On A Run (10 page)

It was a fun day
. The kids involved Hannah in numerous activities at the beach, including building a giant sand fortress. Hannah hadn’t spent much time around children but she was drawn to them and their ability to live in the present moment. She felt more comfortable around Christopher and Anastasia than she did Daniel’s parents, though they were incredibly nice and welcoming to her. Daniel’s mother was a miniature female version of Daniel. Though quiet, she was quick to smile and had a gentleness about her. Daniel’s dad was talkative and told stories of all kinds, to the delight of both his children and grandchildren. Hannah sat close to Daniel when not playing with the kids, not saying much, but trying to participate in the conversation by nodding or laughing. This family felt so different than her own had been. As an only child, it was always just her and her parents.

They left the beach in the early afternoon before the sun got too hot, and headed back to Daniel’s parent’s house for a late lunch. The time was going so quickly and Hannah began to think about leaving the next day and realized that she didn’t want to go. The thought scared her almost more than her fear of coming. She wasn’t sure she was wise becoming attached to this, enjoying the company and love of this family. She wa
s afraid it couldn’t last. Try as she might to push these feelings away, they must have begun to show on her face.

“Are you okay?” Daniel asked quietly and with incredible tenderness, as his mom and sister were cleaning up the lunch dishes.

“I am, I just….” How could she explain what she was feeling? Daniel seemed to understand though.

“We will have lots of times just like this one. So many, in fact, that pretty soon you won’t be able to remember them all.” He said, squeezing her hand. “We will figure out how to make this work. I promise.”

Hannah wasn’t sure it could. She, of course, of the two of them was more mobile. She could work from anywhere, though at the moment it felt like she wasn’t working on her book at all. But the thought of leaving her parents’ place saddened her incredibly. She could never give that up. Hannah caught herself in this thought and was shocked. She had just met this man, she reminded herself, and it wasn’t like he was asking her to marry him. She wouldn’t be going anywhere, she said firmly to herself.

Hannah attempted a smile to let Daniel know she was alright, trying to quiet the nerves she felt building inside of herself. At the moment, she wanted an escape, wanted to head out the door and disappear for just long enough to find her right mind again. But with other people around, normal people, people who thought she was normal, she couldn’t.

“So I think it is fascinating that you are a novelist.” Daniel’s father came in and sat down on the couch across from where she and Daniel were sitting. “How does that happen?”

“Not easily.” Hannah smiled, though she knew that she had been much luckier than most. “I was lucky enough to find a great agent who believed in me early on and was willing to work to get me the exposure I needed.” Hannah had encouraged and mentored rookie writers for years through emails and her website, so she was comfortable with the topic.

“Well, I can’t wait to read one of your books,” Daniel’s dad continued.

Hannah became nervous. Talking about what she did was one thing; actually having someone she knew read something of hers was very different. Publishing books was easy; she rarely saw people’s reactions to them. She had been up for some RITA awards and had actually won twice, and of course she had reviews, from other author
s or a newspaper at times. She never read reviews by critics. She didn’t want to know what most people thought of her books. The people who wrote on her website were generally fans.

“I don’t know if my books would be a genre that you would like….” Her voice trailed off.

“What, you think guys don’t like romance?” Daniel’s dad laughed.

“I said the same thing,
” Daniel chimed in. “She doesn’t want me reading them either.

“I saw one of your books at a grocery store stand
the other day and picked it up,” Linda joined the conversation. “I am loving it! I am almost done!”

“She has barely put
the book down since she got it,” Linda’s husband added.

All this attention on her was making Hannah uncomfortable. How the topic of conversation had turned on her she wasn’t sure. She was less sure of how to get out from under it.

Daniel came to Hannah’s rescue, asking his sister about Christopher’s t-ball camp. The conversation quickly turned, much to Hannah’s relief.

“They really like you,” Daniel said on the drive back to his house. “That is saying something.”

