Once in a Lifetime (30 page)

"And I might be home later and I might not."

"Good for you." Daphne smiled as she floated in the pool. "Say hi to Tom for me."

"I will. And don't forget to eat dinner, you look bushed."

"I am. But I'll grab something to eat before I go to bed." And she wanted to call Matthew that night before it got too late. With their strange hours on the set and the time difference between California and New Hampshire, it was getting harder and harder to call. "Have a good time, Barb!"

"Thanks, I will!" She called it over her shoulder as she left, and Daphne floated in the pool for a while before wrapping herself in a towel, and wandering into the kitchen to take something out of the refrigerator before she made her call. She dropped the towel on the counter after a minute, and stood in a tiny red bikini, dripping water on the kitchen floor. And just as she reached for the phone to call Matthew she heard the front doorbell ring, and wondered who it was. She wondered if Barbara had come back for something and had forgotten her key.

Daphne walked out to the front hallway, and tried to glimpse through a side window to see who it was. But whoever it was had his back turned and was standing too close to the front door for her to see him. She could only see part of one shoulder, so she stood at the front door and asked who it was.

"It's me. Justin. Can I come in?"

She opened the door in surprise and stood there looking at him. He was wearing white Levi jeans and a white shirt and sandals, and his golden tan looked darker at night as he stood there looking boyish as he smiled. "Hi. How did you find me?"

"The studio gave me your address, is that okay?"

"What's up?" She never heard from him after hours and she was more than a little surprised. She was also tired and hungry and wet, and these were her off-hours, and she felt the need to have some solitude.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure. Do you want something to drink? Wait a sec, I'll go put something on." She was suddenly conscious of wearing only the red bikini and it made her uncomfortable in front of him.

"You don't have to, you know. You've seen me in less." He grinned at her boyishly and she laughed.

"That was different. That was business. This isn't."

"Some business we're in, where you take all your clothes off to go to work."

"I can think of others like it."

He liked her sense of humor. "Are you suggesting that acting is like prostitution?"

"Sometimes." She said it over her shoulder as she disappeared into her bedroom and he resisted an urge to follow her.

"You happen to be right."

When she returned she was wearing a bright blue caftan the same color as her eyes, and she had combed her hair and put on sandals. He looked at her approvingly and nodded.

"You look lovely, Daff."

"Thanks. Now what can I do for you? I'm pooped. I was about to eat dinner and go to bed."

"That's what I figured and it sounds deadly. I was on my way to a party and thought you might want to join me. At Tony Tree's. You might like it." Tony Tree had won five Grammies in five years, and he was easily the biggest singer in the country. Any other time she might have been intrigued enough to meet him, but not tonight.

"Sounds like fun, but honest, I just can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm exhausted. Christ, you worked your ass off all day today. Aren't you tired?"

"No. I love my work, so I don't get tired."

"I love my work too but it still knocks me out." She smiled at him then, not wanting to sound harsh. "I'd fall asleep on my feet."

"That's okay. They'd just think you were stoned. You'd fit right in." She laughed at his quick answer and resisted an impulse to rumple his perfectly combed blond hair.

"Don't be stubborn. I'm pooped. You want a sandwich before you go? I'm going to make one for myself. I don't have any strawberry soda, but I might be able to find you a beer."

"That sounds good. Where's Barbara?"

"Out with friends." She handed him a beer from the icebox, and started to make herself a sandwich. Justin hopped up on a stool in the kitchen and watched her. He could see her naked silhouette through the caftan and he liked what he saw. He had liked the bikini better, but this would have to do.

"You mean Barbara actually goes out?"

"Yes. Believe it or not, she's human too." The two had decided several days before that they didn't like each other. Barbara thought that underneath the charm he was a heartless bastard, and Justin thought she was an aging vestal virgin. "You're like an old schoolmarm," he had finally told her after she'd planted herself once too often between himself and Daphne. She sensed how vulnerable Daphne was to his charm, though Daphne denied it. Barbara saw something ugly in him, which Daphne did not.

