Authors: Ember Shane
"Doyle, are you a virgin?" she asked.
I just stared at her. I didn't know whether to lie and tell her yes to ease the rejection she felt or to be insulted. Hadn't she felt what I felt? I made the quick decision that I would not lie to her. I would like to think I made the choice solely because it had been the right thing to do, but I would be lying if I said telling the truth had not played a part in smoothing my ruffled pride.
"No, Addy
, I'm not a virgin," I said. Her smile faded.
"Wel
l, I guess that makes sense. I sure don’t get the virgin vibe from you," she said.
My ego remained intact.
"Have you been with a lot of girls?" she asked, unable to face me.
Crap
, I thought. In my effort to salvage my pride, I now had wounded her twice. Not only was I not able to be intimate with her but I had been with others.
"No, not many, and not any for a long time," I answered, cupping her chin so I could stare into her eyes.
"Why not?" she asked softly.
I shrugged. "Because I wanted to wait until it meant something
, and I hadn't met anyone I wanted to date. Not until now." I held Addy's gaze.
"And you can't now because?" she prompted.
I could see her point. Even to my own ears, I sounded incapable of giving a straight-forward answer.
"Could maybe we just date a little while first? I want it to be perfect for you.
I
want to be perfect for you." I touched her cheek and the dormant fire in my gut flared, reminding me of its existence.
Her face felt soft and warm in my palm.
"Okay Doyle," she whispered.
We stood there for
a while, not sure what to do next, until Addy finally broke the silence.
"Well, you
wanna watch a movie? I've got some DVDs you can look through." She smiled. I smiled back, relieved that at least for the moment, the awkwardness had passed.
"Sounds great."
Thirty minutes later, we were kicked back on her sofa. I was on one of the end recliners with Addy nuzzled up next to me, under a thick, lilac comforter she had pulled from her bed. The beginning scene of
Highlander
lit up the flat screen at the same time an unwelcome thought entered my mind.
"Addy?" I asked casually, "How many guys have you been with?"
She picked her head up from my chest to look at me, and there was a trace of a smile on her lips.
"Oh, not many," she said, mimicking my earlier answer to her, before returning her head to its original resting spot.
Hmm
.
"Okay, then, can I at least
ask how old you are?"
"Yes, you may ask," she answered, the
playfulness evident in her voice. This time she didn't bother to lift her head up.
"Addy, dear, how old are you?" I asked, playing along.
"25," she said, pausing before she continued. "Is that too old for you?" There was a trace of concern in her voice.
I laughed. "25
isn't old," I said.
She snuggled closer
, and we fell into a comfortable silence as the movie played on.
12
"Doyle, kiss me." Addy was lying on her back with her head on my thigh. Gazing up at me, she pulled her mouth down into a pout.
"You know I can't," I spoke softly.
"My last boyfriend kissed me a lot. He was really,
really
good at it," she sulked.
"I'm not your last boyfriend," I replied, growing agitated.
"Obviously," she answered, rolling her eyes.
I looked around the room. It was all as I had remembered it, but something felt different.
"Wait a minute; I know what's going on here. I'm dreaming," I said as a wave of relief crashed down around me.
"Does that mean you'll kiss me?" asked Addy hopefully.
I thought for a moment.
Surely I could be free to do as I pleased in my dreams
. I couldn't see any harm in it.
"Come here," I said.
Addy slowly rose to meet me until her face was in front of mine.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked, knowing the answer. This was, of course,
my
dream, and I knew what I wanted her to say. At least here I could control the situation.
"
Mmm hmm," she said, batting her eyes.
I kissed her and the heat began to spread. It started slowly, but soon liquid fire slid through my veins. I didn't stop.
"Doyle, wait," Addy mumbled under the crush my mouth.
I could not remember anything ever tasting as good as the sweetness of Addy’s mouth. I deepened the kiss, and
she pressed against my chest.
No, wait, this wasn't supposed to happen. This was my dream. I should be in control here.
I pulled away to look at her.
"Addy, you want me to kiss you, remember?" I asked, running my hand through her hair.
"No, I changed my mind," she responded petulantly.
A surge of anger swept through me.
"You're the one that asked me to kiss you!" I growled.
"Well, I'm done now," she said, getting up and walking away into the bedroom.
