Once and Always (Women of Character) (8 page)

She lifted her hand to her mouth
and looked at him. "No doctor," she said huskily. "I need some
air."

When her shaking had subsided, he
said. "What happened?"

"I was afraid," she
admitted, then shook her head, eyes closed. "It's ridiculous and I'm
embarrassed to even admit it, but I thought I might get sick."

Confused, Tyler looked down at her
bent head. "You were scared of your friends?"

"Not just scared of them. . .
scared spit-less. Being in that area with all those people I felt overwhelmed.
I could feel them staring at me."

Tyler started to tell her there
wasn't anyone staring, but then stopped. She wouldn't believe him and he didn't
know that for sure anyway. He tightened his arms about her, the gesture
involuntary. Again, he felt like an insensitive jerk for not realizing what it
would do to her. "Annie, you did a great job, stopping and talking with
old friends. If anyone was staring, they were wondering who that laughing,
poised woman was."

She shot him an incredulous look.
"One of us is wearing rose-colored glasses."

"I know what I saw," he
said stubbornly.

She pressed her fingers against
her temples. "It really doesn't matter. I got through it," she said,
looking at him. "Gill and Tara aren't merely old friends. Gill is the man
to talk to in this area about any type of livestock."

"Well, that might be a closed
door if his wife has anything to say about it," he said ruefully. "I
sensed a definite chill."

Annie sighed. "I know, and I
don't understand it. She and Gill were really supportive after Martin died, and
then after the fire―the accident. I think she's just worried about
me."

"She's worried I'll cheat
you," he said grimly. "Either that or she has a personal ax to
grind."

When her eyes met his Tyler felt
snared in those clear greenish depths. He figured by coming back to Marsh
Plains he was stirring up memories people would rather forget. . .that Annie
would rather forget.

"I've never known Tara to be
unfair," Annie said, "but let me tell you Gill is a businessman first
and foremost, with connections up the kazoo. By next weekend, all the big
players in New York will know the Double B is back on the map. So you
see," she gave a small smile, "you were right about going into the
restaurant."

It suddenly hit Tyler the enormity
of what she'd done. Sensitive to people seeing her face, she'd nevertheless
already started getting the word out that she was behind him in this venture.
"It would be a boost to have Gill's recommendation," he said
thoughtfully. "You did a great job, Annie." He squeezed her
shoulders, glad that her color had returned to normal. "Still feeling
sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm better."

Tyler closed the door and walked
around to his side of the car. He pulled open his door and seated himself.
Reaching into his jacket pocket Tyler retrieved his sunglasses and played with
them as he watched Annie thoughtfully. "There's one other thing I need to
know," he said quietly. "I need to know about the fire." Since
he'd first seen her, it had been uppermost in his mind. As her mouth tightened,
Tyler wondered if she'd tell him to mind his own business. With her hand
gripping the door handle, she looked ready to bolt.

Ω

Anna had known the questions would
come from Tyler at some point, but she'd hoped to be prepared when the time
came and not feel so emotionally shaky. She closed her eyes for a brief
instant, once again seeing the flames, hearing the horses scream.

She looked away from him,
clenching her fingers in her lap. God, why did he want to know? "It was
long after you'd left, it has nothing to do with you," she said irritably,
resenting the intrusion. "You left, remember? That gives you no rights as
far as what's happened in the last six years."

He stared at her hard, his mouth
grim. "Maybe you're right, but we're going to be working together and
we'll see a lot of each other. I feel I have the right to know what
happened."

"You want to know what's made
me this way? That's funny, since you shattered what little confidence I had
when you left." She waved her hand. "Forget it. What happened was an
accident. The doctors tell me there's nothing more they can do for my face.
I've had laser surgery, but I have to live with it, learn to adjust. End of
story."

"The scarring is what's made
you so reclusive?"

Impatiently, she looked at him.
"Isn't that enough?"

"I'm just trying to figure
this out."

