Occult Suspense for Mothers Boxset: The Nostalgia Effect by EJ Valson and Mother's by Michelle Read (2 ebooks for one price) (49 page)

CHAPTER 87

“Are you sure you want to do this, Jennifer? If this doesn’t work, the outcome could be devastating,” John cautions me. I stare at the vial in his hand. I have to remind myself to breathe. I am afraid, but anxious. Sad, but excited. I only have one shot to get back to where I came from. Back to where my soul belongs.

I look at Joe across the room, sitting and waiting patiently. He is scared too -- scared he could lose me forever, his friend and the mother of his child, to something awful. But I know he is in love with Rachel. He is starting to love her in the way he never loved me. I don’t want to be a burden for him. I want them to live their life without me being an obstacle or Joe having to take care of me. I need to do this for him as much as myself.

“Joe, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask him. He nods and stands up from his chair. I reach out my hand to take his as I approach him and I lead him into the kitchen.
I’m struggling to find the right words. I have so much to say to him.

We have come such a long way. When I first arrived in this life, I resented him for a previous marriage that lacked everything I have with Michael. But somewhere along the way something changed and it brought us to a friendship I hadn’t anticipated. He is a good man and a good father. I only want him to have the love and life he deserves and I know that I was never meant to be the one to give that to him. Rachel is.

I fight back the tears as I look into his eyes. I can see his begin to fill with tears too, but he is holding them back. “I can’t thank you enough, Joe. I know this was so hard for you to accept. And I appreciate you believing in me,” I say, straining to speak coherently through my tears.

He squeezes my hand and presses his lips tight.
“You’re welcome,” he says, then drops his head down. I pull him in close and wrap my arms around him. I rest my head on his chest, just like I did the night we danced at the wedding. This time
I
am comforting
him
.

“If this doesn’t work and you see me slipping away, please take Olivia somewhere else. Take care of her and love her for the both of us. Just make sure she knows how much I love her,” I say through tears that now flow abundantly.

He backs away and looks at me. He is scared. “We don’t have to do this, Jen. We can keep things the way they are. We will figure out something,” he begins to plead.

I cup the sides of his face with my hands to force him to look at me. “This is not the way it is supposed to be. We have lives we need to live. People we need to love. We can’t play it safe. We will only resent each other if we do. And you will always wonder ‘what if.’ Besides, Joe, you are having a baby with Rachel.
You
love
her
,” I say.

Joe smiles a little at the thought of this fact. He agrees with me. He knows it’s the truth. Astrid helped him see his future. He knows it is not supposed to be with me. And I can tell that he is truly in love with her. I don’t want to be someone’s “pity wife”.

I remove my hands from his face and pull him in again for another embrace.
“We may never be this way again, but I am grateful that we were for a while,” I whisper in his ear.  

John walks into the room. “Sorry for interrupting, but it’s getting close and we
have
to be specific on the time or we lose a chance of this working,” he explains.

I release Joe and kiss him on the cheek.
“Here’s to our futures,” I say, forcing a smile. He grins slightly and releases me so I can follow John back to the living room.

There is a nervous tension in the room. I feel like I am walking into my ultimate fate. There is no turning back. I have fully committed to this. I want Joe to have the love he deserves and children with the woman I know his heart belongs to. And even though younger Michael doesn’t understand the intensity of my love for him, future Michael would want me back.

Before we proceed I go to Astrid. I look at her for a moment without saying anything. With her, there really isn’t a reason to use words. She already knows what I am feeling. She reaches to embrace me and we stay that way for a moment. “Thank you, Astrid,” I say quietly.

I remind myself I would never go through with this if anyone else would be damaged by the process. But I know when I’m gone, and even if I am not gone but don’t come back as me, their lives will still go on. I will be the most affected in either case. This is a small comfort, as I lie down on the couch.

I turn to face Astrid and Joe, who are standing side-by-side. Her arm is around him. I smile slightly at them, then turn away to face the ceiling.  John kneels down by my side, trying to smile but clearly nervous. “You ready?” he asks. I nod and smile calmly to reassure him. “I’m so sorry if this doesn’t work,” he says.

I raise my hand and hold it over his knuckles, which are white with clasping the vial. “Thank you for everything John. I know that isn’t enough, but I appreciate everything you have done to get me home,” I say quietly.

John is not an emotional person, but I can tell that I have struck a chord -- as he can no longer look me in the eye. His hand begins to shake a bit. He nods with acknowledgement and carefully pulls the small cork from the tiny vial. He follows the hands on his watch carefully.

I close my eyes and take slow deep breaths to calm my nerves. I decide to use a future relaxation technique I would use when I’d wake up in the middle of the night with insomnia or when I couldn’t fall asleep. I tell myself the story of how Michael and I met. This always eases my tension and I could usually relax and fall asleep quickly. I can see Michael’s face in my mind. He looks older. He is smiling at me. He is willing me to come back to him. I breathe in and out.

“Alright, now open your mouth,” John says abruptly. I brace myself for the contents of the vial. I feel vulnerable, my heart is beginning to pound in my chest. “Now,” he says urgently.

A rush of adrenaline scorches through my body as I feel the thick drop of liquid fill my mouth. It takes only a moment for the vial to empty. John pats my shoulder to let me know he is finished and I hear him move away. I close my lips together and swallow. The flavor is bitter, then sweet, then sour, then salty, then my tongue feels numb.

I stay as still as possible with my eyes still closed, as I feel a sudden rush of emotions wash over my body. I have the urge to laugh, and then I feel sad. I even feel a tear run down my cheek. I can hear Astrid, John and Joe quietly repeating the prayer they were told to say. Their voices are starting to drift farther away.

