Oh-So-Sensible Secretary (14 page)

‘Actually, this concerns you,’ he said.

Oh, God, he was going to sack me for unprofessional behaviour!

‘Shall we sit down?’ said Lex, gesturing at the sofas.

Biting my lip, I sat obediently, and Phin came to join me. We glanced at each other like naughty children, then looked at Lex.

‘I believe Monique has already told you that she’s expecting a baby?’ he began, with a hint of disapproval.

I was so relieved that I wasn’t getting fired that I started to smile—before it occurred to me that something might be wrong.

‘Yes, she did. Is everything OK?’ I asked in concern.

‘No. At least, Monique is all right,’ he amended. ‘But she’s been ordered to rest until the baby is born. Something to do with high blood pressure.’

I could tell Lex wasn’t up on pregnancy talk. Not that I was much better.

‘Oh, dear. Poor Monique. She’ll have to be so careful.’

‘It’s very inconvenient,’ said Lex austerely. ‘It was bad enough that I was going to lose her in August, but she went home on Friday and now she’s not coming in again until after her maternity leave.’

‘So why are you here, Lex?’ asked Phin with a hint of impatience. ‘Or can we guess?’

‘I would imagine you could, yes. Obviously I need a PA immediately—and preferably one who’s familiar with my office.’

‘Summer, in fact.’ Phin’s voice was flat.

Lex looked at me. ‘Monique told me she’d mentioned the possibility of you replacing her during her maternity leave already. I’d like you to come and work for me now, even if it’s only to help me through this immediate period.’

I was finding it difficult to concentrate. I’d been jerked so rudely out of that kiss, and every cell in my body was still screaming with frustration.

‘Well…er…what about Phin? I mean…working for Phin,’ I stumbled, realising that my concern for Phin might be misinterpreted in view of what Lex had just seen us doing.

‘I’m here as a courtesy,’ said Lex, looking at his brother. ‘I appreciate that you’ve established a good working relationship with Summer—a little too good, some might say—but your office doesn’t generate nearly the same amount of work as yet. It seems to me that you could quite easily manage with another secretary, or share assistance with one of the other directors.’

Phin’s jaw tightened. ‘I’m not going to get into a discus
sion about how much work I do or don’t do here, Lex,’ he said grittily. ‘This is about Summer and where she wants to work. I’m sure she’s happy to help you over this crisis period…’ He looked at me for confirmation and I nodded.

‘Of course.’

‘But after that it’s up to her.’

‘That seems fair enough,’ said Lex, getting to his feet. ‘I’m grateful,’ he said to me, and I got up, too.

‘Er…would you like me to come now?’

‘If you would.’

That was Lex—straight back to work. It clearly didn’t occur to him that I might want to talk to Phin on my own.

I glanced at Phin, who was watching me with an unreadable expression. ‘I’ll…er…I’ll speak to you later,’ I said awkwardly.

‘Sure. Don’t let him work you too hard.’

So there I was, walking down the corridor with Lex to the best career opportunity of my life, and all I could think was that only minutes ago I had been in the middle of the best kiss of my life.

Lex behaved as if nothing whatsoever had happened, and I was grateful. I couldn’t believe now that I had actually stood there in front of Phin, unbuttoning my jacket, that I had kissed him like that. But at the same time I couldn’t believe that I had stopped.

I was torn: my body raging with the aftermath of that kiss, but my mind slowly beginning to clear. Where would it have ended if Lex hadn’t interrupted us? Would we really have made love in the office with the door open? I went hot and cold at the thought. I could have jeopardised my whole career. It had been bad enough Lex finding us like that, without the whole office stopping by to gawp at Summer Curtis out of control with her boss.

Everything was getting out of hand, and I didn’t like it.

It was a strange, disorientating day. I slipped back into place in Lex’s office as if I had never been away. Monique was fantastically efficient, which helped. It meant I could pick up where she had left.

Lotty, the junior secretary who had replaced me, was hugely relieved when I appeared. ‘I was terrified I was going to have to take over myself,’ she confided. ‘I like my job, but Lex Gibson reduces me to a gibbering wreck.’

I knew what that felt like. Phin could do the same to me, but for very different reasons.

