One (3 page)

Soon, something hard
stops me. I open one eye. A leg. Two legs. An unfamiliar face.

A handsome face.

He reaches down to help
me up. His hands are long and big, and they fold over mine like a
blanket. He's strong; he pulls me back on my feet swiftly as if I
weigh no more than the blades of grass I'd just rolled over.

I'm a little dizzy, but
I manage not to sway as I look into his dark eyes. "Hi."

"Hi." He
waits for me to explain.

"I was sledding on
the grass."

A pause. "I think
that would require a sled."

"I'm the sled."

"Hmm." A
longer pause. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Only a little."
Somehow "a little" becomes "a widdle" in my
mouth. I frown. I can't possibly be drunk- can I? "Where's Nat?"
I suddenly ask.

"I'm assuming you
mean your other friend who was rolling with you?" I nod.

"She managed to
make it to the group." He stops to point, but my eyes don't
leave his face. "You, on the other hand, almost went into the
road. I saw you and came over to help." He grins, and his teeth
are white like snow. "I don't want the headlines to read 'Girl
rolls to her death, crushed between tires of car moving five miles an
hour'."

"That would not be
good," I comment.

"No," he
agrees, deadpan. "It wouldn't."

We stare at each other.
My eyes aren't as focused as I would like them to be, but I see a
mass of dark hair and dark eyes. He's so tall I have to lean all the
way up to see his face. I glance down.

"You're naked,"
I blurt.

"Not quite."
He sounds amused. "It's hot so I took off my shirt." It's
his turn to glance down. "Your blouse is undone." He says
it so casually I don't feel embarrassed.

"Yes."

He says something to
me, but I don't quite register it because I notice his mouth has a
nice shape to it. Full, like a present.

"Hmm?"

"I said, are you a
freshman? I've never seen you before."

"I am," I
confirm. "I'm here with Nat. She's a sophomore. She transferred
here from New York. She's fun. Spontaneous," I add. "It's a
night of spontaneity for me." I'm babbling. I seem to have lost
an important component in my brain that filters thoughts before I say
them. It's disappeared and anything that comes to mind bursts out
like a waterfall.

"Spontaneity, eh?"
He smiles slowly, like an old light bulb flickering to life. His long
fingers rub his chin, and my mind takes a picture of that moment;
that glimmer of amusement attracting my gaze like a magnet. I think
I'd color his eyes with silver. I'd draw his smile faintly, making it
disappear underneath the brightness of his eyes. They wouldn't be the
windows to his soul. I'd make his gaze a beacon; a reminder of how a
smile reaches every part of you.

"Would you like to
do something… crazy?"

No.
Old habits
die hard, but I remember what it felt like as the alcohol burned a
path down my throat. The sting brings me to life. "Yes."

"Come with me."
He sees the look on my face, and laughs, smirking a little. "I
won't hurt you, I promise. If I do, you can scream, and a hundred
people will hear you. Come on," he gestures ahead. He doesn't
touch me, but I feel an invisible rope of consent between us. I let
it pull me forward. I follow his steps like a shadow. We're
approaching a crowd, the same crowd I'd seen standing on the hill.
Boisterous laughter booms out, husky and loud like bass drums. Many
bodies are standing together even though there is room further out. I
imagine being on an airplane and seeing them from the sky. They're in
a circle, tight and grouped together like a donut ring.

A hand grabs me. "There
you are!" Nat gasps, stopping me from going further in. I see
his back disappear into the throng of people. Nat tugs at me again.
"I was looking for you. I was afraid you hadn't made it down,
and I would have to climb that hill in my four- inch heels."
That would be a sight to see. I grin. "Your shirt's a mess,"
she continues, looking down. She pulls something from my chest.
"Grass." She shows me a long blade of grass, and makes a
face, throwing it to the ground. "That would never happen to
me." She points to her own chest, sighing. "I'm flat as a
board. Nothing could get stuck in my cleavage, not even if I paid
it."

I pat her shoulder
awkwardly. I've never thought of my chest as an asset before.
Braidon's gaze traveled over them more than once, but he was
different. I was a math equation he couldn't figure out, an
experiment he tried to learn more about. Love and relationships
aren't logical. Attraction isn't something that can be forced. We
both had our reasons for trying. None of it was innocent. None of it
was selfless.

