Nurse Saxon's Patient (14 page)

His voice was so gentle that Julie felt her eyes fill with tears and part of her heart longed to give him the answer he wanted. But she could not do that. He had said he admired her for always telling the truth and she would not
li
e to him now.

‘
Thank you for asking me again, Ian,
’
she said quietly,
‘
but it wouldn
’
t be fair. I
’
ve told you before that I don
’
t love you—can
’
t love you—although there
’
s no man I admire and respect half so much as I do you
...
but not
...
the other thing, and I wouldn
’
t ma
rr
y anyone unless I loved them.
’

‘
I don
’
t believe you would, Julie,
’
he said quietly.
‘
And I admire you for it. Garth is so
...
right for you, and you for him. He
’
s a lucky young man.
’
He bent forward suddenly and touched her forehead with his lips.
‘
I don
’
t think he would begrudge me that, even if he knew,
’
he said softly, and neither of them knew that Garth, just about to enter the room, had drawn back, not seeing the whole of the embrace but knowing
I
an
had bent towards her, that their heads were touching. Neither of them heard him walk away on the deep piled carpet, and neither of them knew that he was clenching the fingers of the newly released hand until the
p
ain
brought him back to an awareness of himself and he walked blindly out into the garden to think over what he believed he had almost witnessed.

CHAPTER
IX

Ian did not stay with them very much longer. After a few words with
Mrs.
Crossman he said he would be delighted to accept afternoon tea and then he really must go since he was operating that evening. Julie, busying herself looking after a Garth who was only too anxious to display the newly discovered wonders of the freed left hand, kept as far from Ian as possible, speaking only when anyone spoke to her, keeping herself silent and aloof, longing, for some reason she could not define, only to reach the security of her own room and indulge in what Sister Gregson always referred to as
‘
a good cry
’
.

What
’
s the matter with me? she wondered as her glance met Garth
’
s and she accepted his proffered cigarette. Anyone else would be thrilled to have Ian Greensmith propose to them ... I am, but I can
’
t say yes.

No, she couldn
’
t say yes to Ian, even though she felt certain that nothing would change what constituted Garth
’
s ideas of a code of honour and because of those ideas he would, unless something drastic happened, remain engaged to Tansy and would, eventually, ma
rr
y her.

And I
’
ll be left to go on until I
’
m due to retire, just like Sister Gregson, Julie reminded herself. Going then to live alone in a little cottage all by myself except for a dog or a cat, perhaps a pet bird—or maybe all three—and reading about what Garth is doing in the weekly paper. By the time Ian was ready to leave she had made herself thoroughly miserable, and it took all her self
-
control not to run after him to his car and ask to be taken back to St
.
Luke
’
s, to say that perhaps, after all, she
could
marry him, that it would be preferable to ending her days alone with her memories and pets-to-be.

With an effort she pulled herself together, smiled up at him and lifted her hand in answer to his farewell salute, but when they returned to the house Garth withdrew with a book, Andy and his wife remained engrossed in the television, and Julie, feeling suddenly alone and
bereft, wandered out into the garden to try and calm the emotional storm she had induced in herself and could neither understand nor control.

There was a small scene when they retired for the night. Garth was convinced he could manage to prepare himself for bed, wash and all else, even fold his clothes, now he had the use of one hand returned to
him
Julie, whose heart had ached as she watched his determined struggles to manage to eat his dinner unaided, heard the muffled sounds of the struggle and a few half-smothered ejaculations from the room adjoining her own, and at last tapped on his door.

‘
Yes?
’
came the uncompromising syllable from
wi
thin
.
She could imagine him standing there, half ang
r
y,
half
defiant, most certainly disappointed.

‘
It
’
s Julie,
’
she said softly.
‘
May I come and help?
’
There was a brief pause, then, in a defeated tone, he called:
‘
If you like. I
can
do it
...
but it
’
ll take all night
...’

‘
Then it just isn
’
t worth it,
’
Julie smiled at him as she entered, forcing a lightness to her tone.
‘
Another few weeks and you
’
ll have both hands free, and this light exercise will do them good.
’

Deftly she folded his clothes and placed them on the hangers and chair, and while she had her back to him he spoke again, quickly, as though what he had to say must be said at once.

‘
You didn
’
t mean it—about leaving my case, did you, Julie? Remember, we were talking about it when Ian arrived.
’

‘
I
...
don
’
t know,
’
Julie confessed.
‘
A great deal depends on Roger
’
s—my brother
’
s—plans. If he would like me to go back with him I shall be greatly tempted. It
’
s what we
’
d always planned to do together if his book was successful, and it is
...’

