Offside (50 page)

No way could he explain how he’d spent the past few weeks making Casey’s gift. That he’d gotten the idea when he’d helped move the furniture into the freshly painted room. But he spoke before his brain kicked in. “Because she’s special. She’s yours. She’s a Bower and Landon . . . Landon fucking rocks. I know he doesn’t like me, but he’s the man. Don’t you dare tell him I said that!”

She laughed. “I won’t. But it means a lot to me that you think so much of my family. Scott . . . you’re more than I expected. More than I could have hoped.”

“All right, so . . .” Scot held the door open for her as they left Tim Horton’s. “Whatever Zach decides . . . can I drop her gift off the night before her birthday? It’s kinda big and I wanted it to be a surprise first thing, you know?”

“That’s fine.” Becky held the coffee tray with one hand and touched his forearm. “But . . . no expectations. You won’t be coming over for—”

“Christ, Becky. I’m not using your daughter’s birthday as an excuse to fuck you.”

“I know that!” Becky held his wrist, forcing him to stay by her side. “It’s only . . . until he decides otherwise, Zach is my Dom. His rules. If . . . or
when
anything happens between us, I need to be sure he’s okay with it.”

“No one wants to know if
I’m
okay with it?” Scott cut his laugh short when Becky stared at the sidewalk. She wasn’t playing around. He might not completely understand the dynamics in the whole lifestyle thing, but he accepted it. “Zach’s call. Got it.”

He walked with Becky to the elevator in the forum, leaving her to go up to the offices while he went down to the rink. He managed to focus on the instructions from the trainers and the coaches until training was done and all the men were back in the locker room. Zach lingered on the ice as the coaches went over plans for the season, open to suggestions from Zach and Mason, both who’d spent a lot of time with the players in the off-season.

But the game and everything else became meaningless when he saw Zach take the envelope out of his locker. Zach spent a long time reading it over before setting it on the bench by the towel he’d used to dry his hair. He dressed in the black jeans and the plain black T-shirt he’d worn to training. His breath, his tone, was slow and measured as he faced Scott.

“Would you mind hanging around for a bit? I need to . . .” Zach raked his short fingernails over the close-shaved brown hair on his scalp. “I need to see her. And I need you around when we’re done.”

You won’t be done. Ever.
Scott had to believe that. Because Zach would always be missing something if he let Becky go. And Scott wasn’t about to let that happen. “I ain’t going anywhere.”

“So you know what I have to do?”

“Yeah, I do.” Scott framed Zach’s jaw with his hand, pressing their lips together, fucking grateful that everyone else was gone so he didn’t have to hold back. “But I don’t think you know. Not yet. Hear her out.”

“I will. But I want you to understand something.” Zach curved his hand around the back of Scott’s neck, holding his gaze until Scott could feel the intensity of it deep down in his core. “You are not an option.”

“Zach—”

“You’re not an option. When I told you I love you, I meant it. Nothing she says or does will change that.” Zach closed his eyes and sighed. “I have no idea what that means for the three of us. If you asked me to leave her . . . I couldn’t. The same goes for her asking me to leave you. I’m torn. It’s not fair to either of you, but it is what it is.”

“Zach. Shut up.” Scott kissed Zach again, harder. Longer. Until he knew the man didn’t have enough air in his lungs to talk any more stupid shit. He’d get exactly what he wanted. If Scott could get past him and Becky trying to make sense of things in a conventional way. Sometimes life didn’t fit into a neat little box. He could deal with that better than either of them. “You two chat. But don’t decide anything. Because that’s where I come in. I’ve got this.”

“Really?” Zach arched a brow, his gaze intent. “How so?”

Hell, don’t ask. I’m winging it.
Scott shrugged, feigning that he had it all figured out, hoping that he wasn’t too far off. “Trust me.”

“I do, Scott,” Zach said. “I shouldn’t, but I have to trust someone.”

This is not good.
Scott watched Zach text Becky, his jaw hard as he shook his head at whatever reply she sent. Zach called her, pacing away from Scott as he spoke.

