One (31 page)

"Let's begin,"
Bill announces.

I note where Pax sits
first before finding a seat furthest from him. It's the couch we made
out on the first time I was here. Unconsciously, my eyes find Pax. He
has a little smirk on his mouth, and I just
know
he did it on
purpose. I set my lips into a tight line and plop down on the couch,
determined to ignore his presence even though my body is stirring as
if it's been in a deep slumber and is only now awakening.

"Have you felt
anyone following you lately?" Bill asks, worriedly.

I don't want to tell
them, especially not with Pax there.

"Yes," Nat
answers for me. "A couple days ago Jules was walking from work
and she said she felt like someone was watching her. When she turned
around to look she saw a shadow and then he slipped back into the
trees."

Pax looks murderous.
"Was it Braidon?"

"I'm not sure, but
the build is similar to Braidon's," I decide to answer.

Pax turns to his uncle.
"We need a restraining order against that man."

Bill sighs. "I
agree, but we don't have concrete evidence."

"He tried to
kill
us!"

"It's your word
against his." Pax glares at Bill as if to say
are you kidding
me?
Bill shrugs helplessly. "It's the way of the law.
Innocent until proven guilty." He puts a hand through his
graying hair. "Anyway, it wouldn't matter. A restraining order
would take too long to obtain. This will all be over before we even
step foot in a courtroom."

I perk up. "Everything
is ready then?" Last week, Bill had come over and I had drawn
him a map of where I recalled Gonzales's compound to be. There were
about twenty other workers including myself. He had about eight
guards that I saw every day, but there was always a constant influx
of people moving in and out. It's hard to pinpoint how many could be
in the building at any given time.

"They've tried to
set up a mole with Gonzales in the past and have failed. They're
working on doing it again, but my gut tells me it won't work. I think
we'll need to go in unexpected."

"We?" I ask.
"Will you be in the operation as well?"

"I work for local
and national law enforcement." He doesn't explain and I decide I
don't need to know more.

"Will Jules need
to come with?" Pax asks.

"I'd rather not
get her involved, but there are no promises," Bill answers. "We
might need her as a distraction-"

"A
distraction
?"
Pax exclaims, standing up. "You're fucking kidding me! She could
get hurt, or worse, killed. I'm not letting that happen-"

"You don't control
me," I snap, getting to my feet. "You can't tell me what to
do-"

"Yes, I can and I
will. You're not going anywhere with them-"

"You're not my
father!" I shout.

"Hell yeah, I'm
not! I love you and I'm not letting you risk your life for some
operation that may not even work-"

"It
will
work-"

"Your grandmother
would never approve-"

My fists clench. "You
don't know her-"

"She wouldn't let
you risk your life-"

"It's
my
life!"

"-for something
like this. She'd want you safe-"

"
You can't save
me!
"

Pax stills as if
paralyzed. Something painful crosses over his face.

I'm breathing hard. I
hear my pulse in my ears. "You can't save me," I say
quietly, looking him in the eye. "Saving me won't bring them
back."

No one speaks. No one
moves. Pax's face loses all color, going completely white. He looks
ill. He sways like he's going to fall. The silence in the room is
deafening. My eyes plead with him to understand. For my own sanity, I
need to do this on my own. I can't hide anymore. I need to see it to
the end.

Slowly, as if all
energy has left him, Pax turns toward the door. His whole body is
deflated, and I almost cry for him to come back, to take my pain from
me. To catch me through this.

I don't though.

I watch him walk away,
and I don't do a damn thing about it.

I need to be alone.

I've been a loner my
whole life and now every moment of my day is filled with people like
Nat, Alex, Bill and even Gail, constantly watching over me, nervous
I'll do something stupid. They know I shot Gonzales and burned his
land. Bill tells me the FBI has pictures of him as recently as two
weeks ago. Gonzales is alive. Sometimes, I wonder if they think I'll
go after him myself. Sometimes, I feel like I want to.

"I think I should
go with you," Nat's worried voice intrudes my thoughts. "Pax
said we shouldn't leave you alone. Ever."

"Pax?" I
whirl around, glaring at her. "Since when are you taking orders
from
Pax
?"