"Does Barbara have a boyfriend?" Justin pretended surprise, speaking in the same bantering tone he always used with her now.

"Yes, a very nice one in fact." She hopped up on a stool across the counter from him. Maybe it wasn't so bad that he had dropped by after all. It was pleasant to have company while she ate her sandwich, even though it meant that by the time he left, it would be too late to give Matthew a call. "Her friend is an attorney."

"That figures. Probably tax law."

"Film law, I think."

"Oh, Jesus. He probably wears a business suit and gold chains."

"Come on, Justin. Be nice."

"Why? I think she's an uptight bitch. I don't like her."

"She's a wonderful woman and you don't know her."

"I don't want to."

"It's entirely mutual, which is no secret. And I think you're both behaving like children."

"She hates me." He sounded plaintive and Daphne smiled.

"She doesn't hate you. She disapproves of you, and she doesn't really know you. She was very badly hurt a long time ago and it made her suspicious of men."

"You can say that again." He had sensed her distrust of him, and it annoyed him. "I can't offer her a cup of coffee without her getting on my back." Daphne knew all about it, and she had already told Barbara to cool it. They didn't need feuds on the set. "Anyway, I'm glad you're alone. She protects you like the Vatican Guard whenever I'm around."

"She's possessive, that's all. We've been through a lot together."

"She acts like she thinks she's your mother."

Daphne smiled. "Sometimes I could use one." She had had so much on her shoulders, alone, for such a long time, and Barbara was the only person in aeons that had eased at least some of the burdens.

As she spoke he slid off the stool and came around the counter. He stood in front of her and took her face in his hands. "Daphne. You're a beautiful, desirable woman and I want you." She felt a wave of shock run through her and at the same time a long forgotten hunger between her legs.

"Justin, don't be foolish." Her voice was soft and scared.

"I'm not foolish." He looked hurt. "I've fallen for you like a ton of bricks, and you're playing this stupid game, hiding behind your walls. Why? Why won't you let me love you, Daff?" His eyes almost misted over and hers were huge in her face.

"Justin, please ... we have to work together ... it would be a terrible mistake to--"

"To what? To fall in love? Is that what you're afraid of? Why? We're two strong, intelligent, talented people. I can't think of a better combination. I've never met anyone like you, and you've probably never known anyone like me. Why would you pass that up? Who's keeping track of how hard you are on yourself? In the end you'll wake up one day an old woman and it'll be all over, and you can tell yourself that you've been faithful to the memory of two dead men. Why, Daphne ... why?" And then he leaned toward her and kissed her, covering her mouth with his own and forcing her lips open with his tongue until he probed inside her and she felt her breath quicken as he folded her in his arms. And then breathlessly she pulled away and stood up. She was tiny beside him, but she looked at him with imploring eyes.

"Justin, please ... don't..."

"I want you, Daff. And I'm not going to let you run away from this. I can't believe you don't feel anything for me. We understand each other too well. I understand every word you ever wrote, and I can see from the way you watch me work that you feel my work in your gut too."

"What difference does that make?" She was still half angry, half frightened. He had shown up on her doorstep, kissed her, and now was trying to turn her life upside down. She wouldn't let him. It was dangerous. They were making a movie together, that was all. She didn't want to let her guard down. "What do you want out of me for chrissake? A quick lay? An affair for six months? There are ten million starlets in this town, Justin. Go fuck one." Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away. "And leave me the hell alone."

"Is that what you want?"

She nodded, her back still turned.

"All right. But think over what I said. I don't just want a quick piece of ass, Daff. I can get that anytime I want, anywhere I want. But I can't have another woman like you. There is no one else like you. I know. I've looked around."

She turned to face him then. "Then keep looking. You'll find one."

"No, I won't." His eyes looked sad. He had finally found what he wanted, but she didn't want him. It wasn't fair, and he wanted her right there in her kitchen, but he wouldn't push her. He knew that that way he'd lose her forever. Maybe if he waited, there was a chance. "I want you to think over what I've said to you tonight, Daphne. We'll talk about it again."