As usual, thoughts of
my past send weariness through my heart. I'd come to this place to
start again. I'd come to this place to learn to live. I didn't come
to regret.

I didn't come to
remember.

An ear-splitting cheer
erupts from around us. Clapping followed by roars of approval is
heard. This continues for several moments as Nat and I glance around,
trying to figure out what's going on. Finally, someone whistles, and
the sharpness pierces the night, silencing the clapping. Nat tugs at
the sleeve near my elbow, waving to indicate we'll be going through
the crowd. All I see is male flesh, but it doesn't deter Nat. She
pushes onward like a soldier. Nat sees a little space between and she
slips between it, murmuring, "Excuse us." Someone looks
over his shoulder, surprised. He does a double take, and his gaze
travels up and down. I see her straighten, pushing her chest out.
Maybe he thinks it's an invitation because he grins attempting to
grab her. I look straight ahead in case he thinks I'm trying to play,
too. I ignore his gaze even though I'm sure I feel the heat of it on
my neck.

Nat drags me through
whatever human crevices we find, slipping between bodies and
underneath a couple of foul smelling arms. I cover my nose, wondering
if I'm going to faint. The dizziness has tripled, like I'm on a
seesaw, rocking back and forth. The sea of bodies catches me so I
don't fall. When we get to the front, she gasps. I follow her line of
vision.

Oh.

Oh
my
.

There's a girl riding a
boy.

Actually, there are
two.

Correction: there are
many
girls riding
many
boys.

At first, I see nothing
but flesh. Tan and pale, dark and light. It's an explosion of muted
colors. The colors shift, moving, slow and graceful, like a snake
uncoiling. I grab Nat's shoulder to steady myself. Blinking once,
twice, I finally make out what's before me. Something is happening
where girls are riding the backs of men like they're horses; and the
men are doing push- ups as if they're in military camp. I see bikinis
and short shorts on the girls, and for a brief moment, I think we're
on a beach, and the men are living mounds of sand.

I hear shouts of
encouragement; at least I think that's what "ride that bull,
lady" is meant to be. It could be something derogatory, but
there's so much giggling it can't be an insult. Something catches my
attention and I notice a man in a referee shirt. He's wearing orange
board shorts though. A part of me realizes the combination of black
and white stripes with bright orange flames don't go well together,
but there's a haze covering my eyes and I think it may not be so bad
after all; especially not against the backdrop of a dark night sky. I
name him "Ref" in my mind, and watch him walk the perimeter
of the circle, slapping a few bottoms. He whistles two, three times
and the people in the middle move away, leaving space for one lone
man. He's sitting casually on his knees. His shirt is off, and his
nipples are pierced. The metal rings glint against the array of
tattoos across his chest. I can't make out what they are.

"It's down to two.
Cade," he gestures to the tattooed, nipple pierced man, "is
up first. Remember, this is all for charity," Ref says with a
southern drawl. He draws out the words, making sure everyone hears.
"We're giving back to the community, y’all." Someone
snickers.

"Strip poker!"
A voice from the crowd shouts.

Ref chuckles, looking
toward us. "We tried that last year, remember? Almost got
arrested. Turns out there's a law against public nudity after all."
He raises his hands in surrender. "Something about 'unsuitable
for children'." He smirks, and the crowd follows suit, booing.
"I don't know why there would be children on a campus for
eighteen and older
, but a law is a law, and we need to abide
by them.
So
, push- ups with half naked people it is."

The crowd cheers. They
sound happy- sloppy, hysterical happy. It's contagious. I smile.

"In the old days,
men in Rome proved their worth by fighting to the death in a dome for
thousands of spectators. Now we throw a ball around instead of a
sword, but the crowds are still here watching, still cheering for us
to squash our opponents. The UW-Madison Badgers would like to thank
y’all for your continued support, for your bloodthirsty cheers, and
for your
mother fucking victory parties
!" he shouts and
instantly the chants start.

