Once a Mistress (26 page)

Footsteps approached in the passageway. Her head shot up, ears straining to hear more. The footfalls halted outside the door.

She mumbled an unladylike expletive and dove beneath the bed. She had no idea who was about to enter the cabin, and she wanted to reveal her presence only to Alex. Heart pounding, she waited.

Alex stalked into his cabin, his mood foul. Damn Birk! First he was late getting back to the ship, then he started a brawl with Mister James over a bloody cask of rum. What had gotten into the man?

He went to the cabinet and pulled out his bottle of brandy. Not bothering with a goblet, he popped the cork and took a swig right from the flask. Heat slid down his throat, easing some of the frigid loneliness that plagued him.

Aye, loneliness. That was what ailed him. Not Birk. Not Marcus. Just simple loneliness. How he had hated to leave Diana behind.

He put the bottle aside and stripped off his shirt with short, efficient movements. Tossing the garment heedlessly aside, he perched on the edge of the bed to remove his boots. Then he took up the brandy again and sat back against the headboard.

He sighed, swilling the liquor in the onion-shaped bottle. Birk was aboard, the supplies stowed safely in the hold. Finally they had set sail. Marcus’s days were numbered.

He would go to Port Royal first, he thought as he sipped the brandy. He planned to visit with Morgan, and apprise him of recent events. He also intended to call upon Diana’s father and assure him of her safety, then acquire the ledger pages that proved Chilton’s collusion with Marcus. Then he would hunt the villains themselves.

He expected danger. He knew that death might yet await him at his enemy’s hand. Yet he had a new reason to survive his quest. Not just survive, but
live
beyond its conclusion. Diana awaited him.

He knew he had made the right decision by leaving her behind. As long as she was safe, he could concentrate on the task of capturing Marcus. Once that was done, he would be free to once more assume his own identity and claim Diana as his bride.

He smiled at the thought. Aye, she would make him a fine wife. Though she was a bit headstrong, he had no doubt that marriage would calm her youthful high spirits. As her husband, he would instruct her in her wifely duties with a firm but patient hand. He had no wish to destroy her spirit. Her vitality was one of her most attractive qualities. But she would learn to respect his greater experience in worldly matters.

He could hardly wait to see her again.

The ship listed sharply, jarring him from his thoughts. He grabbed for the headboard to avoid rolling off the mattress, but missed. The brandy bottle went skidding as he hit the floor with a thud. He cursed, opened his eyes and cursed again.

He found himself staring into Diana’s familiar, beloved and apprehensive gray eyes. She huddled under the bed, her hair a tangled mass around her pale face, her small, white teeth biting into her lower lip.

“Hello, Alex,” she said softly.

“Bloody hell,” he muttered.

Chapter Seventeen

Diana squealed as Alex grabbed her arm and dragged her out from under the bed.

“What in God’s name are you doing here?” he thundered.

She flinched at the naked fury on his face, but refused to reveal her misgivings by word or deed. “Obviously, I followed you.”

“I told you to stay behind. I even
explained
to you why you should.” He seized her upper arms and shook her. “I
needed
you to obey.”

The distress in his voice almost made her wish she had complied. “I’m sorry. But I couldn’t let you go without me.”

“Why? To be sure that I fulfilled my promise to prove your father’s innocence? I thought you trusted me.”

“I do trust you.” She gave him a pleading look. “My father has nothing to do with this.”
 

“I wish I could believe you.” He thrust her from him. “But I believed that you would stay behind when I asked it of you. You have betrayed my faith in you.”

“Alex, no!” She reached for him, but he crossed the room as if he could not stand to be near her. She stared at his rigid back and pressed her trembling lips together. Dear Lord, what had she wrought by disobeying him? “I only wanted to be with you.”

“
You
only wanted!” He turned to confront her, the sneer on his face completely foreign to the tenderness she had often seen there. “It is always what
you
want, Diana. You are a troublesome child.”

“I am
not
a child!”

“You are. Always it is what you want, what you need. What about what I want and need?” He shook his head, his eyes growing dull with disappointment. “I weary of this game you play. You only hear what you want to hear. I am the captain of this ship. If need be, I will lock you in the hold to keep you safe from Marcus.”

