On Becoming Her Sir (6 page)

Moving into the kitchen, Jessie breathed in. The brightly lit room smelled of cinnamon and something akin to bread baking. She eased behind the counter and couldn’t help drinking in the entire warm space. For such a small house, the kitchen was surprisingly expansive.

Aimee darted a look in her direction as she opened a cabinet and pulled down two hefty mugs. “Hmmm… How’s Luke?”

“Working a lot. But we’re going away.”

“As on vacation?”

“Of sorts,” Jessie said quietly. She wasn’t certain what she would call the trip in truth.

Folding her arms, Aimee seemed to be studying her.

“I’m sorry. I had so many things planned to ask you and I’m now not sure where to start.”

She turned off the stove and lifted the teakettle. After pouring two cups she laughed. “You’re worried about your relationship. That’s obvious. Is it more about Luke as a man or the concept of your submission?”

Jessie shrugged. “Both in truth. Just when I think I have everything in order Luke becomes... Well, his mood changes dramatically. He’s working later and not talking to me. I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong of if he just needs time alone.”

“If he’s anything like Wally, he’s trying to figure out how to handle you and he needs time alone. How about a spot of honey?”

“Sure.” Jessie coughed. “That would be nice and you’ve heard stories?”

“I mean, my kind of honey and I could tell at the event we were at. You’re a formidable woman, one who doesn’t take the back seat for much in her life.”

Jessie smiled. “Do I seem that bad?”

“Bad? Of course not. From what I know you’re an amazing woman.”

“I meant needing liquor.”

Aimee burst into laughter. “We’ve talked once and you’re shaking like a leaf, let alone you had to ask around to figure out where I lived so yes, I think the hair of the dog might just be in order this morning. Now come on. I’m lucky enough to have what I think is one of the most relaxing back decks on earth. I think you need a little stress relief.”

“You got me there. I don’t hide my emotions very well, something Luke reminds me of time and time again.”

“You know how men are. They have no clue how to handle us.”

“True enough.” Jessie took the cup from her and the moment she walked outside she stopped and admired the layout. There was an incredible patch of grass in the middle of the fenced in yard and the entire perimeter was completely encased in plants and flowers. A lovely pond was close to the edge of the deck and the trickling water of the fountain drew her attention. “Beautiful.”

“It’s the only place I feel safe and at peace.” Aimee stood at the railing. “I say safe because of my cancer demons, not because of Wally. Without Wally I think I would have succumbed to the illness, and I’m a strong woman by nature.” She studied Jessie then smiled.

“I’m glad you’re better.”

“I have five long years before I’m considered cancer free, but the odds are somewhat in my favor. Either way. I’m going to enjoy my life the way I want to. To hell with disease and all the bullshit around it.”

Jessie admired the woman and belittled herself for the ridiculous things she thought were so difficult to go through. She remained quiet and looked out at the garden. Maybe she shouldn’t be here.

“You didn’t come here to listen to me bitch about the ugly disease monster. You’re still fighting the way you feel about totally becoming Sir Luke’s submissive, aren’t you?”

Jessie nodded. “That’s part of my angst.”

“Angst. You make this lifestyle sound so clinical. And the other part?”

“I have to process the journey we’re on at times because if I get lost to the emotions I lose myself.”

“Exactly what you’re supposed to do by the way. I realize that comes with complete trust, but I’ve seen you two together. You’re an amazing couple.” Aimee’s eyes twinkled.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“So what are you so worried about them?”

Admitting her fears to a basic stranger was oddly freeing for Jessie. “What he’s hiding.”

Aimee sighed. “You think he’s still in love with Suzzana.”

“I do. I hate feeling this way, some ridiculous jealousy since there is nothing concrete, but I know she’s a part of our life. I think he’s been thinking about her more. I just gather I’m not the woman he thought I was or I’m too much to deal with.” Jessie heard Aimee’s subtle laugh. “I don’t mean to sound jealous. I’m not usually this way.”