I followed behind her. But instead of finding Addy in the bedroom, I found a monster. It was repulsive with sickly, blue skin and huge, black, abysmal eyes. A row of long, razor-tipped teeth spilled forward from the recesses of its mouth. It screamed at me, a mournful shriek of pain. I staggered clumsily toward the door.
This may have been my dream, but it was clear I was no
t in control. I turned to run and heard it move. I had just entered the living room when I saw it flash across the ceiling ahead of me. I froze, and it dropped from the ceiling to squat on its haunches in front of where I stood.
"Doyle," it hissed. "Let me out," it spat in foreign, clipped tones, slightly swaying from one leg to another.
I stumbled backward until I reached the front door, careful not to turn my eyes from the creature.
"LET ME OUT!" it screamed, briefly shooting to its full height, before returning to its unnatural crouched position.
I had my hand on the door handle when I heard Addy's voice down the hall.
"Doyle, I'm sorry. Come kiss me again," she was calling.
The thing looked at me. "Pretty girl," it snarled in broken syllables and flew down the hall before I could blink.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, over and over and over. Pain ripped through me. I could hear Addy screaming. I couldn't move
. Something was holding me down. I opened my eyes and saw Addy sitting next to me, softy rubbing my arm.
"Doyle! It's okay. It's okay." Tears streamed down her face. I tried to say something, tell her it was alright, but I couldn't get anything out. My voice was gone. When she saw I was no longer convulsing, she let me go and just sat still beside me on the couch. She cried while I slowly found my voice.
"Addy," I spoke hoarsely.
"Wait, don't speak, let me get you some water," she said, bolting up and heading into the kitchen. She returned with a cold bottle of water and put it to my lips.
"Drink," she commanded. I let the water slide down my throat and ease the rawness of my vocal chords. I downed half the bottle before I tried to talk again. I gently pushed it away before shoving myself higher up in the recliner.
"Addy, I
'm so sorry," I choked out. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"
It’s okay, Doyle," she said after a minute. "I've seen night terrors before. Why didn't you tell me?"
"They just started. I guess I've been under a lot of stress lately. I'
ve never had one that bad though. Addy, I'm so, so sorry. Please don't ever be afraid of me."
She fell against my chest
, and we lied there for a while, watching the light stream in from around the curtain, growing brighter as dawn approached.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to discuss it, but I felt like I owed her at least an explanation. I ran my hand through her hair, brushing it back from her cheek and sighed.
"I dreamt something was after you
; A monster. And I couldn't save you."
She adjusted her position so that her head was in my lap
, allowing her to gaze up at me. She took my hand and brought it to her mouth. I stared down at her as she kissed the palm of my hand, and I was seized with guilt. How could I have been so irresponsible to fall asleep here, knowing full well the kind of dreams I had been having over the past week. It had been a selfish thing to do.
With the tip of my index finger, I softly traced around her hairline before ending in front of her ear. Her hair still felt damp from her tears. I lowered my hand to follow the line of her neck and stopped at the base of her throat. I was cut off by my own green hooded sweatshirt she still wore from the previous night.
She closed her eyes and sighed. My entire body ached to kiss her, but I didn't dare.
After a few minutes of continued silence, I heard a car drive up and the motor switch off. There was a slam of car doors
, and I could hear Chuck's voice coming up the sidewalk.
"You're psychotic! You know that, right?"
"Just because I don't want to date you doesn't make me psychotic. However, your calling me psychotic because I won't date you does make you a megalomaniac," Kai's voice evenly argued back.
I heard a lot of guttural Chuck-like noises and hoped he wasn't having a stroke.
"I guess I should go open the door," said Addy, remaining where she was, eyes still closed.
"We could pretend we aren't here," I suggested. She smiled.
There was a knock at the door. Neither of us moved.
"Seriously, is there medication you should be taking? I can help you find a doctor. HELP ME TO HELP YOU.
HELP. ME. TO. HELP. YOU
," Chuck annunciated each word and I imagined there were a lot of wild hand gestures involved.
"Oh, that's right. You're back to doing the knight with a shining wallet bit.
Because everyone must need your help, right?" Kai responded.
There were soft, gagging noises
, and for a moment, I experienced real fear that one of them might be choking the other. Addy and I moved in unison toward the door.
I was the first one to reach it and I wrenched it open, panicked at what I might find.