She paled. “You would not do such a thing.”

He gave a harsh laugh. “Indeed I would, my precious girl. I am a pirate, have you forgotten? A criminal. A seducer of innocents.”

“That is not true!”

He raised a brow and flashed a mocking glimpse of white teeth. “Is it not? I seduced you so well that even now you sneak aboard my ship to share my bed.”

“Don’t you dare talk that way of what is between us,” she snapped, her own temper starting to fray. “There is more than lust to our relationship.”

“I used to think so.”

She locked her hands together. “Alex, don’t act like this.”

“Like what? Like a pirate?” He advanced on her, his paces slow and measured like a tiger on the hunt. “Cruel? Insensitive?” He took her chin in his hand. “Dishonorable?”

“You are the most honorable man I have ever known,” she shot back. “And I will not stand by while you belittle what is between us.”

“And what
is
between us, sweet lover? Not trust. Not consideration.” He caressed her jaw, his dark eyes glittering wickedly. “Just raw passion, my darling. And naught else.”

She slapped his hand away. “You are a blind fool.”

“Fool, am I?” He raked his gaze over her, his tone dripping with contempt. “Aye, I am a fool for letting my need for you overrule my better judgment.”

“You feeble-minded ass.” She put her hands on her hips. “I followed you because I was scared that something would happen to you. Did you think I would cheerfully wave good-bye from the safety of Besosa as you sailed to your death?”

“Indeed I did.” He folded his arms over his chest. “But instead you followed me in hopes that your presence would somehow protect me.”

She stiffened at his patronizing tone. “It is not so far-fetched a notion, captain. On Marcus’s ship, who was it who watched your back when Scroggins tried to put a knife in it?”

He shook his head. “One incident does not make you a warrior, woman! I appreciate your concern, but your fears are unfounded. I have no intention of dying.”

“How gratifying.” Each syllable dripped with sarcasm. “Then if my presence offends you,” she said, “please do return me to Besosa. I assure you I will remain in my luxurious prison like a good little captive until big, strong you comes to fetch me.” She pushed a straggling lock of hair behind her ear and added with a sweet smile, “Or until they return your lifeless body for burial. I swear to shed no tears over your grave, dear sir.”

“You try my patience, wench,” he growled, clenching his hands into fists.

“No more than you try mine,
Alejandro
.”

“Don’t call me that.” The way she sneered his name loosed something in him that he had kept tightly leashed for far too long. With a low sound of need, he reached for her, tangling his fingers in her hair, pressing her into him with a hand on her bottom.

“Since you are already here,” he purred, “perhaps I should take advantage of your presence.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” she breathed, her eyes smoldering with banked desire.

He froze with his mouth only inches from hers.
She wasn’t afraid
.

“
Dios
,” he whispered, suddenly appalled by his conduct. When she had said his name like that, he had heard Bianca’s voice in his mind, had expected her to act like Bianca and flee from him in terror. But instead she looked him in the eye and met his passion with her own. Slowly he released her.

“Alex?” She furrowed her brows, no doubt puzzled by his behavior.

“
Amada
, forgive me.” He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, then closed his eyes and rested his chin atop her hair.

She pressed her face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you angry,” she said, her tone growing more agitated now that his anger had abated. “But I had to come with you. I
had
to, Alex.”

“‘Tis done.” He sighed and held her tighter. “I merely wish that you were safely away from this.”

“I couldn’t stand staying behind,” she babbled on. “If something happened to you, if you died and I never knew…I love you so much and…” Her words trailed off, and she stiffened in his arms. “Oh dear,” she whispered.

“Diana?” He stared stupidly at her as she pulled out of his embrace.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffed and swiped a hand across her eyes damp with unshed tears. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Come here.” He drew her back into his arms.

“Please, let me go.” She pushed against his chest, her cheeks flaming with chagrin.

“Nay, love.” He stroked his hand through her hair. “That I can never do.”

“You mock me when you call me that.”

