On Agate Hill (14 page)

Why this is preposterous! Junius is not a stupid man, I will wager that he sees what you are up to as plainly as the rest of us. My brother will never marry you, you hussy. You whore. You have just cooked this up while he lies here dying too weak to protest.

Ce-ce-lia.
Uncle Junius pushed himself up from his pillows looking like Death itself. What does it matter? If I marry or if I do not marry? What does any of it matter? I am tired Cecelia. I am tired to death of this stupid life. He drew in a long gurgling breath and fell back exhausted against the pillows.

But Junius—
Agate Hill?
Aunt Cecelia could scarcely speak.

Frankly Cecelia Agate Hill is nothing but an encumbrance and a monument to the colossal vanity of men who enslaved other men. Let it go, I say, back to a pile of rubble, back to the rocky earth of this rocky hill. Let it all go. He closed his eyes.

You see? Selena smiled her big triumphant smile at Aunt Cecelia.

In that case, I shall be leaving immediately. Clearly Junius has lost his mind. Aunt Cecelia puffed herself up like one of Liddys pullet hens.

Selena rared back hooting with laughter. And where will you go? she
asked. You didnt come here to
help
us—Selena spat out the word help— We didnt need any
help.
The truth is that you came here because you had nowhere else to go. The truth is that you thought Junius was a rich man, didnt you? You thought you would take over. You thought you would take advantage of him, and see how it has worked out now. Junius doesnt want you here. Nobody wants you anywhere.

Insufferable bitch, Aunt Cecelia said all red-faced. Dont you worry. I have powerful friends and resources. I have innumerable connections. I will go back to Alabama where people were vying for my presence and aid. This was only one of my many choices. We will be just fine, I assure you.

Selena sat up straighter and composed herself. You do know that I will take good care of Junius, she said in a different voice.

I know nothing of the kind, Aunt Cecelia said. You will watch him die, thats all. He will never marry you. This is a dream my dear. He would never cheat his children out of their inheritance, this is ridiculous.

Selena laughed. What inheritance? There is no inheritance, you must know that by now. You would never leave, otherwise. If there was any money to be got, youd stay here and try to get it. Dont deny it Cecelia. I have never had the luxury of being good—but if I am bad, you are just as bad as me. We are exactly the same. If I am a bitch, you are a bitch too. We are two bitches from the same litter.

Well said my dear
, came Uncle Junius voice.

Aunt Cecelia started violently, her hand flew up to her breast.

The carrion speaks, Uncle Junius said in his deep and gurgling voice, while the buzzards fight over him. His mouth turned up in a smile. Selena smiled too. As she leaned down on one elbow to kiss him, her shirt fell open to show one long breast.

Good bye Cecelia,
Uncle Junius said, raising his bony hand a few inches above the counterpane.

Aunt Cecelia made a sound which was neither a sob nor a snort but something in between. She whirled and collided with me before I could understand
her intentions and get myself out of the doorway. Her shriek would have woken the dead.

What is it? Selena jumped up and stared at me.

Oh Molly! Aunt Cecelia shook my shoulders hard. You bad girl, I thought you were a ghost.

I am,
I said.
I am.

December 12, 1872

Dear Diary,

Here I sit while the business of packing is heard throughout the house, a dragging scraping sound as the trunks are dragged out and then packed and then dragged away, it is like they are dragging them across my heart to leave a bloody scrape like you get when you fall down running in the road. It is the worst kind of bloody knee to get for it never heals.

I hate Aunt Cecelia.

December 16, 1872

Dear Diary,

Mary White has left in the dark of the morning with Aunt Cecelia, the horses breaths making clouds in the air, lanterns lit on either side of the carriage driven by Washington, Virgil following with the wagon. They started off so early due to the threat of more snow.

First there was the comickal scene of Aunt Cecelia getting up into the carriage, this required everybody pushing despite the stepstool they had brought out for her. The carriage bounced on its springs when she finally plopped down, I saw it. It would have been funny if it wasnt so sad, for there was Mary White too in her little red coat looking up here to this cubbyhole where she knew I would be watching, for I could not stand to go outside and say good bye.

She did not smile. Her face was round and white in the lantern light, it looked like a little moon. She kept on staring up here. It was all I could do not to run down there although we have already split up our collection of phenomena—I gave her the Yankee hand— and said good bye yesterday at the willow house in a special ceremony of Mary Whites devising.

