Observatory Mansions (38 page)

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Authors: Edward Carey

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557. A nappy pin.

558. A china inkwell.

559. A book of children’s folk tales.

560. A handbag (with numerous contents).

561. One half of a ten-year correspondence (479 letters).

562. A piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

563. A scapular (cloth).

564. A university degree certificate.

565. An air pump.

566. A photograph of a teenage girl.

567. A number of sparklers.

568. A marriage licence.

569. A quantity of sheet music.

570. A hardback novel.

571. A photograph of a political rally.

572. A collection of chewing-gum wrappers.

573. A manhole cover.

574. A schoolboy’s lines (thirty sheets of paper, completed).

575. A dissertation on castrati (handwritten).

576. A coarse blanket.

577. A wooden idol.

578. The seat of a wicker chair.

579. A collection of hotel stationery.

580. A quilted bedspread.

581. An ounce of hashish.

582. A number of spent gun cartridges.

583. A prayer wheel.

584. A pager.

585. A suitcase full of bananas.

586. A schoolgirl’s diary.

587. A doll’s house.

588. An ankle band.

589. A collection of pinned moths.

590. The complete handwritten love poems of an amateur poet.

591. A circus poster.

592. A blindfold.

593. A sheath of cooking recipes.

594. A boatswain’s call.

595. A photograph of an old man and a young girl.

596. A collection of menus.

597. A sewing kit.

598. A bottle opener.

599. A hymn book.

600. A pearl necklace.

601. A box of medical gloves.

602. A letter from a solicitor.

603. A dictionary of an extinct language.

604. A small painting of the Virgin Mary.

605. A shooting target (used).

606. A doctor’s night bell.

607. A television.

608. A seat from a swing.

609. A wooden rod from a banister.

610. A collection of cartoon magazines.

611. Part of a motor from inside a mechanized waxwork.

612. A plastic, yellow toothbrush.

613. A photograph of a man speaking to a large crowd.

614. A traffic policeman’s whistle.

615. An edition of twelve etchings.

616. A paper bag containing sherbet lemons.

617. A martyr’s palm (plaster).

618. A tin of caviar (opened).

619. A For Sale sign.

620. A pickled human cerebellum.

621. Twelve bottles of home-brewed beer.

622. A sun hat.

623. An auditor’s report.

624. An eyepatch.

625. A language learning course (four cassettes, one book).

626. A back scratcher.

627. A cinema poster.

628. A letter terminating work.

629. An exhibition catalogue of a wax museum.

630. A final pay cheque.

631. A purple ribbon.

632. A gabardine.

633. A pair of black buckled shoes.

634. A false leg.

635. A chipped urinal bowl.

636. A brass cockleshell.

637. A portable gas cooker.

638. A coral necklace.

639. Seventeen detective novels.

640. A milk bottle (unopened).

641. A pair of a celebrated magician’s white gloves.

642. A group photograph of a school reunion.

643. A radio.

644. A notebook (containing weights of human beings).

645. A number of (developed) slides.

646. A slide projector.

647. A registered letter (unopened).

648. A pack of cards (pricked).

649. A book on dry cholera.

650. The name of a dead soldier from a war memorial.

651. A starting pistol.

652. A wedding dress (satin).

653. A bicycle pump.

654. A bottle of glue.

655. A snorkel.

656. A play script.

657. An architect’s plan for housing poor families.

658. A compact mirror.

659. A pair of chequered trousers.

660. A cat flap.

661. A stuffed salmon (in a glass case).

662. A doily (cotton).

663. A milk bottle (unopened).

664. A sex discovery manual.

665. A box of assorted fireworks.

666. A lock of black hair.

667. Lipstick (vermilion).

668. A number of grooved lead and nickel bullets.

669. A dinner jacket and trousers.

670. A violin.

