

He spun away, pacing the small confines of the kitchen
space. He finally punched a cabinet, the wood splitting from the force of it.
Part of it broke off and hit the counter, and then the floor. He snarled.

Candi rose and rushed forward. His hand bled. “You’re hurt.”

He turned his head, growling. “Get back.”

She froze.

He turned on the faucet and shoved his torn skin under the
running water. She backed up a little but then stepped sideways, putting her
body between him and the front door in case he tried to leave again. She wasn’t
above throwing herself in front of him to keep him there. It was obvious he
didn’t want her to touch him so she doubted he’d be willing to put his hands on
her to get her out of his way.

He turned off the water and used a dishtowel to wrap his
hand. “I don’t plan on storming out. You don’t have to stand there.”

She didn’t deny that’s exactly why she’d chosen that spot.
“Breeze said there should be a medical kit in your bathroom. Do you want me to
get it?”

He shook his head. “Why would she tell you that?”

“She saw my feet.”

He frowned and stared at her feet. “What?”

“I cut them when I ran after you.”

He snarled. “I didn’t smell the blood. Let me see.”

“It’s fine.”

He lunged out of the kitchen. She held her ground when he
grabbed hold of her waist and just lifted her. He strode to the couch and
dropped her on it, grasped one of her ankles and yanked it up to study the
bottom of her foot.

“Damn it. It’s not bleeding anymore, but it needs to be
cleaned. You’re not Species. You can easily get infections.” He released it and
reached for her other ankle, capturing it in his uninjured hand, and lifted it.
“You have two cuts. Stay put. Don’t move.” He let her go but then he looked at
her, his expression tightening.

She followed his line of sight and realized the shirt she
wore had ridden up when he dropped her on the couch and lifted her legs. Part
of her pussy was exposed. His mouth tightened into a grim line when she glanced
up to see his reaction. He held still, his attention focused there.

“I don’t want you to suffer, my pup. Never. Why did you say
that?”

That got a reaction from him. He twisted away and stomped
into the bedroom. She sat up a little and pulled the shirt down. He returned
quickly with a white box that had First Aid and a red symbol stamped across the
top. He dropped to his knees, shoved the coffee table to the side, and set the
box on top of it. He opened it, removed a few items, and then grabbed one of
her ankles, lifting her foot.

“This might burn. Prepare.”

She nodded, watching him use his teeth to rip off a corner
of a packet that he’d pressed to his mouth. He used the wet swab to rub against
the cut. It wasn’t pleasant and he wasn’t gentle. She clenched her teeth but
didn’t make a sound. He really made sure it was clean before he stopped and
applied a bandage. He set her foot down on one side of his thigh and went after
her other foot. She lifted it for him.

He glanced down between her thighs and froze. She knew what
he saw with her thighs parted and one leg lifted. She was exposed again,
flashing him the view of her pussy. She contemplated reaching down to hold the
shirt in place over it but decided against it.

He tore his gaze away, cleaned the second cut and slapped a
bandage on it. He unwrapped the dishtowel from his hand, twisted his body to
the side and tended to his own injury. She stayed put, liking that he was just
a few feet away.

“Are we going to pretend you didn’t accuse me of wanting to
hurt you?” She kept her tone soft.

“Yes.”

“Do you believe that?” It would hurt her if he did.

He closed the box and made a pile of the discarded items
next to it on the table. He refused to look at her.

“I don’t want to upset or anger you. I’m trying to get to
know the male you’ve become. That’s all. I’m afraid you don’t want me anymore
and that another female matters more to you than I do.”

He sat back on his heels and regarded her. It was clear that
he masked his features to hide his emotions. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We tell each other everything.”

“We did once. Not anymore. Things have changed.”

That hurt. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I don’t know. You’re alive. I don’t know how to react or
what to think. I’m trying to stay calm, but I feel highly unsettled.”

He was at least talking to her. “I might not have fought so
hard to survive if I’d known I would bring you this much pain, my pup.”

He leaned in. “Don’t say that. And don’t call me your pup.”
The anger was back in his voice.

She dropped her gaze to his chest. The sight of his tan,
bare skin through the rips of his shirt was a good thing to focus on instead.
“I’ll leave if I only bring you suffering.” She lifted her legs, turned, and
tried to scoot down the couch to avoid touching him.

