Omission (2 page)

A thought broke through
as I was gawking. “Did he get your money?” I asked. So help me God, if he took her money after all of that
I
was going to kill him! I didn’t think to ask him before I sent him away, but the thought of it now had me almost shaking with anger.

I watched as she rummaged through her pu
rse and pulled out her wallet. After flipping it open and taking inventory of the contents, she looked up at me and shook her head no. I was relieved to know that I wouldn’t have to try to explain how I had her belongings if I had to return them. “He must have panicked when I blacked out.” I nodded, agreeing with her. She didn’t know how right she was.

I stood up to leave, knowing that there wasn’t anything else I could do here, and also knowing I had a
n even bigger big mess to deal with at home. “I’m going to take off.” I walked closer to Payton, “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Those words held more truth than any of them could possible realize.

Before I could turn around, she stood up a
nd wrapped her arms around me. She
was
small—only reaching just under my chin. I stood there for a few seconds before I awkwardly put my arms around her, cupping the back of her head. “Thank you,” she whispered into my chest before releasing me and sitting back down. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I just turned around and walked out, missing the feel of her arms immediately.

By the time I reached my front door, I had decided what I was going to do, and this time Jackso
n wasn’t going to have a choice, that was for damn sure.

I woke up the next day with
a headache the size of Texas, and my entire body ached—like I had lifted weights or competed in a triathlon. Every muscle in my body was sore. I groaned out loud as I pulled myself out of bed, trying to make it to the bathroom, hoping that a nice hot shower would help me to feel better.

As I stood under the wa
ter, letting it flow over my tired body, I started to shake again. I was having a hard time getting last night’s events out of my mind. That wasn’t the first time I’d been attacked, but it was different. I was finally feeling like my life had some sort of normalcy, like I was in a good place. I was no longer walking through every day waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. Most of the demons from my past had been laid to rest, and unfortunately, last night resurrected some of them. I was just going to have to push them down again. I was stronger than them.

By the time I had gotten myself a cup of coffee and some br
eakfast, I felt much better. Glancing at the clock, I groaned when I realized that I was going to have to step it up if I was going to make it to class on time. I set my dishes in the sink and grabbed my bag.

The walk to class was uneventful, although I found myself paying closer
attention to my surroundings. If I had done that last night, maybe I wouldn’t have been in that situation.

***

“Hey girl! You doing okay tonight?” Shelly looked at me, concerned. I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh.

“I’m glad you think this is funny
, Payton.” Shelly glared at me as she walked over to the beer cooler and began stocking it. I watched her turn her back to me, and I felt bad. I know she meant well, but I couldn’t allow myself to be consumed by the events of the previous night.

“I’m sorry
, Shelly. I don’t think it’s funny, but I also can’t sit around and relive it. You know I don’t work that way.” We all make mistakes and find ourselves in a deep hole once in awhile. I wasn’t going to lay in mine. I was climbing right back out, dusting myself off, and walking away. That’s what I did—how I coped.

“I know
, Payton, but one of these days you’re going to have to learn to actually allow yourself to
feel.
Don’t you ever want to fall in love, get married, and have a family? You have to allow yourself to open up if that’s ever going to happen, you know.”

Wow, where did that come from
? Part of me knew she was saying this because she cared, but I had gone this long without putting myself out there, and I just didn’t see myself finding the kind of love like Shelly talked about. I wasn’t bitter about my life, and I was happy with who I was and how far I’d come, but I was pretty convinced that I was meant to be alone.

“Shelly, come on.”
I smiled, waggling my eyebrows. She was trying not to smile, but she was failing miserably. “And you’re wrong, I do know how to love … I love you and Rob very much.
You
are my family.” 

She sighed,
“Payton, I know you do, but that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.” Her hands were on her hips.

I didn’t want to get into this again.
I just winked and walked away. I could hear Shelly groan behind me, and I just chuckled.

