Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (45 page)

“BULLSHIT! Does he know about this?”

“No! And he’s not going to…yet.”

Grant raked his fingers through his blond curly long hair. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m not going to mess around with just random strangers—I’m choosing people I know and trust. You, maybe. If you can do it without being a jackass.” I elbowed him.

“Emma. It’s not that easy. You want me to have sex with you and walk away?”

I pursed my lips. “You friggin do it all the time with other girls.”

He shook his head as the words came out. The doorbell rang and he stared at me. “Please don’t do anything until we can talk about his…OK?”

“Fine.”  Maybe.

We both shuffled down the stairs and I think I heard an “Unbelievable,” beneath his breath.

By 8:40, the house was full. I knew most everybody, and Grant kept staring daggers into me. His protectiveness was endearing so I tried to offer a smile in return. With Estelle and Claire actively pursuing the single guys, Ali kept close to Ryan. I wanted Austin to get here and when the doorbell rang before nine, I bolted to answer it.

Zach and Josh stood in the door; my eyes never found Josh’s.

“Hi.” Zach smiled. “How are you?”

“Great,” I lied too quickly, my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach. “You?”

“Not good.” His somber expression made me sad.

God dang it! Why does he have to be so honest?

“Would you like to go for a drive?” he asked.

Did I? I wanted to go with him so badly. I wondered if he saw the agonizing streak of pain that shot across my face. “I can’t.”

“OK. Will it bother you if I stay?”

I shrugged and he finally stepped past me. I closed my eyes and took a long slow breath after I shut the door. He went to the family room and joined whoever was playing the XBOX 360.

Around 9:15, Austin arrived with Vince, the same smoking hot college guy from before. It was amusing to watch Estelle and Claire flit around the room vying for attention. Austin winked at me from where he stood as the girls ogled and asked questions about college making sure the guys knew they were going to be seniors. Ali and I both rolled our eyes at each other. Finally, after plopping my hands on my hips in exasperation, Austin smiled and made his way to me.

“Sorry. I got distracted,” he whispered as he neared me. Estelle shot me the evil eye from across the room then turned and stared at Zach. She wouldn’t, I thought to myself. Who am I kidding…yes she would.

“That’s OK. How was dinner?”

“Good.  I saw your boy in there playing the video game.”

I felt my eyes narrow and shot a glare at Austin. “He’s not my boy.”

He chuckled. “So, what’s the plan?”

I took the opened long neck from his hand knowing I wouldn’t drink it but it would serve as a good prop. Zach didn’t like me drinking. “OK. I was thinking. I’d go in and sit down and watch them play, and you could come in and sit next to me. We could whisper and giggle and hold hands.”

“Does he know I’m nineteen?”

I shrugged.

“Runt. You…”

“NO! No Runts. Not tonight…got it?” He opened his little cooler and retrieved another beer.

“Got it.”

“After that…just follow my lead.”

Vince joined us. “Hey Emma. Long time, no see.”

“Hi Vince.”

“Do I have a job like my buddy here?” he winked and his eyes sparkled with charisma.

“Stay away from the tall, black-haired girl,” I warned.

“I can do that,” he said as I left the room.

Zach was playing Black Ops and his eyes met mine when I moved through the room. Jaycee sat next to him rambling and the loud music from the other room made it difficult to hear. In all my scheming for tonight, I had never planned for him to be with someone else, and a wave of nausea swarmed over me. From the family room, I saw Grant dancing in the living room where the music played and I laughed. He dashed to my side and I braced myself for his landing next to me.

“What’s uuuup?” His breath already smelled of liquor. I wonder where it came from.

“Not much. You look like you’re having fun, birthday boy.”

“How about a birthday kiss?” he asked pulling my head toward his.

“I’ll give you a birthday
spankin,” I teased, pushing him down on my lap then rolled him to the floor.

Grant laughed and stood. “Don’t tease me.”

“Excuse me, Grant,” Austin said, stepping past Grant and sitting next to me.

“What’s up, Austin?” Grant bumped fists with him and stepped back looking at me curiously as Austin touched my bare leg. He obviously wasn’t drunk enough to let this go and I panicked.

“No,” he mouthed and with two fingers pointed at his eyes then pointed one finger at me.

“Grant. Take a picture,” Jaycee said tossing her little pink camera to him then grabbing Zach’s bicep as she squeezed him closer. He didn’t resist either. He smiled without looking away from the TV. Unbelievable.

Austin leaned over nuzzling his nose into my hair. “Is it OK if I do this for a second and pretend I’m whispering my undying love for you? Because without you even looking over, I can tell you he is checking us out.” He leaned back against the sofa and I giggled. I rubbed my neck like it tickled. He pulled me back against the sofa and his arm was around me.

“Who’s the chick hitting on him?” Austin asked leaning into me.

Though tension swelled in my body, I managed a smiled. “Her name is Jaycee. I was thinkin’ we sick Vince on her.”

Austin frowned then touched the end of my nose. “No can do. The tall girl cornered Vince in the kitchen.”

“Damn!” I said. “Lay your hand on the inside of my knee.”

He did and I pretended to watch the game. “Like that?” he asked cozily.

I nodded. His hands seemed the size of Zach’s.

“You owe me so big. I can’t believe I’m stooping to this. You have got to tell me what’s going on with this guy?”

“Kiss me.”

“Where?”

“On my lips, dummy.”

He smiled and batted his eyes. “I got that much. My question is here or where?”

“Here. Now.” I rested in the pit of his arm and he gently lifted my chin and bent down and pecked my lips softly then pulled away.

CLANK!
  I opened my eyes in time to see the XBOX controller bounce off the glass coffee table onto the ground.

“Zach. What’s wrong?” Jaycee squealed as she went after him toward the kitchen.

