Once and Again: Petal, Georgia, Book 1 (15 page)

“She was defensive.” Lily shrugged.

“Did she see she’s got a problem?” He doubted it. Hell his father had landed Tate in the hospital with a concussion more than once. And he was still an abusive drunk. Not that they had much to do with him after he’d been caught blackmailing her some years before.

“Maybe I’m overreacting. She’s sure there’s no problem and who am I to deny her that little bit of peace?”

“Fuck that, Lily. She’s got kids. Her son has been in danger of failing all year. He’s making you chase him over fences and attend classes with him because she’s more concerned about her pills and oblivion than her damned job as a mother.”

She huffed a breath and extricated herself, quickly putting her boxers back on and getting some distance. Distance that only made him crankier.

“She’s had her entire life upended. He’s taken everything from her and she’s not a young woman anymore. She’s got to face a life as an older woman. Alone. It’s hard enough to date when you’re in your twenties and thirties, she’s sixty-five. Anyway, they’re prescription pills.”

“God, don’t tell me you’re getting caught up in her excuses. Lily, addicts always have excuses. It’s what enables them to keep abusing their substances of choice. Her problems won’t go away because she ignores them. You know that.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m so very tired of talking about problems.” She put her robe on and left the room.

He followed her out. “Won’t go away if you ignore them either. What about Chris?”

She threw her hands up. “I’m doing all I can. I’m not a superhero. I gave up a great job to come here and pick up after other people. I’m here. I left everything behind and I’m so exposed and raw and I just don’t want to talk about it. Every time I try to help I fuck it up anyway. She’s pissed at me. Nancy is using that to try to make trouble, and around all that, I have to keep Chris away from it.” Her voice wobbled a little and his belly ached to hear it.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He was messing this up, damn it. “I got my own shit about this issue. It’s getting in the way. It’s not about you. Not at all. I’m sorry if I’m making you feel worse.”

She sighed and flopped into a chair.

“Did they even thank you?”

“Christ. I need to sleep. This is my family, I have to do whatever I can to help Chris, who has no choice. Thank-yous aren’t even on my radar. That’s not why I’m here. I’m not Nancy.”

“I know you’re not. But I’ll be damned if I don’t say they take advantage of you and don’t bother with any manners. I hate seeing it. I hate seeing you in pieces because your mother is more interested in a bottle than you. Because your sister is a selfish bitch and cares more about stirring trouble than helping. It’s not fair for you to do it all.”

“Life’s not fair, Nathan. Someone has to clean up the mess and if it’s not me, then it’s no one, because everyone else is too wrapped up in their own crap. So it doesn’t matter that no one thanks me. Or that my mom would rather be stoned all day than be a parent. Or that my sister is a whore who fucks married men and lives off other people. Or that my father is banging a twenty-year-old. None of that matters because the outcome is the same. It still needs to be taken care of and I’m still the only one who’s gonna do it. Whining about it won’t change that.”

“Why is it so impossible for your mother and sister to say thank you for all you’re doing? I know Chris is too young to truly get it, but they’re not. It’s shitty to treat you like the help. Like your sacrifices don’t matter. Where would your momma be if you hadn’t come? Huh?”

“It’s a waste of time to bemoan it. It is what it is.”

“It’s not a crime to need to lean on someone. To share your burden with me so I can help you. Even just a little bit. They ask too much of you. I hate that.”

“Like it was too much that you guys paid for Jill and Jake to go to school and you had to eat dinner with your parents once a year at least and endure all that abuse to get the financial-aid papers signed?”

“What do you know about that?”

“Oh so
you
get to hold stuff back and it’s okay? But I’ve got to rip myself open? It’s too much when my family needs it but not yours?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Well not all the way. “This is spinning out of control. All I’m trying to do is help, and you’re attacking me and attempting to start a fight.”

She got up and went to the door. “I told you I didn’t want any company, that I had to work. And you came to me.
You
came to
me
. If you don’t want to fight, just butt the hell out. I’m doing the best I can and I know I’m still messing up. I don’t need to be alerted to this all too painful fact.”