‘
And what about Ian—
Mr.
Greensmith?
’
Garth asked then, taking her by the shoulder with his left hand and forcing her to turn and face him.
‘
What does he say about all this? I
...
I
’
m sure he doesn
’
t want you to
leave St
.
Luke
’
s
...
not to go away like that, at any rate.
’

Suddenly Julie knew that he had seen Ian
’
s chaste embrace earlier on that day. What he had read into it she could only guess, for she did not know that he had only seen Ian bend towards her, arms outstretched, and did not realize that Garth had formed his own opinions as to what happened next. Whatever he thought, she decided swiftly, she must disillusion him immediately. If ever he and Tansy broke their engagement she did not want him to imagine an understanding between herself and Ian to complicate matters further!

‘
Apart from our mutual work for patients and the fact that we are good friends into the bargain, Ian—
Mr.
Greensmith—has no interest or control in or over my life,
’
Julie told
him
soberly.
‘
We
are
good friends, and I know he wouldn
’
t wish me to leave the hospital. He knows how short the hospitals are of nurses, you see. But he would never,
’
she said with a clarity he could not mistake,
‘
stand in the way of my happiness, in whatever direction I thought I might find it.
’

‘
I
...
see.
’
Garth
’
s dark eyes stared into her own dark blue ones as though he would search her very soul. What he saw must have reassured him, for with a smile which held genuine
^-
relief and gaiety he released her arm, turning away.

‘
That
’
s all I wanted to know,
’
he said gently.
‘
Thank you for telling me.
’

Back in her own room Julie wondered what he had meant, what thought lay in his mind, but try as she would she could arrive at no conclusion. He had said nothing about Tansy, nothing of his own engagement, and she in her turn had omitted to tell him of Tansy
’
s impending tour of the States and her desire for an early marriage.

I
’
ll tell him tomorrow, she decided. Ian doesn
’
t want Garth to go, anyway, and I
’
ve no doubt he
’
ll tell Tansy so. And with that comforting reflection she fell asleep, leaving her problems for the morrow.

The morrow, as it turned out, brought fewer problems than she had expected, but one disappointment. Roger had cabled back in reply to the expensive cable of invitation
Mrs.
Andy had sent to him, delighted to accept her hospitality for his week
’
s leave, but unable to be with them, he stated regretfully, until the Monday.

‘
Never mind,
’
Mrs.
Andy consoled Julie,
‘
Tansy won
’
t be here then for another week. You
’
ll have your brother all to yourself. We
’
ll take Garth for a drive to leave you two alone together for a little while, but don
’
t forget I want to have a long talk with him myself before he leaves us
.’

‘
I won
’
t,
’
Julie promised, adding impulsively:
‘
I really don
’
t know why you should be so kind to me
.’

‘
It isn
’
t totally unselfish, my dear, don
’
t
imagin
e
that
!’
Mrs.
Andy
’
s twinkling eyes belied her statement.
‘
For one thing, it
’
s very easy to be kind to someone like you who is working so hard for other people
’
s benefit and who is so self-forgetful in every way. For another thing, you have done such a lot for my dear nephew, and I
’
m certain you will do still more to help him back to health and self-confidence, and lastly I have already told you I wanted to meet your brother, and you have made it possible for me to
really
meet him, get to know him, not just an introduction in some crowded gathering or other where he
’
d be too busy to say more than
“
how-do-you-I do?” to me.
’
She smiled up at the girl from the low chair in which she was seated.
‘
Now run along and make sure Garth doesn
’
t try to do too much now he has the use of one hand returned to him,
’
she advised.
‘
Tansy
’
s just arriving, and if I know Garth he
’
ll be like any other man in the same circumstances, he
’
ll want to show off a little bit, to prove how much better he is.
’

‘
Tansy
!
’
Julie
’
s hand flew to her
li
ps as she remembered she had said nothing to Garth so far about Tansy
’
s impending tour. All she had told him was that she would be late in arriving this weekend because of the recording, but Garth had simply said
‘
All right. Just watch me use my left hand on here ... I can turn my papers,
hold my ruler
...
and the matter of the tour had been forgotten.

‘
What
’
s the matter
?’
Mrs.
Andy asked.
‘
Something wrong?
’

‘
Only that when she telephoned to let us know she wouldn
’
t be arriving until today she told me—I think I mentioned it to you—there was an opportunity for her to do a tour of the States for three months, singing with the band, and she wanted to find out how Garth felt about making that a
...
honeymoon trip.
’

‘
Then let her ask him and find out for herself,
’
Mrs.
Andy advised.
‘
Garth is more his old self day by day, and I don
’
t
think
he will want to go off on any such prolonged tour once he can get back to work. Don
’
t worry so much about the two of them, Julie my dear. I know you
’
re worried—so am I—but what we are both worrying about may never happen—I feel sure that it won
’
t. I am a good deal older than you, and in the course of my life I have discovered that things have a way of working out if only we will allow them to do so. I don
’
t know about you, but I take all my problems, personal and otherwise, to the One Who knows all about us, to Whom, so we are told, even the hairs of our heads are numbered. If I take my problems to Him and ask for help then I feel it would be doubting that help will be given if I worry about them after that. It isn
’
t false security, Julie. It really works. Just try it for yourself and you
’
ll find out I
’
m right.
’

‘
I will,
’
Julie promised gravely.
‘
I do
...
but I
’
m afraid I
do
worry, and as you say, that isn
’
t trusting
!
I
’
ll try to do better in future.
’

She found Garth and Tansy in the summer-house. As always, Tansy had her transistor with her, but for once it was muted and the music quietened to a bearable volume. She looked up as Julie came towards them, a suddenly petulant expression on her pretty face
.