Austin’s finger was in my face this time. “You are dangerous little one. Why are you trying to hurt the guy?”

A dull ache ricocheted across my chest as Austin’s words came out. Was I trying to hurt Zach? “Take me up to my room. I’ll tell you there.”

“Are we still playing mean?”

I didn’t answer. He held my hand as we left the family room. As he walked up the stairs he held both my hands behind his back, and I trailed after him. Zach eyes followed us up the stairs from the kitchen.

I closed the door and smiled at Austin. “Thank you.”

He pounced on my bed curling a pillow under his head. “Talk to me.”             

“OK. He hurt me.” I paused because I said it in past tense and the pain was very
present.

Austin rose up, his body more alert.

“How?”

I flipped my computer on and waited for it to boot up. “We’ve been going out for a while and…we haven’t…” I bobbed my head from side to side.

“Haven’t what?”

“Haven’t done it.”

Austin grinned. “OK…and?”

“Well, he’s done it a lot.”

This time he chuckled. “What’s a lot to you?”

I held up my index finger signaling him to wait as my fingers typed frantically on the keyboard. I didn’t really want to see the site again today. Since we’d broke up, I’d gone on every
day to check and see if I’d been added.  I knew
he
wouldn’t add me but wasn’t sure if his buddies would if he’d told them what we’d done. I also found the link to their pictures in Mexico and they made me less angry. If there was a girl in the photo, Zach seemed to be on the other end of the lens. If Zach was in the photo, then it was just he and the guys. Some of the pics were pretty disgusting—wet T-shirts, no T-shirts.

“Here it is.” I pointed to the screen, Austin came off the bed to look at it clicking on each of the guys.

“What’s the M?” He asked.

“Married,” I said under my breath. “Have you ever been with a married woman?”

“One,” he said, holding up a finger and still reading.

“Austin! Why? Why do you guys do that?”

“It’s safe. They don’t want a relationship. Usually just sex from a young virile stud like myself.” He glanced at me and winked. “Did he tell you what a cougar is?”

“Yes.”

He swiveled in my chair. “So, this upsets you?”

I nodded.

“And you’re trying to make him jealous in return?”

Austin was bright. I didn’t have to explain anything at all. He’d put the pieces together. “I thought I’d try to get some experience myself…maybe my own list and I don’t necessarily mean something like this.” I pointed to the computer. “But so I know something about something.”

His shoulders fell and I could tell by the look on his face he was feeling sorry for me. “Emma. Don’t go out and have meaningless sex just to have sex. Make it with someone you care about.”

I took a step closer to him and touched his chest. “OK. Then maybe you and I…maybe you’d show me.”

He stared at me as he processed my words then his brow furrowed. “You and I,” he repeated.

“I know I’m a little younger. But I trust you.”

“Em. Have you ever been with anyone?” He touched my cheek in the kindest, gentlest way.

I shook my head as the tears swelled. “Why does everyone ask that?”  He wasn’t going to do it either.

He pulled me in for a hug as the warm tears spilled over.

“I am flattered and I’ll make you a promise. If by summer, you still want this…we’ll
talk
about it again. At least then, you’ll be sixteen.”

I sniffed and nodded embarrassed.

“If you’re so crazy about this guy, why not be with him or wait…that would be the fatherly thing for me to say.”

I closed my eyes. “Fatherly? Let’s go with brotherly, shall we?” I smiled. “I think I need more experience before I’m with him.”

His face scrunched with confusion. “Why?”

“I don’t know anything and you just said it yourself, those other women teach you things.”

“I promise you, and I’d even bet a million dollars, that Zach would rather you
not
be experienced.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“Emma.” He shook my shoulders. “Listen to me. I’m a guy and I got a woody with you just asking me to be your first.”

My face flushed and I flipped off the computer. I didn’t respond.

“That’s a big deal to a guy. I could have any girl downstairs I wanted right now, but I’m not all that interested because outside of you and Ali, most of them have probably been with multiple guys.”

“It shouldn’t bother me…all the girls he’s been with?”

He shrugged. “That’s up to you. I’m guessin the older you get, the more of that you’re gonna find. I think it was shitty for him to write names, and I’m glad your name’s not on there cause I don’t want to have to kick his ass.” He winked. “I’m sure he’s going crazily insane right now, don’t you think?”

“Probably.”

As I moved to the door, he stopped me. “I’m glad you chose me for your little experiment. But don’t ever make me kiss you again,” he warned and opened the door.

“Ok….why?” I said, following behind feeling guilty.

He took my hand and led me down the stairs. “Cause I don’t think I’d ever stop.” He smiled and we walked to the kitchen.

Ryan sat on the counter and Ali stood between his legs facing out. In the hour Austin and I had spent upstairs, more people had arrived. It was hard to hear myself think.

“Do you want a drink?” Austin asked.

“Yeah. But just a soda. I don’t want to do anything stupid tonight.”

“You mean stupid
…er, don’t you?” He elbowed me and handed me a can of soda. Austin scanned the room. “I don’t see Vince.”

I laughed. “Please. He’s somewhere
scroggin Estelle. I’d bet money on it.”

He slapped his knee. “Damn. Why do I always get the virgins?”

I playfully shoved him, and he wrapped his arm around my neck laughing. I saw his face begin to twist into a scowl. His eyes turned serious.

“Come on.” He rotated me so I couldn’t see whatever it was. But I felt my face start to crumble before I even saw it. I pulled my head from between his chest and arm and turned around. Zach’s arm was draped over Jaycee’s shoulders; her head rested on his chest…my chest…as she walked. He stumbled, and they both nearly fell, but of course he caught her…that was so like him. By the unfocused look in his eyes and his seemingly uncontrolled man
nerisms, I guessed he had been drinking.