Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (19 page)

I was desperate for a response. But…nothing.

A little after one o’clock in the morning, there was a tap at my door and my mom stepped in.

“May I?”

I shrugged.

She sat on the corner of my bed. “Honey. How ya doin?” Her voice was sticky sweet with sympathy and instantly annoyed me.

“How do you
think
I’m doing, Mom?” My tone was bitter.

“That first crush is so hard to deal with.”

“It isn’t a crush, Mom.  I love Zach. My first crush was Nate Wiley or Grant. This is nothing like that.” How dare
she
belittle this. She moved closer. “Did he tell you and Dad why?”

Her brow’s raised. “Why he’s on probation?”

I didn’t look at her.

“Yes. I believe he told us everything. He was very honest.”

“Then how can you do this?”

“Emma.” Her tone of voice distracted me. “Your father wanted it to be
over.”
I glanced up at her threatening eyes. “Over.”  She said it again and waves of fear rocked me. “As we talked with Zach, and I watched him struggle with telling us, we became aware of how much he cares for you, darling. Add that to what we walked in on.” My face flushed. “Then, your father hears probation. It wasn’t pretty. Like it or not, you will always be our little girl. We know that in five months you will be sixteen. But no matter how old you are, there are certain things your father doesn’t want to see. AND a grown man on top of you, kissing your stomach is one of them.”

I couldn’t respond and buried my face.

“I think you should know how hard Zach negotiated. That takes a lot of nerve and guts to go head to head with the fifty-year-old father of your girlfriend.” 

She rubbed my back. “Your dad is angry right now. I don’t know if he will rethink this and change his mind. Until then, you may see Zach in March.”

“That’s three months!”

“Not quite. And don’t think that we won’t be addressing the protection thing again.” Her eyes were firm. I knew she was right. She stood to leave.

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Why is it OK for Ryan?”

“Sex?”

I nodded.

“It isn’t. He’s in trouble too. You just missed that encounter.” She pulled my door closed.
                           

I woke up the next morning, my eyes almost swollen shut. I hadn’t slept most of the night…checking my phone every half-hour. The sunshine breaking through my window was hot and I felt like I was baking so I kicked the covers off. I reached for my phone on the nightstand. No messages. The clock read 10:45. I scrolled through some old texts reading them one by one, stopping on my favorite—‘love you baby!’

My pillow was hot so I flipped it. The cold cotton was comforting to my cheek. I scrolled through the songs on my MP3 then hid in the quilt again. I decided I was staying here for the next two and a half months.

There was movement in my room and I tossed the covers down. Ryan stood at the corner. I paused the music.

“I knocked.”
             

“What do you want?” I growled.

He sprawled across the bed landing on my feet. “I’m sorry. It was my stupid idea to come back to the house.”

“So, what happened to you?” I propped myself on the pillows.

“Ali and I were on my bed. We both had ear phones on listening to music and kissing. Then I felt a tap on my leg. It was Dad. Poor Ali freaked.” He chuckled in amusement. “She’d given me a back rub so my shirt was off.”

My eyes were wide. “That’s all? You were up there a while.” My accusatory words didn’t go unnoticed.

“What do you think we did? Give me some credit, Em. She’s fifteen.”

I offered him an apologetic smile. My brother had more heart and brains than I’d
thought.

“Sorry.” I elbowed him in his side. “Are you grounded too?”

“No more girls in my room…”
              “That’s all?” I interrupted.

“
AND
, I’m grounded for a week.”

My lower jaw suspended in air. “A week? Whatever!”

“Why? What’d you get?”

“I can’t see Zach for two and a half months.”

`He shoved me back. “Bullshit.”

“It’s true.” I went on to tell Ryan about Zach’s probation and what happened in San Francisco, swearing him to secrecy since no one around here knew. I explained how difficult the move was for him. Then I told him about getting busted making out on the sofa. He laughed, of course.

“You gonna be able to do it?” His tone was hopeless.

I shrugged. “I have to. And I know
he’s
going to. I’ve texted him four times and nothing back.” My throat tightened just saying that.

He rubbed my head. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll talk to Dad. Zach’s not a criminal.”

“You’d do that? I didn’t think you even liked him.”

“I like the way he treats you. He defended you—against me—but he still defended you.” He closed the door and I fell back across my bed in disbelief.

Three days till Christmas break. Finals were over, progress reports would be sent home tomorrow and we had three days of nothing.  Initially, break meant more time with Zach, but now…I hoped for a quick break then back to school.  

My chest tightened as I thought of third period and I contemplated skipping. I didn’t know how much longer I could endure looking at his perfection with no hope of touching. This wasn’t the longest I’d gone without him but it was close.

I stopped at my locker to get my book. My mind wasn’t in it as I twisted my combination three separate times before it finally unlocked.  Next to my locker hung a fluorescent flier advertising Christmas break extra credits through online courses or night classes. I read it over carefully then ripped the flier from the wall and shoved it in my backpack, running to third hour.

I was late and breathing hard when I entered the class. Zach was already working.  The seat next to him was open, which wasn’t surprising given most people knew we dated. I slipped into my seat. Mr. Bowman had written the assignment on the blackboard and he didn’t notice I was late, thankfully. My heart beat erratically against my chest and I wondered if Zach could see it pulsing against my back. I could smell him. 

“When you’re done, please bring your paper up for me to check, then you may talk quietly in your seats.” Mr. Bowman announced.