December 18, 1872

Dear Diary,

I feel like a top that someone is spinning faster and faster.

First Selena moved Blanche and Godfrey up here as soon as the carriage disappeared. Back and forth from the tenant house they trudged in the snow carrying all their possessions. Now Blanche is staying here in the girls room with me and actually I am glad of this, though she is a dim quiet little girl who is not much company. She sleeps in the other bed with a sighing noise all night long. But I will never show her this cubbyhole. I do not know where Victoria is, nor have I asked.

Selena tried to make little Junius move into the boys room with Godfrey but he is scared of Godfrey, and with good reason, so he refused, Selena insisted, and then little Junius had a fit where he shook all over and rolled his eyes back in his head and cried so hard that Selena had to give him some of Uncle Junius medicine.
All right then,
she finally said,
but I have never seen such a namby pamby lily livered little boy
.

So now little Junius is sleeping in the bed with me, I can hear him sucking his thumb whenever I wake up in the night. Sometimes I am so lonesome then that I scoot over behind him and put my arms around him so that we lie together like silver spoons stacked up in Aunt Fannies silver chest. I can count his ribs one by one in the dark. And I feel awful, like about a hundred people have left us, not just two.

December 21, 1872

The Wedding Day

The first we heard of it was yesterday morning when Selena lined us all up after breakfast in Liddys kitchen and told us that today was the day, and we should get washed up by afternoon and not go off anywhere because Uncle Junius would wish us to be present— You and little Junius in particular Molly, she said to me. So I am holding you responsible for him, is that understood?

I was looking down.

Molly. Is that understood?

Yes, I said looking up at her finally.

In the firelight from the hearth, Selena was like a handsome, fiery animal half wild, a horse or a dog maybe, with her hair springing out from her head. Play with him, she said, then bring him back in here for a bath.

All right, I said.

Behind her Liddy said nothing, mixing something up in a bowl. Water boiled in the big black pot on the stove behind her.

We are going to play marbles with Washington, little Junius said, and I winced for now Godfrey and Blanche would want to play too.

Selena sighed. Just dont get dirty again after you get washed up, she said, any of you. She turned to leave the kitchen.

Mama? Blanche was twisting her foot back and forth.

What?

Do you have a wedding dress, like Margaret?

Selena snorted, then grinned. Not hardly, she said. You all get on out of here now and let Liddy work. She gave us a little push and left, not seeing Liddy give her a look of purest hatred. Blanche and Godfrey ran ahead out the door while I walked out behind Selena with little Junius clinging to me.

I want the blue one, he said.

You can have it then, I said, almost stumbling over Selena who had suddenly stopped on the path ahead, leaning over to vomit in the snow.

I stopped and held little Junius close. We watched Selena gagging.

Well? She stood up straight and wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. Its just the baby. You will see Molly. You will have one yourself sometime.

But I will not.

Selena went on into the house while little Junius peered at her vomit making a yellow stain in the hard old snow. The sky was low and gray all around us. Then here came Washington walking across the yard with the bag of marbles.

This was the longest day in the world Dear Diary, waiting for the magistrate to come. We played marbles out in the barn and Godfrey cheated, then lost anyway, then got mad and ran away. Blanche and little Junius and me had baths in the kitchen and helped Liddy and then got to play with the dominoes and checkers right there.

Once I came into the house and went upstairs to get my paper and pastels to draw with, and heard a big commotion in the hall when the widow Brown and two other ladys arrived by carriage to see Uncle Junius but were turned away by Selena now very demure in Fannies black and white checked taffeta dress with her hair pulled back in a bun. She slammed the door in their faces nevertheless, then opened Uncle Junius door and said, in answer to his deep gurgling voice, Oh it was nobody. Just nobody. A posse of busy-bodies from town, thats all, with nothing better to do than run around the county getting in somebody elses business.

Well my dear you made short work of them, Uncle Junius said.

Then Selena laughed, and went into his room, and shut the door behind her.

We ate cabbage and roast pork for dinner in the kitchen and you can be sure that Godfrey came back in time for that. He slurped his food and made a mess and kicked little Junius underneath the table.

You quit that, I told him.

Little Junius jumped and I knew that Godfrey had kicked him again. In a flash I turned over his chair and got him on the floor.