Once Upon a Cowboy (19 page)

“No.” Jess twisted her hands. “But I couldn’t think of a segue.”

She pulled the piece of paper she’d found on the counter from behind her back. “How did I never know you’d thought about going to med school?”

Cole’s eyes
narrowed. “Where’d you find that?”

“On your counter. In my defense, I was just cleaning up the sauce. I moved an envelope, and this was underneath.”

He sat back against the couch cushions, sighing. “It was a long time ago.”

Jess peered down at the paper. “This letter’s dated last month.”

“I just made a random request for information. No big deal.”

“You deferred admission to Stanford premed
twelve years ago. I’m pretty sure that goes in the big deal category.” She handed the paper toward him. “And a month ago, you asked whether you could still exercise the deferment. That is
definitely
in the big deal category.”

“I was just curious. And it wasn’t really a month ago. It was at Christmastime last year. Just took them forever to reply.”

“Cole? Did you seriously want to go to med school
back then?” How had she never known this side of him?

“Maybe.” He put up his hands. “But then Emily died, and Dad went haywire, and Decker was—gone.”

“So you got stuck here.”

“
Stuck
is a strong word.”

“Maybe.” She took a sip of her wine. “But God, Cole. You could have been a doctor by now.”

He shrugged slowly. “Life had other plans for me, I guess.”

“But—why’d you ask about the deferment?
Are you—leaving?”

Jess gulped, her throat actually hurting. For two years now, Cole had been synonymous with Whisper Creek. It was Decker, Cole, and Ma—and now Kyla. Never in that span of time had she imagined this ranch without Cole firmly at the helm.

When Kyla and Hayley had pushed her hard today about moving out here for the summer at least, she’d had Cole in that decision equation. She
still didn’t know what might even happen between them, but imagining coming out to Montana without him here made her feel—completely unsettled. She’d have her friends, and she’d have a landscape that no other place on earth could compete with, but if Cole wasn’t here, it’d feel…
empty
.

He sat forward, elbows on his knees. “It’s hard to explain, Jess.”

“Try me.”

“I don’t know.” He looked around—out
the back window, out the front, at her. “I’m happy here. I am. But a little piece of me has always wondered what might have been. I always had this itch, this feeling that maybe I was supposed to be somewhere else, even while I was soaking up what I loved about right here.

“When Decker came back, I thought—maybe this is my chance. Once he gets his feet under him again, maybe I’ll take some time
and just go see. Go see what else is out there, see what I might be good at besides this. See if there’s something I like better, you know? Because I never really had the chance to know.”

She nodded, sipping her wine and trying to quell the panicky feeling growing in her gut.

“Stanford’s always eaten at me—the could’ve beens. I don’t even know if I
ever
wanted to be a doctor, Jess. I applied
just as much to see if I could get in as I did because I had some deep-seated desire to wear a white coat and work nine-to-five.” He blew out a breath. “But after Christmastime, I just had this weird urge to find out. So I inquired.”

Then he looked at her. “Nobody besides Daniel knows this, okay? It would kill Ma if she found out.”

“I won’t say anything.”

“Even to Hayley and Kyla. Please.”

“Promise.” Jess tapped her fingers on her glass, wishing she could breathe normally. “So, what are you going to do? Are you going to reapply? Are you really going to leave here, Cole?”

There was a long silence when all she could hear was the clock ticking, but before he could answer, there was a banging on the door, and Decker stepped through without waiting for Cole to answer.

“Yo, Cole,” he
said. “Time for the dinner thing. If we’re late, Ma will skin us.” Then he spotted the two of them on the couch. “Oh. Sorry. Hey, Jess. Didn’t know you were here, too.”

“ ’Sokay.” Her voice came out all shaky.

Decker looked from one to the other of them, then at his watch. “I assume neither of you wants to be skinned alive tonight?”

“Right.” Cole jumped up, reaching down for Jess’s hand, but
letting go as soon as she was standing.

He held the door as she walked through it and onto the porch, but her stomach felt suddenly nauseous as she realized he was looking everywhere but at her, doing his best to avoid looking her in the eye.

He
was
leaving.

