Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (36 page)

His eyes contradicted his smile. “I can’t make that promise.”

My eyes fell to my lap; his thumb forced me to look up. “I won’t get mad at you, how’s that?”

It brought some comfort. “I asked him to leave us alone. That we only had months left together and…” my voice cracked at the end. He pressed his lips to my cheek and gripped my hand. “He agreed that he wouldn’t say anything until May or June.” I watched his face waiting for an expression change that never came. “Aren’t you happy about that?” I asked.

He nodded. “I am in deed. I’m waiting for the part that’s supposed to make me mad, and I figure you haven’t gotten to it. Am I right?”

I nodded in return and wasn’t sure I could bring my self to say what I had to. “I love you very much.”

“And I love you.” He cocked his head sideways waiting.

My throat was dry and all of a sudden he slid me off his lap and stood. “What are you doing?”

“Moving…fidgeting…I don’t know. But this can’t be good if you’re struggling this bad.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Tell me it’s not about sex. Tell me you didn’t negotiate something with him.”

Had my lower jaw not been attached to my upper it would have hit the floor.

He quickly interjected. “Of course you didn’t. Just tell me what it is.”

The suspense seemed to be killing him. I rationalized his thoughts…maybe since it wasn’t sex…it was just a date…that would be more acceptable.  “Sit by me.”

When he sat, I scooted close to him and decided to go for it. “Next Saturday I’m going on a date with him.” I breathed. It was out. I watched his jaw harden and a tight smile touch his lip
s.

“You see. No sex. No kissing. One date and he leaves us alone.” I quickly leaned in and kissed his neck right below his ear and moved over his cheek toward his mouth. He kissed me back but with no emotion. My heart beat awkwardly for a brief second and I smiled at him. “It’ll be OK. I know it. He promised.”

A condescending snort came from the back of his throat. My palms held both sides of his face and my thumbs rubbed his cheeks. Disappointment resonated in his eyes and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I needed him to believe in me.

“He promised?
” He chuckled as the words came out, and I assumed he was making fun of me for having faith in Grant. “I’d rather tell you what I did,” he said honestly.

“I thought about that when he told me his condition.” His eyes flickered with hatred then softened when he looked at me. I couldn’t look at him and talk so I stared at my comforter. “But as much as I want to…what if I can’t forgive you. If I do this, at least we have several months to spend together.”

“You agreed to this?” The frustration in his tone scared me.

“I did.” I hoped he heard confidence in my response.

“What if I requested that you not go?” His eyes stayed focused on the ground.

“I hope that you don’t. I’m doing this for us.”

His eyes found me. “And you think, you going on a date with Grant, will help us?”

I pulled my shoulders slowly up into a shrug then dropped them. “It won’t help us if he tells me what you did and it hurts me.”

His eyes flickered toward me. “He told you it would hurt you?”

I nodded.

“Did he say anything else?”

“He said that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he thought that I deserved to know.”

Zach stood and paced the floor in front of my desk and dresser. “That’s sweet. I think that’s very kind that he doesn’t want to hurt you. Although he’s going to…hurt you…anyway when the time is right. Am I correct?”

His sarcasm, though on target, was biting. “I suppose,” I whispered.

“Let’s say for arguments sake that you accept this incorrigible invitation. How long does he give us?” His eyebrows sat high on his forehead.

I smiled. “May 20
th
.” I couldn’t help but smile thinking about the date.

He leaned against my desk and folded his arms across his chest. “Your birthday?”

I nodded.

“Why your birthday?”

Crap! My eyes darted around in their sockets trying to come up with the appropriate way to word this. I’d so far been able to leave out the condition of not having sex. But, then again, that was Zach’s idea to begin with. “Well. That’s the day you and I decided on…the date we picked for…you know.” I rolled my eyes, too uncomfortable to say it.

He shifted his weight back to his legs and hovered over me. “Emma. Please tell me. Oh my…” His breathing was erratic. He touched his temples. “Please,
Em. Tell me… you didn’t tell him that. Tell me…..lie to me…..do whatever you need to….but don’t tell me you told him that was the day we’d be together.”

“I wanted him to know I was committed to you!!” I screamed and tried to shove him in the chest, but he didn’t move—in fact it hurt my wrist.

I’d never seen him this angry. “So now there’s a second condition. No sex,” his voice was loud but not screaming.

I moved around to the other side of the bed. “Zach. We weren’t going to do it anyway…
your
rules.”

He drew in a long breath expanding his chest. “My rules?” he smirked, staring out the window. “I think it’s
our
rules. I thought you were on board with that too.” His words were soft. “I refuse to let him navigate this relationship. And if you allow it, you’re doing it without me.” A painful grimace distorted his face as he said the words. “Friday, I have to serve twenty-four hours in the Jackson County Jail…”

“What?” My heart stopped beating. No. This wasn’t happening. “Because of the fight?”

“I go in Friday at noon and will be released Saturday at noon. My folks are driving me there and picking me up. I guess I’ll see you on Sunday after your date.” He palmed my cheeks, tilted my chin and forced his lips to mine. His kiss was angry and hard and I felt it held a goodbye. He easily jerked the sweatshirt from under the door and tossed it on my bed.

“Zach wait,” I cried, and I heard his feet thumping down the stairs. “Zach,” I yelled after him my body frozen. The front door closed, and I watched out the window as his Jeep pulled away.

I suffered through the next few days that held little hope for me and Zach. He went through the motions of sitting next to me in Algebra, walking me to gym, escorting me to lunch, then the obligatory ride home. But there was never an offer of coming in or going to his house or anything relating to the future. I was living one hour at a time or so it seemed.