“How do you know?” Hannah wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“I can just tell.” Daniel’s voice was assuring, even if Hannah wasn’t sure she believed him. “I really like you,” he added with a smile.

“I really like you too.” Hannah snuggled into Daniel’s shoulder, though the words brought a pang to her heart. She pushed the “What if’s” away and tried to just enjoy the moment.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The rest of the summer and autumn went this way. Not every weekend, but every other at most, Daniel traveling to Breckenridge or Hannah to the coast. They talked on the phone in between, sent text messages and emails and communicated long distance the best they could.

Some weekends in California included Daniel’s family, others it would be just the two of them. As they spent more time with his family, Hannah became more comfortable, though she often went over the time in her mind afterward, chiding herself for any misstep in manners. Daniel’s proclamation of “they like you” changed to “they love you” though he and Hannah hadn’t yet gone there themselves.

Sheila’s baby boy was born on Halloween. Hannah had driven into the city a couple of days before to help out and to be with them to help after they brought the baby home. She sat in Sheila’s hospital room holding the tiny bundle while Sheila and Steve made call after call to excited relatives. Hannah stared down at the creation she was holding, touching his tiny fingers and toes, and lightly stroking the downy yellow fuzz on baby Ben’s head.

“You are a natural,” Steve said sitting down next to her.

Hannah carefully handed Ben to his proud daddy, who took him, uncomfortably, into his large han
ds. “I don’t know about that,” she said, though holding the baby had felt natural.

“Careful, you will want one of your own next
!” Sheila called from her bed, after putting her phone down.

“Well, that isn’t likely to happen, is it?” Hannah thought she was joking but Sheila’s response was serious.

“Why not, it seems like you and Daniel are getting pretty close.”

Sheila and Steve had by now met Daniel a few times. They had all had dinner together and had spent enough time together for Sheila to sum him up as “perfect for you.” But Hannah wasn’t ready to admit that. As much as she liked Daniel, she didn’t believe he could put up with her for very long. Daniel was so social and outgoing and she was so not. She did better in crowds now, with him by her side, but she still shied away from going anywhere, and had met very few of his friends even still. He might
think
she was the right woman for him, but he just didn’t know her well enough yet. Give him some time and he would realize just how weird she was.

“Stop overanalyzing it Hannah. Yo
u guys were made for each other!” Sheila continued.

Hannah looked at Steve, silently making faces at the baby and smiled. Perhaps someday she could watch Daniel this way, but she couldn’t make herself believe it.

“He’s adorable! He’s round and soft and he smells funny!” Hannah gushed to Daniel that night on the phone from the guest room at Sheila’s house.

“You haven’t been around many babies have you? They all smell funny.” Daniel laughed.

“I’ve never been around babies,
” Hannah admitted.

“Never?” Daniel found this hard to believe.

“I am an only child. My parents were both only children. I never even babysat when I was a teenager. I delivered papers as my early job. I guess none of my friend’s had baby brothers or sisters. Except for out in town, I truly can say I haven’t been around babies.” Hannah had never given this any thought before. She supposed it was strange.

“That is funny. It seems like I have been around babies my whole life. I can remember all my younger cousins when they were born, and then eventually my older cousins had their own babies, and then Linda’s kids….. I even thought about becoming a pediatrician once, but it seemed like too much school. Trust me, they all smell funny.”

“Well, I think Ben is the cutest thing I have ever seen.”

“I can’t wait to meet him,
” Daniel said, for Hannah’s sake, though he was thrilled that she had taken so to the baby.

“Thanksgiving weekend you can meet him. Sheila and Steve always come to Breckenridge for Thanksgiving. They have every year since my parents died. I love making Thanksgiving dinner and Sheila doesn’t so we make it a trade off each year. They come here for Thanksgiving and I go to their house Christmas afternoon. I don’t mind a catered Christmas dinner. But Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without home cooking.”

“I agree.” Daniel spoke softly.