“And now, it gives me the greatest pleasure to introduce, for the first time, Daniel and Hayley McKee!” At the minister’s words, the congregation gathered on the lawn erupted in cheers. Daniel stole another kiss from his new bride, then took her hand to walk her down the grassy aisle.

Jess watched, tears in her eyes, as Hayley stopped at the end of the aisle to wait for Daniel’s girls
to catch up. In their flower girl dresses, Gracie and Bryn were the picture of sweetness, and both of them leaped into Daniel’s arms as they reached him. The photographer clicked madly, trying to capture the exuberance of the moment, and Jess couldn’t wait to see how the pictures came out.

“Wow.” Kyla wiped her eyes. “And I thought
my
wedding was perfect.”

“It was. It was perfect for you and
Decker. Today was Hayley’s perfect.”

“She looks so beautiful. Did you ever think—”

“No. None of us ever thought we’d see her walk down an aisle without a gun to her back.” Jess laughed softly. “And look how wrong we were.”

Hayley and Daniel headed for the main lodge, and once they were clear of the aisle, Decker put his arm out for Kyla. “Come on, Mrs. Driscoll. Our turn.” Then he kissed her
playfully before they headed down the aisle.

Jess took a breath. She and Cole were next. She hadn’t even spoken to him since his cabin last night, and the unanswered questions had been flipping through her mind ever since. During the rehearsal dinner he’d kept busy with Daniel and Decker, and when he wasn’t with them, he’d been goofing around with Bryn and Gracie. Jess had tried not to believe
he was consciously avoiding her—but after a point, it seemed obvious that he was.

And then, when the rehearsal was done, the guys had gone off somewhere to do some sort of night-before-the-wedding ritual, and she and the girls had headed to her cabin. This morning had been all about the wedding, so she hadn’t even laid eyes on Cole until she saw him waiting at the altar in his tux.

Standing
there now at the head of the aisle, he was impossibly gorgeous, impossibly perfect. His hair was neat, his Stetson was absent, and even his shave was fresh. His bright blue eyes peered at her from under impossibly thick lashes, and he crooked his arm in a clownish fashion.

“Cowgirl?”

She smiled tentatively as she slid her hand around his elbow, then looked up at him. She’d always laughed bitterly
at phrases like
he took my breath away,
but right now, in this moment, she honestly had to remind herself to inhale.

“Are you afraid I’m going to mimic the other two and kiss you in front of all of these people?”

“Desperately, yes.”

He nodded ruefully. “Well, since this is the kind of thing that got Hayley and Daniel into this unfortunate situation, I’ll try to resist.”

“Thank you.”

“Welcome.”
He leaned down, mouth close to her ear. “When I kiss you, I’ll make sure it’s in a very quiet, very private spot.” He pulled away, then leaned close again. “And I know I still owe you an answer from last night. I promise we’ll talk about it. But today, I just want to have things be about Hayley and Daniel, okay?”

She swallowed hard. “Okay.”

“Ready to experience a reception with the best wedding
date ever?”

“You’re impossible.”

“You’ve mentioned that. Come on, cowgirl. The dancing awaits.”

They started walking down the aisle, and as Jess looked around, she saw lots of familiar faces. Just like Kyla’s wedding last summer, it looked like the entire town of Carefree had been invited.

When they reached the end of the aisle, Cole took her hand inside his and raised it to his lips. “Thanks
for agreeing to be my date.”

Jess smiled. “Thanks for asking me. Even though I was number ten on your list.”

“Number one. We discussed this.”

“Mm-hmm.” She cocked her eyebrow in challenge.

“I can see I still have some work to do in order to convince you that you’re actually
tops
on my list.”

“Maybe.” Her stomach hummed in anticipation.

He leaned down, his mouth dangerously close to her ear.
“I look forward to the challenge.” Jess gulped, hoping he didn’t notice. He kissed her fingers again. “But it might have to wait until after dinner. The groomsmen have a little surprise planned for Hayley, and we have to go practice—I mean—get it ready.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“A good one.” He winked. “But I can’t tell.”

“Because girl code would require me to run straight to Hayley and spill
the secret?”

“Exactly.”

“You do realize Hayley hates surprises, right?” Jess cringed. “Please tell me you’ve figured this out by now.”