“Stop pushing me away. I’m just trying to love you.” Seeing her so upset broke his heart. He wanted to gather her up to him and run far away.

“I can’t do this right now. Please go.” Her voice got thin for a moment, tears so clearly close, but she held her arm in front of her body, between them, to hold him back.

“This isn’t over. Just because I’m going right now doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. I’m not leaving until you admit that.”

She made an annoyed growl and he knew that was good enough for the time being. He didn’t want any misunderstandings.

“Yes. Of course. I didn’t think that.” She sounded so miserable he didn’t want to say anything else and make her feel worse.

He did stop, close to her body, cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch. “I love you, Lily. I want to make you happy. Sometimes that won’t be the case. But I’m sure as hell going to try. I’ll see you soon. I’ll be calling tomorrow. Now really do get some sleep.”

Chapter Eleven

She watched her mother disappear into the other room and come back with a full glass of tea. When she thought it, she put it in quotes. Because it wasn’t tea at all, it was a splash of tea and a lot of bourbon. And she was on her third glass before eight in the morning.

Divorce papers had shown up the day before. Which, if it had been an isolated thing to see her mother this sauced, would be excusable given the circumstances. Only this had become markedly worse in the last week.

“Hey, Chris, can you please run to my place and grab my bag? I think I left it on my kitchen table. My keys are in it.”

He was up and out, with one last look toward their mother.

“Do you think he doesn’t know?”

“What are you talking about?”

Lily closed her eyes for a moment. “About the bourbon in your glass not being tea.”

“That’s a lie!”

She got up and went over there. Her mother tried to move out of the way but Lily leaned in and took a sniff. “I can smell it from over there and I can really smell it here.” This was more than she could handle. “How long have you been doing this? Since before Dad left? Secret drinking isn’t something that happens overnight.”

“You’ve got to stop reading those pamphlets at the doctor’s office. So I’m having a cocktail. It’s not like I’m swigging from the bottle in front of Chris.”

“You’re drinking bourbon at seven in the morning. You’re hiding bottles. You’re denying and defensive when confronted about it. None of these things are normal for people who don’t have drinking problems. He can tell. He’s not a four-year-old.” Lily hated it, but it was time to move to Plan B.

“Only if you told him! I’m careful.”

“Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to go to the counselor. Today. I’ll drive you or you can get a ride, I don’t care which as long as you don’t drive. You’re going to work out with her just what the hell the problem is and you’re going to work to fix it. If you don’t I’m taking Chris.”

Her mother surged to her feet and then wobbled. Disgust and alarm warred in Lily’s belly.

“He’s my son. You can’t take him.”

“I’ve been documenting all this on the advice of an attorney. I’ve taken pictures of the bottles in the trash. I’ve watched you fall and puke. I’ve watched you fall asleep at the kitchen table. I’ve watched your son despair that his mother has abandoned him just as surely as his father. I will take him and it will be for the best. Dad won’t do a thing, especially when he learns this house belongs to me and not you. Even if he did break the trust, it’s still not his. Nancy won’t help you if you don’t have any money. I’m all you’ve got, Mom.”

Chris hollered from the driveway and she moved to the door. “Don’t test me. I’ve had enough. His last day of school is in three days. Then he’s off to that wilderness camp my friend runs for three weeks. You can use that time to get yourself straight. Don’t blow it.” She paused and then turned before she left. “I love you, Mom. I want you to get better. I want to help you. But you have to take the first steps on your own. If losing Chris isn’t enough, I can’t help you at all. Please do the right thing. He needs you.
I
need you.”

She drove Chris to school; trying not to think about the scene she’d just left.

“She’s drunk isn’t she?”

Lily sighed. “Not yet. But she will be soon. I’m sorry. I’ve tried to shield you as best I can. But I don’t think lying is going to help you much.”

“It all started in the months before Dad left. It was all right at first. Just a few nights a week and then every day and then all day long by the first weeks after he’d left. Then the pills. For a while the drinking stopped when she began the pills. I thought they helped her. I guess it started again when I got into trouble.”

