Off the Field: Bad Boy Sports Romance (6 page)

Instead of my judgmental father, I saw Cass skipping down the steps toward me. I breathed a deep sigh of relief as she reached the level of the deck I was on and walked over to me. Her long black hair was lit up by moonlight. As I watched her approach, a thousand different memories of spending time with her the first year we’d met flashed through my mind.

“You okay?” she asked, reaching out and putting her hand on my arm.

“Yeah. I’m just tired of his bullshit. He didn’t work for anything in his life either.”

“Still smoking, huh?”

“It helps.”

“I don’t know about all that, but okay. You gonna share?”

“You sure?”

She nodded. We sat back down on a wooden bench with our backs to the wall that held up the second level of the deck. I relit the joint. After I handed it to her, I watched as she took a deep hit, holding the smoke in, before passing it back to me. I accepted it and took a smaller hit. My heart was still racing in my chest even though I knew she wasn’t a threat. We passed it back and forth a few times.

“Missy going to get mad you’re down here?”

A cloud of smoke blew into the air as she exhaled.

“I don’t know, and I don’t really care. She’s not a good listener.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Oh, the whole Thomas mess.”

“I never trusted him.”

“You just didn’t like him because he was a jock.”

“That was part of it, but he was a dick.” I held the joint out to her. “You want another hit?”

“Noooo. I’m soooo wasted,” she said in a slow voice.

I laughed out loud. “Quit that shit.”

“Remember we used to do that all the time to get mom and dad mad?”

“I remember a lot about back then,” I said then instantly regretted opening my mouth.

“Like what?”

“Remember we snuck down to the dock and took the rowboat out to the middle of the lake?”

“Yeah. The stars were so bright that night.”

Why isn’t she mentioning what else happened? “Good times.”

“Then you went off to Iraq.”

“And you went off to college and hooked up with Thomas.”

We both got quiet as we stared out at the lake. The memory of laying in the bottom of the large rowboat next to her and smoking a joint was one of the ones I treasured most. I could still feel her skin touching mine as we laid side by side and looked up at the universe. What she didn’t know was that I’d come so close to kissing her that night four years ago. I’d never told her I chickened out.

“I’m sorry Thomas hurt you,” I said, breaking the silence.

“It’s not that he hurt me as much as I feel stupid for not seeing it sooner. You, Missy and everyone else saw it years ago apparently.”

“Love can blind you.”

“For fucking real…”

Silence surrounded us again, but it was the comfortable kind. Cass was one of the few people I could stand being around for more than a moment or two since coming back from Iraq. Unfortunately, she probably thought I was crazy or at the very least a creep. I turned my head to look at her. The moon illuminated her milky white skin, causing it to glow.

“About earlier…” I started.

She turned to look at me. “Huh?”

“Suntan lotion. It sets me off. I saw you two putting it on which is why I didn’t come down to talk earlier.” Her head nodded up and down. “I just didn’t want you to think I was some sort of peeping tom or something.”

A smile spread across her face. “We both know you’re a peeping tom.”

Despite all the walls I’d built up to protect myself, I laughed. Her smile melted all my defenses. She had power over me. I wasn’t sure if she realized it or not, but I would do anything for her. That first year we’d met, we grew close to each other quickly. Then, at the end of that summer, both of us went our different ways. Would she have hooked up with Thomas if she knew how I felt about her?

“Very funny.” I caught myself smiling and stopped. “I haven’t smiled in a long time,” I said, becoming more serious.

“You should laugh more. Without laughter, life’s a little pointless. Like love…”

“I know. It’s just …”

“You don’t have to talk anymore,” she said, putting her hand on my arm again. “It’s okay.”

“Thanks, Cass. I’ve missed you.”

“Ditto.” She stood up. “Now let’s get back to dinner before we both get grounded. And you better promise not to get me giggling now that I’m a little stoned.”

I smiled again. I couldn’t help it. My defenses were breached.

Cass

When I woke up the first morning of family week, Missy was still asleep in her bed. We had pulled them apart the night before. Despite my mother’s insistence, sleeping with my roommate was not something on my list of things to do. After I crawled out of bed, I crept across the floor slowly and carefully. The smell of bacon hit me as soon as I opened the door.

Downstairs, Mom stood in front of the stove with a smile on her face. It got even bigger when she saw me walk in the kitchen. I made my way straight to the coffee machine and poured me a cup. She turned over a piece of bacon, causing it to sizzle. I took my mug to the island in middle of the room and sat down to drink and wake up.

“Did everyone eat already?” I asked.

“Everyone except you and Missy. Did you two have a … good night?”

No matter what word she was saying, her slight pause at the end made it sound dirty.

“We slept like logs all night, Mom.”

“Good, dear. I made a big breakfast because I figured you two would be … famished.”

“Where’d Gunner and Dad go?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“They went to fish and talk. He’s going through a lot right now.”

“I know. Iraq messed him up.”

She carefully removed the strips of bacon from the skillet and set them on a paper towel covered plate.

“No, dear. There’s more. You don’t know what happened.”

“I’m sure it was nothing. You have a way of making something out of nothing.”

“He tried to kill himself. Would you like some bacon and toast, dear?”

“What? Hold on.” I shook my head back and forth, wondering if I was still asleep. “You can’t just say something like that then ask me if I want bacon and toast right after it.”

“We’re not supposed to talk about it.” She peered around the kitchen, as if someone might be watching or listening to us.