"No, we won't." She walked toward the front door with long strides and pulled it open for him. "Good night, Justin. I'll see you tomorrow on the set and I don't want to discuss this. Ever. Is that clear?"

"You don't make all the rules, Daphne. Not for me." His eyes blazed at her for an instant and then the boyish twinkle shone through the anger.

Daphne was not going to be swayed. "I make my own rules. And you can either respect them or stay away from me. Because I won't deal with you at all if you won't respect how I feel."

"What you feel is all wrong."

"You can't tell me that. I've made my own choices in life, and I live by them. I made up my mind a long time ago."

"And you were wrong." He brushed her lips again with his then and he left, and as she shut the door behind him she leaned against it, her whole body trembling. And the most terrifying thing of all was that she believed in what she had told him, had for years, and yet her body had cried out for him each time he kissed her. But she didn't want to hurt again and love again and lose again. She wouldn't do it, no matter what he told her. But as she walked back into the kitchen she looked at where they had been sitting, and she felt her whole body begin to tremble again at the memory of his kiss, and with a moan of anguish she took his empty beer bottle and threw it against the wall.

How was the party last night?" Daphne tried to look casual as they sat at the empty table at the commissary. Everyone else had finished early and gone back to the set and they were suddenly left alone. But Justin's eyes looked haunted as they met hers.

"I didn't go."

"Oh. That's too bad." She tried to change the subject. "I thought the scene went pretty well today."

"I didn't." He pushed away his plate and looked at her. "I couldn't think straight. You drove me nuts last night." She didn't tell him that she had also lain awake half the night, fighting what she was feeling, and wondering if he would call. She had insanely mixed emotions about him, and it was the vehemence of them that upset her most. She didn't want to feel any of what she was feeling. She had never wanted to feel any of it ever again. "How can you do this to us?" He looked like a small boy robbed of Christmas, but she put down her sandwich and glared at him.

"I'm not doing anything to 'us,' Justin. There is no 'us,' for chrissake. Don't create something that will only make life more complicated for both of us in the end."

"What the hell are you talking about? What's so complicated? You're available, I'm searching. So what's your problem, lady? I'll tell you what it is." He was speaking to her in a hoarse whisper and she hoped that no one overheard, but there was plenty of activity around them, and no one seemed to be watching, much to her relief. "Your problem is that you're too fucking scared to let yourself feel again. You've got no balls left. You must have had them once, because I can see it in your books. But now suddenly you don't have the courage to come out from behind your walls and be a woman. And you know what? It's going to show up in your writing sooner or later if you don't watch out. You can't lead the life you do and expect to remain human. You won't. Maybe you already aren't. Maybe I'm just in love with an illusion ... a fiction ... a dream. ..."

"You don't even know me. How can you be in love with me?"

"You think I don't see you? You think I don't hear you in your books? You think I don't understand Apache? What do you think I'm doing up there every day? I'm living out the whispers of your soul. Baby, I know you. Oh, yes, I know you. It's you who don't know yourself. You don't want to. You don't want to remember who you are, or what you are, that you're a woman, and a damn fine one, with real needs, and a heart and a soul, and even a body, that's just as hungry for mine as mine is for yours. But at least I'm honest. I know what I want and who I am, and I'm not afraid to go after it. Thank God for that." And with that he stood up and walked away from the table, slammed the door to the commissary, and stalked back to the set. And as Daphne followed him a few minutes later she had to smile to herself. Not many women in the country had the guts to turn down Justin Wakefield. It was funny and sad all at the same time.

She watched him work on the same scene over and over and over again that afternoon and evening and well into that night. Howard Stern was shouting at everyone; he even had her make several changes in the scene to see if it would work. But the problem was not with her writing, it was with Justin's mood. She could tell that he was desperately unhappy, and it was as though he wanted the whole world to know it.