“You don’t need to leave work early to speak to me. I’ll come to your office.” He paused, his brow creasing slightly. “Is there any reason either of us would be shouting? Whatever the outcome, this will be a civil conversation.” He nodded. “Yes. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Zach dropped his phone into his sports bag. He picked the bag up by the strap and handed it to Scott. Then he made a rough sound in his throat, pulling Scott close, his lips sliding over Scott’s in a soft kiss.

“Swear you’ll talk to me before taking off again.” Zach drew in a sharp inhale. “Hell, wake me up in the mornings you’re at my place, no matter how early it is. I can’t keep doing this—can’t keep wondering what I’ve done wrong.”

“I swear it.” Scott grabbed Zach’s shoulder before he could back away. He stared at the man until Zach met his eyes. “Hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“Good.” Scott let him go. Then he grinned. “Now go schedule our first threesome. I’ll wait for you in the lounge.”

Zach’s eyes widened as he choked back a laugh. “You’re too much. Who says there’ll be a threesome?”

“What else is there gonna be?” Scott shrugged, but his lips turned up a little at the edges as he thought about holding Becky. Kissing her. Waking up to her all grumpy pre-coffee, wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts. Zach probably thought he was eager to get in her pants—okay, he
was
—but there was more to it. All that other stuff he hadn’t cared about before Becky and Zach. He cleared his throat. “She won’t do anything with me unless you approve. Easy enough if you’re there.”

“Granted, but your relationship with her won’t revolve around me.” Zach arched a brow when Scott opened his mouth, shaking his head, confused. “Did you think I was going to have you around as a spare, Scott? You’re not going to be an addition to my toy bag, you’re going to be the other man in her life. Which means romance and your own spot in the doghouse when you piss her off.”

“Oh joy. I get a share of all the fun stuff?” Scott gave Zach a dry smile. “I can’t wait.”

Snorting, Zach headed out of the dressing room. “You’re going to love every second and we both know it.”

Damn right, I will.
Scott pictured Becky stealing his donut. Her sweet smile and throaty laughter. Yeah, he’d love the good and the bad. Love just knowing she’d belong to him too.

T
he office was nice and bright, the walls a crisp white with an ultra-modern glass and metal desk cutting the room in half, a white bookshelf built into the wall on one side, huge windows on the other. A potted Lady Palm sat in one corner and several ferns perched on the window sill.

Nothing about the room even hinted at the sport. No, that wasn’t true. There was one picture on the bookshelf of Landon as a teen on the ice in his Bulldogs uniform among about a dozen school photos of Casey. But the office could easily belong to a lawyer. An accountant.

I thought she loved the game. What else was I wrong about?

Zach waited patiently by the closed door as Becky held up her finger, finishing up the phone call she’d been on when he came in, her eyes on her desktop screen. The air conditioning chilled his damp skin as he observed her, but he ignored the cold. Actually, he felt a little numb. She’d only glanced up at him once, and she couldn’t seem to meet his eyes as she mouthed, “One second.”

How had this happened? How had things gone so wrong between them? The sinking sensation that had sucked him under after their last scene pulled at him, but he wrenched himself free. No matter how often he mentally went over that scene, he couldn’t find anything he’d done that would have made her want to get away from him. Until she told him what had driven her, he wouldn’t speculate.

Becky hung up the phone, glanced at him again, then stared at her desk. “Can you please sit down?”

He was so tempted to say “No.” He’d rather stand. But his need to make her comfortable, to make it easier for her to open up to him, prevailed. He pulled out one of the leather and metal chairs angled in front of the desk and sat.

Then he leaned forward, forearms braced on his knees. “What’s going on, Becky?”

“I . . . I ran. I was confused and I should have talked to you.” She turned her head to the side, still not looking at him, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why though? What did I do?” He sat up a bit, hands on his knees, forcing himself not to stand and start pacing.
Let her explain, Pearce.
“You asked to speak with me. I’m listening.”

She winced. “I’m not sure how to tell you this. It’s . . . I guess it started when I saw Casey with my brother. God, the way she looks at him with Amia, it just breaks my heart. Part of me knows that the only father she’ll ever really have is whatever man I’m with. And I have to be so careful about who I choose.” Her brow furrowed. “You’re amazing with her, but I can’t help but feel it’s too soon to expect you to take on that role in her life.”

