One Hundred Proposals (9 page)

The music reached a crescendo as Badger started signalling frantically to wrap it up. They quickly formed rows – two rows of five, one row of two – as Harry broke away and moved to stand in front of me. As the music stopped they all turned around to reveal a letter on each of their backs. In foot high sequinned letters, the words ‘Suzie Marry Me’, were clear for everyone to see. With a final dramatic pirouette, Harry came down on one knee with a huge grin on his face, he clutched my hand.

The crowd broke into spontaneous applause.

Badger interrupted the romantic scene before my eyes with a sudden shout. ‘RUN!’

The cows leapt up and dispersed into the crowd. Harry stood up and kissed me on the cheek before he disappeared into the crowd too. Within seconds, my own personal Flash Mob had vanished, leaving behind only a cold bag of chips to show any sign that it had actually happened.

I casually ate a chip as I sauntered away, hoping I was pulling off the nonchalance I was going for. Though the police were clearly not that bothered. They ambled over to see what had caused the great crowd but when they saw it was over, the last thing they were going to do was give chase to thirteen burly cows.

My phone buzzed in my bag and I fished it out from amongst the tumble of rubbish. It was Harry.

‘Hey. Meet me by the fountain in five minutes. I just need to get changed.’

I was still giggling when he came jogging over, thankfully dressed back in his jeans and T-shirt.

‘Well?’ He sat next to me and stole a chip. He didn’t seem bothered at all that it was now stone cold.

‘I loved it.’

He laughed and slung his arm around me. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day Suzie.’

‘Aren’t you supposed to be with Sexy Samantha right about now, instead of entertaining me?’

He shrugged. ‘She’s not returned my calls.’

A flash of hurt crossed his face but it was gone so quickly I thought I might have imagined it. This wasn’t normal. He used to go through so many women when we first met, but he never grew attached to any of them.

‘So, no hot plans tonight?’

He shook his head.

‘Surely not. Harry Forbes alone on Valentine’s Day night.’

‘Ah you know me, Suze, I don’t believe in all that rubbish anyway.’

‘You mean love?’

He nodded.

I frowned. To close himself off from the possibilities of love meant closing his heart to happiness. I understood he was trying to protect himself but not moving on at all didn’t sit with his happy, spontaneous demeanour. I decided to push it.

‘I don’t see how you can say that, considering the line of business we are in. We’ve seen so many happy couples get together, get married, live happy lives with each other.’

‘Loving someone means trusting them.’ He looked at me in a rare moment of seriousness. ‘I learned many years ago that I couldn’t trust anyone.’

What was he hiding? I knew so little about his past. I’d asked but he always gave me the vaguest of information then changed the subject. I’d stopped pursuing it in the end.

He took my hand. ‘I trust you, you’re my best friend. You’re the only one I do trust.’

Though not enough to tell me why he had these issues in the first place.

He picked up a chip and offered it to me, deliberately prodding me in the nose when I leaned forward to take a bite. I giggled and I sensed the moment was over.

I loved this man. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he was there for me in every possible way that he could be. Who went to that much trouble for someone they just liked? What if… he
had
found love… with me? The only one he could trust.

Jack’s letter dug into my back pocket, almost burning me with my brother’s final wish. I would tell him. In fact I would tell him tonight. I would never hurt him, he must know that and if he didn’t feel the same way then at least I would know, one way or another.

Chapter Six

I stood at the bottom of Harry’s steps willing myself to do this. Jack was right, I had to tell him. I couldn’t go on like this, loving him from afar. Yes it would be weird between us, especially if he had no inclination in that area, but it wouldn’t affect our friendship. And if it did… I swallowed. If it did and he didn’t think he could be friends with me anymore then maybe without his constant presence in my life I could finally move on.

I looked down at myself. I was dressed ok, my best jeans and a pretty flowered top. It wasn’t over the top. If I chickened out, he would never know what I had come here for tonight. We had done Chinese and movies a hundred times before, this would be totally normal at first. Then with a few glasses of wine inside me, I would simply tell him. I could do this. My heart leapt. I couldn’t do this.

