One Good Man (19 page)

His heart beat loudly in his ears.

Adam kept hammering. "She was afraid to be alone."

"That's nuts," Matthew scoffed. His throat felt raw. "She wasn't alone. She had us."

"She had
you
. I got the hell out as fast as I could, remember?" Adam shook his head. "I had to. I'd have ended up killing him if I'd stayed. But you stayed, Mattso."

He said simply, "She needed me."

"We needed
her
." Adam sighed. "But we got fucked over."

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Matthew recoiled, rage zapping through him, literally blinding him for a moment. Then his fists clenched as he fought the impulse to plant one in his brother's eye.

But Adam wasn't scared. He held up his hand to forestall an argument. "I know she didn't mean to hurt us. But look at us. You wanted to save her and spent your whole life beating yourself up because you couldn't. That's why you've always had a hero complex with women. Always had to find one who was needy or wanted rescuing," Adam told him.

"Okay, Dr. Phil. You got me all figured out." Matthew ground his teeth. "Now you want to know your story?"

Adam dipped his head once.
Have at it.

"Your story is you don't let anybody get close. And if anybody's stupid enough to try, stupid enough care about you, well, you just have to treat them like shit. Make sure you hurt them before they get any kind of a chance hurt you.

That's what happened with Elyse, isn't it? She didn't disappear on a whim. You did something to purposely drive her away."

The words hung in the air like the stink of a rotten carcass.

"Well," Adam said quietly. "You got me, all right."

"Shit." Matt sighed after a moment. The topic of Elyse had always been off-limits. "I shouldn't—"

"No, it's the truth. I'm a miserable lonely fuck." He waited.

"But that doesn't mean you need to be. Don't be such a pussy, Wash Boy. Go tell Andie how you feel."

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Andie tightened the belt of her short silky robe around her middle. The scene was set for seduction: scented candles scattered around the room, a chilled bottle of wine next to two long-stemmed glasses on the coffee table, low music played on a CD. Daisy was safely sequestered in the spare bedroom.

She checked herself in the wall mirror above a high table that held a few pieces of mail. She was bathed and perfumed.

Her make-up was perfect. Under her robe she sported a brand-new bra and panty set in what the saleswoman had called sea foam green.

She expected Douglas any minute. Andie perched in an armchair, then moved to the sofa. She crossed her legs, laying an outstretched arm along the sofa back, trying for a sexy pose but feeling stupid. She hopped up, wobbling on the too-high heels of the mules that were a last minute purchase, their sexy look appealing to her as something a seductress in a movie might wear. Now if she could only pull off the seduction without breaking her neck.

Her stomach grumbled and turned over, nauseated with nerves and hunger. She hadn't eaten since morning. What had happened to the determined Andie who was going to take back her self-esteem? It had seemed like such a perfect plan, until she verbalized it to Tania and Latisha. Now Latisha's warning rumbled in her brain like a volcano preparing to erupt.

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Andie kicked off the slippers and went barefoot into the kitchen. A burbling stomach was so not sexy. Neither was fainting from hunger. She grabbed a handful of crackers from the cupboard and crunched them nervously as she paced into the living room to peer out the front window.

Every time a woman gives her body, she gives a piece of
her heart as well.

It didn't have to be that way. After all, her relationship with Matthew had been just sex.

Yeah, right, Andie. Tell yourself another one
.

She brushed cracker crumbs from the multi-colored robe and a few of them fell into her bra, in the crevice between her breasts. Again, not sexy. She wiggled the crumbs free and gave a huff of irritation.

She flopped onto the sofa, exasperated and impatient.

Come on, Douglas, let's get this show on the road! The
sooner I do you, the sooner I can kick you to the curb.

The phone rang and she ran for it, leaving the mules in the corner where she'd kicked them. She grabbed the receiver, half hoping it was Douglas calling to cancel. That way she'd have the perfect escape without actually chickening out herself.

"Hello, Andrea?" It was her father.

"Hey, Dad. How are you?"

"Fine, just fine." His voice was too hearty...as though he wanted to convince himself as well as Andie his words were true.

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spoke to him every day. He told her he wasn't drinking, and he did sound better and stronger every day. She broached a still-touchy subject. "Did you call any of those numbers I left you?"

Her dad paused. When he answered, his voice was clipped.

"Honey, I told you. I'm not an alcoholic."

Andie's heart sagged like a deflated balloon. She and her Dad were at an impasse on the subject. She wished her father would at least try to go to a meeting, give himself a chance to meet others in the same boat. Maybe he'd realize he wasn't alone. But badgering him was not the way to convince him.

"Will I see you tomorrow, honey?" That would be Sunday, the day she usually came over to his house for dinner. Before she had a chance to respond, he added quickly, "You won't recognize the place. I've been cleaning. It looks good again, really good...like when your mom kept it."

Andie smiled. "Yeah, sure, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow. Do you want me to cook?"

"No, I'll take care of everything. You leave it all to me.

And—will you bring Daisy with you?"

She had to laugh. "Okay. Yes, Daisy will come for a visit, too. But remember what I told you. If I think you've been drinking, I'm going to turn right back around and come home."

"I understand."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

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Though she was smiling when she hung up the phone, Andie's good humor was undercut by a thread of sadness at her dad's refusal to even consider contacting AA.

She was startled out of her thoughts when the doorbell finally rang. Andie's heart jumped into her throat as she hurried to the door. Douglas was there, his hair neatly styled, his clothes chosen with care—tailored slacks and button-down silk shirt. He was dressed like a guy who expected to get lucky. Well, duh. Andie had practically spelled it out for him when she invited him over. Still, she didn't appreciate the gleam in his eyes as he smiled at her. It wasn't a look of anticipation. No, it was smug satisfaction she saw in his face.

