On My Own (7 page)

“But there is something …” She took a sip of coffee, peering at me over the heavy mug with what looked like a suppressed grin.

“What?” I set down my cup with a thunk. “I can tell something's up, Chloe, and I'm dying to know. So just spill it, will ya?”

She slowly set down her cup. “I did it.”

I studied her face, still unsure where this conversation was headed, and to be honest, I suppose I was actually fearing the worst. “Did what?”

She giggled. And I can say this is the first time I've ever heard Chloe giggle. I mean she's just not the giggly type. In fact, in that same moment, I was keenly aware of how Chloe was a lot like Beanie, and yes, even Liz, I suppose. And it struck me as just slightly ironic that I keep getting paired off with these types of girls. But then maybe it's a God thing.

Chloe leaned forward and looked right into my eyes. “I invited Jesus into my heart.”

Well, I'm sure my jaw must've dropped as I absorbed her words. Then I jumped up and hugged her. “Oh, I can't believe it! That's the best news I've heard in weeks. Tell me what happened.”

She proceeded to tell me how she'd been reading the Bible (places I'd recommended for her to read–specifically the things Jesus had said). And then she said how she'd actually prayed this week, asking God to show her whether or not He was for real and if the things she was reading were true.

“Well, this is where it gets a little strange,” she continued, “but hang with me here. I've probably never told you about how I like to walk around in the cemetery.” She paused as if waiting for my reaction, but I nodded like that was the most natural thing in the world. “Well, most people think it's pretty weird–and just slightly morbid. But I like it, and sometimes I've made up some pretty good songs there. Anyway, I went to the cemetery yesterday, just to walk and think. I pretty much did my regular route, except I stopped in an area that I don't usually stop in–probably because it's newer and I tend to like the older sections better. It's like they have more substance or something. Anyway, I sat down on this fairly new cement bench and leaned over to think. I guess I was wondering why God hadn't answered my prayer. I don't know what I'd been expecting. The thing is: I probably expected to be disappointed …” She took a sip of coffee and paused as if considering what she was about to say.

“And?” I couldn't hide my impatience.

“And I looked up at the gravestone, and right there on it were the exact words from one of the last verses you'd sent me–one that I'd been seriously thinking
about. It's the one where Jesus says: “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

I felt myself gasp just then as it hit me. “Were you–were you at Clay Berringer's grave?”

She nodded her head. “Yeah, and it was so weird because I really didn't know him, and I never even went to his funeral or anything. But I did know he was a friend of Josh's, and yours too. And it seemed to bizarre that I was sitting in front of his grave and reading the same words you'd just e-mailed to me. All of a sudden I got all goose bumpy and actually started to cry, and somehow I knew.” She looked at me with what appeared to be tears in her eyes. “I just knew that God was doing the whole thing.”

“Oh, Chloe, that is so cool.”

She nodded. “And so I did it. I gave my heart to Jesus, right there in the cemetery.”

“So how do you feel now?”

She smiled. “Totally great!”

“Have you told anyone?”

She shook her head. “I almost e-mailed Josh yesterday. But when I got the e-mail that you were coming, I wanted to tell you first.”

I reached over and squeezed her arm. “I'm so happy for you.”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah, I can still hardly believe it myself. I keep thinking maybe I imagined the whole thing. But I really feel different inside. And I've
been praying a lot since then and reading the Bible even more. I even wrote a couple songs about the whole thing.”

“This is so cool.”

Her face grew more serious. “But I'm not sure what to do next.”

I nodded, thinking about it. “Well, praying and reading your Bible are probably the most important things, but you also need to start having some fellowship.” Now, it was funny as I said this because I was suddenly aware that I was giving advice that I needed to heed myself.

“You mean like going to church?”

“Yeah, that's part of it. But you also need to get in with a group of Christian kids your own age. Is there a good youth group at your parents' church?”

Her face grew slightly cloudy. “I suppose so …”

“Is there a problem?”

“Oh, I don't know …” She looked down at her coffee. “I guess the youth leader is sort of …well, he's kind of a yuppie type, you know, and I just don't think I'd fit in too well.”