Kai stood staring at us with her arms crossed, tapping her foot against the sidewalk, looking utterly bored. Chuck was a couple feet behind her, face flushed, hands pulling at his hair.
"Chuck, breathe!" I yelled.
There was a sharp intake of breath as his eyes met mine. He let it out slowly.
"She's evil," he said in a
loud whisper, drawing out the long e sound in evil.
"Drama
queen much?" Kai asked, before pushing past me into the living room.
Chuck began to nervously flutter his fingers together. "Doyle, just let me shake her. I'll shake her real good. I won't hit her. I swear I won't hit her.
Just one good shake."
I lightly slapped Chuck on each cheek. "Dude, breathe."
I put my hands on his shoulders and took a deep breath and blew it out, as a visual tutorial. After inhaling and exhaling a few good times, his pupils slowly constricted to their normal size and the tremors in his hands stilled.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," he said, dazed.
"Give me a minute to say good-bye to Addy, and I’ll meet you in the car," I said very calmly to Chuck, fearing he still stood on a slippery slope of sanity.
"Yeah, the car.
I'll wait in the car," he said meekly, before turning and making his way toward the Dodge.
I turned to Addy who had remained in the doorway through the entire scene. She was clearly amused.
"You could've helped me out a little," I teased her.
"It looked like you had it
under control," she grinned.
I walked up to the door, so that I stood directly in front of her. I put my hands on either side of the door frame and dipped my head so that we were eye to eye with one another.
"I'm going to miss you today," I said.
"So don't go," she said softly, pleading with wide eyes.
I inhaled deeply, and the scent of honeysuckle overwhelmed me.
"You smell so good," I said, leaning in to breathe in the scent of her hair.
An instant mental image of the blue monster flashed before me, and I pulled back.
"But I have to go," I said to her. "I'm meeting my grandfather today
. At least, I'm going to try. And I'm pretty sure that if I don't put some distance between Chuck and Kai, some of us aren't leaving the scene unscathed," I continued, smirking.
"Okay, I suppose I can let you leave for a
while," she relented.
She ran her hand up my arm
, and the upper half of my body broke out in goosebumps. For the first time, I realized the temperature had continued to drop overnight. I shivered again.
"Poor baby, you're cold," Addy said with a wicked grin. "Here, take this," she said, pulling my hoodie up over her head and gracefully sliding out from underneath.
Something about watching Addy take off my shirt made me feel short of breath. I bit down on my bottom lip and tried to remember how to breathe.
Where was a visual tutorial when you needed one?
She slipped it over my head
, and I wove my arms through the sleeves. Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my cheek.
"When will I see you again?" she asked. A sudden pang of nausea smacked me in the gut when I thought about the possibility of Chuck wanting to go home to South Portland. I mean, at some point, he would have to want to go home. After all, his dad was there. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Addy.
"Whenever you want, I'm not going anywhere," I breathed against her ear. And just like that, I realized I was never going home again. I had no home to go back to. Wherever Addy was, that would be my home.
She rested her face against my chest and hugged me around the neck. My arms encircled her waist
, and I placed a kiss on the top of her head.
Kai walked by the door unexpectedly. "Gag," was her singular word response before she continued down the hall.
I leaned down and kissed Addy. Flames licked at my skin. I withdrew quickly.
"Can I see you tonight?" I asked her.
"I work tonight," she answered.
"
Call me when you get off work," I said, giving her the name and room number of the hotel.
"Okay," she smiled.
I kissed her quickly one last time before heading down the sidewalk to where the Charger was idling. I waved good-bye before opening the passenger door and sliding inside.
I looked over at Chuck who appeared lost in thought.
"You okay?" I asked him.
He swiveled his head in my direction, confusion pinching his facial features.
"It was going so well," he said, shaking his head. "Everything was perfect. I had a wonderful time; she had a wonderful time. Actually, she had a
few
wonderful times."
"Whoa, hey, let's just fast
-forward past all the wonderful-time-having," I replied.
Chuck started the car and looked over his shoulder as he reversed into the road. He shifted into drive
, and we twined our way out of the complex.
"Okay, so after all the wonderfulness, we fell asleep. And this morning, I wake up, thinking more wonderfulness might be a possi
bility. So I reach out for her, and she wasn't there. I figured she was in the bathroom, right? So, I'm lying there, waiting for her to come out, and I hear her crying."