Once Upon a Caveman (27 page)

In
that moment, Rhawn actually liked the man.

Lucy
was not similarly moved.  “
Yes
, we’re coming!”  She shouted back,
exasperated by his nagging.  “What the hell do you think we’re going to do,
Warren?  Take fucking selfies with the lava?  Stop asking stupid questions and
go with Anniah.”

Warren
nodded and stepped backward towards the water.  “Well, hurry up then, ya know?!
 You’re the only one with a clue as to what direction we’re sailing in.”

“West.” 
She pointed towards the horizon.  “We paddle that way until we hit an island with
purple flowers on it.  Alright?”

“Hey,
you two are the smart ones.  If you say that’s the way we go, that’s the way we
go.”  Warren waded out into the water to climb aboard Anniah’s
ragan
.  “Hey,
Moose-y!”  He cupped his hands around his mouth to shout back at her.  “In case
we die later, thanks for getting us this far!  I always knew you were going to
change the world!”

Lucy
glanced up at Rhawn, with a long suffering sigh.  “Ya know, if I’m about to be
marooned forever on an uncharted alien isle with one of my moronic classmates…
Warren really is the best option.”  She shook her head.  “What does
that
tell you about our graduating class?”

“We
do not know for sure there
is
a land with purple flowers.”  Rhawn
reminded her, still hesitant to get in the
ragan
.  This plan was the
only option they had, but he still didn’t like the uncertainty of it.  Risking
Lucy’s life on such an unpredictable venture worried him.

…But
not as much as risking her life with the volcano.

Rhawn
cast another quick look at Uooloa, wincing at the horrible red glow of the
smoke.  Perilous or not, there was no other choice.  “Yes.  We must go.”  He held
out a palm to her.  “Come.  There is one
ragan
left and we are taking
it.”

“No
shit.  The class reunion is officially
over
.  Let’s go home.  …Wherever
the hell home turns out to be.”

“My
home is where you are, Lucy.’

She
smiled at that.  “My home is with you, too.  But, let’s hope it also has
bagels.”

Lucy
was reaching for his hand when the gunshot rang out.

“Is
it an earthquake?”  Lucy reaches over to steady herself on his arm, as the
floor moves beneath them.

“It’s
the
Ardin.
” 
He corrects, softly.  “The sinking.”

She,
of all beings, knows that.

“The
what?”

“The
end of the world.”

“The
WHAT?
”

Rhawn
and Lucy’s Dream- This Year.

For
a second Lucy thought she was shot.

She
actually looked down at her shirtfront, expecting to see her insides falling
out of a bleeding hole.  It took her a second to realize that the gunman had actually
fired at the ground in front of her.  The bullet had left a small crater in the
sand, three inches from her shoes.

“Fucking
hell!”  Lucy turned to scowl at prom queen who’d just opened fire on her.  “You
could have killed me, Taffi!  Have you lost your mind?  What the hell are you
doing?!”

“I’m
self-actualizing.”  Taffi arched a brow.  “By the way, you’re really terrible
at hiding things.  Craig and I found this gun under that rock in --like--
twenty minutes.  Didn’t we, Craig?”

“Yep.” 
Craig came out of the forest to stand beside her, looking smug.  They must have
been waiting until Rhawn and Lucy were alone on the beach, before revealing
themselves.  “I told you I used to rob people, Meadowcroft.  I can find
alllll
the hidey-holes folks like you think up.  It was part of my job and I’m damn good
at my job.”

“Tell
them what
else
you learned about in your line of work, Craig.”  Taffi
urged, as if they were filming this as an infomercial on crime.

Craig
smiled and it wasn’t pleasant.  “Jewelry.”  He pronounced.  “I learned a
shit-ton about
jewelry.
”

“Jewelry?” 
Taffi held up the missing bead from Lucy’s necklace.  “Like, for instance, uncut,
D color diamonds the size of superballs, Craig?”

“Yeah. 
Exactly
like that, Taffi.”

They
both turned to look at Lucy with identical, greedy expressions.

Aw
hell…  Those shiny rocks were
diamonds? 
Lucy looked down at the strands
of beads Anniah had given her, her eyes going wide.  Under the circumstances,
that was seriously,
seriously
bad news.

“You
can probably imagine what Craig and I have been chatting about, ever since I
got my hands on this and realized what it was.” Taffi continued, rubbing the
bead between her fingers.  “You might have Mensa begging to hang your portrait
in their Hall of Fame, but
I
know expensive rocks when I see them.”  She
shrugged.  “Turns out,
that’s
going to make me the special one.  It
isn’t getting us home.  It’s owning
all
the big ass diamonds here in Dinotopia.”

“For
the last time,
dinosaurs did not live in the Ice Age.”