"Since I've
confirmed to myself that he truly loves you and only has your best
interest at heart."

I narrow my eyes. "He's
a charmer, Nat. He's good with words. Don't believe everything he
says."
Don't be like me.

"I don't listen to
words. I look at action. I see what he's doing even if you don't."

"What does
that
mean?"

"It means you're
very lucky," she answers quietly. Nat looks at me as if she
can't believe my abstinence. "I'll go with you halfway,"
she finally says, compromising.

"Fine."
Why
is everyone on his side? Don't they understand what he did?

Nat pulls out her phone
to text someone, probably Alex. I know they talk about me. If I
didn't know how much they loved me, I'd probably never speak to them
again. But I do know their love for me so I put up with it,
pretending not to see the silent looks they send each other when they
think I'm not looking.

The mood is tense as
Nat walks me to work. I'll be leaving with the FBI any day now.
They're close to going in. My role is to find someone who recognizes
me and lead the men straight into the compound. If I need to I'll
cause a distraction. The workers will be less suspicious of me
because I'm one of them.

We get to the halfway
mark. I pull her into a hug. "See you," I tell her. "I'll
call you when I get to Maddie’s." She nods. "Go
home
,
Nat. Do you know how many people are on campus right now? He won't do
anything. Trust me." She bites her lip. "Seriously. Go."
Gently, I push her forward. "I'll watch
you
go," I
tell her with a smile.

She laughs at our role
reversal. Secretly I think she's glad to be relieved of me. You can
only be with someone for so long before you start to go crazy. "All
right. I'm grabbing us Chinese tonight so don't bring anything home."

"All right. Love
you."

"Love you, too.
Bye."

I watch her skinny
back, remembering how thankful I am she's in my life. I need to get
better at that: remembering the good things and not just focusing on
the bad. I turn back, walking briskly toward Maddie's. The weather is
perfect today. It doesn't feel like winter. I'm wearing a light coat,
but the breeze is gentle. There's a family of birds near some trees.
I stop, fascinated.
There shouldn't be birds.
They should've
migrated already. Something tiny and yellow catches my eye. I gasped.
A baby bird. It's small and round with stick legs that wobble every
time it walks. There's an acorn at my feet. I pick it up.

"Do you want this
little birdy?" I coo. I laugh and move closer as he makes a
sound. "I'll bring it over if you promise not to have your mommy
and daddy stab me with their beaks," I say, eyeing the other
birds carefully. I move forward cautiously, holding out the acorn.
"Come here," I say softly. "Come closer…" He
hops forward, getting nearer to me. "Good," I encourage
with a wide smile. "Good boy." He hops again.
Yes,
I
think.
A little closer…

"Gotcha."

Suddenly, without
warning, I'm pulled back roughly, jerked against something hard. My
instinctive scream is abruptly cut off with a brutal hand to my
mouth. "I thought I told you already."

I gasp.
I know that
voice.
My knees start to shake.

"There's no one
but me."

Braidon.

He has one arm around
my waist and another over my mouth, pressing with vicious force. The
shock of feeling him momentarily paralyzes me. Then reality crashes
in and I start fighting, kicking with my legs and scratching his arms
with my nails. He's immovable. He's a rock and everything I do seems
to hurt me more than him. He doesn't even flinch when I attempt to
gouge his eyes with my fingers. That's what was always scary about
Braidon: sometimes a switch goes off and he's like a robot, unfeeling
and unbending. I was the only thing that came close to humanizing
him, but I'm also the only one that can drive him over the edge.

We move forward and I
start panicking. I scream, bellowing at the top of my lungs.
Someone,
please hear me!
My screams sound like whimpers through his
fingers. A black car is nearby. I recognize that car. It's the same
car that tried to run Pax and me over. There's even a dent on the
side where Pax pushed him. As we get closer, I notice the trunk is
open. Adrenaline kicks in and I pull back hard, hitting him with my
elbows.
When did he get so strong?
I think, gasping for air as
his fingers curl around my face.

I attempt to kick back,
hopefully hitting him in the balls, but Braidon side steps my
efforts, jerking my head back with such force that I'm momentarily
knocked breathless. I stumble, and one shoe comes off. He takes
advantage of this and lifts my body from the ground. One hand moves
away from my waist and I'm suspended in air, held up with his other
hand over my neck.

