OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (9 page)

TOTALLY annoying first day back at school.

MGK is talking about Keith (her “REAL dad”) like he actually HAS saved the planet! She says he is one of the world's most important activists and has already played a “major part in saving lots of endangered species”. In reality he really only writes a blog that is read by about 20 people worldwide, MGK! He's hardly on an actual Greenpeace boat saving things that need saving. PLUS Gran says that when he makes out he's doing meditation he's actually snoring. Gran said, “Hattie, I lived through the 1960s – there's a deep spiritual trance and then there's just being asleep.”

Looking around there seems to be more adult nutters than ever before. Perhaps it's a virus.

Dimple told me that MGK is now officially telling people I'm her sister but “only vaguely”. Apparently MGK keeps saying “accidents do happen!” and laughing. MGK, YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT TOO!

I'll never actually say that to her. I know what it's like to be a deliberately on-purpose accident. I actually don't want her to feel terrible.

OMG! I DO have Keith's nice gene.

Dimple says I'm just lovely. And mainly I always have been and what am I getting worked up about?

How do you explain to someone who knows where they come from that meeting the person you come from can be like putting your entire actual self in a massive fry-up?

Thinking too much again.

Weirdo Jen says all the vegetarian food I'm eating is reducing my “natural aggressiveness”. Red meat makes you angry.

I might have a tin of ravioli to test that theory.

I still don't want to hurt MGK.

I might have a Chinese-style pork mini riblet to see if that really pushes my temper over the edge.

I still feel calm. This must be a permanent personality change NOT a meat-based one!

Gran just had a MAHOOSIVE freak-out at Keith about MGK. Gran was yelling at him, saying, “You were always impressed by pretty, shiny things with money! For all this ‘Save the world!' crap you haven't changed. You're still impressed by money and you're always out to get some without working!” Apparently Keith busks with a converted biscuit tin, does odd jobs and has a market stall when he “feels like” working. Gran started chanting, “Work-shy! Work-shy! Work-shy! Work-shy!”

Gran was doing ALL THIS after a cold beef-and-pickle sandwich! Jen is right! Meat does make you mental.

Keith was really calm and said Gran needed to keep up. He HAD changed. It was a shame that SHE was still the old judgemental woman of old who was worried what everybody else thought. Gran went loony and said, “You need not have flown to Australia! I would have kicked you up the arse there. Well – you're missing out on some wonderful children!”

CHILD, Gran. CHILD! Nathan is not interested and MGK is not wonderful!

I think Keith HAS made an effort though. In his way. It's a weird way.

God, I want to see Goose. I want to talk about all this with him.

We had Personal and Social Education at school. We were talking about equal opportunities. It's always about “Men versus Women” or “Black versus White”. What about “Fit versus Not Fit” or “Designer versus Primark”? That's what is REALLY happening! Feminism doesn't affect me! I want to be able to shave when I like!

Gran just gave me the biggest lecture on women's rights. She said, “Your generation don't know they're born. Feminism isn't about having hairy legs! It's about getting what we deserve! Being paid the same as a man, having the same opportunities as a man! Do you think that always happened?” Keith AGREED with her! “Your gran is right, Hattie. Women had to throw themselves in front of racehorses just to be able to vote!”

Why did they involve horses? Were they on the men's side?

Gran told me not to be silly. “The point is YOUR generation has got to keep the fight up! Have respect for yourselves! Be independent. I protested for the likes of you!”

I asked Gran where she protested, when she protested and what about.

She really snapped back at me, “Well, I certainly felt strongly about it and shouted at the TV a lot!”

Gran is the sort of person who just presses the “like” button on Facebook and thinks that something magically changes. Her heart's in the right place but her legs are usually on the sofa! LOL!

At least Keith DOES stuff.

Perhaps I do need to be more feminist though.

I just told Rob that it was his turn to wash up. It wasn't but he fell for it. I am an OFFICIAL feminist activist!

I'm still shaving though.

I've got to go round and see Goose. I can't keep putting it off. I can't not have him in my life – I just have to accept there are other boys who will fancy me and he is like a … boy that's a girl. I'm just going to pretend he's gay in my head.

I finally got to see Goose tonight. He seemed a bit off with me at first but then the more we chatted, the more he was like my Goose again. He agrees with feminism. His mother, Donna, doesn't – she says she doesn't want to be equal with men. That would involve a step down. Donna ROCKS!

I'm seeing Goose after school on Friday to talk about EVERYTHING EVER. Dads. Feminism. And lizards.

And, PLEASE, THE FACT THAT HE LOVES ME LIKE A GIRLFRIEND!

No. No. No. He's not interested. He's my non-gay gay friend.

I can't raise it with him EVER – he HAS to. That's feminism. It's not the man taking control. It's the woman not doing the running as that's a man's job!

Or is that being pathetic?

What should girls actually do?!

I can't risk feeling like a total dork like I did after “Gecko Night”.

Keith came over while me and Goose were having a Maccy D's. He talked AT us for ages about fast food and how it was bad for you, cows and Mother Earth. Goose said, “I appreciate your views but I really like chicken nuggets – and Keith, what about your leather boots?” Keith said they were a by-product … of an already dead cow. Goose said chicken nuggets were a by-product too … of an already dead chicken!

I could have kissed Goose.

Actually I really massively could have FULL-ON kissed him HARD AND FOR AGES.

But all we had was a hug when he left. He patted my back. That's not sexy. That's like when you have a trapped burp.

After Goose went Keith said, “He seems like a lovely boy. I like people who challenge me. They help my spiritual growth.”

I said, “Yes – he's nice.”

I was thinking, he's lovely, he's a geek, he's HOT as the actual SUN or something you have microwaved for ages and forgotten about and I LOVE him.

But instead I said he was nice.

CRAPTACULAR.

Keith ended up being involved in a protest in a shopping centre today about terrible conditions in third-world factories. He got carried out by security guards. He said, “What has happened to Britain? They used to allow peaceful protests.” Gran said, “Bloody attention-seeking idiots were outlawed in 1998. Besides, instead of making a fool of yourself over third-world working conditions how about putting things right by getting closer to Nathan? What about getting a relationship with your son? Poor boy has been knocked sideways by all this. You ignored him as a baby and now you're ignoring him as an adult. DOUBLE REJECTION.”

Keith said, “But he won't speak to me.”

Gran yelled, “Try bloody harder.”