Nurse Saxon's Patient (18 page)

CHAPTER
X

For a moment Julie sat there staring at him with eyes which saw nothing but a blur where his face should be. His words echoed in her ears and she wanted to scream out at him that he ought to realize there was nothing in the world which could cause her greater distress. Her years of training and self-discipline stood her in good stead now, and held back the heedless words from her tongue.

But action she
must
have
!
Julie had never been a person given to demonstration of any kind, but at that moment she felt that unless she could do something—anything—to get rid of some of the frustration, the bitterness, the disappointment which had built up inside her until it was like a tight ball in her chest, she would scream and scream until she had screamed herself into hysterics. Without being really conscious
o
f what she was doing her hand went out to the little knob which fastened the glove compartment just before her. With a deft movement she pulled it open and flung Garth
’
s lighter inside, banging the little flap closed immediately.

The smart bang which the little silver lighter made as it landed at the back of the glove compartment was loud and very satisfactory, but that was not the sound which put an end to Julie
’
s mounting hysteria and frustration. It was the smothered cry, half groan, half appeal for help, which came from Garth as the little flap banged shut, and as she quickly turned to look at him she was horrified to see
him
crouched forward, his head in his hands, awkwardly, because the right hand was still held by the plaster and bandage.

Julie did not dare to speak. Like a message flashed across a screen her brain reacted immediately as she realized what had happened. Her actions must have been the exact counterpart of Tansy
’
s on the night of the accident, and somehow she had been instrumental in
bring
ing
back that episode to his memory, possibly even the entire evening.

It was a few minutes before he spoke, and when he lifted his face and looked at her she knew that was exactly what had happened.

‘
I know,
’
he said in a voice strangely unlike his own, the voice of a distressed stranger.
‘
I remember, Julie. I can remember everything that happened that night
...’

Suddenly he began to shake. Here Julie was on more familiar ground. This was the result of the shock to his emotional system, and while she spoke soothingly, trying to give him back the calm she associated with him these days, she turned to the back of the car and felt for the Thermos of still-hot coffee.

‘
Drink that and take these,
’
she ordered, producing two small white tablets from her handbag.
‘
We
’
ll talk in a few minutes when you
’
ve had time to recover from the shock of—all this.
’
He hesitated a moment, st
arin
g at the tablets, and a small smile
lit
her face.
‘
Don
’
t wo
rr
y,
’
she said reassuringly,
‘
they
’
re
only a type of aspirin, quick-acting. You
’
ll soon feel all right.
’

He took the tablets and the coffee and obediently swallowed both, some of the tension leaving
him
by the mere ordinariness of these actions. When he had drained the
cu
p he relaxed a little, leaning back against the leather seat. Suddenly he looked at her, a look she had never expected to see on Garth
’
s face and which oddly frightened her.

‘
Y
ou knew, didn
’
t you?
’
he demanded accusingly.
‘
You knew this
...
engagement was all over
...
finished? Why did you let me go on? Why all
this
pretence?
’

‘
You were so ill,
’
Julie offered.
‘
No one knew what effect it might have on you. Tansy was with you when you were admitted to St Luke
’
s. She said she was your
fiancé
e. You couldn
’
t tell us yourself whether she was or not. You couldn
’
t tell us anything for a long time, and when you did it was obvious you didn
’
t remember her at all
...’

‘
I remembered
you
!’
Garth said with unexpected violence.
‘
Didn
’
t that mean anything to you, Julie?
Didn
’
t you realize that if I remembered you it was because you were the one I wanted in my life, and if I couldn
’
t remember Tansy it was because I
’
d—mentally—shut her out of it
...
for ever? Psychology
!
’
He gave a smothered laugh.
‘
Ian Greensmith should have known something about
that
aspect of the case, surely?
’
Before she could answer he had added:
‘
But of course he had his own reasons for keeping me an engaged
man,
whether I wanted to be one or not
!’

‘
Garth
!
’
Julie protested.
‘
You
’
ve no right to say a
thing
like that
!
Ian—we—did what we thought was right in the circumstances. We didn
’
t know your private affairs. How were we to know you and Tansy had quarrelled?
’

‘
We hadn
’
t
just
quarrelled,
’
Garth interjected angrily,
‘
we were always quarrelling. That was the point.
’
He sat up straight and jerked at the handle of the car door.

