Obsession (Forbidden #2) (25 page)

‘If you really love me, Jon, you’ll leave me alone. You’ll let me live my life. You’ll let me forget you.’

He walks back over to me, but I breathe in deep and ready myself for his touch, and when it comes I think I do a pretty good job of not letting it affect me.

‘I can’t do that, Kira. I can’t. Not now I’ve seen you. I can’t walk away, not this time. You think I’m throwing all those years away like they never happened?’ He shakes his head, and his eyes are back burning into mine with an intensity I have never experienced before. It’s like some dark spell is being cast around us and I have no chance of reversing it. He’s sucking any strength I thought I might have clawed back right out of me, so easily it’s terrifying. But I can’t let him control me. I can’t. I’m not going back there. He’s not going to erase all those years it took me to become the woman I needed to be – while I was still sleeping with him…
Jesus!
What the hell
am
I?
Who
am I? Who do I really want to be…?

‘I’m in love with another man.’

‘You keep telling yourself that, darlin’, but it’ll never be true. Because you’ll never be over
me
. What we had, that was ended prematurely, with so many loose ends we didn’t tie up…’

‘Don’t…’ I whisper, shaking my head, because there are some things I just can’t face remembering. I can’t, and I don’t want him to go there. ‘You have to leave.’

‘It’s not enough for me to be your client anymore, Kira.’

‘I’m not an escort now.’

‘I know. I know, kid. But the days of you pushing me away are over. I have loved you so fucking much, for so many fucking years, and you aren’t gonna push me away, not anymore.’

His hand drops lower, our eyes locked together as he slides it between my legs and I cry out quietly as he pushes against me, gritting his teeth, and the hatred I feel for my weak, pathetic self intensifies because I know he has me. He’s got me. I’m going to open my legs and let him back inside me and I’m going to hate every beautiful second, but I’m going to let him do it. I need him out of my system. I need to pretend Kira Blu, the escort, is back; treat him like a faceless client who just needs a mindless fuck as some kind of relief.

‘Come on, Kate. You know we can do this.’

He said that name again. He said it, and that’s killed whatever moment that might have been, and I suddenly pull back from him but he grabs my wrist, and his eyes are back on mine, and that spell is being cast again. But he said that name…

‘Be my Kate again, and it won’t feel wrong,’ he whispers, and I feel sick and excited, and scared. I’m still so fucking scared. Again. Because I suddenly realise I’ve spent most of my life being scared.

‘I can’t…’

‘I love you, Kate.’

Oh, Jesus, no. Please, no. No! He isn’t doing this…

‘Don’t do this, Jon, I am begging you… Please, I’m
begging
you…’

‘My beautiful, beautiful Kate…’

The tears I never wanted to cry for him are back, streaming down my face as he kisses my neck, his fingers gently fanning out against it as he presses me to him. ‘I’m begging you, Jon…’

And then his mouth closes in on mine and I’m done. The memories are real and alive all over again, and there’s nothing I can do to shut them back down. But I can’t let him make love to me. I can’t do that, not now. I do that, and I cross the one line I can’t ever come back from. I do that, and Kira Blu dies. I need her to stay. The small amount of strength she offers me, I need that. I need
her
.

‘No!’

I don’t know where it came from, but that one tiny piece of sense I needed to see has made an appearance, and I let go of him.

‘No, Jon.’

He says nothing for a beat or two, just puts his hands in his pockets and tilts his head to one side slightly as he looks at me, like he’d used to do in the past. And I want to reach out and run my fingers over his days-old stubble, kiss his mouth, feel his arms around me, but I can’t. Like I said, we had our chance. We never took it. Game over.

‘I want you to go.’

He smiles, and it’s not a cocky, arrogant smile. Not anymore. This is the Jon I fell in love with. The Jon I wanted to marry. The Jon who promised us a good life with a nice house and two beautiful kids that we’d bring up to be wonderful, amazing people. That life lived in our heads for so long, and it could have been real, it was almost real… if everything had been different; if I’d been a better person. A stronger person. Because I’ve only just realised now how weak I really am. How much I’ve messed up my own life.

‘I can’t live without you, Kate.’

‘Jon, please…’

He’s never going to stop calling me that, no matter how many times I beg him to. He knows what it does to me. He knows the affect it has, and it’s cruel, for him to keep doing it. But I know why. I know why he won’t stop.

‘I’ll never be gone, kid. And you know that. I’m always gonna be there, inside your head; the one thing you could have had that would have made you happy. Really happy. And it isn’t too late. It could still happen. I could still give you everything you need...’

‘Kate doesn’t exist…’

‘She does. She’s still there.’

I shake my head and stay completely still as he comes back towards me, reaching out to gently brush the tears from my cheek.

‘I can see her, behind that mask. I can see her. And she needs me just as much now as she needed me then. And I need
her
. I’m a fucking wreck without her, I have nothing – without her.’

‘This isn’t fair.’