“Oh, you probably always spend it with your folks, huh? Well, I understand that…..”
“No!” Daniel cut her off. “No, I would love to spend Thanksgiving with you in Colorado.”

Daniel didn’t share that he had indeed spent every other Thanksgiving of his life eating his mother’s cooking. He supposed that was the first step to having one’s own family; spending holidays away from your parents’ home. His mother would understand this time. Christmas would be another story.

They had Thanksgiving in Breckenridge. Sheila and Steve drove up with the baby, despite Hannah’s fears about the weather. She needn’t have worried though, because the day dawned with a clear warm November sun that sometimes happens in Colorado. She and Daniel worked together to make the perfect turkey dinner, complete with enough food to feed three or four families, not just the four people who would be there.

After dinner, Daniel played with baby Ben while Steve and Hannah cleaned up the kitchen. Sheila sat reading the first draft of Hannah’s newest novel. She had completed it, but hadn’t spent the time it needed revising yet. Hannah watched Daniel with the baby and felt something she couldn’t pin down. It was sweet of course, but it scared her too. There was becoming an emptiness in her that ached to be filled, and she worried that it never would be. She and Daniel had spent so much time together, and yet, he didn’t push her for more than they had. Perhaps he didn’t want more. Perhaps she was a nice diversion for now, but he realized that a lifetime of Hannah wasn’t exactly what he wanted. Even if he decided it was, what wouldn’t cause him to change his mind later, realize his mistake. Hannah tore her attention away from the thoughts and went back to the kitchen to finish, Steve keeping her occupied with stories of all his brilliant child had learned in the past three weeks of newborn life.

That night, after their guests had left, Hannah snuggled on the couch in Daniel’s
arms.

“They’re a nice family,” he commented. Then continued, “That is exactly what I want,
” whispering it into the top of her head.

Hannah stiffened ever so slightly and Daniel noticed and decided not to push it. What Hannah didn’t know, is that he was waiting for her to stop panicking at the thought of them becoming a family just like Sheila and Steve’s.

Daniel turned Hannah to him and kissed her deeply. His kisses were full of passion, yet not demanding, as though he could lose himself forever in them, never needing more. She had observed this kind of love in her parents; the way they always sat within touching distance from each other, or how one or the other was always reaching out to be sure the other was there when standing near each other at gatherings. She loved the way they always held hands and, when they thought Hannah wasn’t looking, the way they kissed each other deeply.

Hannah’s parents loved her dearly. They included her in their love and, as a family, they were close. But her parents didn’t lose their love for each other to her, as she had seen other families do. It seemed to Hannah that sometimes when a baby is born, all the parent’s attentions are put on that child and they lose their attentiveness to each other as husband and wife. Hannah had seen this time and time again when she
was young. She also had been mature enough to recognize it as being different from her own family. Her parents had been married nearly twenty five years at the time of their death, and they acted as if they were newlyweds until the end.

Before Daniel left to return to California on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, he mentioned to Hannah that his mother had invited her to spend Christmas with their family.

“It is a tradition we have had, even after Linda got married and had her own kids. I am afraid it is non-negotiable. We all spend the night at my parents’. There are plenty of rooms, no worry about that. We have a huge dinner Christmas eve but Christmas day tends to be pretty laid back; if you don’t count the truckload of gifts that get opened.”

It wasn’t what Hannah wanted. She wanted to be with Daniel, but she had always loved the serenity of her quiet Christmas celebrations. They had always been simple and peaceful, filled with Christmas music and lights and soft reflection of all that was good in the world. Sheila had helped her to continue her tradition while providing some company on that one night of the year. Hannah realized that Daniel had given up his family to be with her for Thanksgiving; it was only fair that she sacrifice her one tradition for him.