Shelly knew some of my past.
I had shared random things here and there, but just seeing how much those things had bothered her, I knew I couldn’t share the darkest parts. Those were mine to bear alone.

I had just stocked the last couple of bottles w
hen the first group rolled in. Three nicely dressed guys about my age strolled up to the bar—over-privileged fraternity guys, my guess. “Hey guys, what can I get for you?” 

One of the guys leaned forward and smiled a big cheesy grin at me
—typical cocky college guy. “We’ll take three beers, and I wouldn’t mind your phone number.” Oh God, that was one I hadn’t heard before. I rolled my eyes. Why did guys think they were so suave with lines like that? The sad part was that I was sure that his lines had probably worked on countless girls before me. He was cute, and he obviously knew it.

I busied myself with their beers, popping the tops and setting the bottle
s in front of them. “Here you go, three beers.” I smiled as he handed me his money. I turned back around with his change and he leaned in again. “So, is that a no to your number?”

“I’m sorry, but my number isn’t on the menu.” I winked and turned back around rolling my eyes as I passed Shelly.

“He was cute,” she whispered and frowned at me.

“All good looks went out the window when he used a cheesy line.” I laughed.

The rest of the night went well. Thank goodness it was busier than last night. By the time we closed, both Shelly and I had made a nice amount in tips.

“
Payton, let me take you home.” Rob walked up behind us as we were about to lock things up for the night.

“Oh
, Rob, I’ll be fine. I’ve been walking that way for three years now, and nothing has happened. Last night was just a fluke.” I wasn’t so sure I believed that myself, but I knew I needed to do this. The first time crossing the park would be a bit rough, but I knew it would get back to normal. I needed to push myself. I would never let fear decide my fate again.

Rob looked at Shelly
, and I could see that they were going to argue with me, so instead of waiting for it, I just leaned up and gave Rob a kiss on the cheek, waved goodbye, and walked out the door. “See you tomorrow!”

I crossed the street and didn’
t look back. I had a feeling that Rob was watching me, and I didn’t want to give him any reason to doubt me, so I held my head high and moved forward. I could feel my heart rate accelerate as I crossed into the park. My hands were sweating, despite the cool night air. I kept opening and closing my fists and tried to concentrate on my breathing as I walked along, occasionally glancing around me. If I was going to be attacked again, I wanted to see it coming this time and fight back.

The five minute walk
felt like an hour, but the moment my feet hit the sidewalk on the other side of the park I felt elated. My whole life I had been pulling myself up out of bad situations, and I’d be damned if I was going to let a strung out young man take my strength from me. I was almost skipping by the time I reached my door.

My apartment wasn’t much, but it was the only home I had ever had that was all mine. The building I lived in was a four
-plex. We shared the entryway, and there were two apartments on the first floor and two more up the stairs. There was a shared laundry room on the main floor, and to be honest, I rarely even saw my neighbors. We all seemed to be busy with our own lives, but when we did see each other, it was always friendly.

I walked up the stairs to my ap
artment and unlocked the door. It was pretty spacious, especially for a single person. The front door opened up into my living room, which had carpet floors to cut down on the noise for the apartment below. Off the living room was a small kitchen with a little nook where I had a small table with only two chairs. I didn’t need more; I was the only one who ever sat at it anyway. Down the hall were two bedrooms and a bathroom. In one of the bedrooms I had a small desk and my computer and printer for schoolwork and the other bedroom was mine. It wasn’t anything special, but it was my home, and I loved it.

I made myself a cup of chamomile tea and sat down on the couch, flipping through a couple of magazines u
ntil I felt tired and relaxed. After putting my cup in the sink, I climbed out of my clothes and threw on a tank top and shorts. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and settled myself under the covers. I sighed at how amazing the cool sheets felt, and I was tired—so tired that I thought my head must have barely hit the pillow before I was out.

***

I woke feeling well rested and refreshed at nine o’clock the next morning. I quickly jumped into the shower, got dressed, and pulled my long black hair back into a low, loose ponytail. I applied a bit of mascara and lip gloss and was ready to go. I grabbed a store bought muffin on my way out the door and took off, moving at an accelerated pace toward the campus.

