Oden (19 page)

Hank and I talk almost entirely until our flight. We don’t sleep, and he gives me food to eat, which I do, just to avoid the argument that would happen if I didn’t.

When we eventually board our flight, we sit down in the first row that has two seats free. Even though I try to stay awake, I fall asleep quickly and don’t wake up once during the flight. Thankfully, I don’t have a single nightmare.

We land in Sydney to find things aren’t as set up as they were in London. Flights aren’t as common since there are apparently only three pilots that are able to fly the planes. They are giving up time which could be spent going home and seeing what state their houses are in, or spending time with their families, however they do need to sleep and rest. Therefore, a lot of people are stranded here who want to go to not only New Zealand, but also places in Indonesia. So many that, when Hank asks when the next flight he can get on will be, he’s told it won’t be for weeks. We look into the chance of getting a boat over there, but nothing like that is up and running yet.

I find issues getting transport to Victoria, as a result I decide to hang out with Hank in Sydney, helping to rebuild what we can while we wait for a flight to be available.

I enjoy my time reconnecting with Hank. We’re friends, and even though we have both been through hell the past few months, it’s nice to reminisce about good times. I almost believe that maybe I’m going to be okay. Maybe I can get through this.

Hank wants me to go to New Zealand with him. He says we’ll pick up Hannah, and if Logan is with her, we’ll take him, too, and then we can all live together and take care of each other over there. I do think about it, mostly because I fear the memories of Mum and Dad will be too hard here, but I can’t make a decision like that without Hannah. Furthermore, after how Lisa felt about Marduke, I think maybe I could use some space from her. If she tries to give me an ‘
I told you so,’
I might go postal.

I enjoy Hank’s company, help clear some debris from a street that looks as though a bolder went through it while Hank uses his knowledge of engines to bring some cars back to life. We sleep in random houses, cleaning things up as we go and not touching anything personal. Then, too soon, he’s leaving me.

I hug him so tightly and for so long that he has to pry my hands away to let him go. I cry as his plane takes off. When my tears finally finish, I turn and make my way to the bus terminal. Hopefully, the wait won’t be too long.

When I make it to Victoria, I find Hannah and Logan already there.

Chapter 15

Marduke

“You can put him down here,” Hannah grumbles. She reaches towards a pot plant placed by the front door, pulls at the leaves, and digs a little into the dirt before standing up straight, keys in hand. When she moves to unlock the front door, though, it’s already unlocked.

“Maybe I should check it out, just to be safe,” I suggest carefully, aware that Hannah has had nothing other than hostility towards me since I told her of Mattie’s fate.

“I’m sure Mum wasn’t even thinking when we left. Locking the door wouldn’t have been a concern for either her or Dad,” she points out, but her hesitancy is enough to push me into action.

“Just to be safe,” I mutter, handing over a sleeping Logan to her and then opening the door fully. “Stay out here until I say it’s safe,” I demand, my attention turning back to the darkened room. I flick a light switch and watch it all light up.

I had waited until the power was back on in this part of Australia before allowing them to come back, another sore point with Hannah. She wanted off Oden as quickly as possible. Since she won’t let me stay with her and make sure things are fine, we compromised.

With the room lit up, I find myself distracted by photos hanging on the wall. Forgetting that I’m supposed to be checking for intruders, I instead rush forward and stare at the hanging photos. The ones ranging from when Mattie was a baby to a recent photo of her in a sports uniform, a ball tucked under her arm. She looks so young, so innocent, and absolutely beautiful.

“Oh man, look at the all the dust!” Hannah’s voice jolts me out of my trance.

I glare at her when I can finally pull my attention away from the photos of Mattie. “I told you to stay outside.”

“Why, so you could ogle Mattie in silence?” she snaps, moving to the fridge and cursing when the horrible smell emanates from it. “Oh, that is nasty.”

“Are you leaving?” Logan’s quiet voice stops me from giving Hannah a sarcastic retort. I’m not sure why, but I feel a lot like arguing with her, even though I have no right to. She has every reason to hate me.

“Not yet. Are you hungry or thirsty?” I ask him, thinking of the piles of food and water I left outside in bags for them. If Hannah isn’t going to allow me to look out for them, then I’m going to leave them with enough long-life food supplies to last them for months.

Logan shakes his head no, and I lean down and pick him up again. I feel a twinge of pain every time I hold him like this. Mattie was carrying a boy. I could have been holding my son like this if things had gone differently.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Stop looking at her if she makes you realise how guilty you are,” Hannah snaps, pushing me aside so she can rip photos off the wall.

