Offensive Behavior (Sidelined #1) (37 page)

He had
to fall in love with Zarley all over again at such a great pace from such a
great height he’d never fear flying again.

He had
to get her back or nothing made sense.

He
called Sarina. She was visiting Owen at the rehab center, so that made it
opportune. He tried out an idea on her. The timing was right for that, and they
all agreed.

When he
could talk again without his voice being five kinds of cut up, he called Plus
and asked for Cara.

“Any
chance you know where Zarley is now?”

“Uh.
Hey, Reid.”

“Cara.”
Might’ve been smarter to start with a greeting, and since he’d never called Cara
at work that could’ve put her on edge.

“You
can’t ask me that.”

No edge
then. “I’m asking. You’re a grown-up, you can tell me to fuck off.”

“Fuck
off.”

Right.

“Are
you going to fire me now?”

“No,”
he shouted. “I’m not going fire you, idiot.”

“Good,
because I like this job, though the guy running this company can be a nutter.”

“Okay,”
voice back to conversational human. “I’m sorry.”

“Me
too, Reid.” Oh shit, she didn’t mean this exchange. “I can’t tell you anything.
But you could try Kathryn and if you don’t find Zarley don’t worry, I’ve got
her.”

Jesus.

He rang
off and began the painstaking process of trying to isolate Kathryn’s number on
his called list. It would still be there from the time she called to thank him
for their breakfast. He made a number of wrong number hang-ups before he got
her.

“Kathryn?”

“Yes,
who’s this?”

“It’s
Reid McGrath.”

“Oh,
hello.”

“I’ll
get to the point. Do you know where Zarley is now?”

“Hmm. Said
any guy trying to find a woman who clearly doesn’t want to be found.”

“Right.
I see why you’d think that.”

“Glad
we have that straight.”

“I’m
not stalking her.”

“But
you don’t know where she is.” Kathryn stopped talking and Reid didn’t feel the
need to help her out, then she said, “What’s your definition of stalking?”

He
sighed. This wasn’t getting anywhere. “About a million years ago, I was
probably rude to you when you rang to thank me for breakfast, so I deserve
this.”

Kathryn
laughed. “Goddamn. You were so cold. But that was a great test.”

“Test
of what?”

“You
don’t know. Oh. Zarley asked me to make that call. She wanted to be sure you
weren’t going to hit on anyone else who knew their way around a pole.”

Was
there a pun there or was Kathryn being straight with him? “Zarley wanted you to
hit on me?” He remembered the thank you part but not Kathryn hitting on him. It
was like Zarley said, he was oblivious.

“You
passed with flying colors. It must be a thrill to know what she’s planning with
Vi for Lucky’s. I’ve got my fingers crossed they get through the fire
inspection today.”

The
thrill was in the clue. He hadn’t considered Lucky’s, thought it was long
closed.

“Thank
you.”

“You’re
welcome, I guess.”

Kathryn
sounded confused. There was a lot of that going around.

He was
at Lucky’s in fifteen minutes. There was a light on inside though there was a
closed sign posted on the door. He knocked and Vi answered.

“Hello Back
Booth, you know we’re not open.”

“I’m
sorry about Lou.”

Vi
pressed her lips together. “I still don’t believe it. You’d think he could’ve
told me he’d made me his beneficiary. You’d think the man could’ve dressed
better, got a decent haircut, given he was a real estate mogul. Zarley has been
wonderful helping me deal with the paperwork, the lawyers and the accountants
and the real estate people. Had the fire inspector eating out of her hands
today. She thinks I’m crazy agreeing to open an upmarket Lucky’s but I’m a rich
woman now, I don’t have anything to lose and she’s insisting on putting her own
money in, so we’re partners.”

Vi tilted
her head, put a finger to her lip. “I’m watching your face, honey, and I don’t
think you know any of this, do you?”

He
shook his head.

“Now I
know why she’s not herself. What did you do?”

“I
fucked up, Vi.”

“And
maybe she did too. You’d better come in. I’m on my way home, so if she asks you
to leave I want your promise you will.”

He
stuck his hand out to shake on it and Vi took it. “Don’t fuck up again,” she
said.

Lucky’s
looked the same, tired and cheap. It smelled of too much spilled alcohol and
the carpet was sticky underfoot. There were minimal lights on. The ones above
the bar. The ones above the booths. The stage was shuttered in darkness.

Zarley
sat at a booth, paperwork piled around her. Her hair was twisted up on top of
her head with a pencil through it. She wore a skirt and a shirt he’d never seen
her in before, all business. She hadn’t heard him come in. There were ten
booths. She’d chosen to work at the one at the very back of the room.

She
made his giraffe heart full to exploding, but he imagined it shrinking to a
walnut then a dot, leaving him forever cold. There were more things she didn’t
need from him than she did. She didn’t need his money or his apartment or his
dependence on her for everything he was doing better at Plus.

Dev got
to the guts of it. Zarley had made the world a bigger place for him. Made him
want to be in it more fully, experience it with more people, and to do that, he
had to see things from other points of view, different to his own.

He saw
hers now, and had no idea how best to be what she needed most.

But he’d
always liked a challenge. And so had she.

He
approached the booth, stopping when she started, her eyes going big. “How did
you find me?” She waved a hand and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Have you been
home?” She spoke sharply but she’d gone pale.

He
pulled the folded letter from the inside pocket of his leather jacket. “I know
you don’t want to see me. I understand. I’m not here to try to change your mind
or talk you around or beg you to take me back, though I want to do all of that.”
He wanted to lay at her feet and will her to walk over him in her stripper
heels. He wanted to give her everything but feared he had nothing she’d take.

