One Broke Girl (13 page)

“I know it sounds harsh when I try to explain it. And I’m so sorry for that because the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I’m not the person I was when I left New York,” I replied as evenly as I could in an attempt to diffuse the argument. “I can’t help the way I feel now.”

“You didn’t give me a real chance though,” he rebutted. “I had no idea about how things had changed for you because you kept me in the dark for two months. This is unfair.” He walked out of the kitchen, and I heard him pacing in the living room.

I followed him, fighting back the anxiety throbbing in my veins. “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “It’s just… We’ve grown apart. You have to see that too. We stopped talking—and yes, I know the distance between us hasn’t helped that. But if a couple cares about each other, distance won’t break them up.”

Steven whirled around, and I saw something in his eyes I hadn’t seen before. An emotion I couldn’t quite place. He strode to me and gripped my fingers, squeezing them tight. “I don’t want this,” he said slowly.

The tight coil around my chest eased up a fraction. So he was ready to admit we were done. I pursed my lips and waited in silence for him to finish his thoughts.

He dropped down to one knee and peered up at me.

I blinked. Oh, God. Was he—

“Anna,” Steven continued in a shaky voice, “marry me. I know this is a little quick, but I still believe we can be good together. I don’t want us to break up.”

I freed one of my hands to clasp it over my mouth. “Steven,” I replied with a dry mouth. I licked my lips. “But…I don’t…” I stalled off with a shocked laugh. “I can’t. It’s crazy.”

He gave a stubborn shake of his head. “What’s crazy is you living here in near poverty when you don’t have to.”

“But—”

“I can take care of you.” As he talked, his demeanor changed to his usual confidence. “You won’t ever have to worry about money again. You can have your old life back.” He paused then stood, looking down at me with intensity shining in his eyes. “Be my wife. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of for the rest of your life. You’ll have everything you could ever want, and I’ll even help you get back into school next semester if you still want to go. We were good together, Anna. We
are
good together. We can make it past this hurdle if we both try. If I’d known the truth about your mom, I never would have let you move here.”

I sat there in stunned silence. I knew what he was telling me—that I could be a stay-at-home wife, shop all I wanted, have a new car, live in total luxury.

His hands caressed my limp fingers. “Say yes, Anna. Let’s leave this small town behind for good. Come back home to your old life, where you belong.”

I closed my eyes and tried to sort out my rampant thoughts. Oh, Steven knew exactly where and how to get to me. For a split second, I let myself think about what my future would look like if I were with him. It would be so temptingly easy.

Then his lips pressed against mine, and it felt…wrong. My eyes flew open; I stepped back and wrapped my arms around my torso.

The hurt in his gaze was clear; I felt awful, knowing I was causing him pain. He wasn’t the man for me though. Yes, Steven was kind, generous, affectionate. But he didn’t set me on fire, didn’t make me strive to be a better person and work hard to prove I could succeed at whatever I set my mind to.

He wasn’t Gavin.

I couldn’t marry Steven, even if he was offering me all the security and comfort in the world. Because part of me understood now that those things weren’t important or guaranteed anyway. I’d had money before, but it hadn’t made me a good person. It had made me shallow and vapid. Selfish and vain.

I didn’t want to go back to that. And I couldn’t put my future in someone else’s control. I’d done that with my mom, and look where it had gotten me. No, it was time for me to stand on my own feet.

Make my own way.

“I can’t. I’m sorry,” I told him, my words spilling out with a tremble. I shook my head, and the sudden change in his eyes showed me he understood. He realized I meant what I was saying. “I am so grateful for the offer, because I know you mean well. But that isn’t who I am anymore.” I had a sense of pride in my work that I’d never had before. I didn’t want to lose that.

Not to mention Steven hadn’t said the L-word once in his proposal, nor had I…and I knew it was because neither one of us was actually feeling it. I couldn’t and
wouldn’t
settle for less. I wanted everything. We both deserved to find someone who was passionately in love with us. We’d never be that for each other.

“Okay. I understand.” Steven’s face became a stony mask, and he backed away from me.