All of a sudden my body feels very heavy. I’m being pulled from behind, but at the same time I have the sensation of being thrust forward. I cannot physically move. I’m still lying down, but I am starting to feel like I am weightless, floating. Their voices keep getting farther away. My ears are plugging, like they are under water. My head starts to throb. I can’t move, I can’t make it stop. I can’t escape. It’s too late.

I feel nauseous. I need to throw up but my mouth won’t open. What if I choke and die? It’s becoming painful. I am all at once trapped, free, sick, hurt, sad, happy, angry, joyful, lost – dead.

CHAPTER 88

I feel my body hit something hard. I gasp for air, but I can’t breathe. It hurts and I still feel sick. My back is pressed against a cold, hard surface. I reach out to feel for around me for anything I can grab onto. I feel something rock-like beneath me, like stone, but it’s smooth.

I will my eyes to open. They hurt and burn. I work to breathe in and out through my nose.
Open!
I shout in my mind. My eyes shoot open. It’s dark. I am somewhere outside. I force my body to turn over on my stomach. My heart is thumping hard inside my chest. I’m terrified. I slowly lift my head and prepare to see my surroundings.

My eyes finally come into focus. I cough a bit as I pull myself up to my knees. I almost throw up, but hold it back. I lean back on my heels and sit up. I take another full breath. The dizziness and nausea begin to wane. I hear no sound. I feel no movement of air.

I look to my left and notice a bright full moon in a dark sky full of stars. It hangs above a field of tall grass. I look down and notice that I am sitting on a slab of dark, glassy marble. It is a path and the moon is reflecting in it.
I look to my right. It is the exact same thing. Another moon, more stars. It is a mirrored image and I don’t know which one is the original. I reach out to the side with both arms. All I feel is open space.

I slowly pull myself up to standing. I can breathe better now and my heart rate is returning to normal. I notice that I am no longer wearing the clothes I left in. Instead I’m in a long, white, sheet-like dress. My eyes continue to adjust into focus. I cannot see any farther than fifty or so feet in front of me. Only the light from the sky is guiding me.

I take small steps with my bare feet on the cold marble walkway. From my left side, I see a comet soar across the sky and then disappear. I instantly see the mirrored image of the same thing on my right side. The tail of the comet vanishes on both sides in unison.

The air is cool, but calm. The blades of grass do not move in the field. I carefully walk to the left and reach out to touch the grass. It feels real. As I touch it, it slowly lights up. Startled, I quickly pull my hand away. Its appearance returns to normal.

I turn around and walk to the opposite side. I now know it is not a mirror, as I cannot see a reflection of myself. It is simply the same. I move to the right and touch a piece of grass in the field on the right. It lights up in the same way. This time I keep my hand on it. It changes colors while in my hand. White, to gold, gold to yellow, yellow to blue, and blue to purple. It’s remarkable.

I don’t know why I am here, but I’m intrigued and I want to see more. I stand in the middle of the marble path and slowly begin to walk forward. The moonlight guides me as I hesitantly move along. The darkness ahead of me doesn’t change shape or reveal anything new. I keep walking. I keep listening for a sign of life, but there is nothing. It is the loudest silence I have ever heard.

I hear a zapping, as if a light is shorting out. In both sides of the sky, a screen lights up and images appear and quickly start to flash in unison. I stop in shock and watch. The sky is acting as if it is a projector screen. The images move so quickly, I can barely make out what they are.

I see shots of hands, cities, the faces of babies, a man, people together. I can’t see any details. I don’t know what or who I am looking at specifically. The images keep looping, they are repeating themselves. I start to notice a pattern. I quickly look left and right to see if the images are staying exactly the same on both sides. I’m now realizing this is a test. My heart is starting to beat faster. I am scared. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information. I try and focus. This is supposed to mean something. It is supposed to resonate with me.

I continue
looking back and forth, from side to side. I’m waiting for something, but I am not sure what yet. As I watch, the images are starting to look more and more familiar to me. I’m seeing images from my childhood, my future life and my past, flash quickly before my eyes.

I study the dueling images. Something isn’t right. They aren’t quite matching completely and the timing of the images seems slightly off.
Look. Focus. Focus!
I tell myself. I realize that one of these sets of images is real and one is not. I quickly recall Jesus’ story. I know I have to figure out which is which, but things are now not as clear as they were before. I’m struggling again to recollect memories. I am questioning my certainty of my life. I’m beginning to doubt my memory.

Three images are now consistently looping. A newborn baby crying, wedding bands being placed on hands, and a cityscape. They keep repeating in order on each screen, but they are moving so fast that I barely have two seconds to focus on them.
I concentrate harder.

I see it...I see it! The wedding bands on the left. They aren’t right. They aren’t mine. They aren’t our hands. “That one!” I yell and point at the one on the right, though I know there is no one to hear me. The images freeze. They stop on the pictures of the hands with the wedding bands. The one on my right is clearly the correct one. It is a picture of Michael and my hands on our wedding day. The one on the left is not our hands, nor our wedding rings.

I feel my feet start to warm a little bit. I look down and see that the marble floor is beginning to change color, turning slightly golden, and there is a line of light beginning to emerge beneath my feet. It extends out in front of me. I move ahead a few steps ahead and it moves as well.

I start to run. I run fast. The faster I run the more it extends. I follow it. I run even faster. My feet are slapping hard against the marble, but I don’t care. I run. I am not paying attention to anything other than following this stream of light beneath the path, though I don’t know where it will take me.

I still hear nothing, I see nothing. Suddenly I don’t see the line either. I fall. I scream. Who will hear me?