"There is no figuring it out!
There's no mystery. Four years ago I made a mistake. We'd been baling hay for
two weeks, trying to beat the predicted rain. The last cutting of hay was baled
and put in the barn, even though I knew it was too wet. One night I woke up.
Even up at the house I could hear my horses screaming." She put her head
down. "I was tired. . .so damned tired. The hay heated up. The technical
term is the Maillard Reaction," she added, her mouth twisting. "It heated
and burned down the barn with the horses inside. I ran down there in my
nightgown and tried to get them out. The stall latches were so hot they burned
the skin off my fingers, but I couldn't stop, the screaming was terrible, the
fear in the horses." Tears ran slowly down her cheeks. "It's my fault
six champion barrel racers died. My lovely, lovely horses."

She saw Tyler's mouth go slack,
saw the shock register in his blue eyes. She pushed her hair back and turned to
look at the parking lot instead, not wanting to see the horror and disbelief on
his face. She'd seen it first hand and the shock of that night still lingered
with her.

"Danny found me, but to this
day he won't talk about it. I didn't know anything until I woke in the
hospital. I remember being groggy, yet filled with an overwhelming dread. There
were bandages on my face and hands. Thinking I was blind, I flipped out and
they had to sedate me. I'd been badly burned and most of my hair was
gone." Anna took several calming breaths. "So now you know. Every
time I look in the mirror, I hear my horses and I smell the stench. I get
sick."

"Oh, Annie, God―I'm so
sorry." She heard the break in his voice, almost like it mattered to him
that she was hurting. She shook her head. Of course he'd experience horror, he
wasn't an unfeeling person, but he'd walked away so easily six years ago. You
don't walk away from someone you care about, and he'd left without a word to
see if she was okay. He would never know the devastation and betrayal she'd
felt. The hurt of his leaving still lived with her, and her own private guilt
would never go away.

"It's not like I haven't
tried to be normal," she added softly. "Months after the fire and
several reconstructive surgeries I went to watch a small horse show in the area.
It was the first one I'd attended since leaving the hospital. I was trying to
get some normalcy back in my life. A friend of mine, Sara, talked me into
going." Annie wet her lips, feeling a tightness in her chest. "A
child sitting near us started crying uncontrollably. I discovered the reason
soon enough when the child's mother stared at me, at the newly healed scars on
my face. Humiliated, feeling center stage, I sat through the remainder of the
event, all too aware of the rude whispers and stares.

Sara hustled me out of there
afterwards, but we both cried all the way home and I never attended another
event. They know me in town and the shelter where Sara works, but I don't
venture other places without a lot of thought. Before the fire I'd never worry
about entering a strange place. I always knew someone or I'd be recognized from
my barrel-racing days. People were happy to strike up a conversation and I
always took my looks for granted. I admit I even used them to my advantage. Now
it's too late to be sorry."

He shifted in his seat and Anna
felt his heat where his arm touched hers. The air changed, became almost
charged. Anna looked up at him and the breath left her body as his head dipped
toward hers. He watched her with serious intent and he urged her slightly
closer. Anna looked at his mouth, hers going dry. A kiss, she thought. . .
would they share a kiss of comfort, one meant to soothe away the hurt or one
for old time's sake? Even as the crazy notion formed, a slight frown pulled at
his dark brows and he pulled back. The spell. . . the moment was broken and she
watched numbly as he pushed his dark glasses further up on his nose and started
the car.

As they left the parking lot, Anna gripped the door handle
so she didn't touch her face. She knew why he'd pulled back and there was no
sense in crying over something that could never be fixed. They could never get
involved again. They had both moved beyond that innocent, trusting time and
place they were in six years ago. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.

The next morning Anna
fumbled for the telephone as it rang, startling her from a sound sleep. She
looked for her clock on the bedside table, but it wasn't there. Trying to shake
the sleep from her mind, she remembered she was in the small bedroom in the
guesthouse, and the clock was now on a shelf across the room because she hadn't
finished unpacking. The bright red numbers showed it to be six-thirty in the
morning.

Groggily, Anna brought the
receiver to her ear. "Hello."

"Anna, it's Sara. Oops, you
sound like you just woke up. I'm sorry."

Anna pushed herself up against the
oak headboard, her brain slowly connecting the name with the voice. "Sara,
I'm so glad to hear from you." She smiled. "And yes, you did wake me
up, but I had to get up anyway." She wiped the sleep from her eyes.
"What's going on?"