"Mad town, Mad
town, Mad town…"

"Another victory,
another step closer to the goal baby!" Ref continues, pounding
his fist in the air. A series of grunts follows, and I listen to
them, suddenly reminded of a colony of apes taking over the world,
grunting with the same gusto.

I laugh and Nat elbows
me. "What's so funny?"

"Planet of the
Apes," I reply. She gives me a blank look. "They sound like
apes." Couldn't she hear it?

Nat sighs, smiling
dreamily. "Isn't it beautiful?"

My eyes go round. "If
you like that sort of thing."

"Oh, I do,"
she breathes. "There's nothing like a man who goes all ape shit
in the sack for you, trust me."

In the real world, I'd
be shocked. In the real world I might blush, and maybe mutter a
stammered reply. But in this world, where down is up and up is up;
where my mind feels lighter than air; where the night seems as
endless as a star; in this world, I'm not embarrassed.

I'm intrigued.

"Do you see that
man right there?" Nat points to the tattooed man with the nipple
piercing next to Ref. "His name is Cade, and he's a wide
receiver. He and Pax are the stars of our football team. They pretty
much defeated Alabama single-handedly last year," she explains.
"They're also number ten and twelve on Sport's Illustrated's One
Hundred Sexiest Men In Sports, College Edition. It's their last year
playing," she continues. "And rumor has it they're not
going pro." Her eyes are wide, dramatically hurt looking. "All
that talent, Jules!" she almost snaps when I look blankly at
her. "And they're going to waste it away on some sort of
nine-to-five job. A shame." She shakes her head, and turns back.
I absorb the information and vaguely wonder if I'll still remember it
tomorrow.

Ref is calming the
crowd down, making shushing motions with his fingers. The energy is
rumbling. I feel restless, too. "This is all for people who've
fallen on hard times, y'all. Every smile, cent, and dollar given is
meant for them. Let's be generous. Let's be supportive. Let's live
life to the fullest.
Let's make this night one to remember!
"
I'm clapping, cheering as wildly as the rest of the crowd. I'm riding
a wave, and I'm at the peak right now. I'm on a crest, a pinnacle
with no way to come down.

That's what the burning
in my stomach gave me: a way to stay on top.

Ref blows his whistle
and as if on cue, a girl steps up from the crowd. She has on shorts
cut right below her crotch. Her hips sway suggestively as she comes
closer and closer to Cade. All eyes follow her as she makes her way
toward him. Whistles and catcalls come from the crowd and the heat
grows hotter.

"Ready to test the
bull?" he asks suggestively. It isn't an original line, but her
flirty giggle shows she doesn't care.

There is silence as we
wait. With a heave, Cade drops to the ground, sweat already rolling
off his shaved head like wet fish slipping from wetter fingers. With
a nod he signals for her to get on top. She does. She lifts a leg
over him, straddling his back as if he's a horse. Her blonde hair is
tied back in a tight bun, exposing her flushed face.

Cade takes a deep
breath for several seconds. Slowly, his arms push his body from the
ground. I see his muscles shaking, trembling violently. Her squeals
are audible, probably feeling his muscles bunch between her thighs.
Cade pushes all the way up, holding the position for a few seconds.
Then he does it again. And again. And again. By the thirteenth one,
he's clenching his teeth so hard he becomes red in the face. At the
last second, he grunts before going down.

Cade and the girl on
top of him exude sexuality. The picture of them together is a canvas
of creams and tans. Nat's so close to me I feel her when she shivers,
excited from the testosterone permeating the air.

The crowd explodes.

Nat fans herself.

When the blonde swings
her leg over to get off, Cade gets up onto his knees, grinning with
pride and a little too much arrogance. His white teeth stand out
against his red, flushed face like a glow stick. Nat grabs my hands.
"Hubba, hubba." She winks at me.

"A dollar for
every push up," Ref explains, drawing the crowd's attention back
to him. "That's thirteen bucks from each donor. We'll collect at
the end," he informs us. The crowd's still going, shouting
sexual innuendos until my ears turn pink. Ref tries to calm us down.
"Settle down, you horny bastards. We still got one left."

As if on cue, it starts
"Pax, Pax, Pax…"