“God,
I am so sick of your know-it-all-ing, Lucy!  I swear to God, I would be
shooting you even
without
the piles of treasure.”

Rhawn
stepped forward, trying to get to Lucy, but Taffi swung the gun around to face
him.  “Actually, the treasure part is where you come in handsome.”  She
smirked.  “Lucy might like you dragging her around by her hair and all, but I
have a much more
important
job for you.”  She glanced at Craig, her eyes
cold.  “Grab him and let’s get out of here.”

Rhawn
tried to shove Craig away when he approached, but Taffi switched the gun to
Lucy.  “I wouldn’t.”  She warned.  “Not unless you want Lucy to join poor Skoll.” 
She spared his body a quick glance.  “FYI, that man was the worst kisser
ever
. 
One time he bit my nose.  I mean what the fuck is
that
about?”

“You
can’t get both of us, before one of us gets Lucy.”  Craig told Rhawn, in case
he still didn’t understand the threat.  “Who’s the loser now, huh?”

“Still
you.”  Lucy assured him.

Craig’s
eyes blazed with hatred and illegal substances.  “You haughty bitch!  Just
because we need you alive for another hour, doesn’t mean I can cut off your
face in the meantime and eat it right in front of…”

Rhawn
interrupted the Hannibal Lecter-ish rants.  “Lucy is cooperating.”  He stepped
between them and allowed Craig to seize his arm.  Clearly, he was more worried
about Taffi, because his eyes stayed on the gun.  “There is no need to threaten
Lucy with that weapon.  We will do as you ask.”

“Good
boy!”  Taffi praised, like he was very stupid dog.  It was a wonder Taffi-Two
didn’t bite her, if she used that condescending tone on her poor Pekinese.  “
You’re
going to show me where the diamonds come from.  I know I’m not your type, but I
need someone who speaks English and knows his way around this dump.  Which
means I need
you
, Piltdown Man.”

“No,
you’re not my type.”  Rhawn agreed quietly.  “You are the Destroyer.”

Taffi
scoffed at that.  “Oh fine.  Make
me
the bad guy.”

“My
ancestors were too blind to believe two women could fight the
Ardin
alone, but there was never a male god, at all.  I see that now.  It was always
destined to be you and Lucy in this battle.”

“I
hate Lucy.”  Taffi bit off, her eyes bright.  “We’ve been enemies since
kindergarten.  I don’t deny that.  But
I’m
the star of this show.  If
anyone’s the Destroyer here, it’s
her.
  I mean look at her clothes!”

Lucy
flicked her off.

Rhawn
shook his head, looking supremely calm and way too confident for a guy being
kidnapped.  “Lucy is the Savior and she will best you.”  He said simply.  “This
is the
Ardin
and it is her fate.”

“
No!
 
She’s not stealing this from me, too!”

“She
does not have to steal anything.  It is already hers.”

Taffi’s
eyes narrowed in rage.  The girl was fanatical about staying in the spotlight. 
Her French manicured finger tightened on the trigger, wanting to shut Rhawn up
and prepared to open fire to make it happen.

“I
know where the diamonds are.”  Lucy blurted out before her mate got himself
shot.

Rhawn
and Taffi both turned to give her incredulous looks.

“You
do?”  Taffi demanded.

“That
is impossible.”  Rhawn began with his usual candor.  “The cavern where Anniah
found those stones has long since sunk into the…”

Lucy
cut him off.  “But, the volcano is about to erupt, Taffi.”  She continued.  “Going
to the mine is pointless.  It’s too late to get the diamonds, now.  We have to
escape this island while we can.”

“You
want us to swim away from millions of dollars?”  Craig scoffed.  “Maybe
you’re
the one who’s high.  The stupid volcano isn’t going erupt for hours yet.”

“Are
you basing that on your vast experience in volcanology?”  Lucy snapped sarcastically. 
“Because it looks a
little
bit hot over there.”  She gestured to Uooloa,
with a desperate wave of her hand.

“Hey,
I saw a Paul Newman movie about volcanos okay?”  Craig retorted.  “
I
know
what I’m talking about, because
Paul Newman
knew what he was talking
about.  That man was a god.”

Rhawn
frowned.  “There is another god present?”  He looked around like 60s movie
stars might be hiding in the trees.

Taffi’s
attention stayed on Lucy.  “I think a fortune in diamonds is worth sticking
around for a few minutes, don’t you?”  She asked with an arch expression. 
“Really, you’re just being selfish.”

“I’ll
give you the necklace.”  Lucy tried, pointing to the beads she wore.  “You can
have
these
diamonds.  Just give me back Rhawn and let us go.”

Taffi
looked insulted.  “I don’t wear
used
jewelry!  Honestly, what do you
take me for?”  She prodded Lucy forward with the gun.  “Let’s go.  You and
He-Man aren’t going anywhere until I have my diamonds.”