It was twenty minutes to ten o’clock when I made it to the college.
I took in my surroundings as I walked through campus. Something about the students milling around campus comforted me. Guys tossed balls and Frisbees to one another, couples sat together on benches talking with their heads close, unaware of anyone else around them. Groups sprawled out on the grass, studying and laughing with friends. It made me smile, even though I was on the outside looking in. As much as I would have loved to have a college social life, I never was able to put myself out there. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, so I stayed to myself. Other than Shelly and Rob, I couldn’t say I really had any friends.

As much as I loved my surroundings,
I didn’t have time to dawdle. I had Business Ethics right now and Auditing after. I was majoring in Accounting and hoped to eventually get my CPA. Math had always been easy for me, so it just seemed logical to pick a career where I could use my strengths. Even with my side-tracking thoughts, I made it with five minutes to spare for my first class.

Yesterday
was an emotional day for both Jackson and me . By seven o’clock in the morning, we were on the road, headed north, to the small private rehab facility that I had tried to get Jackson to agree with going to before. This time, though, he didn’t have a choice, and he knew it. I told him he was getting help, or I was turning him into the police.

It broke my heart to do that, b
ut it had to be done. Jackson was crushed and looked so scared as we went through the motions of getting him admitted to the inpatient program. It was hard to believe that he was eighteen years old. At that moment he looked like he was so much younger.

I wasn’t allowed to visit for the first
two weeks of his treatment, but we would be able to talk once a week until then. Apparently this was supposed to help him settle in, focus on his treatment, and get through any type of withdrawal. I had promised him I would be back as soon as they let me, and then I drove the two hours back home with an enormous void in my heart, feeling like I’d lost the last of my family.

After one too many beers and a good night
’s sleep, I felt a little better. I had missed my classes yesterday, so I really needed to get my ass to class today. The townhouse was so quiet this morning. It wasn’t really any different—Jackson usually wasn’t up yet anyway—but I guess knowing he wasn’t here made it seem like it was. I felt completely alone.

I took a long shower, trying to rid myself of the stress and guilt
I was feeling for leaving my little brother in a strange place. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and grabbed a button up shirt to put on over it, and palmed an apple as I walked out the door. The cool air felt refreshing, and I stopped briefly on the steps and inhaled deeply, allowing the cold air to bathe my lungs before I set out on the short walk to campus.

***

My classes went by smoothly this morning, and my professors were very understanding about why I missed my classes yesterday. I had one more class after lunch, and then I was done for the day. I met up with a couple of my friends in the courtyard, and we decided on a quick game of football.

“You did the right thing
, Garrett,” Ethan said as he tossed the ball to me. I hadn’t given the details of why it had come to the point of making Jackson go yesterday, but they knew enough to know that it had been a long time coming.

“I know
, man, it doesn’t make it any easier, though.” I tossed it to Ryan.

Ethan, Lucas
, and Ryan were my closest friends. We had met as freshmen on the lacrosse team. They were a rowdy bunch, but we had each other’s back. We had all lived in a rented house our first two years here, but after the accident, I moved out and got my own townhouse so Jackson and I could stay together. I missed the parties, the fun, and the girls—boy, did I miss the girls. I hadn’t been out on a date or even just hooked up with anyone in months. I had certainly been approached and even tempted, but I needed to stay focused on Jackson, so I essentially became somewhat of a hermit. Lacrosse had been too difficult to maintain with my new responsibilities, so that went by the wayside after last year, too. It sucked.

“Hey, you have no excuse to throw at us for at least
forty five days. You’re coming out tonight.”  Ryan threw the ball hard at my chest, but I was too quick and caught it.

“All right, but I have class tomorrow
, and I’m not a spring chicken anymore, so don’t keep me out too late.” I smirked as I drilled the ball back at him, bouncing it off his chest and laughing as he doubled over.