“I do not. I mean it.” He smiled into her widening gray eyes. “I love you, Diana. I knew as soon as I met you that you are not like other women.”

“You love me?” She blinked at him in disbelief. “Since when?”

“Since the night you attempted to prove your independence in your father’s garden.” His smile faded as he grew serious. “But I am not free to claim you. I am bound by my oath to avenge my brother’s death at Marcus’s hands. Until that time I must put aside my own needs.”

 
“I will wait for you.” She took his hand and kissed it. “Perhaps I can even help you.”

“No.” Caressing her lips with his thumb, he said, “I will not risk you.”

“But—”

“My decision is final.”

She tilted her head. “I am not known for my meekness, Alex. You surely do not expect me to stand by and watch you die.”

“That is exactly what I expect.” He took her hand. “Marcus is dangerous, my love. I will not be responsible for your death at his hands.”

“My life is my own responsibility.”

“Not when it is
my
quest that would get you killed.” He squeezed her fingers. “Please, my sweet. I could not stand to watch you die, too.”

She twined her fingers with his and asked gently, “Who else did you watch die, Alex?”

He let out a long breath. “Bianca,” he said. “My wife. And it was my fault.”

He dropped her hand and crossed the room. Standing with his back to her, he rubbed the back of his neck and pondered how to put his feelings into words.

“How was it your fault?” she asked quietly. She dreaded the answer, anticipating some lurid tale with details too horrible to be told.

He finally turned to face her. “I was seventeen when we married, she a mere five and ten. She was from a noble Spanish family and beautiful in a fragile way, fair-haired, blue-eyed, delicate. As the second son, I could marry whom I liked, unlike my older brother. When I met Bianca, I was completely infatuated.”

Diana had not realized how difficult it would be to listen to him speak of desire for another woman. “Go on,” she whispered.

“She married me to please her family. I did not learn until later that her true vocation was the church, but by then it was too late. We were wed.” He sighed. “I am not proud of my behavior at that time in my life. I was young. Hot-blooded. My bride was shy and innocent. She begged me for time to get used to being married before we shared a bed. I agreed. I thought it would take but a few days. After three months I reached the limit of my patience.”

Diana sank down on the edge of the bed. Thus far everything he had said gave credence to the rumor that El Moreno was of noble blood. She wondered if what he was about to confide had been the impetus that had driven him from his privileged lifestyle. She braced herself for the worst. “Go on.”

His face took on a faraway look, as if he relived events as he spoke. “I came home one night, drunk as a lord. In my arrogance, I decided that I had given Bianca enough time. I stormed into her chamber, demanding my rights as her husband.” His voice thickened with self-disgust. “She was terrified. She begged me not to touch her. Cried. Prayed. Called upon God to strike me down before I defiled her.”

“Did you…?” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Nay, she ran from the room.” He curled his lip, mocking the youth he had been. “But I was determined to see the issue settled once and for all, so I followed her.”

He paused. Diana twisted her fingers together. “Did you catch her?”

“I did.” He swiped a hand over his face. “I can still see her, beautiful and ethereal, poised at the top of the stairs. The moonlight coming through the window cast an angelic glow over her.”

He stared ahead as he spoke, and Diana knew that he didn’t see the cabin around him, only Bianca and that terrible night so long ago.

“I called her name,” he continued. “She turned. I could tell she had not expected me to follow her. I came nearer and she put out her hands as if to ward me off…whispered ‘no’. I reached for her, but she took a step back. I can still see her eyes, the terror in them, as she flailed about in midair…I swear I stopped breathing in that instant. I tried to grab her…I felt her hair brush my knuckles…so close…but my hands closed on empty air.” He paused, his breathing harsh. “She…died instantly of a broken neck, but I still hear her screams in my nightmares.”

He fell silent. Diana rose and came to him.

“Alex, what you have described is an accident.”

“Nay, I killed her. Had I not chased her, she would not have died.”

“No.” She took his face in her hands, made him look at her. “You fell in love. You offered your name to this woman. She accepted. She did not tell you that her heart belonged to the church, so of course you thought she would share your bed. It is what any man would expect.”