“Talk about what?” I insisted.

“Gunner tried to commit suicide.”

“What? When? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Settle down, dear. It’s all taken care of already. He didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t know you got a journalism degree.”

“Huh?”

“You’re asking me all these questions instead of thanking me for making you breakfast.”

I sighed. “Thanks, Mom. Now will you please tell me what happened?”

She sat down on a stool next to me on the island. “He took a bunch of pills.”

“You guys found him? How?”

“Apparently he had second thoughts. Before he passed out, he barged into the living room clutching a framed photo of you and him from a few years ago. We were able to get him to a doctor in time for them to pump his stomach.”

As I listened, amazed, all I could think about was my stepbrother, wondering if he was okay. We had talked the night before, but it wasn’t the same as it had been when we first met. That summer had been incredible in so many ways, especially the first family week at the lake house.

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. Can you keep an eye on him this week?”

“Sure…”

Missy emerged from the stairway looking haggard and half asleep. She was definitely not a morning person. When she sat down next to me, my mom got up.

“You want some coffee, Missy?” she asked.

“Yes, please,” she mumbled.

I stood up and popped a few slices of bread into the toaster. While I waited for it to toast, I retrieved a few strips of the crisp bacon and placed them on a plate. Missy woke up as she drank the coffee. She made herself a plate while I nibbled at my toast and bacon. After what my mom had told me about Gunner, I was worried about him. As if on cue, he walked into the room. We made eye contact.

“Hey, Gunner. What’s up?” I asked.

“Not much.”

“We’re going into town today, you want to come?” I asked him.

“I don’t know.”

“Come on,” Missy chimed in. “It’ll be fun.”

“I thought we could ride the bikes. It’s only what, like a mile or something? You can handle that, right?”

A smile flashed over his face for a split second. “Okay, you talked me into it.

♥ ♥ ♥

By the time we got into town, I was exhausted. I need to bike or work or something to get back in shape, I thought to myself as I climbed off and put down the kickstand. Missy and Gunner were both already off their bikes and standing in line. We’d decided to stop at Easy Breeze to quench our thirst. I craved a vanilla shake, but I wanted to lose weight even more.

After we ordered, we took a seat at a picnic table in front near where we’d parked the bikes. The water had no taste, but it was refreshing. I drank and tried to catch my breath. Missy had gotten some kind of juice while Gunner had a water like me. Every time I looked at him, I silently wished I hadn’t brought my roommate. She was getting in the way of me being able to really talk to him.

“So what was Iraq like?” Missy asked. “Did you kill anyone?”

My eyes opened wide. I looked from her to him, hoping he understood she was just a dumb bitch. I couldn’t believe she’d asked him that question.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said simply.

“Whatever.” Missy turned to me. “Is there anything to do in town?”

“Not really. It’s small. They have a library.”

“Great,” she said with sarcasm. “Just how I wanted to spend my vacation.”

“Don’t be such a downer,” Gunner said, surprising me.

Missy looked at him with a face that told me she didn’t know how to respond. Just then, as if a gift from God, a preppy looking guy with brown, curly hair walked up to our table with a smile on his face.

“You guys on vacation?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of Missy.

“Yeah,” she said, smiling back at him. “I was just saying there’s nothing to do around here.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” He motioned with his head. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

“Sure.” She jumped up then turned to look at me. “You coming?”

“I think I’m going to hang with Gunner a while if you don’t mind.”

“Gunner, huh?” The guy stuck out his hand. “I’m Terry. Nice to meet you.”

I shook his hand. “I’m Cassandra. That’s Gunner, my brother.”

Terry nodded his head. “Well, the invitation is open to all of you.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Missy said, walking toward the newcomer.

“We’ll catch up with you later, I guess,” I said.

Terry smiled. “It’s a small town. I’m sure we’ll run into you guys again.”

They walked away, leaving me alone with my stepbrother – finally.

“Want to go for a walk?” I offered.

“Sure.”

We stood up and walked away from the Easy Breeze and into town. Besides the post office, the library was the biggest building. Downtown consisted of half a block, probably the smallest in the world. As we approached the center of town, I suddenly realized it might not have been a good idea to be alone with Gunner. So many unspoken words surrounded us at all times. They were hard to ignore.

“Mom told me what happened,” I said, turning to study his face for a reaction. I saw shame.

“Fuck. I told her not to tell you.”

“She told me that too.”

He sighed. “It was nothing. I just…”

“Just what? This is not the you I remember, the guy who…” I stopped talking for a moment, then added,“I miss your sense of humor.”

“It’s just been hard trying to be a civilian again.”

“But you’ve been a civilian most of your life. You were only a marine for a couple years.”

“You don’t know what it was like over there…” His voice faded as he looked off into the distance.

“No, I don’t.”

After a moment of silence, he said, “Without love, life has no meaning. “

“That’s deep.”

“Well…”

“Look,” I stopped walking, turned and grabbed his arm. “We were close at one point. This is not the you I remember at all. I miss you.”

“You went off to college, and I went off to war.”

“But we’re together again now.”

He nodded slightly, but I could tell he wasn’t convinced. We started walking again, making it to the library a minute later. We stopped under the shade of the large Maple tree on the left side of the building. As I stood in front of him, emotions from the past overwhelmed me. I reached out and took his hands in mine. He didn’t resist. We made eye contact.