“
Christ, dude!” he coughed, holding his chest as Lucas and Ethan piled on him adding insult to injury.

We all copped a squat on the gra
ss, tired of tossing the ball. “Don’t worry, Cinderella, we’ll have you home before midnight.” Lucas winked.

“Fine, I’ll meet you
all at the house around seven.” I stood up and grabbed my bag. I smacked Lucas on the back of the head as I walked by. “Cinderella, my ass!” They all busted out in laughter as I strode away. Hopefully a night out with the guys will help clear my head. I was feeling like complete shit, and I figured a bit of alcohol and fun just might help me clear my conscience. If nothing else, maybe I could just forget for a bit.

***

I showed up to the house just before seven, letting myself in like I still lived there. The house smelled like a mismatch of cologne and beer.
Did this house smell this bad when I lived here?
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sat down on the old couch, which had seen better days.

The room was a nice size, allowing plenty of room for the parties when we pulled the furniture against the walls. The floors were old hardwood and looked like they had been through a lifetime of hell. The focal piece was the large flat screen television that hung on the wall. It was where we gathered anytime there was
a big sporting event. Part of me missed the atmosphere and living with these guys, but the other part of me actually enjoyed the ability to get away from it all.

Lucas was the first one down.
He was just a bit smaller than me, probably about six foot one. I had him by about fifteen pounds. He had longer hair than the rest of us, and wore it pulled back in a ponytail. He had a half sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and wore a small ring in his bottom lip. He looked the part of a bad boy, but he was one of the nicest guys I knew.

“How you doing
, man?” Lucas grabbed his own beer and sat next to me.

“Not bad.”
I shrugged.

“Hey, you did the right thing
, Garrett. You know that, right?” He took a drink of his beer, waiting for me to answer.

I nodded. “Yeah, I know.
I didn’t have a choice, it was time.”

“He’s
gonna be good.” Lucas gave my shoulder a squeeze as we heard the other two meander down the stairs.

“Are we ready?” Ryan asked, looking between us.

Ryan was the biggest of us all. He had me by an inch, but I am pretty sure we weighed about the same. Ryan and I worked out together in the gym regularly. After I quit the team, I was worried I wouldn’t stay in shape, but I was probably in the best shape of my life right now. Ryan worked out to maintain his image more than just for lacrosse. He was a total man whore. The girls loved him, and he didn’t discriminate, leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake.

Ethan was only about five foot te
n and was built like Jackson. He was lean and muscular and fast—damn, that little shit could run. If he got the ball in a lacrosse game, there weren’t many people who could catch him. He could spin and run, losing his defender, leaving him wide open. It was fun to watch.

“Let’s go
,” I said, standing up and tossing my empty bottle into the recycle bin as I headed to the door.

Their house
was literally just off campus. This had been perfect when I was involved in the party scene. We never needed a designated driver. If we could walk, we could get home. We paused on the sidewalk while Lucas locked the door.

The night was cool, and it was already getting dark as we walked toward the main drag
. I had to admit that it felt good to be out. It was great to feel the energy of the people around us, young and vibrant, just waiting for whatever the night could throw at them. In a way, I felt like a load had been lifted off of my shoulders—at least for a while.

“Where are we going?”
I asked as we slowed down on the sidewalk, almost causing me to run into Lucas’s back.

“Right here.”
Ryan pointed at the door.
Oh great! Of course we are
,
I thought, as we stood in the small line to get into Pastimes
.
My heart rate picked up as I anticipated seeing her again.

I was the last one of my friends to enter
. When I paused to hand my ID to Rob, he reached out and shook my hand before he handed me back my ID. “How is she?” I spoke lower so no one else could hear. I didn’t want to try to explain anything to the guys—at least not tonight.

“Fine, not that she
would tell us if she wasn’t.” He looked over his shoulder where I caught a glimpse of her moving around behind the bar. I nodded. “Thanks, man.” He nodded back at me, reaching for the ID of the next person in line.

