On to Richmond (32 page)

             
Sarah shook her head, compassion flooding her face.  “I’m sorry, Rose.”

             
“You mean Carrie’s granddaddy is my daddy?”  She shook her head.  “I’m half-white?” she asked.  Her head was suddenly pounding, spinning with the shock of her discovery.  Then another thought hit her.  “You mean I’m blood related to Carrie?  Why haven’t you ever told me?” she cried.

             
Sarah reached out and took her hand.  “I need to tell you the rest of the story.”  She squeezed her hand firmly and kept talking.  “Miss Abigail didn’t know what to do.  What Old Marse Cromwell done may have been all right on other plantations, but she knowed her husband didn’t see eye to eye with his daddy.  And  Old Marse took real sick right before I had dem babies.”  She paused again, remembering.  “Nobody seen my babies yet cause ever’one was out in the fields.  Dey done decided the best way to keep from having any talk and scandal be to take the white lookin’ baby away.”  Sarah paused again, tears in her eyes.  “I got to hold my baby boy once before dey took him away.  A carriage come rollin’ up and he was gone...”

             
“My brother is still alive?”

             
“I don’t rightly know.  I ain’t never seen him again.  Never was told where dey took him.  It be like he wadn’t never born.  Dey told me I wadn’t to tell nobody.”

             
Rose sat quietly, trying to absorb all she was hearing. 

             
Sarah squeezed her hand again and kept talking.  “My John knowed right away when he got home dat somethin’ was wrong.  He thought somethin’ was wrong with you.  He held you so tender - so proud to know he had a daughter.”  She shook her head.  “I couldn’t hardly stand it.  I couldn’t keep the tears from pouring down my face.  Well, John kept after me till I told him.”  Once again there were tears on her face.  “I just couldn’t stand losing another baby - not after my babies got killed in Africa.  I didn’t rightly care who y’all’s daddy was.  I was yo’ mama!” 

             
Rose’s heart wrenched at the look on her mama’s face.  She reached out and took hold of her other hand.  She was shocked at how cold it was.  “Mama...”

             
Sarah shook her head.  “I ain’t told you all the story yet.  John was mad clear through.  All he wanted to do was kill Old Marse.  Carrie’s daddy come down to the quarters when John was rantin’ and ravin’ in the cabin.  Come right in without even our knowin’ he was out dere,” she said.  “Marse Cromwell be a good man, Rose.  But he was in a right sticky place.  He understood how my John felt, but he had to take care of his daddy, too.  He told us he mighty sorry for what his daddy done.  Said he wished he could go back and undo it.”  Sarah smiled wistfully.  “Don’t all of us have things we wish we could go back and undo?” 

             
“Was that why Daddy was sold?”  Rose asked.  “He’ll always be my daddy!” she added fiercely, her mind full of the last precious days they had shared together before he died. 

             
“You right, Rose.  My John was your daddy.  He loved you as much as he could’ve loved any baby of his own,” she declared with pride.  “When Marse Cromwell told him he would have to go away because he couldn’t risk any trouble, all John could think about was me and you.  He told Marse Cromwell he would go away.  And he promised he wouldn’t never say nothing about dere being another baby, but only if  Marse promised to keep me and you here.  Only if he promised to take good care of us.” 

             
“My daddy said that to Marse Cromwell?”  Rose whispered.  She knew Carrie’s daddy was kind, but she also knew he felt that slaves were inferior people, certainly not in any place to make demands of him. 

             
Sarah nodded.  “Marse Cromwell promised dat day.  He say he would take good care of us.  He say he would make sure you grow up workin’ in the big house so’s you didn’t have to be a field hand.   But I had to promise never to tell you.   My John was sold the very next day.”

             
Rose stared at her.  “And you had no idea where he was for eighteen years?  Didn’t that tear your heart out?”  She shuddered at the idea of being separated from Moses.  It would be like part of her being ripped away. 

             
Sarah nodded somberly.  “I didn’t want John to go away.  I told him we could go on the auction block together.  I wanted us all to be a family.  He wouldn’t hear nothin’ of it.  Say he wadn’t going to take no chance of being split up and not knowing whether we all right.  He say he trust Marse Cromwell to keep his word.  And he did.” 

             
Rose’s head was spinning from the revelations that had just been told her.  Shaking her head in disbelief, she asked the only question she could think of.  “Why are you telling me now, Mama?  Why now after all these years?”

             
Sarah shrugged.  “I done kept dat secret for as long as it need kept.  But I don’t know how long I going to keep living and dat secret don’t need to follow me to the grave.  I reckoned a long time ago dat you had the right to know the truth ‘bout where you come from.  Why, you could maybe have a baby dat come out lookin’ white.  What would you do if dat happened?  What would Moses have thought?”  Abruptly she changed the subject.  “Your Moses be a good man, Rose.  He be like my John.  He loves you with dat burnin’ kind of love.  He’ll take good care of you.”

             
Rose nodded absently, still trying to absorb all she had just learned.  Finally she spoke.  “Thank you, Mama.  Thank you for telling me.”

             
Sarah nodded and squeezed her hands again.  “You need some time to think through everythin’ I told you.  I love you, Rose girl.  You just always remember dat no matter how you got here, you had a mama and daddy who loved you with all deir heart - who would do anything in the world for you.”