“Then
why are you here?”

“I came
to say three things and then I’ll get out of your way.”

She
sighed. She didn’t want to meet his eyes. He wouldn’t make this harder for her
than it had already been. “You’re not in my way.”

“Yeah, Flygirl,
I am. I didn’t mean that to happen, but it did. Can I sit down?”

She
shrugged. “It’s your booth.”

“I
noticed.” He dumped his helmet and took off his jacket, slipped into the seat
opposite her. “You want to know why I chose it?”

Her
brows came together. “You were sulking and it’s the least well-positioned for
the stage.” She pointed to another booth that had a more direct sightline. “You’d
have been better off there.”

“It has
the best view of the wings.”

She
shook her head, full-blown frown on her face now.

“Five
times a night you’d stand there waiting to come on stage. No one else could see
you. That was my favorite part of your performance. You’d stand in the shadow
and wait for your music. You had this look on your face, as if the next few
minutes were going to be the highlight of your day. I was obsessed with you
from the first time I looked up and saw you there.”

She
busied her hands in the paper on the desk. He saw colored sketches and pages
full of numbers. “I can’t do this with you now.”

“I was obsessed
because you knew exactly what you were doing and you had this confidence I was
jealous of.”

She
folded her arms. “No way.”

“I’m
the weird, loner guy. I’ve spent my whole life doing what I was good at and
what I’m good at is pretty damn narrow. I’d never had a girl on the back of my
bike before you, or a proper vacation. I wasn’t even very good at being drunk
and you know the rest. You were this incredibly strong, polished, graceful
thing. I didn’t know anything about you, but the confidence you had about
walking on air and I was addicted to those moments I got to see you. The fact I
got to be with you, have you in my life, Zarley, that’s my single greatest
achievement.”

She
turned her face away. “That part where you said you wouldn’t make this harder
for me was a lie.”

“I’m an
asshole.”

She
took a deep breath and sighed it out.

“I have
three things to tell you. One. I quit as CEO.”

She
turned her face to his, eyes up. “Oh Reid, no. I didn’t want you to do that.”

“I
didn’t do it for you. Owen is a better CEO. I get that now. We got Ziggy over
the line. I can step back without Plus being affected. Sarina will be a better
CEO until Owen is fit to come back.”

“But
what will you do?”

“I’ll
be their chief ideas guy like I was in the beginning. Come up with the next
version of Ziggurat and keep re-engineering Plus so it’s a great company. It
would never have occurred to me that was a smart move until you. I’ll still
work like crazy, but I won’t find it as difficult and Plus will be better for
it. It will be fun again, like it was when it started.”

“I’m
pleased for you.”

She
smiled. It wasn’t bright. It was the vague chance of sunshine on a cloudy day,
but it was all he could do not to pull her across the sticky table into his
arms. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so he gripped the bottom of the
booth seating. “You thought I’d give it up for you.”

She
nodded. “Last thing I wanted.”

“I know.”
He was sure of that now.

“You’re
so smug.”

Amusement
in her eyes. But the odds were against him. He was going home alone, trying to
sleep alone, waking alone, remembering how to function alone and doing it
because it was what she needed. “But you love me anyway.”

She
nodded. “I do.”

“Two. You
got some stuff in your checklist wrong.” He’d put her letter on the table when
he sat. He unfolded it and pushed it across to her.

She
looked at the ceiling, gave a tiny grunt. “You’re correcting me? You are
unbelievable.”

He
shrugged. “You wanted it to be an accurate record. I’m amending the list.”

She
looked at the page. Her eyes came back to his. She closed them. She had to want
to look for herself, because if he manipulated her, he’d never know where he
stood.

She
looked down at the page and he let go his grip on the bottom of the torn booth
seat. He’d crossed out her first check box,
Had this great thing with a sexy
pole dancer
and written,
Met a woman I’ll love and respect for the rest
of my days
.

She
read it and closed her eyes again. Her throat worked, a fluttering pulse.

In the
next line he’d crossed out the word sex so it read.
She taught me everything
I know about living
. When Zarley read it and lifted her eyes to him they
were glistening.

He
almost got up and walked out then. He didn’t want to make her cry. He’d already
taken enough from her. She looked down at the page again and he had to stay.

Tried
some kinky stuff
became,
I learned about myself by
learning about her,
and S
hame our timing was off
became,
Our
timing was perfect in every way
.

“Reid.”
His name as a protest against all he was forcing her to feel.

“You’re
nearly there.”

We
will always have Paris
became a summary of their
whole time together. He’d written.
We will always have: defying gravity,
obsession from the back booth, kisses that tell stories, concussion in the
shower, cheating at
Dark Souls
, seductive dances, short silky bathrobes,
at least two stools, soaks in the bath, improper clothes for bikes, sex with
the trees, torn underwear, laughing in the dark and breaking lamps, Indian food
for two, heart-stopping dresses, courage, awesome tenderness, lingerie and
cat’s ears, strangers to watch and strangers to share, late-night love and sexy
role-play, arguing about everything and agreeing to be in love, my first for
everything, and breakup sex I never saw coming.

She got
midway through the list and her tears fell on the page. But she still read the
new equation.

Brave,
talented, ambitious girl who can fly + (compassion x challenge) + besotted
loner guy (desperate virgin edition) = Marry me.

“Oh
Reid. No.” She swiped at her face and wouldn’t look directly at him.