I wanted to reach out and comfort him. His proposal had been rash, spur of the moment, but I knew it had been sincere and my rejection had hurt him. Getting married wasn’t going to fix anything long-term though. And it wouldn’t make me care about him the way he wanted me to. “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I hope you find happiness, Steven. I want the best for you.”

“Take care, Anna.” He gave a dull nod then turned and headed down the hallway. The door clicked quietly closed behind him.

I collapsed onto the couch and let myself cry for a moment. Telling him no had been the right thing to do, but I couldn’t help but feel sadness over how it had ended. Over the devastation in his eyes.

I grabbed my phone and sent Gavin a quick text message saying that I needed to cancel and I’d talk to him tomorrow. I couldn’t face him right now, not with this guilt and drama hanging over me like a shadow. I’d give myself this evening to shake it off, let go of the hurt and upset I was feeling.

Tomorrow I would explain it all to him.

I dialed Natalie. “Hey,” I said in a heavy tone. “Are you busy?”

“Nope. I worked morning shift at the nursing home, so I’m off right now. What’s wrong? Everything okay? You sound awful.”

I burst into tears and began babbling, “I just broke up with Steven and he came all the way here from New York and proposed to me and I’m so confused because Gavin and I kissed and it was super hot but apparently I wasn’t broken up with Steven when I did and—”

“Whoa,” Natalie said with a light laugh. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Take a breath, honey, and start from the beginning.”

“Okay. Yes.” I drew in several deep lungfuls of air and slowly exhaled. The surge of panic started to fade. I gave her a quickie recap of the situation, and she gasped and aww’d at the appropriate times.

“Oh, Anna. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.” The empathy in her voice made my tears spring up again. “I have cheap, crappy wine. How about you come over? Bianca and I were going to hang out tonight, and we’d love to have you here too.”

“I don’t want to intrude.” I sniffled and got up to find a tissue for my runny nose.

“Please. It’s not intruding. We were going to get together and gripe about our lives. It sounds like you could use a little whine and wine time. We do it regularly. It’s good for the soul.”

The mad flutter in my chest slowed down a bit. This would be a good chance for me to be there for them too. Friendship went both ways. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“I insist. Be here at six.”

“What should I bring?”

“Your sexy self, and that’s it. I have wine and snacks already, and Bianca’s bringing dessert. Cookies—she can cook a mean batch of chocolate chip.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “I appreciate you.”

“That’s what friends are for. I keep telling you that, girl.” Her voice was chiding but gentle. “We support each other, thick or thin.”

Natalie and I hung up. I got off the couch and washed my face, peered at my red-lined eyes in the bathroom mirror. The stress was evident on my face.

I wasn’t sure if Steven was going to confide in any of our friends about what had happened to me—or today’s proposal. But if he did, so be it. I couldn’t control him, and if he did, it didn’t impact my life here.

I began to think about staying in Edgewood Falls for more than just another few months. Transferring to the local college I’d looked up online, finding a job around here when I graduated. Settling down and being around Natalie and Bianca.

And Gavin.

I could do it. After all, nothing was holding me back from visiting New York City, right? Or eventually moving there in a few years?

I smoothed my hair and killed time straightening the house. I cleaned dishes, made a quick meal for my dad when he got home. Tried not to think about Steven and his face when he’d left.

Instead, I focused on the positives. Thought about how nice it would be to spend time with the girls tonight and help them work through their issues. I bundled up, grabbed my last bottle of wine—I wasn’t going over there empty-handed—and headed out the door.

Natalie’s place was only a mile or so away, so I walked. My breath puffed in little white clouds around me as I passed people bundled up in their winter gear.

I got to Natalie’s apartment and rang the doorbell.

She flung the door open and thrust a glass of white wine in my hands then gave me a gentle hug. Her slim-fit sweat pants and long-sleeved shirt looked ultra comfy. “I’m so glad you came. Bianca’s here, and I have snacks coming out of the oven right now.” When I gave her the bottle of wine, she grinned and kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks, Anna. You didn’t have to. But I’m sure we’ll destroy it tonight.”

“I walked, so I’m ready to have a few drinks,” I replied as I entered the apartment and stripped off my coat. Hung it on the rack and settled on her large, comfy tan couch.