‘
Life
isn’t fucking fair. You just have to grab whatever remnants of happiness you can,
when
you can. It’s a selfish, Godforsaken fucking world we live in, darlin’, and I really don’t care who the hell I hurt to get you back in my bed, but I
will
get you. D’you hear?’ He leans in to me, his mouth once more so close to my ear I can feel his breath warming my skin. ‘You’re my beautiful obsession, Kate. And I won’t leave you alone. You got that?’

His hand moves to my neck again, pressing against it lightly as he gently pushes my head back, his mouth grazing the base of my throat.

‘I won’t leave you alone.’

And then he lets me go, steps back from me and leaves the room.

I know he isn’t lying.

I know he means everything he says.

And I don’t know if I want to be saved anymore…

Twenty-Three

Neal

She has no idea I have cameras in the private areas. I keep the bank of monitors that survey them in a locked room at the back of the office that even
she
has no idea exists. And they’re not there for voyeuristic purposes. I can watch that shit going on quite freely outside in the main club, if I want to. But we have to be careful. What we do here, it all has to be legal. Consenting. One wrong, stupid mistake and we could be shut down. So those private rooms, they need to be checked every now and again. Just to be sure. And tonight, I checked them. I needed to do something to take my mind off all the crap going on right now. Barry’s pissed me off big time. That call, from my lawyer; Barry wants me out of the business. He wants me gone, says I’m too big a risk to our reputation. He says that me dating a hooker and running an underground sex club doesn’t send out the right kind of message, to our clientele. Although, why he felt the need to have my lawyer call me at this fucking hour to let me know all of that, I have no idea. It’s quite obvious he’s just doing anything in his power to be the biggest jerk he can be. And if he’s aiming for bigoted prick of the year, he’s well on the way to that title.

But I’ve got bigger shit to worry about. I can deal with his crap later. Right now, my world is falling apart, and I need to get my head in the right place and prevent it from shattering altogether.

I hadn’t expected to see what I saw, when I checked those private rooms. I mean, if she goes in there, I usually know about it. I didn’t know about this. I didn’t know I was gonna see her, in there, with that same man I saw her with in the photograph. I didn’t know that was gonna happen. But now I’m looking at him touching her naked body; looking at the way she’s staring up at him, and it’s fucking killing me. There’s a rage building inside me I’m not sure I can control, and it’s all I can do to stop my fist from slamming down onto the table in front of me. I want to slam it into his fucking face, I am so freaking messed-up now.

As I look at the small monitor to my left, she’s in his arms, and he’s holding her, and it’s so obvious there’s a history there that I have no idea about…
Jesus!
Surely he isn’t…? She wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t be that way with
him
. She wouldn’t let a man who did that to her touch her like that again, so I’m almost sure he isn’t her ex-boyfriend. He isn’t Simon. I mean, she never described him to me, why would she? She was trying to forget him, not bring him back to life. But that man who’s kissing her in a way only people who truly care about each other kiss; that man, he means something to her, I’m not blind. I can see it quite clearly, even from here.

It’s like a dagger to my already breaking heart as I watch her fingers stroke the back of his neck, the same way they stroke mine. Is she whispering things to him that she whispers to me? Making him promises of hours between her crazy-long legs? Is she about to let him inside that beautiful body; let him take her the way I dream of taking her, even when I’m fucking her? But as I keep watching she pulls back from him, and it looks like he’s said something she doesn’t like, her face – she’s upset, and I’m sure she’s crying…

I drop my head and push my hands through my hair, letting out a loud howl of frustration because I have no fucking idea what’s going on here. It just feels like everything’s turning to crap, it’s all changing, and if I lose her…

Looking back up at the screen she’s alone in the room now, and I’ve never leapt out of a chair so fast in my life, but I’m gonna find that bastard. I’m gonna find out who the hell he is and what he is to her, because I’m not losing her. She isn’t leaving my life, not for anyone, I don’t care who the fuck they are.

I’m out of that room and out of my office, and I’m working on some kind of auto-pilot here because all I can see is a red mist that refuses to budge. I don’t know where he’s gone, but I’m gonna fucking find him.

‘You seen a guy leave the club just now, Alan? Tall, I think his hair’s a dark blonde, maybe light brown…’

‘Been a few guys left the place, Neal. And even more coming in, you know how it is. You could ask Trey on the door, see if he’s…’

I’m not listening anymore. Alan’s obviously seen nothing, he’s no use to me. But I’m gonna assume this man has left the club, and he can’t have gone far, I only saw him leave a few minutes ago. Unless he got straight into a cab –
shit!

I push my way through the crowd gathered at the entrance, out on to the street, and then I stop and take a second to look around me, a few brief beats just to try and get my head together. But that anger and rage is still pent up and desperate to be vented. I need to know who the
fuck
he is.

But when I spot him, sitting on a low wall across the street from the club, I suddenly don’t know what to do. And then he drops his head into his hands, down between his knees and I frown. I’m confused, but then the anger surges forward again and I don’t even know who that anger is aimed at now – Kira, or him. But he’s a threat, to me, to what I’ve only just found with Kira. And I’m not prepared for anyone to take her from me, not now. No one is gonna get to do that while I still have breath left in my fucked-up body.