‘
Garth says your brother won
’
t be here until Monday afternoon,
’
she greeted Julie.
‘
And I was so looking forward to meeting him.
’

‘
You will.
’
Julie smiled at the other girl, an indulgent smile. Tansy was accustomed to getting what she had set her heart upon, and she didn
’
t take very quietly to disappointments.

‘
Mrs.
Andy knows his publisher,
’
she explained,
‘
and she had a long talk with him on the telephone this mo
rn
ing. Roger may be staying more than a week, and as
Mrs.
Andy insists he stays at Woodlands you
’
ll be able to meet him when you come next time.
’

‘
That
’
s good.
’
Tansy seemed to dismiss the matter and switched off on to another line of attack.
‘
Garth says,
’
she began, still in the same rather petulant tone,
‘
that you didn
’
t tell him about the American tour. Why not, Nurse? Didn
’
t you think it was important?
’
and her tone added:
‘
Why did you hold the information back? It will make no difference when he
does
know
...’

‘
I was going to tell him,
’
Julie said apologetically,
‘
but something happened—Garth wanted to show me how he could use his hand with his ruler or something —and it slipped my mind. But I expect you have told him all about it, haven
’
t you?
’
she asked pleasantly.
‘
I
’
ll leave you to discuss the details
...’

‘
There aren
’
t any details to discuss.
’
Garth rose from the rustic bench he had been sharing with his
fiancé
e, and it did not need more than a quick glance at his face to see that he was very upset.
‘
I can
’
t afford the time,
’
he said quickly.
‘
You know that, Julie. Thanks to this,
’
he gestured with his right hand,
‘
I
’
m months behind on the Development Site, and that isn
’
t a good beginning
...’

‘
That
’
s something you must settle between yourselves,
’
Julie told him, smiling.
‘
That isn
’
t part of the cure, and therefore out of my province
!
See you both at dinner.
’
And, feeling as though she had left him to fend for himself—as indeed she had—she walked briskly back to the house, knowing that whatever decision Garth made must be his alone, not influenced by her or by anyone else, but as she walked she found herself resorting
to
Mrs.
Andy
’
s advice and taking her problem for higher help than she could give.

Please, Lord, she prayed soundlessly, let it all work out in the best way for him ... he has so much to give
...
and this time she resolved not to worry about what the answer would be.

All the time she had been at Woodlands Julie had noticed that Tansy
’
s visits brought in their wake emotional tensions which could be felt in the very air. So far these had not greatly affected Julie herself, they had merely worried her on behalf of her patient, but this weekend had been the exception.

It had been obvious to Julie, as to
Mrs.
Andy and her h
u
sband, that all was not well between Garth and Tansy when they came in to dinner. Tansy was wearing what Julie had come to mentally define as
‘
her sulky look
’
and Garth
’
s mouth was set in an obstinate line which indicated that this time he was not to be won over by flowery words or flattering statements.

Dinner was a fairly silent meal,
Mrs.
Andy and her husband holding the conversation together as they so often did when Tansy was present, but this time there appeared to be some subtle difference. Not until
Mrs.
Andy asked Julie a question about Roger
’
s work was there any sign of
animat
ion
from either of the other two, and then it was Tansy who turned to Julie almost before she had finished replying to her hostess.

‘
Did your brother always want to do this sort of thing?
’
she asked.
‘
Go to strange places, write about them and about different ways of life? Would you say he was
...
adventurous?
’

‘
I don
’
t know.
’
Julie considered the question.
‘
When he was little he used to talk about being an explorer,
’
she remembered,
‘
but I think all little boys go through that phase. When he grew older he wanted
no
thin
g
else but writing, that was why he joined the
Chronicle,
but he didn
’
t want to remain a reporter.
He
’
s always wanted to write books,
’
she recalled,
‘
even before Mother and Dad died. He always said he would, one day. I don
’
t think he
’
d ever thought of
film
m
aking
,
that
’
s something which has arisen out of this book. But that was something he always did want to write. We had a book of legends and folk lore given to us one Christmas, and Roger loved the stories of Old Mexico. He always said he would go there one day. When that song came out, “Far-away Places”— they
’
ve revived it recently—he always used to say that meant Mexico for him and that he meant to visit it one day.
’