My ignorance for the legal system in Ashland was limited at best and I discovered, thanks to the Internet, that Zach would be spending his twenty-four hours in Medford. Ashland had a small holding facility but it wasn’t utilized for this type of thing. I also learned that because Zach was eighteen he would be in with the adult inmates, which sickened me to the core. Child-abusers. Rapists. Even murderers. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I read. All of this was because of me. He wouldn’t have been sanctioned had it not been for me. I hated myself at the moment.

“Emma?” my dad yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I clicked off the computer.

“Coming!” I hollered.

My driving test was today. I was ready. I’d studied hard and driven more than enough hours to pass this. I imagined Mom and Dad were excited too, though it closed another chapter in their life and started the next. Mom was big on talking about chapters. There seemed to be one always closing and, the more I thought about it, I had to give her credit. She was right. Ryan’s chapter on high school was closing and a new chapter…a new life was before him. It was sad in a way but thrilling at the same time. I hoped the chapter for me and Zach hadn’t closed.

The older female examiner—Doris—is what her badge read, asked me to follow her. I was more nervous now. I drove with caution, utilizing my blinker, abiding by the speed limit and keeping my distance between vehicles in front of me. I even nailed the parallel parking. She finally cracked a smile when we returned and gave my father an approving nod. He winked at me and when directed I offered a broad smile for the camera. I did it! My very own driver’s license. I couldn’t wait to show Zach. Mom and Ryan too but especially Zach.

“Congratulations Sweetheart!” My dad smiled and patted my leg.

“Thanks, Dad.” I paused. “Hey. Would you mind dropping me off at Zach’s so I could show him?”

“Can he bring you home by dinner?”

I wasn’t sure what to say since he didn’t know I was coming over. “Sure.” I hoped.

“Be home by six, then.” He agreed and drove me by the house. Zach’s mom’s car sat in front and his Jeep wasn’t there. I hopped out and went to the door as if they were expecting me, rang the bell and waved to my dad as he pulled away.

“Emma. What a nice surprise,” his mother greeted.

I smiled. “Hi, Mrs. Owens. Is Zach not here?”

“No. But he’ll be here soon. He had a meeting today. Please come in.” She stepped aside widening the passageway through the door and I stepped in. The house smelled nice.

“Mrs. Owens. May I come with you tomorrow?”

Her eyes were confused. “Where, Honey?”

“To Medford?” Mine couldn’t have pleaded more.

“He told you.” It was more of a statement than a question, but I nodded. “He didn’t want to. He knew you’d worry.”

My heart ached as her eyes saddened me. “I am worried and I want to ride with you…with him.”

She shook her head. “Emma. He’d be very angry with me if I allowed that. He wants to be done with that piece of his life and certainly doesn’t want you to be any part of it. Don’t fault him for that.”

“I don’t. But Mrs. Owens…I love him and want to be there for him.”

Her compassionate smile and tender hug was medicine to my soul, though it wasn’t clear if I could declare victory. I heard his Jeep rumble outside. She pulled me close again. “I tell you what.” She whispered. “Be here at 11:00 and we’ll ambush him.”              

The front door opened and he tossed his book bag on the chair next to the door. His eyes widened when he saw me.

“Hey. What are you doing here?” 

His mom patted my back. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said disappearing into another room.

“Just wanted to show you something. How was your meeting?” Stupid question. Of course he wouldn’t answer.

“
Aah.” He blew off the question. “Whatcha got?”

A smile broke free and induced a smile from him in return. “Pick a hand,” I teased, holding my fists behind my back. He played along and pointed to my right side, which is where the license was, so I switched it quickly and held out my empty hand. So, he indicated the left side and I did the same thing flashing my open left hand.

“OK. I give.” He wasn’t as playful as usual.

I held up the hard piece of plastic and recognition settled over him. He grinned. “Congratulations. You earned it.” He kept the distance.

“Not even a hug?” I asked disappointed, and he cautiously moved toward me as if not to tempt himself. He leaned down, and as he snugly embraced me, we both breathed easy—a relatively simple task—but the air seemed fresher and crisper and I felt like I breathed for the first time this week.

“Let’s get you home.” He suggested in a hushed tone.

“I still have forty-five minutes.”

His mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t and he opened the front door. I stepped out into the cold evening and a sliver of moon hung in the eastern sky just above the mountains.  The Jeep came to life and he steered toward my house. I contemplated refusing to get out of the car.

“Forty minutes till I have to be home.” I was counting down and hope he caught my drift.

He released what seemed like a held breath. “What do you want to do
Em?”

“Talk. I don’t like where things are with us.”  I reached for his hand and held it. He squeezed my fingers and I somehow found relief in that gesture.

He parked the car in the Safeway parking lot. “Let’s get through this weekend and then we’ll talk.”

“What’s that supposed mean?”

“It means we’ll talk on Sunday.” His expression was one of indifference and I didn’t like it.

“What time?”

“You tell me.”

“Be at my house after church. No. Wait. Go to church with us,” I suggested.

He smiled half-heartedly. “Let’s say 11:00.”

I playfully punched his shoulder. “Really. Our church is totally cool. It’s Methodist and we are really laid back and you can wear jeans if you want. I don’t even go to Sunday School anymore. I stay with my folks in Church and our pastor talks about stuff that I can relate too. I think you’ll like. Please.”

“All right,” he agreed easier than I anticipated.

“Really?”

“Why not.”

I kissed his cheek. “Thank you. Sunday it is.”

The Jeep was moving again and we neared my house. Panicked seized me when I spotted Grant’s truck. The hits just kept on coming. “Zach. I didn’t know. I haven’t seen him at all except at school.”