Oden (22 page)

“Hi,” I huff, moving straight to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

“Guess what! Guess what!” Lisa screams in my ear. I have to hold the phone away to stop myself from getting permanent hearing damage.

“You finally decided on how you want your hair for the wedding?” I guess, recalling
three
separate conversations on that discussion.

“Are you kidding? No way. I’ve been thinking, now I might do it up in this braid where the hairdresser would—”

“Stop! What did you actually call me about?” I do
not
want to make this a fourth conversation about her hair.

“Oh, right. I’m pregnant!” she screeches, and I swear my neighbours most likely heard her, too.

“Wow, congratulations!” I tell her, feeling shell-shocked.

“It was totally unplanned, but Hank was so excited when he found out. He picked me up and ran around the house with me, screaming out the good news,” she says with laughter in her voice.

“I’m so happy for you guys.” I hope I sound it. I’m not sure I feel anything except shock and a grief hitting me again.

“I know you were going to try to come here for the wedding, but we might push that back now. You’ll come when I have the baby, though, won’t you?”

“Of course, I’ll book myself on the first flight.” My voice cracks. Oh, no, I have to get off this call right now. “Listen, pass on my love to Hank, but I have to go now. Logan needs me to help him with something, so I’ll call you again soon.”

“Okay, I hope everything is all right with you.” Her voice is quiet. I know she’s aware I’m lying.

“It’s great, thanks, Lisa. Bye.”

I quickly hang up and take deep breaths. Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. This is good news, and if I’m at all a good friend, then I won’t let my own grief ruin this news. Because I
am
happy for Lisa, I truly am. Lisa and Hank are perfect together, and from what I’ve gathered from our conversations, since they reconnected in New Zealand last year, everything has been picture-perfect. They deserve it, too. They both went through hell, and now they get their happy ending.

I’ve got nine months to get over feeling so selfish. Will seeing Lisa and Hank happy with their child kill me a little? Yes, but I can suck it up and be happy for them.

The world is moving on. Just because I’m frozen in mourning doesn’t mean I can’t also be happy for my friends and be around babies. They’re not evil.

With tears still blurring my eyesight, I decide a shower will help me to feel better. I don’t bother grabbing fresh clothes, deciding I might as well enjoy having the house to myself. This will be the first time since I came home that I have been alone.

Stripping off my clothes, I hop into the shower and let my tears out there. At least I don’t have to hear them in here and can lie to myself and say it’s just the water from the shower.

I don’t stay in too long, feeling itchy and claustrophobic. Afterward, I grab a towel and consider going for another run instead of sitting in this quiet house alone. My thoughts always calm when I’m running. I can exhaust myself to the point I won’t lie in bed, letting my mind wander. That’s always the worst part of the day for me.

I step into my room and head towards my drawers, pulling out fresh underwear and a sports bra. It’s not completely insane to have a shower before a run, right?

A throat clearing behind me scares me to death, and since it’s so dark in here, all I can see is a silhouette of a man sitting on my bed.

I scream, afraid that, not only has a man broken into my house, but he has found me in the compromising position of being almost naked.

I grab the basketball resting on top of my dresser, one that I have covered in professional basketball players autographs, and ditch it at the man. He holds his arms out, seemingly surprised by the attack, and I take his distracted state and run.

I make it out into the lightened hallway when he calls my name and I freeze in place.

I could have sworn… Was that actually…? It’s not possible, right?

“Mattie, please wait!” Marduke’s voice pleads. Without turning around, I know he’s standing behind me. I feel him there.

“What are you…? How are you…?” I splutter, slowly facing him and dragging my eyes from his legs, up his chest, and landing over his handsome face. Was he always this good looking?

“I thought you were dead,” he says, neither sounding pleased that I’m not, nor accusatory that I’ve lied to him by omission.

“I thought you were on Oden,” I reply, my voice sounding weak. I grip the towel around me tightly, my movement bringing his eyes down to my hands and then the rest of me. I watch him visually gulp, and for whatever reason, his gaze warms me, as though his eyes have the power to send heat through me wherever they land.

I’ve been numb to anyone’s advances, touches, and flirting, but with one look from Marduke, I’m turned on. What the hell?

“I was, but Hannah called for me.”

“She what?” I gasp, my grip forgotten for a moment and I almost lose the towel entirely.

As Marduke turns his head, giving me a profile view of his face, I fear it’s because he’s disgusted by me. Does he hate me that much?

“I gave her a way to contact me if she needed help. I didn’t want to leave her and Logan here without a way to get in touch. She’s not used it once, but a week ago, she activated it. I came straight away, but as you know, we don’t exactly live the closest…” He trails off, and after a deep breath, turns to look at me again.

Inside, I curse Hannah. Both for having a way to contact Marduke the entire time and not telling me, and because she gave me no notice that he was coming. I sure as hell wouldn’t be standing naked with just a towel wrapped around me if I knew he was going to be here.

“So this is why she and Logan are out for the night?” I say, more to myself than to him.

“She was here when I arrived. She explained that she still didn’t like me, but she was worried about you. She thought you were stuck in your grieving process and needed help. I almost thought she was lying to me, trying to hurt me by telling me you were still alive, but then Logan confirmed it.

“What happened to you? I searched for you in the water. I… I couldn’t find you. How did you survive it?”

I look down at my bare feet, unable to meet his gaze. No doubt it’s full of hatred for me.