When I finished, I moved to his desk and handed him the paper, which he skimmed. Without moving my head, I peeked up to see Zach. His eyes were on me and he offered a tender smile.  Don’t cry, I told myself. Be strong.

“Good work, Hendricks.” Mr. Bowman marked my work and handed it back. On my return trip, Zach’s head was back down.

“You look beautiful,” he murmured into a whisper.

I twisted my neck around. “Thanks,” I mouthed.

“Hey. Did I hear right? You two are kaput?” Grant asked inquisitively his sun touched hair darkening to its natural color as always during the winter.

The words stung as I processed them. I didn’t look at him and I listened to see if Zach did.
             

“Hmm. No response from either party. It must be true.”

“Meier’s shut up,” Zach jabbed as he walked past me to the teacher’s desk.

“
Em. What’s the deal with you and Owens?” he whispered.

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it, Grant.” I feared my tears had restocked. 

“Did he hurt you?” he asked, his voice full of accusations.

“Stop! It’s none of your business.” I gathered my books and Zach stepped past me.

“Owens—did you hurt her?”

The bell sounded and I hurried out.

“Answer me!”

I jerked back around when I heard Grant’s gruff tone and Zach weaved around
him.

Suddenly, Grant shoved him from behind and Zach nearly fell into me, his chin was tight with anger. He glared at me.

“I can not fight him. You know why.” Zach grimaced.

His probation. A school fight wouldn’t be good.  I threw myself between them. “Stop, Grant.”  I saw Ryan running up from behind; my eyes wild with fear. Grant’s chest puffed out and his upper lip was tight. He looked more like a
snow boarding surfer than a fighter.

“Move,
Em,” Grant ordered.

Zach grabbed my arm and yanked me behind him. “Yes, please move.”

Ryan was finally there tugging Grant to the side and I gripped Zach’s hand taking him in the opposite direction. Within one long second, he dropped my hand, caught my eye, whispered “thanks” and walked away. Feeling rejected, I spun around to see Estelle in front of me with a glimmer of hope twinkling in her eyes. My stomach knotted and I headed to gym.

I skipped lunch altogether which upset Ali and Lauren. Ali—cause she wanted to talk about Ryan.  Lauren—cause she wanted talk about why we broke up. Selfishly, I couldn’t handle relationship talk right now.  I headed to the counselors office.

The room was hot when I arrived, and I ditched my sweater. Ms. Trudeau came from her office and greeted me with a smile. “Hello, Emma. What can I do for you?”

I retrieved the crumpled up flier from my backpack.

“I’d like to do this.”

“Earn some extra credits? Are you not doing well in a subject?”

“No. I’m doing fine. I just want to earn a few more.”
              She seemed suspicious. “Are your parents on board with this? Most of your classes are already advanced.”

“They are fine with it,” I lied. But why would they care if I studied more.

“Very well.” She handed me a sheet of paper. “Here are the classes available. I need your parents to sign off on that release. We have a class online and a night class you can take. Do you prefer one?”

Pretending to contemplate the thought, I answered, “I’ll do both.”

“That’s a lot to take on over the two weeks of break. It requires a great deal of time.”

Time is all I had at this point. “OK. Thanks. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.” I knew her eyes followed me out of the room.

Later that evening, after we’d cleaned up dinner, I approached my dad who seemed the easier target.

“Dad?”

“Yes?” He removed his bifocals and gave me his attention.

Waving the piece of paper, I said, “I need you or Mom to sign this.”
              He reached for it. “What is it?”

“It’s an approval for me to take a class over break. Seeing how I will have nothing to do.” My words held blame. “I was thinking I could earn an extra credit for school.”

“An extra credit? Emma. You’re already ahead of credits. Why don’t you take the time to spend with friends.  Maybe some sleepovers, going to movies…you know.” 

I nodded with fake excitement. “That’s sounds awesome, Dad. Maybe I could do both. It’ll keep my mind busy rather than thinking about…” my words trailed off but I figured he got the gist.

“You’re right. What am I talking about it? Nothing wrong with a little extra education.” He smiled apologetically.  The guilt trip had worked.

SWEET! “Thanks, Dad.”

“Emma?”

“Yeah?”

“This time will go fast honey, you’ll see.”

I think I smiled.

Christmas break started, which meant my fourteen days of learning were underway. I was swamped with homework, but to say I didn’t have time to think about Zach was the overstatement of the century. I thought about him every minute of every day. I had to believe that Zach thought of me too, that there was still a future waiting for us…and he was counting down the days till March. My life had become a lingering moment in time where nothing mattered over the duration of this extended time apart. I felt empty at times, wondering what I had done before Zach. Dad was right. I’d kind of dumped my friends to spend time with him. For now, the task was to stay focused on my studies.

The online courses were a joke and I knew by day seven that I wouldn’t get lower than an A. How this justified an education was beyond me. My night class on the other hand was more of a challenge. Held on campus at Southern Oregon University, not only was I a runt in with college kids, but I was smarter than half of them, which didn’t go over well. So—I played the part of the dumb high school freshman the best I could.              

Three days before school was to start, Ryan clued me in on an impromptu skiing trip to Mt. Shasta. My first and only question was who? Specifically Zach…and Ryan wasn’t sure. He didn’t know who was going and didn’t particularly care. He and Grant were headed down and Ali was tagging along with me. I’d been pretty disengaged since ‘the break’ and the Ryan/Ali status seemed to be on track, which unnerved me just a bit. My folks basically packed my bag and nearly kicked me out of the house once they knew there was adequate adult supervision.  I wondered if they knew there was a possib
ility that Zach would be there.