On My Own (6 page)

Part of me wanted to explode and just tell her off, but at the same time, I knew this was the most conversation we'd had in a month. “Okay,” I began slowly, fighting for self-control, “You're about half right–or maybe less.” I thought for a moment. “I am a Christian, but it was less than two years ago when I made that commitment. I've never been a cheerleader, and I'm actually fairly academic. I've never been really popular, although one of my friends was, but then she decided that popularity was highly overrated. And my best friend–” I stopped and laughed as I thought about good, old Beanie. “It's ironic, but my best friend is actually a little like you–or she used to be anyway. My parents used to think she was a real wild child because she dressed pretty weird and liked to shock people. She had a pretty sad home situation and then she got pregnant and–” I stopped myself. “You probably don't really want to hear all of this.”

Liz was staring at me now, like maybe she thought I was making all this stuff up or something. Then she shrugged. “Well, I guess it just goes to show that you can't
judge people based on appearances alone.”

I smiled. “But it's easy to do, isn't it?”

“So then, who do you think I am?”

I felt slightly off guard now. Certainly I had my opinions about Liz, but I wasn't really ready to voice them to her. Above all else, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

“Come on,” she urged, “I told you.”

“Okay.” I peered closely at her smooth, even features, still slightly amazed at how she usually managed to keep her face somewhat emotionless. I suspect she'd be good in a poker game. Then suddenly I wondered what it was that I'd overlooked or possibly misjudged in her, but I decided to begin anyway.

“Well, I'm guessing your family is fairly well off, but I don't think they're very happy. Maybe your parents are divorced. I think it's possible that someone, maybe even someone in your family, has hurt you deeply, and I doubt you've forgiven them for it. I'm sure you're very academic but slightly lazy or perhaps just unmotivated. Maybe you're even depressed, I'm not sure. But I'll bet you don't love Jordan nearly as much as you think you do, and I suspect you don't have one single good friend that you can really count on.” I felt my eyes get wide as I realized what I'd just said. I hadn't really meant to go that far. It's like it all came pouring out of me. “I-I'm sorry, Liz,” I stammered as I noticed her countenance darken, if only for a moment. Then she just laughed again.

“Hey, don't worry, I can take it. And for your info, you're not even half right. My parents are happily married,
and although they're comfortable, I wouldn't describe them as well off. Yes, I am academic, and maybe I am lazy. But then I've never had to work hard to get good grades. As far as that bit about Jordan and my friends–” she rolled her eyes dramatically–“I think your imagination is putting in overtime. Or maybe you're just jealous since I haven't seen you with one single friend.” Then she stood up and pulled on her jacket. “Of course, I could be all wrong too.” She snatched another cookie from my tin, then jerked open the door. “We could both be all wrong.” And then she was gone.

Although it wasn't exactly a feel-good sort of conversation, it was better than nothing, and I do think I know her slightly better now. Not so much by what she said as by the way she said it. She really seemed to react strongly to what I said about Jordan and her friends, which leads me to suspect that, despite her denial, I might not have been too far from the truth. Mostly I think Liz is one mixed-up girl. But I also believe God has a plan for her. And I actually hope I get to be part of it.

It's pretty late, but I just had to take a moment to write down the great news! just returned my mom's phone call to find out that Aunt Steph finally went into labor this morning, and Clayton Antonio Berringer was born at 3:50 p.m., weighing in at a sturdy eight pounds and six ounces. Steph and Tony are totally jazzed, and now little oliver
has a baby brother. It's just too cool! My dad already e-mailed the baby's first picture to me. He looks tiny and wrinkly and red, but he has the biggest dark eyes. I just love that they named him for Tony's brother Clay. I bet Clay is looking down from heaven and rejoicing right now. I can't wait to see the baby in person!

Okay, I'm trying really hard not to be mad at Liz for eating all the goodies my mom sent me this week. I mean, I told her to help herself, but I didn't expect her to go hogwild about it. Anyway, I know it's really petty to get all worked up about something so trivial, especially when I've got something great to look forward to this weekend!

Bryce called tonight to ask if I might possibly want to hitch a ride home with him for the weekend. “I know how much you've been missing your family lately, and I was due for a trip myself–”

“I'd love to go!” I hope I didn't scream in his ear. “My aunt just had her baby yesterday, and I'm dying to see him. I can't believe you called. God must've given you the idea.”

So it's all settled; we're leaving tomorrow after my last class, and I should be home in time for dinner. I can't wait! I even e-mailed Beanie, suggesting that maybe they should consider a weekend at home too–like maybe we could have a mini reunion. I haven't heard back yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I e-mailed Chloe too, since I
owed her one, and told her I'd be around if she wanted to get together for a cup of coffee or something. Her last e-mail makes me think she's approaching a real spiritual crossroads in her life just now, and I'd like to be as available to her as possible.

I've tried to keep a lid on my enthusiasm around here since Liz seems glummer than usual tonight. I have a feeling things aren't going too smoothly with Jordan right now. Maybe that's why she ate all my goodies this week–stress eating. Anyway, I overheard her talking to him on the phone earlier. (It's hard not to eavesdrop when you share a room.) But she was complaining that they haven't found a place to live yet, and then she questioned him about how serious he actually was about the whole moving-in-together thing. Then she got really mad, cussed at him, and threw the phone across the room. I'm glad we each have our own phones.

The whole time this was going down, I kept my head in my computer, pretending to furiously concentrate on a paper I'd already written that only needed a final proofing. I really wished there was something I could say to her but sensed my input (right now) would only make things worse. And even though I feel bad for her, I must admit that hearing her rant and rave like that makes my stomach twist and hurt. I had to take some deep breaths and force myself to relax. Then I really prayed for Liz (silently, of course). And I pretended not to notice when she crawled into bed with her clothes still on and switched off her light. I tried to hurry up and finish my
proofing, then brought my books and journal to the lobby to finish up studying. I didn't really want to go to bed myself since it was only a little past eight.