"I'm going to burst if I
don't tell someone. I got that promotion."

Anna sat up straighter.
"Sara, you deserve it for all your hard work at the shelter."

"Well, I am excited and I
couldn't wait to tell you. I still can't believe I won out over the other
candidates."

"You made it happen,"
Anna reminded her gently. "You're one determined lady."

"I was wondering if you're
going to be around? I'd really like to stop and see you. It's been a while
since we touched base."

"I'll be around all
morning."

"I don't have to be in to
work until later. We could grab a bite and catch up. In fact, I'll bring bagels
and cream cheese. Hey, before I hang up, any luck with the ad for the
ranch?"

"It's all set up. Tyler
Stanton has signed a lease for a year. He trains cutting horses. I can still do
my thing and he'll bring in his own business."

"His name is Tyler? That
sounds like a name from a commercial or a soap opera. Is he like one of those
cowboys you see in magazines, tall, dark and mysterious looking?"

Anna laughed. "Sara, you're
such a romantic."

"One of us has to be,"
Sara said dryly. "So I would venture a guess he's sixty plus and married
with grandkids?"

Anna twined the telephone cord
around her fingers, picturing Tyler in her mind's eye. There was nothing
grandfatherly about him, but Sara hadn't been around six years ago, so she
wouldn't know that. "Well, actually, he's more like the cowboys you see at
the rodeo."

"Maybe you two will hit it
off and he'll sweep you off your feet," Sara said, her voice excited.

Anna bit her lip and stifled a
moan. Tyler had swept her off her feet once, but it hadn't lasted. She gripped
the phone receiver. "I'll see you later."

She replaced the receiver and
stared out the window at the early morning horizon, streaks of orange
feathering the sky. She wondered if it would be easier if she was more like
Sara, eternally romantic and optimistic. Maybe if she'd had the courage to jump
back on her feet after the fire she wouldn't feel like her life had stalled.
She'd let her fear and insecurity stifle her, limiting her life. Now she had to
free herself from those mistakes.

Annie swung her feet over the side
of the bed, quickly shoving boxes aside so she had a clear path to the kitchen
and her small bathroom.

Tyler had mentioned last night he
had horses arriving today. As Anna dressed, she felt a tingle of excitement
mixed with a measure of trepidation. She'd been a top rider at one time, but
she'd been out of touch for the last two years. It was one thing training
horses for pleasure, but she wasn't certain she still had the skill to mold a
horse into a topnotch barrel racer. What if she messed up?

Anna buttoned her cotton shirt,
then pulled a lightweight sweatshirt over her head, stepped into an old pair of
jeans and walked into the small living room. As she stretched, she looked
toward the kitchen and groaned, unsure which boxes held the coffee, tea and
condiments.

She stifled a yawn as she walked
across the small area rug to the dining room window that gave a view of the
house. The kitchen lights were lit, as she'd expected. Tyler had always gotten
up early in the mornings, like he couldn't wait to get started on the day.
Apparently that hadn't changed. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd already left
for the barn. As Anna pulled on her boots, a tightness grew in her chest. For
the next year at least, she would be seeing Tyler probably every day.

Anna hurried across the dew wet
grass, hugging her herself against the cool morning air. She opened the back
door to the house and stepped inside the small alcove, the heavenly smell of
brewed coffee greeting her.

The kitchen door opened as she
hesitated by the back door.

"Good morning, Annie,"
Tyler said with a welcoming smile.

A sense of anticipation filled
her, catching her off guard. Awkwardly, she said, "Can I get some coffee?
I haven't unpacked everything yet."

"Sure, come on in." He
stepped aside.

With his white T-shirt and worn
jeans, he could have been any other man off the street, yet he had a presence
about him, an air of power. Anna took a quick gulp and stared at his clean
shaven face, the neatly brushed back hair. She recalled its fine texture, the
way he looked with it tumbled on his forehead after they'd made love. The scent
of him seemed in her nostrils, memory tugged sharply, and for a moment, she
felt again, the brush of fingertips against her breast.