“Jessie. I don’t know you very well but I’ve heard enough stories about Luke and from what I know you have noting to worry about. What you don’t understand is that men who take on the role of a Dom, well at least a few, take the position very seriously. They worry and are concerned about their performance as well as if they’re going to hurt their submissive. If they have any kind of a difficult past, and trust me not a single person doesn’t or they’re dead, they fret just as much if not more than the submissive does.”

Jessie jerked her head up. “That’s what I understand. He’s been so withdrawn and full of what seems like horrific demons. I keep thinking I’m doing something wrong. I have no idea how to get him to open up, trust me even more.” She took a gulp of her tea then another. Nothing lately seemed to calm her nerves. “Plus he’s staying at work later. I don’t know. Some days I think he’s trying to get away from me.”

“You’re both busy people and from what you told me, both in professions that are time consuming. Perhaps you’re looking for some specific wording coming from his lips as an answer because you perceive there’s a problem. There are no rulebooks for this and very few couples talk but so openly. How long have you been in the lifestyle?”

“About a year. And what’s funny is that I really don’t look at this as a lifestyle.”
Perceived as a problem.
The words were true enough. No matter Jessie’s strength, she fell into the part about being a girlie girl far too often when it came to Luke. No man she’d ever been with before did she care about what they thought to this degree or worry about what they were doing. Jesus, she was becoming pathetic.

“Meaning?” Aimee raised her eyebrows.

“Meaning this is much more about me. It’s much more about the woman I should have been.”

“I think you’re being awfully hard on yourself. You and Luke made a huge decision to go into this lifestyle, no matter what phrase or word you attach to D/s. Becoming fully embraced as well as feeling complete trust takes time. There will be mistakes and missteps. You will go backwards before you can go forward again. Trust me.”

“Said like a woman who knows.”

Aimee rolled her eyes. “You have no idea.”

Groaning, Jessie shook her head. “But I feel like I’m losing me. Or maybe I’m gaining what I should have been. I just don’t know any longer.”

“It’s going to be that way for a little while. That’s something you have to realize and until you do, you’re going to beat yourself up over this day after day. That isn’t doing either you or Luke any good.”

“I find myself suddenly afraid of everything.”

Aimee nodded and leaned over the railing. “When I was diagnosed with cancer, at first I thought I was going to die and I’ve never been so damn terrified in my life. Wally, to that man’s credit, was my rock. My core. He was more of a Dom than I ever could have imagined. I can’t tell you how many times he refused to allow me to even sit and relax in a chair, preferring to make me take walks with him and obey him on my knees. I laughed at the time thinking the guy was nuts and an asshole for making me do something when I felt like shit. Hell, I was sucking his cock one time after I had vomited from the chemo. ”

“He really did that?” Jessie was surprised.

“And it was the best thing he could have done. Instead of concentrating on the disease and the pity I was falling into, he forced me to concentrate on my training with him. My life with him. I am amazed how much he helped me. I know I healed much faster because of what he did.”

“That’s a wonderful story.”

Nodding, Aimee darted a glance in her direction. “The truly amazing part was that for all of Wally’s bravado in public, he wasn’t a very good Dom. He had doubts about his strength and his abilities and we were floundering.”

“Sounds familiar.” A cold chill raced down Jessie’s spine.

“Exactly. I know you came here to find out what you could about Suzzana and I honestly don’t know anything. Whatever happened in his past is something private, but I can tell you this. What you’re seeing in Sir Luke has more to do with what every good Dom should go through. He’s questioning himself, not you, and he certainly doesn’t want another woman. He’ll reach his stride when he needs to and only the two of you will know when and why. Until then, know you’re going to face issues together and anger. You’re going to fight and you’re in particular going to struggle with pushing hard against his dominance. In turn he’s going to become much stricter, thinking that’s best. In time you’ll both learn your roles.”

The words weren’t just wise. They touched Jessie deeply. “How do you know so much if you haven’t lived the lifestyle before your time with Wally?”

“I do a lot of reading and I teach a course in couples practicing alternative lifestyles. You might enjoy joining in at some point, perhaps lending your voice to those just learning.”

Jessie sipped her tea. “But I am just learning and I seriously doubt I’d be a big inspiration given what we’ve going through.”