“What are you doing?” I gape, watching her take down every photo and throw them onto the couch, all facing downwards.

“I don’t want to look at everyone I lost,” she states sadly.

“Are you going to throw them away?” I can’t bear the thought of her ditching anything that has Mattie on it. Her image should be treasured and perhaps even worshiped. I know I’ll always remember and love her. She’s with me forever now.

“No, I would never do that.”

I nod, wishing I could ask her if I can take one while knowing I don’t deserve it.

“Which room can he sleep in?” I notice Logan has already begun dozing in my arms.

“Hang on and I’ll see what the spare room looks like.” She brushes past me and I follow, peeking into every room I pass. Nothing is out of order other than an obvious rush to pack and get out of here. There is no sign of a break in.

“I’ve put new sheets on for him and opened a window. I think tomorrow is going to be a cleaning day.” Hannah ushers me over and I walk into a mostly bare room.

I sit Logan on the bed and his body sags, his eyes struggling to stay open.

“I’m going to leave you here with Hannah,” I say sadly, hating to disappoint him. He’s asked me constantly to stay, but I’ve fed him the excuse that I am needed to help fix things on Oden, and that means I can’t stay here with him. Hannah made it very clear that I’m not welcome, and to be honest, after everything that has happened, I need to be busy.

Every time I stop to think about what has happened, I feel overwhelmed. I don’t know how to handle such strong emotions. The love I feel for Mattie is stronger than anything I have felt before. It’s terrifying and all-consuming sometimes, but the good memories far outweigh the bad. I simply have to be strong enough to look past my grief to remember the good times. Sadly, I’m often weak rather than strong. My grief is overwhelming and suffocating, and I don’t know how to handle it, therefore it is better if I am too busy to acknowledge how lost I am. Only during the time before I go to sleep does the hatred for myself seep in and smother me.

“Don’t go…” Logan cries, his fists gripping my shirt as if that will keep me here with him.

“I’m sorry. I need you to do something for me, do you think you can do that?” I watch as a spark of curiosity flares along with his sadness.

“What?” he asks me slowly.

“I need you to look out for Hannah. It’ll be your job to keep her safe. Make sure if she needs a hug, you’re there to give her one. If she brings any boys around the house, you are to scare them off.”

Hannah snorts aloud by the doorway, but when she sees me glance over at her, she wipes the small smile off her face and glares at me.

“Can you do that for me?” I ask, trying to sound serious without scaring him.

He nods that yes he can.

“And I need you to behave. Whatever Hannah says, you do, okay?”

He hesitates for a moment, but then he’s nodding his agreement again.

“Thank you.”

“Will you come back soon?”

“I will try, but no promises.” I do plan to pop in occasionally. Hannah might not like it, and Ival definitely won’t, but I owe it to Mattie to at least make sure nothing bad happens to them.

He nods, a few stray tears falling down his face as he loses his struggle to keep his eyes open.

I settle him back against the pillow, pulling the covers up to his chin and tucking him in. I kiss him lightly over his hair, taking in the small, sleeping figure who has also found a place inside my heart.

I leave, setting the door ajar and finding Hannah leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for me.

“Should we have taken him back to America? You’re sure no one will be looking for him? We’re not taking him away from anyone?” she asks me, her uncertainty obvious.

“To be honest, I don’t know. He might have an aunt or an uncle somewhere, but there is no one he remembers or has mentioned. If he does, they are obviously a distant relative. Trying to find someone like that right now will be near impossible, and the chances that they even survived?” I shrug at her, but my mention of the possible death of humans only angers her.

“Well, good because there is no way I’m giving him up. He’s part of my family now. He was practically Mattie’s chi—” Hannah quickly stops speaking, but the words she didn’t exactly speak aloud have already caused a stabbing pain in my chest.

“Can I see her room?”

“Why?”

“I just want to see it.” I consider begging, wondering if it would sway her at all, but surprisingly, she gives in easily.

“Fine, but then I want you to go.”

“Thank you.”

I move towards the door Hannah indicates, and after taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I open the door slowly.

I smell the dust and musky smell of air trapped for too long. I turn on her light, opening the window, and then stare at the room that Mattie lived in for most of her life.

