Oathbreaker (33 page)

“
Father!” One of Ares’ boys finally lost his concentration and pulled his companions with him in his about face. The four of them came rushing at us and I crawled off Ares to confront them.

“
Stay back,” Ares gurgled behind us before starting a chant. It was a tracing chant, so I tried to turn and finish him off before he could trace out but his sons rushed me, and I had to contend with them. I barely got a claw in though, as they weren’t aiming for me but Ares. They leaped over my head, taking hold of Ares’ mauled form just as he finished the chant and traced out. I really missed my voice in that moment because it was the perfect opportunity for a “Dammit.” I looked over at Trevor and he said it for me.

A triumphant howl turned my head around and I watched as Unn
úlfR lifted Andrasta up, out of her darkness, and crushed her throat in his hands. Her head twisted loosely to the side and he tossed her body out, away from him. Before it could hit the ground however, the darkness rose up and swallowed her. Then it seemed to close in upon itself until nothing remained. UnnúlfR sank to his knees and dropped his face into his hands.

“
He needs me,” Trevor looked down to me and I nodded. He ran off to be with his brother.

It didn't matter. Around me, the attacking force was retreating, tracing away upon seeing their leaders abandon them. I assumed Demeter had long ago traced out of the earth and headed home to lick her wounds, so the remaining gods were left on their own and quickly sensed that they were clearly outnumbered.

The last one to trace out was Blue. He stood in the circle of his vampire priests, and I was shocked to see that there were more than a few of them missing. There was no love lost between me and his servants but I knew they’d been with him a long time and I ached for his loss. I ached for my friend, who was once more my enemy. His eyes seemed to soften for a second as he met mine but then he shimmered away and I had to tell myself it was just a play of the light.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Twenty minutes later, I was trying to wade through the rapid conversations circling Vallhalla's dining hall. My Intare were celebrating heavily with the Froekn at the lower tables but the gods were a little more reserved in their victory, and the Godhunter was just plain confused.

“
Wait, hold on,” I held up a hand. “Loki saved me?
Loki?”

“
Yes, I did,” the devil himself walked in and sat down across from me, rubbing a towel through his damp hair. “Don't any of you ever read? The human myths clearly state that Balder is killed by an arrow made of mistletoe... oddly enough, it's my doing. Frigg may have great magic but she's as limited as the rest of us when it comes to the myths. So years ago, I carved me an arrow and put it aside. I figured I'd want to kill that little shit eventually. Then I heard about your fight and I knew he’d use something underhanded to win, so I felt no guilt in doing the same to save you. I wasn't there when everyone made their oaths, so I was able to intervene on your behalf and now you’ll never have to worry about him again. None of us will.”

I looked down the long table at everyone. They all nodded, confirming the craziness.

“Why?” I scanned his face, trying to figure out what had changed. Something in the eyes and around the mouth. He’d softened.

“
I don't like being called useless,” he frowned at me. “I meant what I said. I wanted to help you.”

“
Yes, but why? Why now? Why this sudden change?”

“
You said something to me once, Granddaughter,” I blinked rapidly at his use of a term he’d previously found offensive. “You told me that I’d ruined
my
life, not Fenrir’s, when I abandoned him. That I’d sent the one person who could’ve brought me real happiness, away and now I had to find thrills in blood. You were right. I want my son back. I want my
family
back.”

I didn’t know what to say. I looked over at Fenrir, who had taken the seat on my right. He looked just as shocked as I. He stared at Loki with a mixture of hope and hatred. He’d fought back to back with him but was it too little too late? How much was my life worth? How much was one battle worth?

A hell of a lot, at least to me.

“
Welcome back, Grandpa,” I reached across the table to shake his hand. I wasn’t quite to the point of hugs yet but I was willing to forgive the fact that he’d once threatened to rape me horribly and had cost me Thor.

Fenrir and Trevor both looked at me like fishes on land, mouths gaping, gasping for air.

“He’s made a hell of an effort at amends,” I looked around at the others and saw a range of emotions but it was Thor’s that took the cake. Hell, it took it, ate it, and licked the plate clean before growling for seconds.

Thor lunged across the table and unseated Loki, throwing them both to the floor, with his hands firmly around Loki’s throat. We were all so shocked, no one reacted at first. I finally closed my mouth, remembering how silly Fenrir and Trevor had just looked, and stood to survey the brawl.

“You sick son of a bitch,” Thor had Loki pinned, thumping his head against the floor for emphasis. “What the fuck are you up to?”

“
Thor!” I moved around the table and gingerly placed a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “Please stop. He saved my life. Does it mean so little to you, that you can’t forgive him his past in exchange for it?”

“
So little?” Thor reared up, still holding Loki but twisting around to look hard at me. “How can you even ask that? Aren’t I here? Haven’t I fought beside you, been there for you even after all you’ve done to me?”

“
All
I’ve
done?” I stared down at his pained expression, even more shocked than I’d been a moment before. I thought he'd forgiven me for my part in Sif's death. Even though he'd never technically apologized to me, I'd thought he'd finally come around and realized that he'd been wrong.

“
Yes, Vervain, all you’ve done,” his voice had gone even colder. “You made me love you and then made it impossible for me to be with you.”

I hated the word impossible. Why did everything have to be impossible? I so wanted to live in a world of possibilities instead of impossibilities. With the kind of magic I had access to, the kind of people that were in my life, the possibilities should have been endless but instead, I was stuck in limitless impossibilities. I sighed.