He was so sure he had her right back in his pocket.

That look alone should have bolstered her resolve to go through with her plan. But the thought of having sex with him now made her want to throw up.

She would have slammed the door on him, but he had already stepped inside. Brushing past her into the living room, he took in the wine, the candles, and finally, her. "Well, Andie." His gaze swept her up and down. "This is nice." But there was not the slightest flicker of heat in his eyes. He didn't look at her the way Matthew had, as if he wanted to eat her up.

Andie pulled the robe's collar high around her throat, frowning at his polite, pasted-on smile. He was prepared to make nice and sleep with her, not because he wanted her, but because it was the way to gain access to the comforts of his old life.

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Latisha's voice echoed in her brain again.
Do you really
want him to have another piece of you?

Douglas had taken so many pieces of her already. No, that wasn't true. He hadn't taken anything, he'd never shown that much interest. She'd given it all away—her trust, her hopes, her self-respect. Her love?

Reality hit her with a cold hard thud. No. Not her love.

Andie fell into a chair, needing to sit to ponder that one.

Douglas was already uncorking the bottle of wine and pouring it. He held out a glass to her. "Andie?"

She blinked at him and shook her head. "In a minute."

He gave her a look of confusion and set the wineglass on the table. Then he patted the cushion beside him on the sofa.

"Come sit here."

She stared blankly at him and suddenly jumped to her feet. "I'll be back in a sec."

Andie ran to her bedroom and tore off the robe. New lingerie. Right. She couldn't believe what she'd been ready to do with a creep like Douglas. Now if she'd been planning this scene for Matthew...

Stop thinking about Matthew!

But Matthew knew how to make her feel wanted, attractive, even sexy. Matthew appreciated her body, her generous curves. Matthew would appreciate sea foam green...

Stop it, Andie. Matthew only felt sorry for you. Pity fuck,
remember?

Really? Now, as Andie thought back to what she'd heard in the pizza parlor, she realized that she'd latched onto Adam's remarks like a hungry dog to a chunk of rib-eye. Crazy as it 183

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seemed, it was what she wanted to believe. By convincing herself Matthew didn't really care about her, she had the perfect justification to hurt him before he hurt her. Shut down, step back, take no chances.

She played at being big, bold Andie, spending the weekend with a guy for hot sex. But when it came to taking a real risk, risking her heart, she was as big a chicken as she'd always been.

She judged Douglas a coward for not being honest with her, but when had she been honest with herself? She hadn't held on to Douglas because she loved him. She held on because she was afraid to be alone. She was as big a coward as he was.

Well, no more.

She needed to see Matthew.

Andie pulled a baggy t-shirt and an old pair of jeans from a drawer and scrambled into them. Then she let Daisy out of the spare room. A four-legged chaperone was better than none. Douglas didn't believe in having pets in the house. They were untidy and demanded attention. Attention he wanted.

When she came back to where Douglas was seated, Andie circled the room, blowing out candles and pinching the wicks.

Douglas watched her in consternation and frowned, moving back as Daisy climbed onto the sofa beside him.

"Andie."

She picked up the glass of wine. "This is mine?" At his nod she downed it in three swallows. Then she picked up the bottle and took a few more gulps.

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"What are you doing?" His tone was less pleasant now, edging into annoyance.

Andie held the bottle in front of her chest like a shield.

"You need to go."

"What? I just got here."

"No. You don't live here anymore. You left me to be with Gretchen."

"I already explained that."

"As a matter of fact, no, you didn't. But it doesn't matter.

You don't love me, you never did." Her heart was pounding.

Say the rest, Andie. It's the truth, you know it. Make it real.

"And I never loved you, either."

Andie realized she'd been playing the victim for too long.

"You cheated on me and that was a really shitty thing to do.

But I cheated myself even more." Because she was afraid.

Afraid she'd never find anyone to love her, to love the real Andie. Afraid she'd never find the kind of love her parents had shared. "I'm not even angry anymore. I just want you to go. I deserve better than what you can offer me."

And as soon as he left she was going to find Matthew. Talk to him and find out how he really felt about her. She had to take the chance. She had to give him the chance, too, to say whatever he needed to say, even if it was "I don't want you in my life."

A thundering at the door made them both jump and started Daisy barking.

"What the hell?" Douglas jumped to his feet.

"Andie!" Tania's voice came from the other side of the door. "Is that asshole in there with you? Let me in!"

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"Oh my God." Andie pulled the door open and Tania plunged inside. "Tania..."

"Is he here?" Tania was breathless, as if she'd raced from the car to Andie's front door. She spotted Douglas. "Oh, shit.

Listen, Andie, I made a mistake. Tisha was right. You can't fuck him."

"That's none of your business," Douglas growled at Tania, gritting his teeth. "You have no right to be here, interfering with..."

Andie's friend whirled on him, eyes ablaze. "You have no right to be here, trying to get in her pants, you two-timing hypocrite!"

Latisha slipped in through the open door. "I'm just here to prevent mayhem," she told Andie.

"You may be too late," Andie replied. Daisy eased off the sofa and padded over to Latisha, who stroked the dog's ears.

"Andie, tell your
friend
she needs to go," Douglas ordered.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving my
friend
alone with you," Tania said.

Latisha held up her hands to quiet them both. "This is Andie's house." She looked at Andie. "What do you want us to do?"

Andie spoke. "Douglas, please leave."

"Hah!" Tania placed a fist on her hip to emphasize her victory. She noticed Andie's bottle. "What is that? Give me some."

Andie handed it over.

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Douglas glared at them. "I'm not going anywhere. We still need to talk." He was using the
Why can't you be rational
tone that in the past always made Andie wilt.