Somehow I managed to keep up a calm, capable front all day, and I don’t think anyone guessed that behind my cool façade I was reliving that kiss again and again.

The more I thought about it, the more glad I was that Lex had interrupted us when he had. I mean, that wasn’t
me
, sliding seductively onto my boss’s lap. I was cool, I was competent, I was
sensible
.

Although it would have been hard to guess that from the way I’d been carrying on recently. It wasn’t sensible to get involved with your boss, to pretend a relationship you didn’t have, to make stupid bets with him, to
kiss
him. What had I been thinking? I had put my career—everything I believed in, everything I’d always wanted—at risk. I’d done exactly what I had sworn I would never to do and got carried away by the moment.

How my mother would cheer if she knew.

At six o’clock I made my way back down to Phin’s office. My desk looked empty and forlorn already. I knocked on his door.

Phin was on one of the sofas, reading a report. He dropped it onto the table when he saw me in the doorway and got to
his feet, the first blaze of expression in his eyes quickly shielded. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’

There was an awkward pause.

‘So how’s it going?’ he asked after a moment.

‘Fine.’

Had we really kissed earlier? Suddenly we were talking to each other like strangers. I couldn’t bear it.

Another silence. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

Phin watched me warily. ‘Somehow I get the feeling you’re not about to pick up where we left off,’ he said.

‘No,’ I agreed. ‘I paid my debt.’

But my heart twisted as I said it. It had been so much more than a jokey kiss to close a bet, and we both knew it.

I went to sit on the other sofa. ‘I’ve decided to take the job with Lex while Monique is away.’

‘I thought you would,’ said Phin, sitting opposite me.

‘It’s a fantastic career opportunity for me,’ I ploughed on. ‘And when I thought about it I could see that it would make it much easier for both of us. It would be awkward to carry on working together now.’

‘Now?’

‘I think it’s time to call an end to our pretence,’ I said. ‘It’s served its purpose.’

Phin sat back and regarded me steadily. ‘Has Jonathan come through?’

‘We had a talk in Aduaba,’ I admitted. ‘He said he wanted to try again.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said I’d think about it.’

‘I see.’

I bit my lip. ‘The
Glitz
article has come out. Even Jewel’s given up on you.’ I tried to joke. ‘There’s nothing in it for you any more. We should pretend that it’s over now.’

‘Is that what you want?’

‘To be honest, Phin, I don’t know
what
I want at the moment,’ I said with a sigh. ‘It’s all been…’

I tried to think of a way to describe how it had felt, but couldn’t do it. ‘I’m confused,’ I said instead. ‘You, Jonathan, Africa, this new job…I don’t know what I feel about any of it. I don’t know what I’m
doing
any more.’

‘You seemed to know exactly what you were doing earlier this morning,’ said Phin.

I could feel the colour creeping up my throat. ‘I got…carried away,’ I said with difficulty. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise for it,’ he said almost angrily. ‘Getting carried away isn’t always a bad thing, Summer.’

‘It is for me.’ Restlessly, I got to my feet. Hugging my arms together, I went over to the window and looked down at the commuters streaming towards Charing Cross.

‘My mother’s spent her whole life being carried away by one thing or another,’ I told him. ‘I was dragged along in her wake, and all I ever wanted was something to hold onto, somewhere I could stay, somewhere I could call home. That’s why my job has always been so important to me. I know it’s not a high-flying career, but I like it, and I do it well.’

I turned back to Phin, trying to make him understand. ‘This morning…that was so unprofessional. When I saw Lex, I thought he was going to sack me. I wouldn’t have blamed him, either.’

‘He wouldn’t have sacked you. I wouldn’t have let him.’ There was an edge of irritation in Phin’s voice as he got up to join me at the window. ‘It was only a kiss, Summer, not
embezzlement or industrial espionage. You should keep it in perspective. It wasn’t that big a deal.’

‘For you, perhaps,’ I said tautly. ‘You don’t care about this job. You don’t really want to be here. I know you’d rather be off travelling, challenging yourself…there are so many things you want to do. It’s different for me. My job is all I’ve got.’

There was a long silence. We stood side by side, looking out of the window.

‘Perhaps it’s just as well Lex interrupted us when he did,’ said Phin at last.

‘I’ll find you a replacement PA as soon as I can.’