I considered this. “Well, Josh used to go to my youth group. Maybe you'd like to try it–that is, if your parents don't mind.”

She looked up and grinned. “I think they'll be so happy to see me involved in church that they won't care where I go. Well, as long as it's not some form of cult or something weird.” She laughed. “Although I'm pretty sure my dad
thought I was turning into a satanist or something equally frightening.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Yeah, but I want to tell Josh first. Hey, did you know he's coming home this weekend too?”

“Nope.” Despite myself, I felt my heart do that irritating little flutter thing at the mention of his name. “But then I didn't get any e-mail from him this past week. I guess he's been pretty busy with school lately. Maybe you can go to church with him on Sunday.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

Then she asked me how it was going with my roommate, and I filled her in a little, even asking her to pray for Liz. “I think you'd sort of understand her,” I said. “Maybe even better than I do–we're as different as night and day.”

Chloe smiled. “Just don't underestimate how God uses you, Caitlin. I mean, look at what happened to me after you got involved in my life.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I remember the first time I met you and I wondered what in the world we'd possibly have in common.”

She giggled. “Yeah, and I thought what's this preppy-looking older chick doing hanging out with the likes of me?”

“But God was really up to something.”

Chloe slowly nodded her head as if the whole thing was still just sinking in. “Yeah, I guess He was.”

We talked and joked for about an hour before Chloe
had to head off to a baby-sitting job.

“Do you like to baby-sit?” I asked her as we went out the door.

“Yeah, I think little kids are great.”

“Then I'll have to introduce you to my aunt. She has a preschooler and a newborn baby, and she just mentioned yesterday how she's looking for a good baby-sitter since all her old reliables took off for college this year.”

“Sounds great.”

Well, I couldn't help but smile as I drove home from Starbucks. To think that Chloe had given her heart to Jesus while sitting in front of Clay's grave. Only God could do something so totally cool. And then it struck me–I hadn't even told her that my aunt was married to Clay's brother or that this new addition to our family (that I was suggesting she might baby-sit) was actually Clay's nephew and namesake!

As it turned out, Jenny did drive Beanie and Anna home for the weekend, and we all got together on Saturday afternoon. First we went to the mall and just hung out and caught up. Then we decided to pull an all-nighter at Jenny's house. It was so great to see my old friends. And it didn't take too long to learn that everything hadn't been going perfectly smoothly for them either. Anna had gotten a roommate who snores like a logger and lets her laundry pile up until the whole room smells like rotten tennis shoes. And although Beanie and Jenny were used to sharing accommodations, they'd never lived in such close quarters (in the same room),
and even their relationship had begun to wear thin after the first couple weeks.

“Yeah, we had to start giving each other more space,” explained Jenny as she botched a perfectly good pool shot.

“But once we figured that out, it's been pretty much okay.”

Anna laughed. “Yeah, except for last week when Beanie came storming over to my room after she and Jenny had gotten into a big stink over whose turn it was to take out the garbage.”

“Oh, it wasn't that bad,” said Beanie.

So I told them a little bit about Liz, and they all acted appropriately sorry for me but also promised they'd be praying for her. And somehow, after hearing about their less-than-perfect situations, I felt slightly better about mine. I suppose it's sad but true: Misery does love company.

Then we all went to youth group and church the next day. And sure enough there were Chloe and Josh. I don't think I'll ever forget the smile on Josh's face as he proudly introduced his sister to the kids in the youth group–kind of reminded me of how Tony had looked when he'd introduced me to his new son Clayton Antonio.

And despite how pleased I was for both Chloe and Josh, I must admit to feeling just a smidgen of what I think was probably some form of jealousy. Like I should've been getting some of the credit or glory–I mean, hadn't I had a hand in helping Chloe reach this place? But at
the same time I chided myself for my stupid selfishness. After all, I know that it was totally God's doing. And what if He had used me? Who am I to strut around like I'm something special? And so I felt adequately humbled, and as a result, I may have seemed more quiet than usual.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked me after the service ended.