There are posters on the walls, sport stars I’ve never heard of. One book shelf is full of trophies and medallions, another one full of textbooks and novels. Her desk is clean, and there are a few scattered photos of her with her parents, one of her and a dog when she must have been Logan’s age, and then one with her and a woman I don’t recognize. From the basketball uniform the woman is wearing, I guess she got to have her photo taken with one of her basketball idols.

This room is at odds with the Mattie I knew. This room is organized, calm, and innocent. There is no danger here, no fears or worries trapped in this room.

As Hannah leaves me alone, I brush my fingers over everything, knowing Mattie would have touched these things at some point. Nothing smells like her, yet I still sense a small part of her here.

I sit on the bed, ignoring the dust, and close my eyes, trying to imagine her here. It forces the ache in my chest to grow. When it becomes too much, I know it’s time for me to leave. I have to somehow figure out how to let her go.

I find Hannah in her own room, changing the sheets on her bed to ones that are clean.

“I want you to take this.” I hold out a small stone to her.

“What is it?”

“It has a small button on it. If you press it, I will be alerted that you need me. I promise I will drop whatever I’m doing and get here as fast as I can.”

“What could I possibly need you for?” She sounds genuinely perplexed.

“I don’t know. I would just feel better if you have it.”

“Well, I don’t want it.”

“Take it anyway,” I snap, watching as she grabs the stone out of my hands and then roughly opens her drawer by her desk and throws it in there.

Not exactly what I want, but it’ll do.

“I’ll be back to check on Logan; make sure he’s doing all right.”

“I don’t want you to come back. You’re just a reminder that my sister trusted and loved you and now she’s dead,” she says harshly.

“I owe it to her to make sure you are safe. She would want me to check on you.”

Hannah glares at me, but after crossing her arms over her chest, she doesn’t argue that point. “Fine, but make sure it’s not for a while. I can do this on my own, and I don’t need you looking over my shoulder every five minutes.”

Her attitude reminds me a little of Mattie, and I smile sadly at her.

“That, I can do.”

“Good,” she huffs, turning her back to me. “Bye,” she dismisses me, already busying herself with pulling out clothes from her closet.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry, Hannah. I’m sorry for everything.”

“Yeah, well, your apology isn’t accepted. I’ve lost everything, and while not all of it is your fault exactly, a lot of it is. So just leave me alone.”

I stand frozen for a moment, watching as she goes back to her clothes, acting as though I don’t exist. I think she probably wishes I didn’t.

I leave the house, going outside and grabbing hold of the food and taking it back inside to the kitchen. I check the hot water, make sure the fridge works, and then check all the windows and doors to ensure they are secure. I clear out the spoiled food, taking the rubbish out the back and leaving it in a bin. I’m sure it will be a while before any of this will be removed, however at least it’s no longer in the house.

The area is quiet, most people congregating in New South Wales where the airplanes are dropping people off. It will be a while before anything here even appears a little bit back to normal.

After all the humans are returned, we’re going to have to also focus on bringing back the animals taken. It won’t be like the humans; we can’t just place them all in populated cities and assume they’ll make their own ways back to their natural habitats.

This whole thing is a mess, and one that we deserve to be in. It’s just a shame we have dragged the humans down into it, too. I keep expecting Ival to go back on his word. He’s determined to get Oden back to its original state as quickly as possible, but he’s allowing our soldiers to help transport the humans. He’s giving out resources to help with the efforts here.

I don’t think he ever considered returning Earth to the humans, not even when he told Mattie he would do it. He was willing to forget that promise he made, but after we took back Oden, one of the first things we did was start removing the dead bodies from the streets. I think he saw how many humans we actually lost fighting our war. The number was astounding enough that I believe he rethought his stance. I think it was a sacrifice big enough even he couldn’t ignore.

I don’t believe my brother has changed much since this war. He’s still harsh, still determined and unforgiving. He remains furious at me. I sometimes expect him to demand either my death or exile for what I did with Mattie, and what I was willing to give up for her. He has spared my life so far, though.

He can’t exactly forget that Mattie did actually save us all. Without her, it would have been incredibly unlikely we would have made it onto Ival’s spaceship. We needed our ships operational to win the war. Without them, there would have been much more death. It would have taken months for us to fight off all the Claws, and Jeprow could have left us at any time, getting more reinforcements and extending the war even longer. There was still a great chance we would have lost. We owe our freedom to her, and the only reason she was there was because of me. Subsequently, Ival spares my life, and I have to live with the fact that I killed the woman I love.