I stride across the street, dodging the late night traffic, the sound of horns going off and shouts from cab windows not even registering in my brain as I make my way towards this stranger. But he’s a stranger who, not ten minutes ago, had his hand between my girlfriend’s legs while he kissed her in a way that told me he was no client, ex or otherwise. He’s more to her than that, and I need to know what’s going on here.

‘Next time you touch her, you ask first, OK?’

He slowly raises his head and a smirk immediately crosses his face. ‘Sorry, mate, have I done something to upset you?’ He stands up, digging his hands in his pockets, his dark eyes hard and determined as he stares me down, but he doesn’t intimidate me. I’m way past that. ‘Only, I’m getting a bit of a negative vibe from you here.’

‘You’re not welcome in that club –
my
club. D’you hear me? You’re not welcome in there.’

‘She owns that club, too, doesn’t she? I mean, it doesn’t
just
belong to you, does it?’

‘I don’t know who you are, but I know what you’re doing. With Kira. I know.’

He holds up his hands and takes a step back, but he’s still smirking, and my anger isn’t subsiding any.

‘You want me to walk away?’

‘I want you to walk away.’

He shakes his head and steps forward, invading my space just a little too much. ‘Can’t do that, mate. You see, that girl of yours, she belongs to
me
. And I will do anything –
anything
– I have to do to get her back.’

I laugh in his face, but even that doesn’t wipe away the smirk, and I am this fucking close to laying him out. Every inch of me wants to smash my hand through his ribs and rip his beating heart right out of his body. ‘Who
are
you to her, huh?’

He steps back again, and that smirk grows wider as he digs his hands back into his pockets. ‘I’m the man she wanted to marry.’

My frown deepens. The man she
wanted
to marry?

‘Look, I’m not the one who…’ He pushes a hand through his hair and for a brief second I see a flicker of something that makes me real nervous about his presence. I see something that tells me he cares for Kira more than I want him to. ‘I’m not
him
, OK? I’m not Simon.’

‘Then who are you?’

‘The man who loved her for too long. That’s who I am. Look, when that bastard did what he did to her, he didn’t just kill
her
. When he raped her, he killed what
we
had, too. He killed
us
. He ripped away our chance, and I’ve lived with that regret for so many years, but now – now I need her. And I didn’t come all this way to lose this fight, I am gonna win, so you better be ready. OK? You better be ready to fight for her because I’m not leaving without her.’

I can’t get the words out. I want to say something, I want to strike right back at him with threats of my own but I can’t get the words out. He knows about the rape? She told me only me and Joey knew... How many more secrets is she hiding? How many more lies has she told? I can’t get my head around this…

And then he turns and walks away without me having had a chance to fight my corner, but if he thinks I’m taking that crap, he’s wrong. He underestimates what me and Kira have...
Shit!

I let out an almost strangled cry of frustration as I take his place on the wall, dropping my own head into my hands, and I rake them through my hair in an almost manic manner.

She wanted to marry him.

I want to marry her.

And I don’t know when this started to be so fucking hard but whatever’s going on here, no one is taking her from me.

No one.

She has a past I don’t understand.

I want to give her a future that’ll keep her safe and make her happy.

So no one is taking her from me.

Kira

I pull off the wig and shake out my hair, looking at my reflection in the full-length mirror. I look like the weak, pathetic woman I am and I can’t
be
her. So I take a deep breath and drop the robe, staring at my naked body; a body that’s earned me a lot of money. A body that made me the woman I need to be. Is this all I really have left now?

‘Something you want to tell me?’

I swing around to see Neal standing in the doorway, and I start to move but he shakes his head, closing the door behind him.

‘Stay where you are.’

I turn back to face the mirror as he comes up behind me, his arm circling my waist, his lips brushing over my shoulder as his hand rests on my stomach.

‘Who is he, Kira?’

I reach up behind me and wind my fingers in his hair, leaning back against him as his kisses reach my neck. How does he know?
What
does he know? And why aren’t I feeling even the slightest hint of panic at this?

‘Who is he?’

He repeats the question, and I don’t know
how
he knows – a part of me doesn’t want to – but it isn’t something I can walk away from now. This mess has caught up with me. I can’t run anymore.

‘The only man I ever loved,’ I whisper, my fingers clenching in his hair. ‘Until you.’

His hand presses harder against my stomach, his mouth now trailing across my neck and I close my eyes as our fingers thread together.

‘What’s he doing here?’

‘He’s come for me.’

‘Do you want to go?’

I turn around in his arms and his mouth crashes down onto mine so hard I let out a little yelp of pain, but we don’t stop. I’m wrapped around him and up against the wall before either of us can catch our breath, and he’s inside me, pounding into me with such force each thrust slams me back into the wall. He’s taking all his frustration out on me, but he needs to do that. I’m doing it, too. My nails are digging into his flesh, scratching his skin as he continues to fuck me hard and fast, until we both come in a torrent of cries that verge on animalistic; primal, even. But, oh, God, did we need that release!

I keep my legs wrapped around him as we try to catch our breath, my face buried in his shoulder as he holds me tight.

‘I need to know, Kira.’

He pulls back and looks at me. And he’s right. He does.

‘I need to know everything.’