671. A shower head.

672. A chest wig.

673. A silver picture frame (empty).

674. A cravat (silk).

675. A business card.

676. A pair of ankle-length leather boots.

677. A photograph of a spotty male adolescent.

678. An oil painting of a blue Persian cat.

679. A milk bottle (unopened).

680. A scabbing hammer.

681. A woman’s vibrator.

682. A bird table.

683. A clock’s pendulum.

684. An astrology chart.

685. A pair of tailor’s shears.

686. A group of photographs of voluntary patients of a mental asylum.

687. An ivory roulette ball.

688. A ventriloquist’s dummy.

689. A tide chart.

690. A man-made pair of wings.

691. A colostomy bag (empty).

692. A penny whistle.

693. A bottle of shampoo.

694. A tin of biscuits.

695. The top of a lectern (ash).

696. A white linen suit (three pieces).

697. An eternity ring (diamond, silver).

698. A paper and wood fan.

699. A gobstopper.

700. A skull cap.

701. A lint-removing device.

702. A coathanger.

703. A self-portrait.

704. A leather bookmark.

705. A cotton nightdress (white).

706. An anchor.

707. An oven door.

708. Skin moisturizing cream.

709. A packet of cigarette rolling papers.

710. A candle.

711. Four cans of lager beer.

712. A penknife with sixteen different blades.

713. The remains of a tulip.

714. An aviator’s compass.

715. A drawer’s handle (brass).

716. A wallet full of money.

717. A pair of jogging bottoms.

718. A pair of cinema tickets.

719. A Pyrex coffee pot.

720. A canister of petrol.

721. Certificates of shares.

722. A tape-measure.

723. A bull’s nosering.

724. A worker’s overalls.

725. A milk bottle (unopened).

726. A blackboard rubber.

727. A length of cane.

728. A schoolroom stool.

729. A camera lens.

730. A dog’s bone.

731. A pair of child’s gloves with faces knitted on to the fingertips.

732. A fire extinguisher.

733. A suitcase.

734. A hairdryer.

735. A guidebook to a foreign city.

736. A canvas bag.

737. A broken calculator.

738. A nail file.

739. A ballcock.

740. A first-aid box.

741. A hinge from a door.

742. A starched collar.

743. A leather sports bag.

744. A sheath of paintbrushes.

745. A metal trunk.

746. A pair of false eyelashes.

747. A brown leather satchel.

748. A Father Christmas costume.

749. An elephant’s hoof umbrella stand.

750. A tin of fluorescent paint.

751. A uniform from a vanquished army.

752. A kneeling cushion from a church.

753. A suitcase with wheels.

754. A dumb-bell.

755. A canister of hair-styling foam.

756. A used condom.

757. A mosquito net.

758. A corkscrew.

759. A pair of starched shorts.

760. A jar of porridge oats.

761. A photograph of a man with no nose.

762. A bottle of scent.

763. A souvenir plaster statue of an ancient church.

764. A book on genocide.

765. A dried sea horse.

766. A thank-you letter.

767. The rod from a sundial.

768. A coffee grinder.

769. A tube of tooth glue.

770. A passport photograph (inscribed on reverse).

771. A bottle of suntan lotion.

772. A straw hat.

773. A false moustache.

774. A nutcracker.

775. An Instamatic camera.

776. A flat cap.

777. A thermometer.

778. A silk dressing gown.

779. A bill from a lawyer.

780. A book of autographs.

781. A bottle of vodka.

782. A chocolate bunny.

783. The results of a pregnancy test.

784. A chequebook.

785. A cheque-guarantee card.

786. A cut-throat razor.

787. A railway platform ticket.

788. An engagement ring.

789. A packet of ground coffee (vacuum sealed).

790. A blade from a kitchen blender.

791. A wedding ring (gold).

792. A length of hosepipe.

793. An unopened box of chocolates.

794. A military cap.

795. A gallstone (in a glass jar).

796. A photograph of a ship.

797. A cork from a champagne bottle.

798. An Alice band.

799. A car’s number plate.

800. A red dress.

801. A photograph of teenage males marching.