Hannah flew to California for Christmas and they stayed at Daniel’s parent’s house. As always, Hannah was welcomed as a part of the family. She was becoming less self-conscious amongst them; though sleeping at their house added a stress in herself that she was becoming less comfortable with. She covered her awkwardness by helping out around the house, peeling potatoes for Christmas Eve dinner and helping with the dishes after. She constantly was comforted by Daniel’s presence though, and that helped some. The house was packed with people of all ages. Daniel’s Aunt and Uncle and their whole extended family had joined Daniel’s already large immediate family. Hannah was desperately trying to remember the names and relations of each member, but decided it was a losing battle.

Finally, after the dinner dishes were done, Daniel sensed her need to e
scape. While the family pulled out board games to play, he quietly pulled her to the only part of the house not occupied, and shut the door. 

She didn’t mean to spend the night in his room. They didn’t plan on making love. Hannah and Daniel lay together on his bed, listening to soft Christmas music and gazing sleepily at the glow of the old fashioned bulbs he had on the small tree in his room. While the rest of the house was still filled with the noise and laughter of the games being played, Hannah curled into Daniel’s arms and relaxed against him. Within seconds, it seemed, she heard light snores coming from him and she smiled, content. Before long, Hannah’s eyes shut and she too was asleep.

But as sometimes happens when two people in love are lying asleep in each other’s arms, Hannah found herself being caressed awake. In the dimly lit room she couldn’t see if Daniel was fully awake. She wasn’t sure she herself was fully awake. Daniel’s lips found hers and she gasped at the intensity of the kiss, giving herself to it. Daniel’s caresses became more direct and she found herself being undressed. She was tired, but more so, she was too content to resist. She found her body taking over, helping him undress as well. Daniel rolled on top of her and opened his eyes, staring into hers. They were filled with love and passion and perhaps a hint of surprise.

She felt him against her and her mouth opened just slightly to breathe her assent. It was an amazing feeling, a beautiful feeling, one that sent charges of electricity through every nerve ending in her body.

Hannah heard a moan, though she was not sure if it had come from Daniel or herself. Daniel leaned down and kissed her, lovingly. He was neither quick nor demanding. He was everything he was every day: loving, gentle, giving.  Hannah was the one that began to demand more, pulling him deeper, moving more aggressively, encouraging him on and on, all the while staring into each other’s eyes. And in this manner Hannah saw Daniel’s eyes widen, his mouth forming into a perfect ‘O’. It was the most fulfilling moment she had ever experienced. It was as if the world could end right there and then and her life would be complete. It was a moment when there was no fear, no sadness, and no pain. It was love.

Daniel rolled next to Hannah and pulled her into his arms, curled up as they had been that way all along. And soon, they fell asleep for good.

“Merry Christmas!”

Hannah woke with a start, disoriented to where she was. Apparently, Daniel was just as startled because the shouts of cheer did not come from him either. Blinking, Hannah saw in the doorway Daniel’s sister and her husband smiling amusedly at them. Hannah quickly took stock of the situation. They were both, thankfully, fully under the covers of his bed, though this did not hide the fact that they were in the same bed, and had obviously been that way all night. Hannah couldn’t tell if her clothes had stayed in the bed, or perhaps that they had fallen or been tossed onto the floor. She didn’t move, fearful she might lose the protection of the blankets covering her naked body.

“Guess what Santa brought me for Christmas
!” Daniel said with a smile, hugging Hannah gently, knowing her extreme embarrassment.

Linda and her husband laughed, closing the door behind them. Daniel shot out from the covers and locked the door before any other relatives could burst in. Hannah looked at the clock. It was just six.

“My sister always gets up early on Christmas,” Daniel explained. “Are you okay?” Climbing back into bed he pulled Hannah close and kissed her fully on the lips. “I did get what I wanted for Christmas by the way,” he said quietly, then quickly amended “I don’t mean last night….”

“You don’t?” Hannah began to tease, but it was too important to make jokes about. It had been wonderful, completely wonderful, but…

“I love you Hannah Glen. I want to be with you always. I want to have children with you and grow old with you,” Daniel said what he had been thinking for months, perceiving that the time was finally right.