He had a hard time not dwelling on the “it started when”—which implied
before
their last scene, but he managed. He knew how important Casey was to her. That was never an issue. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “Did you feel like I was pressuring you? I’ve tried to be careful when I’m around her. To be no different than any other player she might spend time with. If I’ve overstepped—”

“You haven’t. Zach, you’ve been perfect.” Becky finally met his eyes and shook her head. “That’s the problem.”

Zach blinked. “What?”

She put her hands over her face, groaning with frustration. “It’s not you. It’s me . . . ugh. That came out wrong. I love you, and it was so easy to see our future together. But then I had to consider how that would work out for Casey. I got over the game being an issue. It’s your job. It’s part of you. Casey watched almost every Cobra game last season, and I think she’d understand you not being around because you’re playing. But . . .”

He had a feeling he knew where this was going. His gut twisted and he felt a little sick. If he was right . . . he ground his teeth. “Go on.”

“Scott. I saw how you were with him after the cruise. But to be honest, I think the two of you becoming serious bothered me before that. I even . . . I talked to him and I made sure he knew I was okay with you sleeping together. Because I hoped that would be it. That you could have sex with him once in a while and—”

“
What?
” Zach practically knocked over his chair as he stood. He didn’t shout, but he was tempted. “What did you say to him? And why did you tell me you were fine with it—?” He groaned. How stupid could he have been? She’d mentioned that things didn’t have to be serious between him and Scott. Because she’d figured Scott could be an outlet. For what? His “gay” urges? Did she really think he could just use Scott that way? “Becky . . . I love Scott. Do you understand that? I thought I made it clear that I don’t just
fuck
people. That I wouldn’t be involved with him—or
you
—unless there was more than sex.”

“You did. But you were with him and I didn’t want you to feel you had to hold back for me.”

“I was holding back for
me
. Yes, part of it was for us because I’ve seen you together. I didn’t want him to hurt you, but I never thought . . .” Zach ran a hand over his face, repeating slowly, “What did you say to him?”

“I told him I was okay with it . . . no, actually, I encouraged him to go after you. I already apologized to him for what I said.” She spoke in a rush. “It wasn’t right. He means more to you. To me. And I—”

“What
exactly
did you say to him?”

Becky’s throat worked as she swallowed. She hugged herself, the tendrils of hair that came loose from her bun hiding her face. “I said something about it not always needing to be a full-course meal. That you needed a snack.”

“You called him a snack? You . . .”
Breathe, Pearce.
He kept his tone cautiously level. “Is that how you see him? Is that really what you think I need?”

“No. But I was afraid you couldn’t love us both. And if you did, he’d do something to—” She shook her head and sat up straight. “There’s no excuse for what I did. And you have every right to be angry. But—”

“I’m not angry. I’m very, very disappointed. I thought you could be honest with me and you weren’t.” His lips thinned. “But there’s more. This all happened before our scene. You seemed fine when I came back from the cruise. Only, you weren’t, were you?”

She blinked fast. Shook her head. “No.”

He pressed his fist against his mouth, inhaling through his nose. “You put on a good act. When did you decide you were going to leave?”

Her words were so quiet, he had to stop breathing to hear her. “When you told Scott there was more.”

“And that changed how you felt about me? About whether or not I could be the man for you—be the man your daughter needs? Do you really think I’m so limited that caring for Scott would make me love either of you less?”

“I don’t think that—not anymore. But I did. I can accept coming second—or even third—in your priorities.” She stood, clasping her hands in front of her skirt, moving like she wanted to come to him, but wasn’t sure she should. “I can’t accept that for Casey.”

Why not say so then? He didn’t understand. Apparently, her feelings had changed, but the fact remained that she’d sooner leave and cut him out of her life completely than have a simple conversation. And maybe they could work on that. Do things differently from this point on. Except . . .

“You’d decided to leave before I tied you up. Before I . . .” He ran his tongue over his teeth and glared at the ceiling. A good act? How about the performance of a lifetime? He considered himself an observant, attentive Dom. He might as well have blindfolded himself before taking the flogger to her. “Do you realize you have triggers because you’ve played with ‘Doms’ who didn’t care if you were scared, or hurt, or not in the mood to be
fucked
? I have done
everything
in my power to avoid being one of
them.
”