Offside (45 page)

“So fucking hot.” Zach worked another finger in alongside the first, pumping his fingers at a steady pace as he pressed his forehead against the center of Scott’s back. The grip of Scott’s inner muscles around his fingers heightened the urge to slam his dick in to the man’s perfectly willing body, but something deep inside him held on to making this better than their first time. Zach withdrew his fingers, spread lube over his length, then slid it into the crease of Scott’s ass, one arm wrapped around Scott’s waist.

“Jesus, Zach!” Scott panted, thrusting his hips backward. “I need you inside me.”

“I know. But one thing first.” He lowered so he covered Scott’s body completely, one hand on his own dick, the other pressed to the side of Scott’s face to turn his head for a long, slow kiss. He made sure Scott was looking at him, then whispered against his lips, “I love you too.”

* * * *

All the air went out of Scott’s lungs at the same time as his heart skipped about a dozen beats. Zach loved him? His jaw hurt from grinning while pressing his mouth hard to Zach’s, trying to kiss the man back. A sharp laugh of relief came out with the little oxygen he had left. He felt light-headed and fucking wonderful. And he never felt
anything
when he got fucked. Nothing real or lasting.

But how could he feel any less with Zach?

The smooth head of Zach’s cock stretching him brought a twinge of pain. A bit more pressure and Zach’s slowly breached the snug ring of muscle. Scott inhaled, holding it in as the sensation took over.

“Relax, Scott.” Zach kissed his temple, rocking his hips to penetrate Scott with shallow thrusts. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t care if you hurt me.” Scott braced his forehead against the pillow and bucking his hips back to take Zach in all the way. The cotton pillowcase dried the sweat on his brow, but the rest of his skin was slick with it. He wasn’t sure what he was saying anymore. He just kept mumbling the same words over and over. “It’s you.
You.
”

“Yes.” Zach latched on to Scott’s hips, holding them tight as he eased out, then in, gradually going deeper. Harder. “You’re making this very difficult. I want to be gentle. But I’ve been waiting for you—” Zach slammed in, lifting Scott up to meet his thrust “—so fucking—” he pistoned in and out, his slick flesh slapping against Scott’s ass “—long.”

“I don’t need gentle. Fuck!” Scott threw his head back as Zach rose up and angled his dick in a way that stimulated the most sensitive spot inside him. Every slick drag in and out forced him open a little more. When Zach rammed in to the hilt, the feeling of fullness caused Scott’s balls to tighten and the pleasure building in his spine to billow outward like steam contained in a tightly sealed steel pot, ready to burn everything it touched when it was set free. As Scott clenched around Zach, Zach slowed his pace, hitting that same spot again and again. Scott groaned, fisting his hands into the sheets. “There. Right there.”

All that hot, hard flesh pounded into him. He almost lost himself to the pleasure, but then Zach’s hands were on his shoulders, pulling him up on his knees, lips pressed between his shoulder blades, slipping as he moved, the scruff on his jaw scraping Scott’s flesh. “Don’t let go yet. I want this to last.”

“Ah!” Scott bit the inside of his cheek, struggling for control as Zach lowered his hand, taking hold of Scott’s dick. The loose grip brought him up to the edge. He was going to come. He leaned his head back onto Zach’s shoulder, trying to think of anything that would calm him down enough to make it last like Zach wanted. An image flashed behind his closed eyelids, and he had to lock his muscles not to throw himself away from Zach and right off the bed. He was in another time. Another place. Small and vulnerable. The sting of rum scalded his throat. He opened his eyes wide so he could stare at the wall. So he could forget
her
face. “Not now. Damn it, not
now
!”

Zach went still. “Scott—?”

“Fuck me, Zach! Please!” Scott’s eyes burned as he kept them focused on the wall without blinking. Pure white marred only by his shadow. And Zach’s.
Zach’s!
“Don’t stop! I don’t want you to stop!”

Suddenly, Scott was empty. His lips parted in protest, but the words caught in his throat as Zach flipped him onto his back, then slid into him.