802. A vacuum cleaner.

803. A brass button.

804. A man’s wristwatch.

805. A set of six wineglasses.

806. A bronze bust of a famous politician.

807. A photograph of an amateur theatre production.

808. A bottle of cough mixture.

809. A doctor’s handwritten journal (seven volumes).

810. A pair of shoes, formerly belonging to a giant.

811. An eyewitness report of an alien sighting.

812. A stamp (franked).

813. A plaster angel.

814. A stethoscope.

815. A pair of white gloves, from a military band’s trombone player.

816. A photograph of a bulldog.

817. A plastic bottle of washing-up liquid.

818. A barometer.

819. A tattoo design.

820. A conductor’s baton.

821. A gas mask.

822. A Valentine’s day card.

823. A silk underskirt.

824. A box of soft-centred chocolates (unopened).

825. A football.

826. A change of address card.

827. A set of liar dice.

828. A digital watch.

829. A list of people.

830. A pair of theatre tickets.

831. A toupee.

832. A baby’s dummy.

833. A jeroboam of very old wine.

834. A number of photographs of naked children.

835. A wallet full of foreign currencies.

836. A black tie.

837. A bicycle saddle.

838. A gimlet.

839. A quantity of fruit-machine tokens.

840. A verruca sock.

841. An answer-machine tape.

842. A bottle of bubble bath.

843. A bride’s bouquet.

844. The skeleton of a fruit bat.

845. A christening gown.

846. A bottle of essence of vanilla.

847. A dead goldfish in a plastic bag of moulding water.

848. A grey overcoat.

849. A bottle of formaldehyde.

850. A name plate.

851. A plastic comb.

852. A kite.

853. A pair of taxidermist’s blunt-tipped scissors.

854. A woman’s swimming costume.

855. An invalid’s hand bell.

856. A polka-dot bow tie.

857. A prison uniform.

858. A rosette.

859. A knife used by a celebrated murderer.

860. A fossil of an ancient centipede.

861. A rabbit hutch (empty).

862. A snowstorm within a plastic dome (souvenir).

863. A spirit level.

864. A number of newspaper cuttings.

865. A turban.

866. A strait-jacket.

867. A number of plant seeds in a packet.

868. An oar.

869. A plastic dustbin.

870. A future chemist’s first periodic table.

871. A conker on a length of string.

872. A history book.

873. A plastic toy astronaut.

874. A hospital patient’s chart.

875. A driving licence.

876. A handkerchief (initialled).

877. A bottle of vitamin tablets.

878. A number of mouse traps.

879. A satellite television disc.

880. A plastic water pistol.

881. A laptop computer.

882. Four pieces of lead guttering.

883. A dried locust.

884. The left speaker from a hi-fi unit.

885. A builder’s helmet (plastic).

886. A car’s aerial.

887. A red beret.

888. A cymbal.

889. A bath plug.

890. A skeleton key.

891. A china teapot.

892. A number of Christmas cards.

893. A photograph of a naked woman and a horse.

894. Seventeen volumes of photograph albums from one family.

895. A child’s molar.

896. An architect’s pen.

897. The pin from a door lock.

898. A theatre programme (autographed).

899. A syringe.

900. The centrifugal governor from a lift.

901. The space bar from a computer keyboard.

902. A pair of handcuffs.

903. A cheque.

904. A doorbell.

905. An alchemist’s chart.

906. A chalk sculpture of an owl’s head.

907. An ancient and inaccurate map of the world.

908. A number of naval sea charts.

909. A recording of a concert pianist.

910. Three theatrical masks.

911. A photograph of a city immediately after it was bombed.

912. An obituary (cut from a newspaper).

913. A rosary.

914. A conch shell.

915. A stopwatch.

916. The provenance of an oil painting (ink on paper).

917. A photograph of a dead man.

918. A pocket electronic game.

919. A bottle of methylated spirit.

920. A miniature wooden yacht.

921. A radio interview (on tape).

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