Cole nodded. “Yup. This is why we didn’t even tell Daniel. But she’s gonna love this one. Promise.” He let go of her fingers, after a soft squeeze. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

She tried not to watch as he jogged down toward the stable in his tux, looking as unfairly
adorable as ever, only dressed up this time.

“Have you thought about what kind of cake you want me to make for
your
wedding?” Jenny appeared at her elbow, watching Cole as well.

“Huh?” Jess turned. “What?”

“Well, maybe it’s just me being all wedding mush or whatever, but it sure seems to me there might be another Whisper Creek wedding in the works.”

“No. Definitely not.”

“So you’re just appreciating
the scenery? Generally?” Jenny’s eyebrows forged a path toward her hairline.

“No. Maybe. Yes. No.”

Jenny laughed, patting Jess’s shoulder as she headed toward the lodge. “I recommend the vanilla with raspberry filling. And peanut butter cookies, but I’ll throw those in for free.”

Jess shook her head, closing her eyes as Cole disappeared into the stable. How transparent could she be, anyway?
Even relative strangers were picking up on the fact that she found the man downright magnetic.

She headed for the lodge, trying not to bury her heels in the grass as she went. Kyla and Hayley were probably already a glass of champagne into the festivities, and catching up to them suddenly felt like a really good idea.

Then again, last time she’d imbibed anything other than water, she’d ended
up wrapped in Cole’s arms. And as much as she couldn’t think of anywhere she’d
rather
be, she really needed to keep her senses tonight.

Then again…

“Where do Whisper Creek men learn to do speeches like this?” Kyla picked up her napkin an hour later to wipe her eyes, then fanned her face with her hand. “I mean, I know Cole’s a smooth talker, but jeez.”

Jess nodded, watching Daniel shake Cole’s
hand, then pull him into a man-hug. “That was a really nice best man toast.”

“I’m thinking maybe Decker should bring him along for more of his meetings. I’m pretty sure Cole could sweet-talk just about anybody into anything around here.”

Jess gulped.
Yes. Yes, oh yes, he could.

Kyla leaned toward her, bumping elbows. “So. His list of datable qualities just keeps growing, doesn’t it?”

“The
sweet-talking, you mean?” Jess raised her eyebrows. “Because that could go either way, really.”

“He doesn’t use it for evil, so I’m putting it on the list.” Kyla folded her napkin again as the deejay started playing after-dinner music. “And also I’d have to add the part about looking ridiculously hot in a tux.”

Jess bit her lip as she nodded slowly, eyes firmly on Cole. “I’ll give you that one.”

“And just think! He’s
your
date tonight. The rest of the single ladies here will just have to drool in jealousy.”

“I look forward to it.” Jess laughed, then clapped her hand over her mouth. “That sounded terrible. I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did. It’s okay. You’ve waited a long time for this date.” Kyla’s head snapped to the left. “Oh, boy. Let the drooling commence.”

“Wha—?”

Jess craned
her head to see what Kyla was looking at, then put a hand to her mouth. The groomsmen had gathered on the dance floor, and the deejay called for attention. Then, in one smooth move, they all slid on dark sunglasses and struck a pose that made her laugh.

“Our men are completely nuts.” Kyla giggled beside her.

Jess heard the words
our men
come out of Kyla’s mouth and they sounded so natural, so
normal. As the music started and the guys did a series of funny dance steps, she couldn’t take her eyes off from Cole. He moved around the floor like he owned it, like he had all the confidence in the world, and she loved watching how his body moved, how he worked the room without even looking like he was trying.

As she watched, he turned toward her, then lifted his sunglasses and winked. Her
mouth opened in surprise, and he grinned and flipped the shades back down, resuming the dance.

“Uh-oh.” Kyla shook her head, smiling. “The women of Carefree, Montana just fell into an unbearable state of depression.”

“Because he winked at me?” Jess rolled her eyes.

“That was more than a wink, missy. That was a pretty clear
back off
message for the rest of the guys here.”

“Oh, please.” Jess
fought the jump of excitement that Kyla’s words elicited.