Lucy
reluctantly headed into the forest.  “This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever
done, Taffi.  And I read your college essay, so I
know
the depths of
stupidity you’re capable of.”

The
ground was still vibrating and flames were now visible over the lip of Uooloa. 
Or maybe it was lava, already beginning to boil up.  Not that it really
mattered.  Either way, the odds of survival weren’t good.  Their chances this
close to a large eruption were about 50/50.  So statistically speaking, only
half of them were going to get out of this alive.

…And
Lucy knew which two needed to go.

“The
white stones you want were only found one place.”  Rhawn interjected.  “They
were very hard and difficult to shape, so we did not even gather them before
the water filled the cavern.  There is no way to reach them now.”

“Bullshit.” 
Craig snapped.  “No one would leave
diamonds
behind.  You just want to
keep them all for yourself.”

“I
have no need for shiny pebbles.  I do not know what possible good they will do
you, either.  Lucy will defeat you soon and you will be dead.  This seems a senseless
way to use your remaining time.”

Lucy
winced at bit, as Craig and Taffi both glowered at him.  “Thanks for the vote
of confidence, sweetie, but it’s really not helping.”

“I
only speak the truth.  You will win the
Ardin
.  It is foretold.”  He
arched a brow.  “Now are you
sure
this is the way to the cavern,
goddess?”

From
his tone, it seemed pretty obvious that this
wasn’t
the way to the
cavern.  The real diamond cave must have been flooded as the island sank.  Lucy
didn’t care.

“Yes.” 
She said firmly.  “This is the way.  It’s by the river.”

“As
you wish.”  Rhawn stopped arguing and headed back towards the valley.

Craig
shot Taffi a fuming look, still certain that Rhawn was after his new fortune. 
“As soon as we find the diamonds, shoot him in the head, will you?  No.  On
second thought,
I
want to be the one to shoot him in the…
fuck!
” 
His words ended with a violent curse and he lifted his foot to frown down at
his ankle.  “A gerbil just bit me.”  He was dressed in cargo shorts and
flip-flops, so it was easy to see the red bite mark on his skin.  “You assholes
have man-eating gerbils here, for Christ’s sake?  Are they rabid?”

Lucy’s
eyebrows climbed, automatically scanning the forest floor for the rodent
culprit.  Small creatures were still skittering about in a frenzy, including
those incredible dangerous hamster things.  That was probably bad.  Lucy’s eyes
flicked to Rhawn for a prognosis, already knowing what he was going to say.

“You
stepped on a
boga
.”  Rhawn told Craig, without much sympathy.  “The venom
is deadly, unless you are very lucky.  …You do not seem like a man with much
luck.”

Craig
did not take that news well.  “What the fuck do you mean it’s
deadly?!”
 
He screeched, very close to crying again.  “It was just a goddamn gerbil!”

“It
was a hamster.”  Rhawn corrected.  “And they bring nothing but death.”

The
puncture on Craig’s ankle was already swelling.  Lucy could see the poison
beginning to take hold and attack his body.  Craig’s skin was turning a sickly
green color.  She remembered it from when Rhawn was so sick in the dream and
her heartbeat sped up.

God,
no wonder the caveman was so twitchy about those icky little vermin.  These Ice
Age hamsters had almost killed him with their icky little Ice Age hamster
fangs.  Lucy gave a shudder and bent down to tuck her pant legs into her
socks.  Animal lover or not, she’d never liked mice.  Now she felt totally
justified in calling the exterminator on them back home.

Craig’s
leg was bloating, as the venom raced through his body.  It was as if one whole
side of him was being inflated, the flesh expanding to a horrific and
impossible size.  “Do something!”  He screamed at no one in particular.  His
throat began to distend and he wheezed in alarm.  “Do something!  Do
something! 
Do something!
”

Taffi
did something.

She
shot him.

Lucy
cried out as Taffi put a bullet right through Craig’s skull.  “Oh my God!”  She
gaped down at him for a beat, unable to process what she had just seen.  “Oh my
God!
  You killed Craig!  Jesus!  You just
killed
him, Taffi!  How
could you
do
that?”

“If
you’d ever slept with the guy, you wouldn’t have to ask.”  Taffi assured her,
not the least bit repentant.  “Most boring two minutes of my life.  And anyway,
what else
could
I do?  Nurse him back to frigging health?”  She rolled
her eyes.  “Please.  You said yourself we’re on a schedule here.  He was just
going to slow us down with his whining.”

Lucy
stared at her, unable to comprehend her blasé attitude about murdering their
classmate.  “
You just killed Craig!
”  She repeated at a roar, since the
prom queen was still not getting it.  “You sat next to him in homeroom for
three years!”