“Sure.” I smiled brightly.

“Do you have time to grab some lunch?”

I glanced at my watch. “I really wish I could, Josh, but Bryce is picking me up in about ten minutes.”

“Bryce Lundgren?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot you know him. He's the one who gave me a ride from school.”

A tiny shadow crossed Josh's face. “So you two are pretty good friends, huh?”

I laughed. “Yes, but that's all we are. Y'know Bryce already has a girlfriend.”

He nodded, but I could tell he was slightly embarvassed by his line of questioning. “Well, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you've done for Chloe. God is really using you, Caitlin.” He smiled that dazzling Matt Damon smile. “And you just never cease to amaze me.”

“Amaze you?”

“Yeah, the way you keep living for God–giving 100 percent. I really admire you. And I thought it was time for me to say it.”

Well, I wasn't quite sure what to say, but I think I mumbled a quiet thank-you or something like that. But I must admit that Josh's approval meant a lot to me. Sometimes we forget to tell each other that we're doing a good job. And it was sweet of him to say that to me.

On the way back to school, I told Bryce all about Chloe and her graveyard conversion. He thought the whole thing was pretty cool and promised that he'd be praying for her to stick to her commitment and grow strong in the Lord.

So all in all, it was a fairly amazing weekend. And I came back to school all happy and pumped and ready to let my little light shine!

It just figures that I'd walk into my room to find Liz and Jordan making out–and who knows what else–on top of her narrow bed! I slightly blew it by losing my temper. I threw my bag onto the floor and then said,
“Excu-use me!”

Well, they hardly even noticed me standing in the open doorway, fists doubled in anger, as I stared at them. Finally Liz spoke in an exasperated tone, “Can't you just get lost for a little while, Goody Two-Shoes?”

I took in a deep breath and silently counted to ten (okay, I counted pretty fast). “Look, Liz, we had an agreement. And right now you're breaking it. If anyone should get lost for a few minutes it should be you two.” I almost couldn't believe my own words–the way I stood up for myself. And it wasn't in anger either. It's like I had an extra measure of self-control–as if God was empowering
me. And so I remained in the doorway, silently praying for strength and help, my feet rooted to the floor.

Finally, Liz sat up and glared at me. “Oh, okay,” she snarled as she gave Jordan a shove, causing him to tumble to the floor. “Let's get outta here!”

And that's when I knew I was back.

I wasn't too excited
about my first midterm week at college, but now I think it was a blessing in disguise since it proved a good distraction from my roommate situation. In an attempt to avoid Liz's hostile and unpredictable mood swings (she and Jordan are fighting again), I buried myself in the books and subsequently feel pretty good about my grades now. But Liz never seems to study, and she doesn't seem a bit concerned about her grades either. How can that be?

But here's what's really bugging me about her (petty as it sounds on paper)–
she keeps eating my food.
Now I realize I should be more generous and willing to share. And maybe I would be–if she'd just ask first! But, no, she sneaks around while I'm at class or the library or wherever, and like a little mouse (or a big rat!) she gets into the stash that my mom sends me and nibbles away.

This week alone, she's eaten almost all of my Mystic Mints (my favorite store-bought cookies!) and a whole box of Triscuits (that I hadn't even opened), plus she drank most of my Snapples. Okay, maybe it's partly my fault because I've tried to share with her, like when I'm having a snack and she's here, but I haven't let her know how much it bugs me when she just helps herself while I'm gone. And it's funny because she's the one who acts all like: “Oh, I'm so independent and don't need anyone!” and yet it appears she might starve if she didn't have my food. Maybe she should try getting up on time to get some breakfast downstairs!

Okay, enough whining about that. On a brighter note, I had a great e-mail from Chloe today, and it sounds like things are really going well for her. She is so turned on to God! Talk about your night-and-day conversion! But here's what really cracks me up: She keeps saying that no matter how much she changes on the inside, she has no desire to change her outward appearance unless God specifically tells her to. And I say, “Go girl!” Because who knows, maybe God could really use someone who looks like Chloe. I think she could end up reaching a whole different bunch of kids.