Kyla shrugged. “It’s true. Believe me or don’t. I know you all think I’m a romantic fool, but I’ve been watching that man for two years now. He’s never publicly laid claim to anyone
else
since I’ve known him. He is head over heels, Jess.”

“Well”—Jess sighed as she watched the guys finish their dance and head laughing toward the bar—“that
makes two of us.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Jess pursed her lips, taking a sip of champagne and trying not to think about the possibility of Cole leaving Whisper Creek. “I don’t know
what
it is right now.”

Kyla angled her body toward Jess. “I know we said we weren’t going to talk about this today, but how can we not, really? Those letters must be at the top of your mind right now,
whether you want them to be or not.”

“Yeah.” Jess nodded, crossing her arms. “I wish they weren’t, but it’s kind of hard to let go of a threat like that.”

“I can’t believe your mother’s contesting the will. After all she did? She’s completely nuts.”

“No,
nuts
is one thing she’s not. Mean as a weasel, but she’s frighteningly sane about it.”

“Does she have any legal grounds at all, do you think?
Could she really lay claim to your grandfather’s money?”

Jess shrugged. “People contest wills all the time, Kyla. I have no idea what makes a will stick or not. I have no idea whether Grampy set things up so that the money’s safely mine. No idea if he even knew how, you know?”

She took another drink. “But it’s really not about the money—not as much as it is about the rest of it. For thirteen
years I got away. I worked my butt off to shake off that whole trailer park, that whole town, my pathetic excuse for a family…and in one fell swoop, I feel like I’m right back in Smugglers’ Gully.”

“You’re not.”

“I know. But in my head I am.” Jess bit her lip. “I don’t think I can explain it.”

Kyla sat back, her pose matching Jess’s. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. The thought of
going back there makes me sick to my stomach, but I’m afraid I might have to.”

“You’re not going to pay them off, are you? Please tell me you’re not going to give those women your money.”

“It’s not that easy a decision. You have no idea what they could do.”

“Is Billy really that powerful? Really? After all this time?”

Jess shivered, her stomach doing mad leaps. “I don’t want to find out. I’m
less afraid of them turning me in to the police than I am of them putting Billy on my trail.”

Kyla sipped her water. “Have you ever thought maybe it’d be different to see Smugglers’ Gully as an adult? Maybe less scary to go back now?”

“No. There’s just so much—hurt back there. I don’t know if I could go there and then get back out without drowning, you know?”

“You’re stronger than you think,
Jess. Think about the strength it took to get out of there in the first place. Good God, you showed up at a shelter with nothing.
Nothing.
” Kyla’s eyes glistened. “Except scars. And look what you did with your life!”

Jess nodded. If only Kyla knew the whole story, she’d know exactly why Jess couldn’t go back. She’d know why walking into Breezy Meadow would put her right back in the hell she’d
tried to leave behind. She’d know that if Billy found out she was around, he’d do his best to silence her, even thirteen years after that hellish last night.

Jess’s eyes sought out Cole over on the far end of the room, and as she watched him joking around with the other guys, watched him sling an arm over some cousin from Idaho, watched him laugh at something the bartender said, she just wanted
to cross that floor, nestle against his chest, and disappear into him.

She wanted to laugh with him, dance with him, be part of this Whisper Creek family as more than a two-week visitor. She wanted to look around this room and
know
the people. She wanted to head into Ma’s kitchen and open the fridge as if she had a right to. She wanted to head to the stable, saddle up Sky Dancer, and ride off
anytime she wanted to.

God
.

She wanted this life. She wanted it so much that it actually hurt.

Kyla leaned into her. “Tell him, Jess. Just tell him. Tell him tonight so it doesn’t keep eating you from the inside out.”

“If I tell him, it’ll change everything. It will. It can’t
not
. He’ll never be able to see me the same way. You know that.”

“He loves you, Jess. I’d put money on it. He loves
you, and he’ll be devastated in the same way Hayley and I were when you finally told
us
. But finding out isn’t going to make him run. It isn’t going to change the way he feels about you. If anything, it’ll help him understand you better. It’ll help him know where you came from, so you can leave it behind and move forward. Maybe together.”

Jess worked up a small smile. “It’s such a huge risk.”

“Is it worth it?”