“I think it’s better if you come for
me
.” Zach slapped one hand on the bed by Scott’s head, thrusting hard. “
Now.
”

Scott’s back arched as he came, shuddering and snarling. The pressure release like an avalanche in the mountains sent cascading over a cliff with a scream. His mind went blank, but he still felt the urge to get away. To run. There was a reason he rarely fucked or let anyone fuck him sober. Sometimes getting off felt amazing, but so fucking wrong.

He used the sheet to clean the cum off his stomach as Zach pulled out. Then he shoved back, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “Sorry. I really messed that up.”

“Don’t you dare move.” Zach grabbed Scott’s arm and jerked him onto the bed and into his arms. “If anyone messed this up, it’s me. I know there’s something you’re not telling me. I should have made you before letting this happen.”

“I’m not a fucking chick, Zach. I don’t need to ‘share’ before getting with someone.” Scott stopped fighting and leaned against Zach’s chest. “This is just different. But in a good way.”

“Is it?” Zach stroked Scott’s back, resting his brow on top of Scott’s head. “You weren’t in a good place at the end. Admit that at least.”

“For a second I . . .”
Fuck, I can’t lie to him.
Scott sighed. “No. I wasn’t in a good place. I’m not sure why.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Zach framed Scott’s jaw with his hand, tilting his head back to kiss him. “But . . .” He laughed. “How are you feeling otherwise? I didn’t hurt you?”

“Not any more than I wanted you to.” Scott shifted, the ache in his ass, the tenderness running up from his balls to the tip of his dick, drawing out a low groan. Just thinking about Zach fucking him was enough to make his cock twitch like it hadn’t had enough. But overall, he felt pleasantly drained. And something more. He liked having Zach’s arms around him. Liked knowing sex wasn’t the beginning and the end of what they had. “It’s weird, but for the first time, I’m not looking to get out of bed as fast as I can. If I had nothing else to do . . .”

“I like hearing that.” Zach chuckled and kissed his cheek as he eased Scott up to his feet. “But you do have to go. What we have doesn’t change what you have to do to stay with the team.”

For some reason, it bothered Scott that Zach thought staying with the team was the only reason he was doing this. He gathered his clothes, then paused by the door. “Some of those women I do the self-defense thing with . . . they’ve been beaten. Or worse—like Akira. Others are scared because they know someone who has been. I can’t tell the guys I enjoy putting on that stupid padded outfit and letting the girls beat on me, but . . .” He raked his fingers through his hair, shrugging. “I do. Even when it hurts, them hitting me hard enough to feel it is good. It’s not a masochist thing. It’s the look on their faces when they realize they have the power to defend themselves.” He shook his head, knowing he wasn’t making any sense. “There’s nothing like it.”

“Scott, you might be surprised to know that the guys and I heard about all the different stuff you’re supposed to do to look good. We all do the charity thing, but you were the first one to volunteer for this. It’s pretty obvious that it means something to you.” Zach curved his hand around the back of Scott’s neck and shook him, smiling. “You’re a better person than you know. But we see it. It counts.”

“Yeah, well . . .” Scott wasn’t sure how he felt about things getting all mushy between them. His insides were like the French toast from the hotel. Soggy and warm like bread that hadn’t gotten solid enough to hold together when the sweet mixture was soaked up. He needed Zach to know he was strong and stable. Not that he’d shown him much of that. “I won’t flake out, but it’s just an hour long. Maybe we can do something after.” His lips twisted in consideration. “Unless . . .”

“Unless what?”

“You wanna come with?” Scott almost wished he hadn’t asked when Zach took a deep breath and stepped away from him. “You don’t have to. Just thought I’d put it out there.”

“It’s not that.” Zach rubbed the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “I know why you make appearances with Sahara. Being seen with me could make things difficult for you.”

“Hey, you let me worry about that.” Scott grinned. It was kinda cool seeing Zach not so sure of himself. His grin faded as he considered
why
Zach would be reluctant to hang out with him. Zach and Becky weren’t exactly open about
their
relationship. He hadn’t missed that Becky had turned away from Zach’s kiss while seeing him off for the cruise. Or that Zach had let her. “You’re a private kinda guy. I get that. But we can do stuff and have it mean something to us without anyone knowing. If I hadn’t screwed things up with the team so bad, I wouldn’t care what anyone thinks about us being together. It ain’t gonna be easy for me to keep my hands off you—”

“I understand.” Zach turned his back on Scott to tear the sheets off his bed. “But I don’t think you do. What we have
has
to be between us. I won’t let it affect how hard you’ve worked to prove yourself.”