And I'm glad I came down to the lobby because it gave me a chance to get better acquainted with one of the Christian girls who lives in my dorm. Her name is Kim Murray, and she goes to the fellowship group. Interestingly enough, she was studying downstairs herself because she and her roommate weren't getting along too well either.

“But I thought your roommate was a Christian,” I said after she'd told me a little about their argument.

Kim frowned. “Lindsey may be a Christian, but she still has a problem with her temper sometimes.”

I laughed. “Well, I guess we're all just human, right?”

“Yeah, and some of us are more human than others.”

I wasn't sure how to respond to that and decided not to go there right now. I closed my biology book and leaned back into the couch. Did I really want to get to know Kim better? To be honest, she can come across as a little stuck-up–the kind of girl who holds her head in a certain way, as if to show she's slightly superior to the rest of us.

Kim closed her laptop and slipped it into what looked like a pretty expensive designer bag. “So, why don't you come to the fellowship group on Tuesdays?”

I told her about my night class, then for some reason I decided to ask her about her major. Maybe I was just bored and not ready to go up to my room.

“Social services,” She smiled.

Now this took me slightly by surprise. “And why's that?”

“I want to be a social worker.”

“What does that mean exactly?” I felt stupid for asking this, because I do know a little about social workers, but I just couldn't imagine the chic Kim doing this sort of work.

“Well, it could actually mean a lot of things, but what I want to do, specifically, is work in international adoption.”

“Really?” I looked at this girl with fresh interest. Perhaps I'd been wrong in my first impression. Maybe she wasn't the spoiled, shallow type of girl that I'd imagined. Of course, that's usually the trouble with first impressions. But you'd think I'd have learned that by now.

She nodded. “Did you know there are thousands of homeless children all over the world just waiting to be adopted into loving homes?”

“Actually, I do know a little about it. I've spent a few weeks during the last two summers working at a mission down in Mexico. The main focus of the mission is to reach out to children–either orphans or impoverished.” I went on to explain about the kids who live at the garbage dump and how I've worked to raise money to help them.

“That's so cool, Caitlin.” Her face brightened into a big smile. “I never would've guessed that you'd care about something like that. It looks as if we have something in common.”

“What first made you interested in helping homeless kids?” I asked.

“I was one of them once.”

“Really? You were homeless?” I tried not to stare at her expensive clothing and jewelry. I mean, she could've been in an ad for Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfiger.

“Yep. I was abandoned on the streets of Seoul, South Korea, in the middle of winter. They figured I was less than six months old at the time, although they never discovered my actual date of birth. A policeman took me to an orphanage that specialized in international adoption. Naturally, I was too little to remember any of this, but I imagine it wasn't very nice, and I didn't look too great. I've seen some pictures–I was skinny and ugly and had these awful open sores on my face when they first took me in. But the orphanage people fed and cared for me and eventually found me a good home here in America. And, well, here I am.”

“Wow, I had no idea. That's so cool.”

“I know. And last summer I got to take a trip to my homeland and to the actual orphanage and everything. That's when it hit me–I want to give back. I want to help others like me.” She leaned forward. “Did you know that they allow baby girls to starve to death in China just because no one wants them?”

We talked until almost ten. Then Kim decided to call it a night, but I stayed down here a little longer to write all this in my diary. I feel so thankful that I got to spend time with this interesting girl. Oh, I don't know
if we'll ever become close friends, but it's a possibility. And I just think it's so cool how God brought us together tonight. I wanted to ask her more about her situation with her roommate–like was Kim possibly interested in making a switch? But I suspect that would be a wrong move on my part. Still, you never know.

I had such a great week end
that it was a little hard to come back to school last night. In fact, all day long I've been wondering why I need to go to school here at all. I saw Andrea LeMarsh at church yesterday, and she says community college is just fine. But I know my parents would think that was a real step down for me. So here I am.

But at least this weekend was a brief reprieve. First off, I got to see my new cousin, little Clay. He is such a sweet baby! Steph says he hardly fusses at all, and already he's looking much cuter than the picture Dad sent me. Steph was pretty tired since it was her first day home, so I didn't stay long. But it was so good to see her and Tony and Oliver–it seemed like it had been forever.

And I was just as glad to see my family too! And to
sleep in my own room, although it looks completely different now. My mom's transformed it into her office/hobby room. But my old bed was still there, and that was somewhat comforting. Plus I didn't have to share the room with anyone! We didn't do much on Friday night (after visiting Tony and Steph), but that was just peachy with me. I was happy to be home. Chloe called that same night and asked if I could meet her for coffee the next morning. Her voice sounded different somehow, sort of serious and at the same time slightly mysterious.

So I met her at Starbucks, and to my surprise she looked different. Oh, she still wore the same funny threads, had her dark hair kind of spiky, and had approximately the same number of piercings. But I could tell right off that something about her had changed. It was something in her eyes that gave it away.

“Hey, you look great, Chloe,” I said as I gave her a hug. “What's up?”

“Oh, nothing much.” But there was an unmistakable twinkle in her eye.

As we ordered our coffee I was suddenly assaulted with the fear that perhaps she'd gotten herself a new boyfriend. I remembered how crushed she'd been the last time she'd gotten involved with a guy and then been dumped. I sure didn't wish that on her just now.

“So how's your first year of high school going?” I already knew that she wasn't liking her new environment
too much–another area where we shared common ground of late.

She made a face. “Oh, it's pretty much the same. Too many insecure kids, like me I suppose, all trying to act cool but looking like complete morons just the same.”

I laughed. “That sounds about right.”