Lucas grabbed a table as Ryan and Ethan headed for
the bar to grab us some beers. “Shit, this is going to be funny.” Lucas was watching as Ryan approached the bar. “What is?” My eyes followed to where Lucas was looking, settling on Payton.

“Ryan totally got shot down by this girl last night.” He laughed.

“Which one?” I asked as I watched Payton move behind the bar with expertise. She was so petite, and one would think this crowd of unruly students would intimidate her, but she just took it in stride, laughing and smiling with everyone.

She looked so different than the last time I’d seen her. I would have never guessed that she had been attacked just days before. She seemed so strong and undeterred. It was amazing.

“The little dark haired one.” I felt my muscles tighten as I watched Ryan lean forward trying to charm her, I’m sure with one of his obnoxious pick up lines, and I knew right away that I wasn’t going to let him get that far with her.

“I’ll be back.”
I stood up, walking over to where Ryan and Ethan were standing. As I approached, Payton looked over at me and froze briefly. I moved up to the edge of the bar next to Ryan as she continued to hold my gaze. “Hi,” I said softly, slightly mesmerized by her sapphire eyes.

“Hi.” She looked down and fiddled with the bottles she was
opening for us. I could see a smile play on her lips as she worked, and Ryan continued to look at us both. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. She set the beers on the bar, and I moved three of them toward Ethan and Ryan.

“
I’ve got this,” I said, looking straight at Ryan, almost daring him to challenge me on this. After a couple of seconds he smirked and nodded as he picked up the beers and walked over to the table.

I handed Payton my money and waited, taking a
pull from my beer. I watched her at the register with her back to me. She had on tight jeans that seemed to hug her nice round backside. Her hair hung in soft, dark curls down her back, partially covering the bar logo on the back of her shirt. I felt my heart beat a little faster as I remembered the feeling of having her shivering little body in my arms when she hugged me.

“Um
, Garrett … your change.” I shook my head and realized I was still just looking at her as she stood in front of me holding out her hand with several bills in it. I felt my face flush when I saw the small upturn of her lips, knowing that she caught me staring at her.

“Thanks
, Payton.” I reached out to take my change, brushing my fingers across her wrist as I slipped her a tip. Her breath caught, and I swear I felt tingles up my arm. Her blue eyes continued to analyze me as I watched her.

“Um, I need
to get back to work.” She grinned before turning back to the rowdy crowd of patrons waiting for service.

“Yeah, I uh
… yeah, I’ll see you later.”
Smooth, Garrett.

“So s
pill, man, what was that about?” Ryan asked as soon as my butt hit the chair.

“The
re’s nothing to spill.” I tipped my bottle back, taking a drink as I glanced back over at Payton. She was serving up drinks to a couple of guys seated at the bar. She looked up and caught my eye, smiling slightly before she turned back around.

“Bullshit!”
Ryan punched me in the shoulder, making me spill my beer.

“What the hell, asshole?” I shook
the beer off my hand.

Ryan grinne
d. “If that’s the case, you won’t mind
me
trying to get her number then.” 

I grabbed Ryan’s wrist before he could even stand. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen
,” I warned.

Lucas and Ethan watched, looking a bit worried, as Ryan and I stared at each other for a moment before he finally smiled and nodded. I let go of his wrist and nodded back.

“Besides, Lucas already told me she shot you down,” I chuckled, trying to lighten the tense mood.

“Nice, Lucas. Way to share my downfalls.” Ryan shook his head as we all broke into laughter
.

Within five minutes, Ryan had forgotten about Payton
, and he and Ethan had moved onto a couple of girls over by the pool tables.

“You want to talk about it?”
Lucas followed my gaze over to the bar.

I shook my head. “Not
really anything to talk about,” I lied.

“Not yet, or nothing at
all?” Lucas didn’t miss much. That was one of the things I really liked about him. He was the one of the least judgmental people I’d ever met, and also one of the most perceptive.

“Not ye
t, but a guy can hope, right?” I laughed.