‘There’s no hurry,’ he said, turning away, restless again. ‘I was thinking of taking off for a while. One of the crew on the Collocom ocean race has been hospitalised in Rio, and they’ve asked me if I could fill in on the next leg to Boston. I just heard today. I said I’d ring tonight and let them know.’

Why was I even surprised? Had I really thought he would persuade me to change my mind? Phin would never be happy to stay in one place for long.

‘What about things here?’

‘There’s nothing urgent. The projects we’ve set up will keep ticking over, and if not maybe you could keep an eye on them. Otherwise I was just due to do PR stuff, and I might as well do that on a yacht. Gibson & Grieve is one of the race’s sponsors, so Lex can’t complain—especially not when he’s taken my PA away from me!’

It would always have been like this, I realised. Me clinging to the safety of my routine, Phin always in search of distraction. It could never have worked. We were too different. Better to decide that now. Phin was right. It was just as well Lex had come in when he had.

‘So…what will we say about our relationship if anyone asks?’

‘You could tell everyone you got fed up with me never being around,’ he suggested. ‘That would ring true. Everyone knows I’m not big on commitment.’

They did. So why had I let myself forget?

‘Or you could say that I wasn’t exciting enough for you,’ I offered. ‘Everyone would believe that.’

‘Not if they’d seen you take down your hair this morning,’ said Phin with a painful smile.

There seemed nothing more to say. We stood shoulder to shoulder at the window, not looking at each other, both facing the fact that it was all for the best. I wondered if Phin was feeling as bleak as I was.

‘Well,’ I said at last, ‘it looks as if it’s all change for both of us.’

‘Yes,’ said Phin. He turned to look at me, and for once there was no laughter in the blue eyes. ‘Thank you for everything you’ve done, Summer. I hope Lex knows how lucky he is.’

‘Thank you for all the doughnuts,’ I said unevenly.

‘They won’t be the same without you.’

I wanted to tell him that I would think of him every time I had coffee. I wanted to tell him that I would miss him. I wanted to thank him for taking me to Africa, for making me
feel
, for refusing to let me give up on my dreams. But when I opened my mouth my throat was too tight to speak, and I knew that even if I could I would cry.

‘I must go,’ was all I muttered, backing away. ‘I’ll see you before you go, I expect.’

I don’t know whether it made it easier or not, but I didn’t
see him. He sent me an e-mail saying that he had got a flight the next day and that he’d be out of contact for a while.

‘I know you’re more than capable of making any decisions in my absence
,’ he finished. ‘
Enjoy your promotion—you deserve it
.’

I tried to enjoy it. Honestly I did. I told myself endlessly that it was all for the best. I had the job I’d always wanted and a salary to match. I would be able to save in a way I never had before. If I was careful, I could think about putting down a deposit on a studio at the end of the year. What more did I want?

Whenever I asked myself that, Phin’s image would appear in my mind. I could picture him in such detail it hurt. That lazy, lopsided grin. The blue, blue eyes. The warmth and humour and wonderful solidity of him. The longing to see him would clutch at my throat, making it hard to breathe, and I wanted to run down the stairs, back to his office, to throw myself onto his lap and spin and spin and spin on his chair as we kissed.

But his chair was empty. Phin wasn’t there. He was out on the ocean, in the ozone, the wind in his hair and his eyes full of sunlight. He was where he wanted to be.

And I was where
I
wanted to be, I reminded myself, coming full circle again. I threw myself into work, and mostly people left me alone. There hadn’t been any need for an announcement. With Phin gone, and me concentrating fiercely at work, I think most people assumed that we’d split up. They eyed me sympathetically and murmured that they were very sorry. I was just glad not to have to talk about it.

It was very different working for Lex. There were no coffee breaks, no doughnuts. Lex never sat on my desk or held my stapler like a microphone or pretended to make it bite me. It
would never occur to Lex to call me anything but my name, and he wasn’t interested in my life outside the office.

Not that I had much of one. Anne worried about me. ‘You went to all that trouble to get Jonathan back,’ she pointed out. ‘I don’t understand why you won’t go out with him now. It’s not like he isn’t trying. He’s always asking you out, and this time he sounds serious. Look at all those hints he’s dropped about getting married.’