‘
Let
’
s get out of here,
’
he said fiercely.
‘
I can
’
t sit caged up just now. Let
’
s walk down to the little wood and back. It may help to clear my mind of all the memories shouting in it just now.
’

He was like a man recharged with energy. When they had walked round part of the site before their lunch he had gone at a steady, almost leisurely pace, lingering every now and then to point out to her some new aspect of the site, some point she in her ignorance of such matters might have missed altogether. Now he strode out, determined—or so it seemed to Julie, almost panting in her attempts to keep
u
p with him—to reach the distant little wood as quickly as possible, as though it were a definite goal he had some reason for attaining. She had thought
him
almost unaware of her efforts to keep pace with him, perhaps even forgetful of her presence, but when she stumbled over a hidden tree root his hand was out instantly to steady her, and he slowed down a little, giving a strange, brief laugh.

‘
Good thing I was at your right side,
’
he said, half self-consciously.
‘
You
’
d have fallen then if you
’
d been walking at the other side of me.
’

After that he suited his pace more to hers and he kept a hand under her elbow whenever they found the going a little rough. By the time they reached the shade of the little tree-filled copse, given the courtesy
nam
e of
Breeches Wood on his plans, it seemed to the girl
that
some of the emotion which tore at him had spent itself,
that
some of the tension had left him, and when he flung himself down on the loamy soil and grass beneath a huge, outspreading oak, she sat beside him, waiting to see what would happen next.

‘
Frank Beechman wanted to level this wood,
’
he said suddenly, turning on to his back and looking through the branches of the huge tree to the blue sky above.
‘
I thought my insistence on keeping it would spoil
things
for me if he was a member of the Committee, but it seems someone else as well as myself remembers what it
’
s like to be a boy and need a tree to climb.
’

‘
Or a girl, with a swing from one of the branches,
’
Julie took up his mood.
‘
I had a swing—a stout rope and a piece of thick plank in the middle—suspended from just such a tree as this,
’
she said half shyly.
‘
I was only nine, and I used to swing myself as
high
as ever I could go and pretend I was flying.
’

‘
You must have been an enchanting little girl, Julie,
’
he said softly,
‘
with that lovely hair and those beautiful eyes, and a
l
l your thoughtfulness for others. I wish I
’
d known you then. I seldom had anyone to play with.
’

He eyed her narrowly before he added:
‘
You had Roger, of course?
’

‘
Yes.
’
Julie spoke softly, knowing he was, in some way, venting some of the hurt occasioned by the return of his memory on herself without meaning to do so.
‘
I had Roger,
’
she confirmed.
‘
It was a good
thing
we
were such friends as children, because we had to be, when we were little more than teenagers.
’

‘
What happened
?’

‘
Mother and Father went to Paris on business. Dad was head buyer for a large mail order firm, and that time
Mother went with him. They usually came back by sea
,
but on that occasion they went and were coming back by plane. Something went wrong. It took off all right, or so they told us, but seemed to sta
ll
when it was barely in the air. There were no survivors.
’

‘
How awful for you both.
’
There was real sympathy and genuine concern in Garth
’
s voice.
‘
Who told you the news? What did you do?
’

‘
Roger heard first. He works—worked—on a newspaper, remember. I
’
d been on night duty and they woke me up to tell me.
’
Her eyes were dark with remembrance.
‘
We were stunned,
’
she said quietly.
‘
Even now when I think about it I can
’
t quite remember how we did manage. They hadn
’
t much money, but we
’
d always lived well. Their wills were in the care of
Mr.
Beard, and he was an old friend of Father
’
s. He has an office in Scott Lane. You may have seen it.
’
He nodded, and she continued steadily:
‘
He advised us to sell the house and take a small flat. I don
’
t live in at the hospital all the time now, you see. Or I didn
’
t until Roger went to Mexico. We have the flat, and when I
’
m at the hospital
Mrs.
Blake comes in to take care of things, Roger
’
s meals and so on
...
And we manage,
’
she finished lamely.

‘
I see.
’
Garth struggled to one elbow and looked at her steadily.
‘
Thank you for telling me,
’
he said gently.
‘
No wonder there
’
s such a bond between you two. Shall we go back to the car now
?
If you can bear to listen I
’
d like to tell you how it was with Tansy and myself.
’

They walked back in silence to where they had left the car, but it was a different silence from that which had lain between them as they had walked to the wood. Now the tension was gone, and the anger, and there was a strange poignant companionship between them by the time they reached the car and Garth had opened the driver
’
s door for her, helping her in as well as he could.