“Just a bit of luck really. I managed to get under the spaceship, the same place where we jumped out of. The hatch was open when we hit the water. I got out before it sunk too low and just swam.” I shrug. “Next thing I know, I’m waking up and a soldier has found me. He took me to get medical help, and I didn’t leave there until they stuck me on a spaceship to come back to Earth.”

“You never bothered to let anyone know you were alive? Were you trying to hurt me by pretending you were dead?” His accusation shocks me, managing to stroke the fires of my own anger.

“I
was
dead. I died the moment Riley was taken away from me!” I snap at him.

“So you decided to deal with it on your own and leave me?”

“Leave you? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’d never kid about this because you matter to me. I would never have hurt you or lied to you like this.”

“You think this is about you? It was never about you!” I snap, shoving his chest and forcing him to take a step back to right himself. “I needed time to think, time to mourn!”

“And you couldn’t have done that with me? You had to be selfish and do it all on your own?” After he charges at me and I retreat, my back hitting the wall behind me, he stands directly in front of me, almost touching me.

“I’m selfish? I didn’t ask for any of this to happen! There wasn’t exactly a manual I could read where it told me how to act and what to do!”

“I wouldn’t have thought you would need a manual to know to tell me you are alive,” he snaps.

“Is this why you’re here? To yell at me?” I cry, shoving him again, but instead of moving back, he moves forward, his arms boxing me in further while I look up into his fiery, green eyes.

“I mourned you for the past year. I searched that water for your remains for weeks because I hated knowing you were down there with those Claws. I barely slept or ate while every day I was in that water searching the wreckage for you. It killed me to know I couldn’t take you home.”

Tears spill down my cheeks, and my breath hitches when one hand reaches out and wipes them away. His touch causes my heart rate to spike, and I find his warmth soothing. I take a deep breath, surrounded by him and his scent. Instinctively, I lick my lips, wanting to lean forward and taste him, but I shake away those thoughts and where they might lead.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was alive. I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was just so lost. I thought you blamed me for what happened to Riley.” I look away from his gaze as I say our baby’s name. It still hurts to say it out loud. “When Ival was the one to contact me on the spaceship with Jeprow, I thought you hated me and didn’t care whether I lived or died. I thought that it was over.”

“Mattie…” he whispers my name, his breath brushing my neck as he leans in even closer. His arms wrap around me, urging me forward into them, and I let him bundle me up against his body. It feels so good to be in his arms again.

I tuck my towel back into the side and then move my arms around him, loving the feel of his warmth and muscles underneath his t-shirt at his back as they shudder under my touch.

Breathing in his familiar scent brings back so many memories. Ones of us running for our lives, times he shielded my body with his own, and nights we were naked and wrapped tightly around each other. His scent reminds me of warmth, pleasure, and safety.

“I never hated you, and I definitely never blamed you. I just wish I knew a year ago that you were alive. I never would have let you go.”

“I couldn’t live on Oden.” I shake my head, feeling sick at the thought.

“You wouldn’t have had to,” he assures me. “I never would have made you stay there.”

“You would have come back to Earth with me?”

“I’d have gone anywhere with you.” His words choke me.

I lean my cheek back over his chest, feeling the quick beat of his heart under my ear. He’s not wearing his vest, and in this moment, I’m grateful he’s not. I need his warmth soaking into my numb body. His strength and heat is thawing me. However, I fear the moment when I have to pull away, when Marduke leaves me and I am alone again.

“Do you have to go back to Oden soon?”

“I’m not going back, not now.” His arms tighten around me.

“Won’t that cause problems? Won’t Ival come looking for you?” I hate to admit it, but I’m terrified of this happening again. What if Ival comes to Earth and he brings his fleet of machines again?

“Ival knew one day I’d leave Oden and never come back. He might have even known it when I left this time. He won’t come looking for me, not now.”

I’m speechless. Could this really work? Could we be safe together here? And has this conversation shifted to talking about moving in together? Is that the right thing to do? I’m a mess, and I’m not the same person Marduke knew during the invasion. I’m warped and dark and sad now. I lost part of myself on Oden. What if, deep down, he does blame me? Moreover, what if I begin to change him for the worse, too? What if I drag him into my deep mourning and any chance of happiness he might find is lost?

I open my mouth, searching for the right words to say, but instead, I notice something dark over his neck. I let the distraction take hold, dreading the time that will come when I have to tell him goodbye.

“What is this?” I stand on my tiptoes to see black etchings over the side of his neck. I touch my fingers to them, tracing them as his skin heats under my touch.

“It’s a tattoo, an addition to our family history. I got it done just before Hannah called.”

“What does it say?” I wonder if this is about Earth.

“It’s just some nonsense about the war. Basically, that we are better than everyone, and this war we faced and won is proof of that.” He shrugs at me, sounding unenthusiastic.

“Is that the only one you got?” I wonder why he got it on his neck and not over his chest.

“No, there is one for Earth on here, too. Want to see?”

“Yes.” I nod.

As he steps back, I realise too late that my towel has untucked itself. It falls between us too quickly for me to catch. I freeze, leaning against him, not sure what to do.

“Are you completely naked right now?” His voice is a little shrill and sounds as though it comes from the back of his throat.

“Maybe…” I murmur. I stay leaning against his body and shiver when his hands move back around me, sliding over my bare back and ass.

“Marduke, not like this,” I beg, feeling too emotionally all over the place right now.

His hands move to my hips, and I know exactly when he feels my scar. His entire body tenses. I swear he just changed from hot blooded to frozen.

I feel chilled against him as I watch him step back, his hands stay on my hips to keep me in place, and even though I’m completely exposed to him right now, his eyes are glued to the scar where Riley was taken away from me.