Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (32 page)

“I know what I said,” I interrupted. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to know.”

“Emma. It’s not that easy…Grant. He’s going to tell you.” His words were certain.

I shook my head.  “I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him see.” I wasn’t as certain as he was. But I was hopeful.  “Tell me something though.”

“Anything.”

“Is it something illegal?”

“No,” He answered quickly.

“Have you been loyal to me?”

A growl came from his throat. “One hundred percent.”

I inhaled and let out a long breath and sigh of relief. “Then, I don’t care.”

“Seriously?”

“I mean I care…but not enough to ruin this. We have five months before I leave for Cannon and you leave for God knows where. Tell me then.”

He lowered his body to meet mine again. Our lips searched for each other in the dark and his kiss was sweeter than ever. But I again retreated pushing him away.

“Two last things. First, Saturday…can you drive me somewhere? And, second, I don’t want your folks to catch us up here. Can we please go back downstairs?”

“Yip.” He heaved me up and off the bed with a grunt then sat for a second positioning me between his legs. “I’m good for Saturday. What’s the plan?”

“I’m not telling.”

His hands cupped my jaw and he grinned. “I love you.”

I bit my bottom lip. “And I love you.” We headed downs
tairs.

Friday, my mom had scheduled an appointment for me with her Gynecologist. I’m not sure why they call it a Guy-
necologist when they treat girls…women. I had thought about it all week and even researched on the Internet what HE was going to do to an area I could barely look at. I shaved my legs and painted my toenails. Not that I was trying to impress a doctor I didn’t know, but I wanted to look like I should be old enough to have this done.

My mom picked me up from school around 2:15 for my 2:30 appointment. I told Zach I had an orthodontist appointment and I did have one coming up just not today. I hated lying to him but couldn’t muster up the courage to confide what I was really doing.

I checked myself in at the doctor’s office.  My mom was already reading a magazine, I think it was House Beautiful or something and she didn’t meet my glance. I was certain this was difficult for her as well…bringing her fifteen-year-old baby girl to the gyno for some birth control…a mother’s dream. I appreciated that she wasn’t mean about it or constantly preaching abstinence—I knew she and dad would rather I wait for that special someone with whom I would marry…but to me…that
was
Zach.

“Emma?” The nurse startled me.

“Yes.” I stood with my purse.

“Do you want me to come?” My mother asked.

“No. I’m OK.” And I followed the nurse.

After she got my height and weight, I had to provide a urine sample and a finger prick to check if I was iron deficient. Then she escorted me to a room where she took my temperature, blood pressure and asked me a series of questions including my sexual activity, which I could report, was at zero. Though by the skeptical look on her face, I think she questioned my honesty.

She finally left me alone with a blue dotted gown to put on after I’d gotten completely naked. I sat and waited.

At 3:10, my phone vibrated and Zach texted me to see if I was done. I texted back a quick no and that I’d call him when I was. The door opened.

“Good afternoon, Emma. I’m Dr. Erickson. It’s nice to meet you.”  He shook my hand.

“Hi. Nice to meet you too.”

He sat on his little round doctor’s stool. “So. You are interested in starting to take birth control. Is that right?”

Wow. Let’s get straight to the point. “I’m not having sex,” I quickly clarified. “I have a boyfriend and we’ve talked about it but we haven’t.”

“OK. Has your boyfriend had other partners?”

“Yes.” I think I blushed.

“Alright. Do you know if he practiced safe sex? And the reason I’m asking is birth control prevents pregnancy but not disease.”

Disease. Nice word choice. “No. I don’t know for sure but I think.”

“Let’s start with you. How long ago did you start your menstrual cycle?”

Some of my friends started in the seventh grade and I seemed to be a slow poke with February of my eighth grade year. I wasn’t sure what the norm was…but was certain as with everything else…I wasn’t in it. “When I was in eighth grade.” My words were soft.              

“Are you periods regular?”

I shrugged. “I guess. I mark it on a calendar and it’s once a month.”

“And what about your flow. Would you call it heavy, moderate or light?”

This had to tie for the most embarrassing inquisition of my life. “Light.”

“About how many days does it last?” He was taking notes.
              I sighed. “Three or four.”

He nodded and laid his pen on the chart and I hoped we were done. He opened a drawer and pulled out a metal odd shaped contraption. “We have two different types of exams we perform. One is a simple exam and the other is a more extensive exam. With the second one, this…” He held up the piece of metal. “Is inserted inside the vagina and opened.” He popped it opened and I think my eyes popped out as well. I consciously crossed my legs. “This allows us to view the cervix which leads into the uterus. Since you are not sexually active at this point, we will not do that today, but we will in the future.” I breathed a quiet sigh of relief and wondered if my father had paid him to have this conversation with props. “If you’ll lie back, I’m going to do a basic exam. I’m sure this is a tad uncomfortable but we’ll make it quick.”

I didn’t move. “Uncomfortable how?” I’m sure he heard the stress in my voice.

He smiled. Why couldn’t he have been sixty-five and ugly? I think my mom picked the hottest doctor in town though he was bald. “Not painful. Uncomfortable—awkward. All I’m going to do is use a finger and then also apply pressure outside on your abdomen. It won’t take but five seconds.”

I swallowed. Great. The first thing inside of me was going to be Dr. Erickson’s finger. Ugh! I reluctantly laid back and he placed my heel on top of something cold. My legs spread wider than I wished and I closed my eyes.