Bianca, wearing yoga pants and a scruffy T-shirt, swept the hair from my eyes and looked at me in concern. “How you doing, honey? Natalie told me—I hope you don’t mind.”

I sipped my wine, shrugged. “Eh. Feeling like dog crap. Horribly guilty. But I know it was the right thing to do.” As I settled back into the couch and Natalie took a seat in the chair across from me, holding two plates laden with pizza bites, I said, “I’d rather talk about you guys right now, if you don’t mind.”

Bianca rolled her eyes. “Oh man. Not sure you want to hear my sordid tale of woe.” She chugged her wine glass then refilled from the half-empty bottle on the table.

Despite her protests, she filled us in on her latest drama. She’d met this guy, had an amazing night of sex and then the next morning he’d basically treated her like an expensive call girl.

“He had this routine down to an art. I woke up and found him already dressed, breakfast made and on a bedside tray, my clothes laid out and ready for me to get the hell out of his place.” She sighed. “Too bad, because he had an amazing tongue.”

Natalie smothered a laugh. “At least you’re getting some. I don’t remember the last time West and I had sex. I feel like I’ve regrown my hymen.”

“It’s been over two months for me,” I said. Then I thought about Gavin’s fingers stroking me earlier today, and my face flamed.

Bianca raised a brow. Damn, that girl didn’t miss anything. “
Just
kissing, huh?”

I swallowed down the rest of my drink then refilled. The gentle glow from the wine made my limbs more liquid and seeped the tension from my back. “Okay, maybe a little more,” I admitted then paused. “Did I do the right thing, breaking it off with Steven? I feel like I did, but now I’m wondering if I was foolish to choose independence over security.”

“What good is security if it means you’re indebted to someone?” Bianca pointed out. “Is that really security, or is it a cage?”

Huh. Interesting perspective.

Natalie nodded and chewed on a pizza bite. “You have pride. Nothing wrong with that—I have it too. You deserve better than to just be a trophy wife. And how bored would you be, sitting around the house all day, doing nothing but looking pretty and shopping? But in the end, only you can know if you made the right decision. We support you either way, you know.”

Bianca reached over and squeezed my hand.

I gave both of them impulsive hugs. “Thanks, guys.”

“Besides,” Bianca added with a wicked smile, “it sounds like Gavin helped cement the decision for you with your dirty extracurricular activities. God, I’m jealous.” She twirled her hair, and her eyes glazed over for a moment. “I think you should sleep with him, just to make sure you chose the right guy.” I rolled my eyes, and she chortled. “Hey, penis size is
very
important.”

“I’ve forgotten what a penis looks like,” Natalie said with a moan.

Bianca turned her attention to Natalie with a raised brow. “Speaking of deserving better—”

“I don’t want to go down that road again,” Natalie warned, cutting her off. She curled back in her seat and rested her feet on the cushion then wrapped her arms around her legs. “I know how you feel about West, but I care about him. We’re trying to make it work. We’re just having problems right now. I need advice on how to get us back on track.”

“Are you guys spending a lot of time together?” I asked. “What are your date nights like?”

She scrunched her face, deep in thought. “We haven’t been doing much together lately. He’s been super busy with work—his dad owns a car dealership, and West has been promoted to head of sales. I don’t want to put more pressure on him when he’s dealing with extra hours and extra stress.”

Bianca bit her lip and shook her head but said nothing. Her face was clear though. She thought Natalie was getting the short end of the stick.

“I don’t know a lot about your relationship,” I started slowly, “so I can’t make assumptions on what’s happening with you. But if you’re not happy, you need to tell him you want to spend more time with him. You’re super supportive of everyone, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness.”

She nodded, and her exhale was drawn out and loud. “I know. You’re right. I’m just afraid to rock the boat.”

“Doing something when we’re afraid is the best way to conquer those fears,” I said. “And you know you have our support.”

Natalie’s eyes teared up, and she sniffled. “Thanks, guys.” The oven dinged, and she jumped off the chair. “Time for round two of snacks. And drink up, because we have a shitload of wine chilling in the fridge.”