“Let it go, Thor,” I looked down at Loki’s strained, yet still gorgeous, face, “and let him go too. No one can live in the past. It never goes anywhere. Let’s live in the present. Let’s start again, okay?”

“
That’s the problem, Vervain,” he pushed Loki away and stood up, forgetting the other god in his focus on me. “We can’t start again. You’ve made that abundantly clear to me.”

“
I didn't even think you wanted to start again in that sense,” I frowned. When Thor had ended us, I realized he hadn't loved me like he said he had. I thought the heartache over our lost love had been mine alone. I mean look at how fast he took up with other women. To hear him imply that he wanted me back was a bit of a shock and one that I couldn't handle hot on the heels of my Odin revelation. “I refuse to be the bad guy here, Thor,” I shook my head and bent to help Loki up. “We both made mistakes and it’s too late to correct them.”

“
And he’s why,” Thor pulled Loki away from me. “He’s the reason I don’t have you anymore and you’re so eager to forgive him. Did our
love
mean so little to you, that one of his tricks can win your favor? Do you honestly think it didn’t serve his purpose to kill Balder? Saving you was an afterthought or a stepping stone to another goal. You have to remember who this is, what he’s really like.”

“
Our love meant
everything
to me,” I whispered but it fell into the silent room like a boulder, crashing and probably causing about the same amount of damage. I briefly cringed at what that statement would do to Trevor and Odin. “You were the one who valued guilt more than love. Loki may have put the play into motion but you wrote the script. You turned a romance into a tragedy.”

“
So you still blame me?” His eyes were open wounds, bleeding misery.

“
And you still blame me, evidently,” I said in a gentle tone. “I need to believe that everyone can change. If I’m wrong, then I’ll pay the price but the biggest price will be paid by Loki. If he’s using me, then he’ll lose his family a second time and nobody wants to be alone. He’s bought a chance with my life, ulterior motives or not. I don’t care. I owe him and forgiveness is cheap… as well as divine. Why don’t you give it a try?”

“
No,” Thor’s body was shaking and the temperature in the room was taking a nose dive. “You were the one. I’ll love you till the day I die and he took you from me. There’s no forgiveness for that and I can’t be around you if you believe there is.”

He turned and stalked out of the hall. I just stood there, staring after him in shock. All this time and I had thought Thor didn't love me anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Loki stepped up. “The Thunderer has every right to be angry with me and so do you. I’ll leave.”

“
No,” I reached out and took his hand, then led him back to the table. “Thor has to come to terms with things on his own. I can’t live my life by his mood swings anymore. Let him go.”

“
Have you?” Loki looked at me steadily, as the rest of the quiet table pretended to not be listening intently.

“
Have I what?”

“
Have you let him go?”

“
Yes,” I swallowed hard. My voice sounded weak, even to myself so when I spoke again, I did it louder and stronger. “I've let go of a lot recently and Thor, as much as I loved him, was not my greatest loss.”

Epilogue

After the war, things settled down a bit. No one tried to kidnap or torture me. I never woke up chained to walls anymore  and I didn't have to listen to cryptic prophecies from Rain. Demeter disappeared again and although part of me still longs for vengeance, another part of me hopes she'll never show her evil mug again. Blue however, I kind of wish I could see once more. I wish we could just sit and talk things out but he also has gone into seclusion. No one's seen that regal Aztec profile in over two months. I have however, seen lots of his little minions following me around again, so maybe my wish will be answered after all.

Balder's death was mourned by his wife, his son, and his mother but I'm told that very few others attended his boat burning. They held the Viking ceremony right on Asgard's lake, which also happens to lie between Odin's and Thor's Halls. Neither of them attended. I was told Frigg screamed and pulled her hair in an impressive display of grief but Balder's wife was oddly quiet. Who told me? Vali. He had watched from the treeline of his precious forest.

I don't know what he felt for Balder besides resentment. How could he not have resented the brother who everyone loved and who was treated like a hero by a woman Vali wanted to be his mother? I guess there was something there beyond that though because he told me that when the time came to light the boat afire, he sent a burning arrow flying into the hull before the appointed archer could do his job. All in attendance had stared back at him in shock before he disappeared into the forest.

I guess, when it comes down to it, blood is blood. You don't choose who shares it with you. There's no guarantee that you'll love the ones who do, or that they'll love you back. Sometimes, because of the blood, they're the ones who hurt you the most. Sometimes, they don't even mean to do it. In the end, it doesn't matter. The blood should be respected because it's part of who you are, even if it's not a part of who you'd like to be.

Vali knew this. He respected the blood, even if he didn't respect his brother, and he honored the memory of that blood by sending his brother off with the only salute he knew how to give. It made me so proud of him. It made me wish that he were my son in truth. That his blood were mine. But I like to think that even though my blood doesn't run through his veins, I am a part of him. The part that sent him to his brother's funeral, even when his father  and brothers refused to go.

And that brings us to Odin. I've seen him occasionally, when I go for visits with the boys, but he keeps his distance. We rarely talk, although his stares can speak volumes silently. I don't know what to do about the aching that grips me every time I see him. I guess it's just another pain I'll have to learn to live with. If only he'd move on, try to love someone new, maybe I wouldn't feel like a horrible traitor every time I look at him.

My sons have both become a part of my life smoothly though, as if they'd always been there. More often than not, they come to my place to spend time with me, which is both a relief and a disappointment. It saves me the misery of seeing Odin but then it also steals the sweetness of seeing him. Yes, I know how insane that sounds.