I sighed. One thing was for sure, if I didn’t go up the steps now and knock on his door, the Chinese was going to get cold.

I walked up the steps with renewed determination. I was going to tell him. I rang the bell.

There was no answer at the door, and no sign of movement inside. I could hear music coming from the lounge so he probably hadn’t heard me. Carefully, I leaned over the bannister, putting my hand on the windowsill for balance and peered through his window.

Harry was there, sitting on the sofa with no shirt, intently watching something I couldn’t see, though it wasn’t the TV – it was the wrong place for that.

I raised my hand to knock on the window when a movement caught my eye. A woman. Sexy Samantha. Dressed only in her underwear, she walked towards Harry with two glasses of champagne, she passed one to him then straddled him. I watched him smile as he moved his hand to her waist. She took a sip of her champagne then kissed him.

I couldn’t move. I was frozen in shock. It had taken me hours to sum up enough courage and Samantha was in there with him doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. I’d thought they had broken up. I watched with a huge wave of disappointment as she ran her hands down his chest to the buttons on his jeans.

So that was it. The conversation, the words I’d spent ages practising faded from my mind.

It was stupid to think that Harry could ever feel that way about me, not when he seemed to have a huge collection of girls on tap. I had to go quickly before he saw me.

I pushed myself off the windowsill, but my foot slipped off the step behind me. I head-butted the window hard, toppled over the bannister and fell into the bush below. A second later the red sweet and sour sauce, the noodles and Harry’s favourite prawn with cashew nuts emptied their contents all over me. The bag of prawn crackers fell at my feet.

I stared morosely at the mess, wondering if I could still use the prawn crackers to mop up the sauce.

To make matters worse, I wasn’t alone. Jemima, Harry’s cat, stood unblinking at me from the depths of the bush. Then, almost as if she shrugged, she stalked towards me and proceeded to lick the sauce off my face.

If Jack was here now, if somehow he had been brought back to life, I would wrap my hands round his throat and kill him all over again. Immediately guilt lanced through me at such a horrible thought and coupled with the crashing disappointment of seeing Harry with Samantha, I pulled Jemima tightly against me and cried into her fur.

‘Hello, who’s there?’

Harry’s angry voice came from up above me and I froze, trying desperately to stifle my sobs.

‘Bloody peeping tom,’ I heard Samantha say.

Footsteps came down the steps towards me.

‘There’s someone in the bushes,’ Harry hissed.

‘Shall I call the police?’

Oh God, could this situation get any worse. Although maybe the police taking me away would be better than having to face Harry and Samantha.

‘Get my baseball bat,’ whispered Harry. I heard her footsteps run back inside the house.

What was he going to do with the baseball bat? Ok this was getting out of hand. I stood up, popping up out of the bush like a jack in the box.

‘Hi.’

Noodles slowly moved across my forehead and down my cheek, thankfully my tears seemed to be lost in the sweet and sour sauce.

Harry, still without his shirt, looked at me and slowly broke into a huge smile.

‘Hello.’

Jemima was still licking my face.

‘I brought Chinese.’ I held up the now empty bag. ‘I thought we could watch the latest zombie film. Though I see you are already set for entertainment tonight so I’ll leave you to it.’

I climbed out the bush as gracefully as I could, but Harry was already coming down the stairs towards me.

‘So the noodle hair, is this a new look you’re trying out? I think I prefer the onesie.’ He picked a clump of noodles and beansprouts from my head and threw it on the floor. Jemima treacherously leapt out of my arms and started eating the remains. ‘I’m presuming none of this is blood, are you hurt?’

My pride and my heart were definitely. Though any external pain I’d received from the fall had yet to catch up with my brain. I shook my head.

He had the most glorious body, he was so big in every sense and I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and hold me like he did the other night. But clearly that wasn’t going to happen with Samantha, ready, willing and able, waiting for him inside.

‘Oh!’ Samantha’s voice sliced through the air above us. ‘It’s you.’ The disappointment was evident. I looked up at her and saw her shifting awkwardly, not least because Harry hadn’t taken his eyes from me. She was dressed just in his shirt, it swamped her but with her hair tousled and her lips red she looked every inch the sexy girlfriend.