She pulled into a spot and turned to him. “This is not your fault. Do you understand me? She’s our mom and we love her and I want to help her. But her issues are her own. She’s a grown woman and she knows better, which is why she hides it. It might be difficult, I’ve just told her she has to get help or I’m bringing you to live with me. I’ll let her stay in the house, but I can’t have you there with her. I can’t trust her not to burn the place down at this point. I’ve taken the spark plugs out of her engine so she can’t drive. Not that people are inviting her anywhere these days.” Her friends had come around less and less as her problems had estranged her from people more often.

“You’d do that? Take me from her even if you know she’d get worse without me around?”

“She’s an adult. You’re not. I’m one person and I can’t fix everyone. You need me and she’s an idiot if she can’t see you need her too. But if I have to choose, I choose you.” It probably made her a monster, but it was something she was willing to be to keep him safe.

But he didn’t get angry at her. He leaned over and hugged her tight. For a brief time he felt so very young and fragile, and she ached for him. “I love you. Thank you for coming. I know I’ve been a jerk. I’m trying to be better. We can fix her, right?” He sat back and she tried very hard not to cry.

“You’re a barely sixteen-year-old boy. You get to be a jerk sometimes. Just sometimes so don’t get used to it. And I hope we can help her. I’m doing everything I can. Go to school. I’ll see you this afternoon. I’m going to tell you to try not to worry about it, but I know you will. I love you, kiddo.”

And he was gone.

She ended up in the Honey Bear, drinking a very large coffee and looking over the shots she’d taken throughout the last week. She’d been so busy she’d barely had time to eat, much less see Nathan. But she knew she was partly avoiding him. She’d begged off the Sunday dinner at the Chase house and had ignored her phone. It was only a matter of time before he came to hunt her down.

And maybe that’s what she was waiting for.

“I heard you’d be here.” Beth slid into the booth across from Lily, who turned around to see William send her a wave.

“Gonna have to start drinking my coffee elsewhere. You Murphys are far too smart for your own good.”

“Nathan was a grumpy asshole all weekend long. You want to tell me why?”

“’Cause he’s naturally grumpy with assaholic tendencies?”

Beth laughed. “Well aside from that. Though we both know the man is ridiculously hard to agitate.”

“I must be naturally gifted. Anyway, Friday I dropped Chris off at school and went to see Edward Chase. Well not him, but one of his partners. I needed to talk to an attorney about whether or not I could take Chris away from my mother if her drinking got any worse.”

Beth heaved a long sigh. “Christ. Really? I’m sorry. So totally sorry. You know I love your mother. She was more a mother to me than my own ever has been.”

“But you had Tate, and Tate never would have drank three full glasses of bourbon before eight in the morning and made believe everyone was fooled it was tea.”

“No, no you’re doing the right thing. I imagine my life would have been a lot different if we’d had someone who was willing to do that for us kids. So what are your options?”

“Today I told her that she needed to see the counselor and figure out a way to get herself healthy again or I’d take Chris. I know my father won’t do a thing. Nancy is useless. She doesn’t even have a place to live. They said the court would likely ask Chris what he wanted. I didn’t tell him that. I don’t want to make him choose. I don’t want him to have to deal with this at all. I came here to help him and I feel like a total failure. And your brother and I fought because he got in my business and I told him to back off.”

“You can’t possibly think it’s over between the two of you.” Beth stole half of Lily’s cinnamon roll. “He adores you. I know you love him too, so don’t even bother trying to deny it to me.”

“You better have taken the half with all the raisins.” Lily inspected the remaining bit of the roll and took a bite, satisfied that she was safe from the passel of raisins on the side she’d been avoiding.

“They have cinnamon rolls without raisins here. You do know that, right?”

“I do. But they put more glaze on the raisin ones. Probably to hide the raisins. But I like glaze.”

Beth looked at her and raised a brow. “I heard that about you.”

She burst out laughing. “What a filthy mind you have. Can’t imagine why you’re single with a brain as dirty as the one you’ve got. Cripes. Anyway, I don’t think we’re broken up. He’s respecting my space and I appreciate it.”