It hurts.

He's choking me.

I can't breathe.
I gasp, but there isn't an ounce of oxygen I can take in. Soon colors
start to fade, becoming blurry and gray. Just as suddenly as his hand
left moments earlier, it returns, coiling over my midsection like a
snake, hugging me close to him. I feel his wet mouth on my cheek.

"I love you,
Jules."

It sounds like a death
sentence.

He puts something soft
over my face. The smell hits me fast. He covers my mouth and nose
with it. Braidon holds me tightly, diffusing my desperate attempts to
escape. It's as if there's steel wrapped around my body, slowly
tightening with each passing second.

"Hey!"
someone shouts. "What's going on here?"

Braidon moves his hand
from my body. I can't see anything anymore. I’m completely blind.
The sound of a gun going off is the last thing I hear before I'm
drowned in darkness.

* * *

Everything hurts.

My eyelids flutter as I
try to open them. I wince.
Even blinking hurts.
I groan.
You
know you’re in trouble when
blinking
starts to hurt.
My whole body feels tight as if I've been stuffed
into a tiny box and taken out again. The thought startles me because
suddenly I remember. I remember Braidon. I remember his black car. I
remember the gunshot. Questions start to form in my head. Are we in
Minnesota? How long have I been out? What's going to happen to me?

Am I dead?

No.
The
afterlife shouldn't hurt so much, but then again who knows? Maybe I'm
in Hell. It's where criminals like me belong.

My eyelids flutter
again, straining to move, desperate to be alive. I give a mental
snort. Always a survivor. Even now when I just want to close my eyes
forever, my body is rebelling, trained to keep going, unwilling to
stop.

Unbidden, pictures of
Grandma float to the top of my mind. I see her smiling at me, proud
with how well I picked my first bushel of tomatoes. I'd earn two
dollars and twenty-five cents for that. I was a natural, she'd said.
A very quick learner. I was three.

Next, I see her
sneaking me an apple. She rubs it under her shirt and hands it to me.
It was red and shiny and the most perfect apple I'd ever seen. I ate
it all, even swallowing the seeds. I naively thought an apple tree
might grow inside me and I'd never be hungry again.

Then I hear Grandma's
voice. I can't hear what she's lecturing me about, but it doesn't
matter. It's been years since my mind has been able to recall it. I
bask in it. Her voice was throaty from too many cigarettes, but it
always soothed me.
Yes,
I think.
Please let me hear more.

Soon the voice fades
and it's replaced with an image
and
sound. We're at another
farm. It's nighttime, and she's rubbing my hands to keep them warm.
She's asking me if I'm okay. She sounds concerned just like Pax was
earlier.

Pax.

I choke on the name.
For weeks, I've blocked memories of him out, not wanting to relive
how he made me feel. But now my mind unleashes those thoughts in
full. I see his face as he kisses me. I remember the feel of his arms
as he catches me, telling me he'd always catch me. I remember riding
him. I remember rolling down a hill, and instead of seeing a starry
sky, I saw
him
. The most perfect face I'd ever seen. Like an
angel.

My angel.

I most certainly am not
with angels right now. Braidon's face flashes into my mind. It
doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive; wherever I am now is Hell.

"Time to wake up,
sleeping beauty."

I feel something pinch
my skin. It's small and sharp. I want to swat it away, but it's over
in seconds. I become more aware and hear movement around me. My body
is still frozen, but there's a tingling in my legs.

"That adrenaline
shot should be enough to wake her up."

"
Gracias, tio.
"

Something warm touches
my face, pressing gently. I'm pretty sure someone just touched a
bruise. I wince, the movement slight. "Julianna," Braidon
whispers. "
Te quiero mi angel hermosa…
" He'd
called me his beautiful angel. I'm so disgusted I make a sound. It's
soft, and I hear him lean in closer. "You will wake soon,"
he whispers into my hair. "Everything will be all right, you'll
see." His accent is thicker now than before. Maybe he went back
to Mexico. Maybe he hasn't been around white people since I left. Why
do I care? It doesn't matter.
I need to get out of here!