He reached out and put his open palm over her stomach. She
stopped moving. He didn’t say anything as long seconds passed. She liked the
warmth of his hand there, heating her skin though the thin material of the
shirt.

“No female could ever take your place.”

She dared look at him and he appeared sad to her. She felt
the same way. “Do you know what hurts the most?”

“What?” He pulled his hand away.

“It’s not that you mounted other females. You believed I’d
chosen another male over you and that I died. It’s learning that you don’t want
me anymore. I’m nothing now except bad memories that cause you to have terrible
feelings. That tears me apart inside, Hero.” The name would always be foreign,
but she did it for him. “I’ll tell Breeze to let you go to your Reservation
place and I’ll stay out of your sight. I love you with everything that I am,
but I won’t be selfish. I give you peace. Forget I am alive. I won’t exist to
you anymore.”

She eased off the couch and walked toward the door. She
would ask the guard outside the door to take her to Breeze. She turned the
handle and opened the door but a bandaged hand suddenly slammed against the wood,
and the knob was torn out of her grasp. The door slammed closed. She turned,
peering up at Hero. His eyes were scary and his lips were parted, fangs
showing.

“I want you. That’s the problem.” He snarled the words. “I
lose control when it comes to you. You make me feel too much, Candi. You always
have. I once wanted to kill you over another male. You were mine! Do you know
why I ran from you in my bedroom?” He didn’t give her time to ask. “I was
terrified I’d damage you. You’re weak and ill. I can’t mount you. It makes me
furious that I want to.”

He wanted her. She reached up and gripped his shoulders.
“You won’t damage me. I’m not ill.”

“Bullshit.”

“I just need to gain weight. Doc Tri—”

“Fine. You’re weak. You felt easily breakable in my arms.
Captivity does that. You need time to become strong before I take you to my
bed. What if I do hurt you? I have enough guilt. I can’t take any more.”

“What guilt?”

He spun away, stalking across the room. He ran his fingers
through his hair. He began to pace, shooting angry glances at her.

“What guilt? I know you didn’t mean to hurt me with your
chains. I don’t believe you would have snapped my neck if you’d reached me. I
don’t want to believe that. You would have stopped yourself from taking my life
if you’d broken free and reached me.”

He stopped pacing. “We’ll never know.”

“Let it go. I have. I never blamed you for your rage or
pain. Never.”

“How do you feel, knowing I was free while you were still
being held captive? We have a task force team that looks for our lost females.
No one searched for you. I never told them about you, Candi. I didn’t mention
anything to the NSO about the human child who was raised with me inside that
cell, because I didn’t want them to know I’d caused your death.”

Some of it started to make sense to her. “You thought I was
dead and you had no reason to question it. I was taken away from Mercile. How
could you know?”

“I let you down. It’s what I do. You allowed another to
mount you to save me, and I hurt you in return. You were locked up but I never
tried to rescue you. You made it here on your own after having to kill to gain
your freedom. You wanted me to hold you when we saw each other, but I ran away.
Now you offer to stay out of my sight so I don’t feel guilt for all the times
I’ve failed to be the kind of male who deserves you.”

Her heart broke. “I was wrong. This hurts me the most.
You’ve never let me down. Stop thinking that way.” She went after him. “You
have always been the male I live for. You’re the reason I am here. You’re my
entire world, 927.”

She reached up when she stopped in front of him and slid her
hand along the back of his neck, grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked. He
grimaced but allowed her to tug his face toward her. She fisted his shirt in
the front with her other hand.

“Listen to me, my pup.” She paused. “927. Hero. Whatever the
hell you’ll let me call you. You’re making me angry now. Don’t ever say that
you don’t deserve me. You want to see how weak I am? Say it again. I will knock
you flat. You taught me how to fight. I haven’t forgotten that even if you
have.”

His eyebrows shot up.

“The only way you can break me is if you continue to tear
into yourself. I won’t allow it. Don’t you dare. I love you.” She eased her
hold on his hair and wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck instead,
drawing him down closer. “I love you.”

Tears swam in his eyes and he wrapped his arms around her.

“You were there to hold me after my mother died. You were
the one who kept me warm and comforted me every night. You gave me a reason to
live in that cell. You made me laugh and feel so many wonderful things. The
only reason I’m alive today is because you were my reason to fight and keep
trying to escape. Don’t you dare undermine any of that.”