Aimee moved closer. “That’s not true at all. You have no idea how far you’ve come. There are plenty of couples who are questioning everything and hearing from someone still in the beginning stages can really help.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jessie said as she clenched her fist. The phase of their journey was very primitive in her mind and in truth, she had no way of measuring whether they were succeeding, skating, or moving forward. Luke always told her two steps forward, one step back. Sighing, she was beginning to realize her hold on the past, her very vanilla life, was keeping her feet firmly planted in cement.

“Good. Even today you told me with no words because there were none needed just how devoted you are to Sir Luke and how far you’ll go in order to make this work. You and Sir Luke are going to be just fine. Just fine indeed. I have one piece of advice left. Let Suzzana go in your mind. You have to. If you continue on with pushing you’re going to back him in a corner. Give him time to tell you about her when he’s ready. Give yourself time to adjust and simply enjoy what you’re sharing. Don’t allow there to be a third in your relationship.”

Jessie gazed out at the garden. “There has never been anyone who’s put jealousy in such a neat package. Thank you. I certainly learned a lot today, some of which makes me realize I have no clue what I’m doing.”

“Trust me. I’ve been exactly where you are and for me, the situation didn’t turn out well.”

Another chill returned as well as a resolve she hadn’t felt since the first few weeks they were together. Jessie was going to do everything in her power to show Luke how much this meant to her.

As Jessie climbed into her car and started the engine, she thought about what Aimee had said. She realized that Luke needed her for a particular reason for whatever event they were going to on Friday. She also had to remind herself she was the submissive after all and what he required of her was exactly what she was told to do. Luke asked very little of her in the way of supporting him. Smiling, she put the car into drive and headed for her favorite dress shop. Finding the perfect red dress was something she was going to do.

****

Seeing Jessie had been entirely by chance but Bart didn’t believe in coincidences. Going to a mall for any reason was far removed from his every day lifestyle, so catching a glimpse of the stunning blond from across the crowded passageway meant he was supposed to see her. Chuckling, he studied the way she moved so fluidly through the mass of people, making her way with a steady and very purposeful gait. She wasn’t one to bullshit or take crap from anyone. Perhaps that’s why he was so attracted to her.

He watched as she stopped just outside the Victoria’s Secret store window and placed her hand on the glass. Inching forward, he could swear the look on her face was one of angst, confusion. Shoving the dress shirt he was ready to purchase down on top of a counter, he waited until she went inside the store to move out of the exclusive men’s store and toward her. Bart kept his distance but didn’t hesitate before entering the sexy shop. Jessie was nowhere to be seen.

Marla was certainly a fan of the store and picking her up a few naughties wasn’t a bad idea. She was a good girl after all, a woman who was a damn good cocksucker. Very quickly he managed to snag two teddies Marla would like as well as grabbing a few thong panties. It didn’t matter if the items were his submissive’s size. This venture wasn’t about Marla at all. He moved slowly through the store, realizing women were following his every move, curious as to what he was purchasing. Or maybe more to the effect of for whom.

A smile curled across his face, his hard cock pushing against his soft linen pants to the point he stood breathless for a full minute. She was beautiful in her quiet reverence, the way she brushed a stray wisp of hair from her face. He could see a sly grin cross her face briefly as she held up a corset, her eyes darting all the way the lacy and satin front. When she held up a second one he couldn’t resist and casually walked over.

“I think the red is much more your color. The vibrancy will highlight not only your beautiful face but the woman buried deep inside.”

Jessie bristled from either the interruption or his voice. Very slowly she turned her head, narrowing her eyes. The look dripped of disdain. Her gaze drifted to the items in his hand. “Well, at least you have some amount of good taste.”

Bart weighed the words carefully. “If you belonged to me I’d take you in the back and whip your ass for the insolence.”

A broad smiled crossed her face. “Fortunately for you I don’t belong to you for I fear you’d stay in a constant state of anguish.”

A flash of raw anger passed through every cell in his body as her eyes shimmered, recognizing his discomfort. God he wanted nothing more than to push her to her knees, forcing his cock deep inside her mouth. Instead he burst into laughter. “As I mentioned before, Luke isn’t capable of handling a fine submissive such as yourself. I should seriously make him an offer.”