Scott rolled his eyes.
Stubborn fucker
. “What aren’t you getting about ‘let me worry about that’? Who’s going to question two players doing charity work together? It’s simple, man. I want you around. We’ve got more than sex, right?”

“Of course.” Zach faced him, folding his arms over his chest. “But there have to be limits.”

“Does there?” Scott smirked. “No one will wonder why management would stick me with a responsible guy like you. You’re a good influence.”

“True. But I’m also gay.”

“Shit, no one really believes that. Not with the way you look at Becky.” Scott clenched his jaw when Zach winced. Damn it, he needed to talk to the woman. She wanted to tell him not to screw with Zach? Well, that fucking well went for her too. “You don’t wanna come, just say so. This shit is already complicated, I get that. But you’re making it more than it needs to be. People will talk. They talk about Carter and Ramos, but they don’t know anything for sure. What it really comes down to is who we are on the ice. And that we’re not complete assholes out in the world. You’ve never had a bad rep. I’m working on mine.”

“You’re right.”

Scott smirked. He doubted he’d hear Zach say that often, but he’d take it. “Damn right, I am. Come with me. I wanna share this with you.”

“Okay.” Zach’s lips curved into a hesitant smile. He grabbed Scott’s arms, pulling him in for a hug. He exhaled like he’d finally let all his reservations go. “I’d like that.”

This felt like giving back. Like maybe Zach needed Scott as much as Scott needed him. The whole “love” thing didn’t mean much when one person carried all the weight of the relationship.

Hefting a good part of the heavy load on to his own shoulders was serious commitment, but one Scott was willing to make.

He was in this for the long run.

T
he turnout for the self-defense class was impressive. Fifty some-odd woman crowded the large room on the second floor of the downtown Dartmouth gym, some shying away from the cameras that seemed to follow the Cobras everywhere they went, others preening. Mirrors lined the walls, the reflection making it seem even fuller, and a dozen red mats covered the center of the room.

Zach stood close to the wall, nodding at the women who recognized him while avoiding any attempt to draw him into conversation. He wasn’t here to distract them. Thankfully, his reputation prevented anyone from taking offense. Most of the women seemed content to stare at him from afar. How little they knew about him was a big part of his appeal. Not something he’d done intentionally, but it made him uncomfortable to have stranger’s adulation. The only woman he wanted to adore him was his sub. And she wasn’t here.

He didn’t want to disturb Becky’s time with her family, but he needed to hear from her. He settled on sending a text.

Me: I’ve heard Gaspe is beautiful this time of year. I hope you’re enjoying the scenery and the time with your daughter. Tell her I say “hi” and I miss you both. Which I really do. We should talk. Soon.

He didn’t hesitate before pressing send, but wondered after if he’d said too much. He didn’t want Becky to feel pressured. If she was any other sub, he would push for answers, but she wasn’t. She was a mother, and he’d never been with anyone with her kind of responsibilities. He had to take that into consideration.

My mother had a life, a job, after she had me. Why can’t Becky?

But he refused to let those thoughts fester. His mother also had the father of her child there to support her. Something Becky lacked.

I could—

Could what? Take his place? It would be a very long time before Becky would allow that. If ever.

He pictured little Casey, holding his hand and peering up at him with those sweet, trusting eyes. He’d never considered himself father material, but Casey made him want to take on that role. Made him want to stand by her mother’s side and watch her grow into the same kind of strong, independent, loving woman Becky was.

Give it time.

Maybe, eventually, Becky would trust him enough to let him take a permanent place in her daughter’s life. It took a lot of trust for a woman like her to scene with any man. It would take even more for the mother in her to let him in. And he would be ready when she did.

He looked forward to it.

Which brought to mind the other person who was slowly letting him in. Zach grinned as Scott took his place on the mats, wearing a bulky, padded red suit to protect him from serious damage. The cage mask over his face was similar to the mask worn by players with facial injuries. Zach was a little surprised that Scott hadn’t considered himself too macho to pull on the much gear, but then again his agent might have warned him against anything that risked his ability to show up for training camp.