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled to Harry. ‘I didn’t realise you had company when I came over. Don’t worry about me, go and have some fun.’

I took a step away from him but he caught my hand. ‘Don’t go.’

‘What are you suggesting, that I join you for a threesome?’

He laughed. ‘I don’t think I could cope with that. You naked in my bed…’ He rubbed his hand across his eyes as if to dispel that image from his brain.’

I was mortified. ‘Right well on that rather unflattering note, I’ll leave you to it.’

Harry caught my arm. ‘Wait, I didn’t mean…’

I pulled my arm from his grasp. ‘I got it.’

‘I don’t think you do…’

I turned and walked away. Could this evening get any worse?

‘Hey, wait up.’ I heard Samantha’s voice call out to me. Oh apparently it could get worse. I turned to see her running across the green towards me, Harry was standing at the top of his steps watching us curiously.

‘Look, Harry told me about your brother, I’m very sorry to hear that.’

‘Erm thanks.’ Where was she going with this?

‘Harry’s a great guy.’

‘He is,’ I said, cautiously, painfully aware of what a mess I looked like in comparison to her effortless beauty.

‘I know he’s been there for you a lot since James died.’

‘Jack.’

‘He feels sorry for you. He told me.’

Wow. That hurt a lot more than it should.

She stared at me, her eyes were honest and clear. ‘I like you Suzie, and I don’t want to see you getting hurt. Just… don’t confuse pity and kindness for love, because it’s not that. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.’

Talk about brutal honesty.

‘Samantha!’ Harry called. There was a warning edge to his voice. He didn’t like that she was talking to me, or warning me off more like.

Samantha smiled at me. ‘Have a good night.’

I watched her turn and run barefooted across the grass and straight into Harry’s arms. With a last look from Harry they disappeared into the house.

Samantha was right. Harry wasn’t shy. If he had any feelings for me he would have told me by now. And, after the quick dismissal of the idea of me in his bed, I wanted to get down on my knees and thank the powers that be that I had never declared my undying love to him that night. He wouldn’t have told me quite so bluntly but the conversation would have been mortifying.

I turned away and didn’t look back. Yes it hurt, but to finally have it confirmed was like a weight off my shoulders. I was free, there was to be no more wondering if his kind actions or words had some ulterior motive, no more thinking that one day we would fall into each other’s arms and live happily ever after. That was never going to happen now. For the first time in two years, I could finally move on.

*

I knocked on Jules’s door early next morning. She’d be up, Bella always woke up ridiculously early.

I had lain awake most of the night thinking about Harry and I needed some kind of distraction from him today.

Jules opened the door looking very dishevelled and her eyes widened when she saw me.

‘Did I wake you, aw sorry mate, I thought you’d be up by now, with Bella.’

I kissed her on the cheek and pushed past her into the house.

‘Bella’s still asleep.’

‘I thought we could go out today, maybe London Zoo. Bella loves the animals.’

‘Great idea. I’d love that. But I have some things I need to take care of this morning. Why don’t I meet you there about twelve?’

‘Cool.’

‘And I’m running late so… well not meaning to be rude or anything but…’ she grinned at me good naturedly.

‘Well why don’t I get Bella up and dressed for you. I can give her breakfast whilst you have a shower and get dressed yourself.’

I moved to the stairs.

‘NO! I mean, Bella’s a bit grouchy in the morning. She doesn’t like being woken up by anyone other than me.’

‘She knows me, I’m sure she’ll be fine.’

I walked up the stairs.

‘Suzie please. I…’

A very loud male yawn interrupted whatever she was going to say next. I stared at her, willing my ears to have picked up a neighbour’s yawn or perhaps a TV. I felt sick.

‘Jules, where are you? I have something for you, something big.’ A male voice floated down the stairs.

It was a friend, a brother, her father. It had to be. He had a big present, that was it. It was all perfectly innocent. I ignored the voice in the back of my head that told me I knew that voice.

I raced up the stairs, ignoring Jules’s desperate pleas behind me.

I pushed open the door to her bedroom and stared at Badger, lying stark naked in Jules’s bed with his huge erection in his hand.