Saturday morning Zach was at my house by 9:00 just as I’d requested. I checked the computer to make sure the road I wanted to take wasn’t closed due to weather. The day was a go. I’d told my mom and dad my plans the night before and Dad showed his approval by printing me off a map of the trip up and back, telling me the places to stop if we needed.  Weather was unpredictable so I packed some essentials.

We headed east out of Ashland and took Dead Indian Memorial Road. Zach had never been on this highway and that excited me to no end. I wasn’t crazy about the drive due to
problems with my motion sickness, but it was going to be worth it. He’d never been where I was taking him and I was going to make him fall in love with Oregon too.

“So, no clues?” He asked.

“We’re going north.” I teased.              

“Well, it’s a guarantee, I’ve never been there then.” There didn’t appear to be another car in sight. The forest encroached on both sides of the narrow winding road and massive patches of trees in certain areas were missing where they’d been cut and sent to logging. It made the small mountains look funny when a portion of it was bare. I watched Zach stare at the vacant area.

“It’s sad, isn’t it?”

I knew that was coming. “
Puh-leeeze. Oregon is the most environmentally savvy state in the US. Our tree huggers wouldn’t allow that,” I laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, not only did we have tree planting expeditions in elementary school but there are so many not for profit agencies and urban forestry groups that plant. Where ever they take out…they put back.”

He nodded. “Sweet. That’s good.”

“We need to get my little city boy out into the country more.” I wiggled his ear lobe and he smiled.

“I can do country.”

“Oh, please. You have city written all over you.”

His eyes bulged out. “What’s
that
supposed to mean?”

I giggled because I wasn’t sure what I’d meant. “You’re like a metro.”

“I am not.” He refused to accept my stereotype and I slapped his thigh.

I nodded. “You
so
are. Look at your gelled hair and your cologne. ” I unbuckled, got to my knees and sniffed from his collar bone up to his ear. Then kissed his lobe. “It drives me crazy.”

“Buckle,” he warned and I did. “Really, it drives you crazy?” he questioned surprised by my analysis.

“Crazy…” I repeated and rolled my eyes. He had no possible idea how crazy. “Zach, I don’t mean it to be mean. But, you wear nothing but Billabong, Hurley, Hollister, and Abercrombie. You’re a walking advertisement.”

“That’s no different than anyone else,” he contested.

“Maybe no different than some others. But you look so much better in it.”

“Shut Up,” he joked playfully shoving my shoulder then held my hand.

“Have you ever been hiking or on a walk through the woods?” This seemed unimaginable to me.

He shrugged. “I guess I was always more the surfing beach guy.”
              “But it’s cold in San Francisco.”

“We wore wet suits. I played golf with my dad. Played football. I guess not so much hiking.” He smirked. “I have been to Napa Valley several times. It’s beautiful there.”

“It is beautiful,” I agreed. “Take road 140 up here. Look…all I’m saying is there is a big world out there and there are lots of places to love.”

“I hear you. I hear you.” He turned right and merged into traffic. 

About 11:15, we passed the Crater Lake National Park sign and I smiled; plus we hit the snow.

“Crater Lake?” he asked. “I’ve heard of it.”

“Just keep your eyes on the road because once inside the park, you’ll drive alongside an enormous gorge. It makes me sick.”

He rubbed my back. “Must be fun to come here then.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m sure it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen.” I felt confident.

“I’ve been to the Grand Canyon, twice. That’s a gorge.” He was poking fun.

My shoulders fell in a slump. “OK…you’re not going to be impressed. Let’s just turn around.”

He laughed but squeezed my hand. “I’m kidding you. It’s going to be perfect.” His smile faded and his eyes were sincere.

“I want…” I struggled with my words. I wasn’t vying for his attention with a girl or a sport but with a city…an incredible city…a city where his heart was. Oregon was awesome, but I wasn’t sure I could compete with a lifetime of memories. “I want you to love it here.” My voice came out whiney.

He lifted my chin as he drove. “I love…being here with you.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek. I felt him hit the brakes and I looked out the windshield and saw the entrance to the park. I pulled our National Park pass from my purse and handed it to him.  He handed it to the ranger.

“The roads are clear up to the lake but don’t get off. We’ve gotten seventeen inches in the last couple of days. The lodge is open up top. Ask about the weather when you get up there. We have an advisory out.”

Zach nodded. “Thank you.”

We drove a ways in silence and I feared I was fighting a losing battle. He was going to leave after graduation and there was nothing I could do about it. The only hope I had was his parents were in Ashland. I held onto that.

The Jeep abruptly darted off the road “ZACH!” I screamed. And he hit the brakes as he veered off the shoulder. I hadn’t been watching the road and the sudden turn startled me. My pulse pounded. I touched my eyebrows with my fingertips as the thought of flying off the gorge overwhelmed me.

“What did I do?” He had no idea of my subtle fear of heights. I could do roller coasters and ski down mountains, but standing on the side looking over, or the thought of our vehicle taking flight and crashing, was almost incapacitating to me.

“I told you about the gorge,” I cried.

“Baby. I just wanted to look at it. I pulled off at a lookout. I’m sorry.” He unbuckled first himself then me and pulled me into his chest.
             

I gripped him tightly and figured he’d have to pry my fingers off. “You scared me,” I whispered. He kissed my hair.

“I’m so sorry.”

My heart must have started again because I could feel my blood pumping through my body. I sat up pushing him away. “I’m fine.”