             
Rose nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. 

             
“You need to spend some time thinkin’,” Sarah said softly.  “I’s tired.  I think I lay down for a little while.”

             
Rose nodded, leaned down to give her a kiss, and walked slowly out of the cabin door.  All she could think was that she had to find Moses.

Carrie had been riding for over an hour, so deep in thought she hardly knew where she was.  Granite, seeming to sense her mood, was content to walk along quietly, his tail swishing constantly at the flies buzzing around his body.  Every now and again, his head would bob sharply in protest against an invading marauder biting his neck, and Carrie would reach out to brush it away. 

              A sudden shout caused both of them to lift their heads at the same time.  In the distance she saw Moses working with a group of the field hands.  He was beckoning her over.   She didn’t really want to be disturbed, but he knew she had seen and heard him.  She couldn’t just turn and ride away.  Sighing, she headed Granite toward him. 

             
“Thought you might like to see this,” Moses said with a wide grin, standing back and waving his arm toward the field. 

             
“What?” Carrie asked in a bewildered voice as she looked out over the brown field.  Then she leaned from her saddle to look closer.  “Look at that!” she suddenly exclaimed, leaping easily from the saddle.  In a moment she was down on her knees, unmindful of the dirt.  “Our first bean plants,” she said joyfully.  Then she stood and looked down the seemingly endless rows of tiny bean sprouts that had just pushed their heads up to welcome the sun.  “Think of all the people these will feed.”

             
Moses nodded.  “I knew you’d want to see them.  We can hope for a long summer and a mild fall.  These beans went in mighty late, but they still have time to bear a lot of food.”

             
Carrie’s head shot up suddenly.  “What did you just say?”

             
Moses looked confused.  “What do you mean?”

             
“The last thing you said about the beans.  What was it?”

             
Moses looked at her as if he was afraid the hot sun had gotten to her.  “I said these beans went in mighty late, but they still have time to bear a lot of food.”

             
Carrie smiled and nodded.  “Exactly!” 

             
Moses waited a moment and then asked carefully.  “Am I missing something here, Carrie?”

             
Carrie laughed and shook her head.  “I’m sorry, Moses.  I know I’m not making much sense.  It was something I’ve been thinking about.  I had lunch with Sarah today.  She said a lot of things that got me to thinking.  I think I’ve been afraid that by the time I get off this plantation it will be too late to make much difference in the world.”

             
“You’re not but nineteen years old, Carrie!”

             
“I know,” she said with a smile.  “But it seems like I’ll be here forever, just running this plantation.  I can do everything I can now to make my dream come true, but I had been wondering what I’ll do if it’s too late.  But you gave me the answer I needed.”

             
“I did?”

             
“Yes.  Don’t you see?  Even if I get started late, there will still be time for me to bear a lot of fruit, just like these plants can still feed a lot of people.  Who cares whether they went in when most people plant crops?  The people who eat this food will just be glad they went in at all.”

             
Moses nodded, appreciation lighting his face.  “That goes for me too, I reckon.  There will still be things for me to do when I leave this plantation.” 

             
Silence fell between them as they stared down the long, even rows. 

             
“Moses!” 

             
Both Carrie and Moses heard Rose’s voice long before she appeared on her mare around the curve in the road.  Every muscle in Moses’ body tensed.  Carrie knew he was imagining trouble.  She certainly was. 

             
Rose rode up beside them, her eyes wide and her breathing irregular.  “Carrie.  I didn’t know I would find you out here.” 

             
Carrie could hear in her voice that she was disappointed to see her.  Why?  She watched as her friend regained control and slid from the saddle to stand beside them. 

             
“I just thought I would come out here to say hello and see how things are going,” she said casually. 

             
Carrie knew she was lying, but had no idea why.  Had she done something to upset her?  She tried to hide her hurt feelings by climbing easily into her saddle and smiling down at the couple.  “I need to be getting back to the house.  I’ll see you later.”  Then she turned and cantered off, her mind sifting through the possibilities of what could have made the shutters go down over Rose’s eyes. 

             
She was still searching for a reason when she rode past the road leading down to the quarters.  Suddenly she stopped and wheeled Granite around.  She wanted to tell Sarah she had come to some conclusions about the talk they had.  She wanted to thank her again for her challenge to think things through.

             
She rode slowly, taking deep breaths of the late afternoon air.  The day was finally starting to cool off, especially in the shade of the tall oaks spreading their canopy over the dusty road.  Late blooming honeysuckle lent a sweet perfume to the heavy air. 

             
The door to Sarah’s cabin was open as usual when she rode into the quarters’ clearing.  She was surprised when Sarah didn’t step to the door to meet her.  Maybe she was still lying down resting.  She tied Granite’s reins to the hitching post and walked over to the open door. 

             
And stopped.  She knew instantly.

             
“Carrie!”

             
She vaguely heard Rose’s voice in the distance, but she didn’t turn around. She was held rooted to the tiny step. 

             
“Carrie!  I’m sorry I was so silly back there.  I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.  I just didn’t know what to say.  I’m glad you’re here, though.  I want us to talk with my mama.”  Rose was speaking as she tied her mare up and hurried to join Carrie.  Suddenly she slowed, as if finally realizing her friend wasn’t acknowledging her presence.  “Carrie?”  Her voice grew sharp.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?”